If this is your baby’s first Christmas, there’s a good chance you’re already beside yourself with excitement.
You may have been excited for sometime, as you
patiently impatiently wait to shower your baby in all the Christmas magic you can muster (which, by the way, is a lot).
You might be spending your spare time (snort) dreaming up some unique Christmas traditions to make your own. For example, carving tiny wooden Christmas decorations in the shape of your baby’s footprint (yes, people actually do this).
Or perhaps you’ve just been watching the movie Elf every day during nap time.
You probably also have a cupboard full of exciting new toys for your baby to unwrap on Christmas morning, and a whole host of other ideas you’ve been touting to friends and family to ensure your little one has the greatest day yet.
You’ve been asking other parents, scouring forums and reading parenting magazines to find out what you should get your baby for Christmas. Well, look no further, because here are some ideas to make sure your baby gets what she really wants from Santa this year:
What Baby Wants For Christmas #1: Boobies
Babies love boobies, that goes without saying. But what your baby really wants for Christmas is an access all hours policy. None of this waiting around for the bartender to wake up, or to drink a hot cup of tea, or even for that lazy, good for nothing bartender to use the bathroom. Your baby just wants milk on tap, and that will definitely be at the very top of her Christmas list.
What Baby Wants For Christmas #2: All The Baubles
You must have noticed that ever since you put up your Christmas tree, your baby has done nothing but stare longingly at it. Or, for those of you with older babies, throw all the baubles on the floor, chew the tinsel and pull the tree over on top of herself. And don’t think she hasn’t noticed the way that you’ve suspiciously placed each and every decoration just out of her reach, she has. What she really wants for Christmas is ALL the baubles, especially the expensive, handmade ones that hold great sentimental value for you.
What Baby Wants For Christmas #3: All The Wrapping Paper
You know when all the presents are opened, and you gather up all of the discarded wrapping paper, ribbon and sticky tape and put it in a huge bin bag? Your baby wants that bin bag. As far as she’s concerned, that big bag contains everything she needs for a magical Christmas. Throw in a few gift bags and it will probably be the best Christmas any baby has ever had.
What Baby Wants For Christmas #4: A Box. No, TWO Boxes!
You know that old joke about how kids spend more time playing with the box than the actual toy? Just forget about the toy. No matter what it is, it will never live up to the wonder and amazement provided by the packaging it came in. Save yourself some money and disappointment, and instead pick out some cardboard boxes to fit under this tree this year. If your baby could sit inside one box, while holding another box in her hands, that would probably cement in her a lifelong love of Christmas.
What Baby Wants For Christmas #5: Your House Keys
Don’t even think about trying to fob her off with those brightly coloured plastic keys you find in toy stores. That’s not what she wants. She wants, no, she needs your keys. They must belong to you, and they must be your only set. She’ll only be happy if her Christmas gift has left you locked out of your own home, especially if it’s raining or scorching hot.
What Baby Wants For Christmas #6: One Of Those Expensive Teething Toys
You know the ones, right? They’re called something like… your smartphone. She wants it. For her gums. Now.
What Baby Wants For Christmas #7: A Remote Control
The golden grail of baby snatches – not so easily missed as a smartphone, allowing her to really get stuck in with her gums before you even realise it’s gone missing. Ever since the day she was born she has seen how much joy the remote control brings you, and now she wants one of her own. Well, actually, she wants yours all to herself.
What Baby Wants For Christmas #8: To Empty The Kitchen Cupboards Without Getting Caught
You may not have noticed, because you’ve been so fixated on the usual milestones like crawling and talking, but your baby is actually working up to something pretty exciting. She has been in training for months, and has come pretty close but hasn’t managed to complete the task because, well, you keep interrupting. All she wants is to sit in front of a completely empty kitchen cupboard, and the satisfaction of hearing your favourite pots and pans clatter to the ground around her.
What Baby Wants For Christmas #9: An End To Car Seats
Ok, she hasn’t got this one fully thought out yet, and she’s definitely campaigning for unsafe driving, but what she really wants is Santa’s absolute word that she will never ever be forced into another car seat. You know the screaming fit that ensues each time you try to strap her in? That’s her shouting to Santa all the way in the North Pole, begging for this Christmas wish. And don’t think he hasn’t heard her, she has a pretty powerful set of lungs on her…
What Baby Wants For Christmas #10: A Pet’s Tail To Pull On
Unlike the Christmas list of an older child, your baby isn’t too bothered about a pet. She hasn’t got a name picked out or anything. In fact, all she really wants is a tail to pull on. She isn’t going to feed, stroke or love the animal, she’s merely going to improve her mobility and coordination skills by spending every waking hour trying to yank that tail.
What Baby Wants For Christmas #11: Your Hair
Unfortunately, she doesn’t mean it in a “Dear Santa, please let me inherit my mother’s beautiful long, thick hair and not my father’s bald patch,” sort of a way. She means she wants your actual hair, the stuff attached to your head. She wants to twist it up in her snot-covered, sticky hands, and pull it until you get a headsore. She wants to do it whilst she sits on your knee, but mostly she wants to do it when you are asleep. She wants it to be your new alarm clock.