In this world of information, where supermarket shelves are filled with ovulation kits and early pregnancy tests, it’s no wonder having a baby has become stressful.
We’re so used to having the things we want instantly, that having to wait can be a little unsettling.
The two week wait can feel unbearable at times, and many women spend it feeling hopeful and looking out for signs of pregnancy.
You might feel disappointed, upset and angry each time you get your period.
Some women even start to resent their bodies, convinced that their body is letting them down.
It might sound like new age nonsense, but worrying about not falling pregnant could actually be part of the problem. Stress could be impacting on your fertility. Mother nature is pretty smart, so our bodies aren’t really designed to get pregnant during times of stress. It can happen of course, but it is less likely. In days gone by, stress would have come in the form of predators or food shortages. These days it’s job worries, emotional upset or simply the stress of trying to conceive.
When you want something straight away, it can be frustrating having to wait. Especially when you then have a two week wait to find out if you’ve been successful. If you haven’t, it will probably be a couple of weeks before you can try again. It’s an exhausting cycle, and one that can very quickly zap any of the fun out of your sex life. It’s not always easy to stay positive, especially when faced with yet another negative pregnancy test, but positive thinking has an important role to play here.
Staying Positive While Trying To Conceive
Here are five tips for staying positive while trying to conceive:
#1: Get Rid Of The Negativity
Okay, so you’ve had another negative pregnancy test. That means this month didn’t work out – it doesn’t mean it’s never going to work out. It's normal to conceive within the first 12 months of trying. Try to change the way you think about trying for a baby. Stop seeing this as a failing, and try to view it as a longer process. It doesn’t take everyone the same amount of time to get pregnant, and taking longer doesn’t mean you are failing.
Positive and negative thinking can have an impact on all areas of your life. If you think negatively about it, you’ll feel negatively about it and eventually negativity will be all you see. Force yourself to think positively, and you may notice that you start to feel more positively about the whole thing.
Try to cut the negativity from your life. Change the language you use when you talk about trying to conceive, and think carefully about who you choose to share the information with. If there are people in your life who you think will bring negativity, then avoid the subject with them. Choose instead to share your journey with friends who have more of a positive approach.
#2: Enjoy The Process
Desperately waiting for the day your period is due is not fun. Peeing on sticks is not fun. Seeing a negative result appear in the test window is really not fun. But that’s not all trying for a baby is. It’s a time to enjoy and prioritise sex. It’s a time to really get to know and appreciate your body.
Now is the time to throw yourself into sex (not literally, that could hurt and your partner probably won’t appreciate the force behind your new moves).
Start dating each other again, and have fun, passionate sex. No more let’s-make-a-baby-sex which everyone knows is only fun for the first few times, then painstakingly dull after that. Forget about the end game, and just enjoy the moment.
#3: Keep Busy
Time to think is not your friend. These are the moments where you convince yourself you’re pregnant, start googling causes of infertility, or sob because you’re not pregnant yet. Avoid these things, and instead focus on being kind to yourself.
Take some time for you and do something you love. Find a way of keeping busy. Meet up with friends, take a class or start a new hobby. Find something you love so much that you get lost in it, and the days slip away without you keeping track of how far into the two week wait you are.
Keeping busy will give you less time to worry about whether you’re pregnant, and may leave you feeling a bit more positive about the whole thing.
#4: Start Dating
Trying for a baby can cause problems in relationships. It can leave both partners feeling stressed, turned off and undesirable. Avoid this by dating each other. Sex doesn’t have to be monotonous or all about getting pregnant. You don’t need to limit sex to those five days each month, you can have sex whenever and wherever you want (well, it needs to be legal, you can’t just start doing it in your front garden).
Think back to when you first got together, to when the sex was at its best, now try to recreate some of that lust and magic that kept things exciting.
Do the things that your parent friends would love to be able to do. Be spontaneous, go to the movies, go on holiday, spend the day watching movies in bed, go on a date, do all of the things you want to do because you can. Make the most of this freedom.
Finding babysitters is never as easy as you think it’s going to be, so celebrate not needing one now. Instead of obsessing over when you might get pregnant, pour your effort into your relationship. This way you won’t need to worry about sexual burn out due to monotonous, mechanical, trying-for-a-baby-sex, instead you’ll just simply be enjoying your sex life.
#5: Find Support Online
Talking about trying to conceive can be tricky, especially when everyone around you seems to be falling pregnant at the drop of a hat. At times, you might even find it hard to share in your friend’s happiness because your jealousy gets in the way. It’s not pretty, but it’s the truth. If you want to speak to women who know exactly what you’re going through, look online.
There are plenty of online forums where women come together to share their experiences, offer support and build friendships. If talking to your friends and family feels impossible, you might find the support you need online. Talking about how you feel can be a great way of letting off steam, and the perfect way to let go of any stress.
Trying to conceive can be stressful, but it doesn't always need to be. Take time to enjoy the process, try your best to remain positive and be sure to seek support during the difficult times.