Hey D&M
Wow, sounds like you guys have been through so much recently.
Shel and I can completely relate to the struggle with genetics etc. Even though we knew from day one that we couldn't both have equal genetics, it is still work to acccept that and accept that a child that comes into the world is not going to be related but that we will both be mums.
We also thought of fostering, and came against the same thing as you... we are both quite emotional, and I can't imagine looking after a child and carung for them, getting so involved and then handing them back. I know that these kids need it, but I just don't think I could do it and neither does Shel. Not at this pointin time anyway. It is something we'd both love to do as we've bothhad a lot of contact with foster families and know that they are just wonderful and some of the most important people on this Earth, but at the moment thats just not who we can be.
DP will be sooooooo special in your child life. She will be the only other parents she knows, and genetics isn't going to matter when your baby has scraped her knee or been bitten by a big nasty ant she's not going to care what genetics it is she's going to care that she's with someone who has shown her unconditional love and care and someone who makes her feel safe. And your DP will
I know that this stuff is easier said than believed. I can tell you are a suportive partner too, I have supported Shel through the acceptance and understanding. Luckily her family is not the traditional family, so she knows that genetics doesn't play a part in bonds between parents and siblings and child. but it's still something she had to come terms with, and I imagine that if/when Shel is the bio-mum that I'll have the same things to come to deal with.
Sally is right about all the donor stuff, which I am sure you know about. You are doing the right thing with consukting with a lawyer and doing wills etc. Your DP can get a parenting order too which I think is great
Good luck and can't wait to see your pregnancy announcement