Trying to Fall Pregnant… Without Losing Fun In The Bedroom

Trying for a baby can drag the astounding passion and exquisitely luscious bits out of the sexual act itself. And we are not even talking about the intimacy or the romance in a relationship, which just seem to fly out the window all together. So why does breathtaking sexual pleasure become something of the past as soon as your focus turns to trying to fall pregnant?

First of all, the pressure is on to make sex happen around the time of ovulation. This often coincides with the use of various bells and whistles in order to predict your fertile window. Many couples utilise ovulation kits or temperature charts, which measure the surge of the luteinising hormone (LH) or oestrogen just prior to ovulation.

These measuring tools and the timing of sex knock out all spontaneity and sex can become a bit of a weary chore, only to happen when the time is right. Not surprisingly then, we tend to forget about letting our feelings guide us, and whether we have a sexual urge or a spur of sexual desire or not, sex has to happen on those days, period!

Then for many couples trying to conceive is paired with intrusive medical tests and physical examinations. These tests can influence the way we think and feel about the most intimate parts of our bodies. The sole purpose of these intimate parts was to bring pure joy and pleasure and they were destined for your partner's eyes only. But now they start to serve a more functional purpose, and we may never quite view them in the same way again.

Additionally, the more actively couples are trying for a baby the more sex is purely seen as a means of procreation. Sex just for pleasure is unimaginable! So elicit sex becomes a vague memory and something of the past. In turn, this will decrease your libido even more and hence will lower the frequency of sexual encounters, which is not going to help you reach your goal of conceiving a baby. It will also have an impact on intimacy and romance in your relationship. This can have devastating consequences in the long run, since maintaining a strong and lovable bond with your partner is vital for a lasting relationship.

Then, if the effort to conceive is unsuccessful, sex becomes associated with great disappointment month after month. This coincides with immense stress and increased pressure to get it right the next time around. It is important to realise that stress has a negative impact on so many aspects of life, including your relationship and your overall health and well-being. But more importantly, stress is the ultimate libido killer!

So what can you do to spice it all up a little? Most importantly; how can you continue to have, or restart having, splendid sex without it interfering with your chances of falling pregnant? It is important to know that when trying to conceive, there are two main ingredients worth remembering in the bedroom. Number one is the timing of intercourse, and the second one is the frequency of intercourse, including the frequency of ejaculation.

When talking about timing of intercourse, it is a fact that most couples who are actively trying to conceive and who are having regular sex will become pregnant within one year. The emphasis here is on 'regular'. Your egg is fertile for about 12-24 hours after it has been released and sperm can live up to 3-7 days in the fertile cervical mucus present in a woman's cervix and vagina. So in order to fall pregnant you do not have to have sex at the exact moment of ovulation and there seems to be a 4 day window of opportunity.
This means that, instead of focusing too much on calculating your exact fertile window, it might be better to shift the emphasis on regular playful sex, because having sex every two to three days throughout your cycle will ensure that a supply of sperm is in the right place at the right time. Simply knowing this and then allowing yourself to stop focusing on calculating your fertile window and all the mechanics that come along with it, may bring back some of the spice and excitement in the bedroom.

Additionally, this also means that you have 3 weeks, which is a whole 21 days, where you are less likely to fall pregnant. This can then also be the perfect time to focus on more sensual and romantic physical activity. Think along the lines of giving your partner a nice massage and a long passionate French kiss. Or why not organise a candlelight dinner or a spontaneous picnic in the park to rekindle the romance? This will make him feel desired and wanted for more than just his seed. More importantly, it will bring back the closeness in your relationship and strengthen your bond.

Now let's talk about how the frequency of ejaculation is important. Australian research by Dr. Greening, a specialist in reproductive endocrinology and fertility, has found that ejaculating daily substantially improves the genetic quality of sperm, without lowering sperm counts enough to impair fertility. This is another reason to not only focus on intercourse, but to also pay some attention to outercourse.

Besides the fact that pursuing your partner for astonishing sexual encounters will make him happy and is good for the quality of his sperm, it can also do wonders to your own libido. A common statement used when talking about sexual desire is; 'when you use it, you won't lose it'! So, you might start to realise that after a while your lust for breathtaking amore kicks in every day. This in turn will increase your chances of falling pregnant and most of all for it to happen in a loveable and passionate way.

Always remember: Trying for a baby can be playful and fun – which is better for your relationship in the long run.

Last Updated: December 8, 2014


Sex Therapist and Relationship Counsellor

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