Velcro Baby – The Baby That Clings!

Vanessa, mother of a now happy, gregarious toddler recalls a time when she and her baby seemed to be permanently physically attached. She carried Emma in a sling for most of the first nine months: I carried her as I hung out washing, did housework, or went for walks – my friends’ babies were in their strollers, but Emma was always attached to me. Every time I tried to put her down, she would grizzle.

The confusing thing for parents is that a ‘Velcro baby’ usually stops crying when she is picked up and held. Many worry that they may be creating ‘bad habits’ by ‘giving in’. Emma says, “For the first month, I was so besotted I loved holding Emma, but then I became worried that I might be spoiling her so I spent the next two months struggling to resist her cries”.

In actual fact, Vanessa was responding appropriately to her baby’s needs argues Katie Cheung, who is studying for her doctorate in Developmental Psychology and also the mother of three month old Ashleigh. She explains, “The first year is all about developing trust and that establishes how babies learn to relate to others later on. Ashleigh doesn’t need to be carried all the time now, but the more I carry her, the less she grizzles. On days when she isn’t carried as much she gets quite grumpy”.

Katie’s observations are confirmed by research – in one Canadian study where carrying was increased throughout the day, (in addition to carrying which occurred during feeding and in response to crying), infants cried and fussed 43% less overall, and 51% less during the evening, and studies at Columbia University with mothers and infants considered at risk of failing to form secure attachments, showed that increased carrying led to increased maternal sensitivity, which resulted in less crying and quicker bonding.

Finally, just in case you aren’t convinced that carrying your baby won’t spoil her, consider the results of a study at London University that found ‘high need’ babies became less clingy when their mothers spent more time holding, interacting with and soothing them.

Most babies will go through periods of clingy behaviour – physiologically, newborns depend on close contact to help them adapt. The familiar sound of a mother’s voice has been shown to regulate an infant’s early un-coordinated body movements, as the baby synchronises his movements with the rhythm of the mother’s voice and, as you carry your baby, your heartbeat, rhythmic movements and respiration have a balancing effect on your baby’s irregular rhythms of waking, sleeping and digestion. It is also thought to help him regulate his developing nervous and hormonal systems, and promote day waking and night sleeping.

As babies reach new stages of development, things can seem confusing, so they cling to the only security they know – you! For instance, separation anxiety, another normal stage of development that begins at around eight or nine months, will see them fearful of strangers. Regardless of the reasons for clinginess, your babies needs for cuddles are just as legitimate as his need for food.

So, rather than stressing about whether your previously amenable baby has turned into Velcro baby, enjoy snuggling against that baby-fine skin and nuzzling his downy head. Remember, you are not spoiling your baby – he is learning to love. All too soon, he will feel so secure that he will be running off to explore – and you will almost have to pin him down to get a kiss and a cuddle!

Pinky McKay is an international board certified lactation consultant, infant massage instructor, mother of five and the author of ‘Parenting by Heart’, 100 Ways to Calm the Crying, Sleeping Like a Baby, Toddler Tactics and her baby massage DVD, Gentle Beginnings. Based in Melbourne, Pinky regularly holds workshops and is available for mothers groups and conferences. See her website at http://www.pinkymckay.com.au.