Potential/Current Donors Discussion Thread #1

**SD2001** · October 1st, 2008, 12:07 AM

Hi Gargy,

I believe that recipients should tell their DC children from a very young age. The worst thing to do is to tell them when they are grown up as the research seems to indicate problems of identity crisis and mistrust with this situation. It is probably better to not tell them at all rather then tell them when they are already grown up. But the best solution is to tell them the whole truth from a very young age ... the younger the better.

There is still no reason to wait 18 years to say thank you. If someone sends you a birthday present in the mail, do you wait 18 years to say thank you?

I think my clinic has a waiting list now as well. They actually encourage recipients to bring their own SD with them.

I am currently discussing items with my clinic and making suggestions, though realistically I think that nothing will change. Australia is years behind more advanced countries such as the UK in terms of recruiting and looking after SDs and EDs. The FSA do not seem interested at all.

Maybe it was fate that you met your donor-friend. Good luck with your current attempts!!!

SD2001

**SD2001** · October 1st, 2008, 12:55 AM

Hi alioops,

Thank you for the welcome.

There was actually a paper published on the different attitudes to SDs and EDs, which had some interesting results. The study was undertaken in the US, where money is provided to donors as compensation, however apart from that aspect it is very true of the fertility industry here in Australia. Basically they are saying that the SDs are unappreciated, under-valued and usually not thanked for their charity. An interesting fact that I am aware of is that basically all anonymous EDs that I have spoken to have received a Thank You card from their recipients but I am yet to find a single anonymous SD who has ever received a Thank you card from any of their recipients. SDs in Australia do not get paid to donate, so if we don't even get a simple Thank You then why should we even bother? Some interesting articles on the subject :

Sperm Donors Valued Less Than Egg Donors
IVF News - Sperm donors don't get the credit they deserve
Like It Is : Sperm Donors Valued Less Than Egg Donors

Thank you for the encouragement. I certainly encourage any guys reading this to donate. However, a word of caution ... be aware of the new NSW ART legislation currently being enacted.

If I was to do it all again then I would insist on being a known donor. I would certainly feel more appreciated donating that way.

How many times have you donated?

SD2001

**SD2001** · October 1st, 2008, 01:13 AM

Ahhh, the links worked after all.

**alioops** · October 1st, 2008, 01:59 AM

SD, Most clinics require that ED's have completed their families before donating, so I havent donated yet, but I will as soon as #3 has finished breast feeding.

I personally dont expect a thankyou from my recipients. I know that in their hearts they are thankful, and will do all they can for the child. They have been on a long road to have this child and will value it more than their own life.

In Australia it is illegal to be paid for ED or SD, but to me it is a gift. I want to bless someone else with the joy that my children give me. I have seen the heartache of LTTTC in my sister, and had to tell her I was UTD accidentally when they had been trying for 9 months. I would hope that if she struggles to conceive again (which I hope she doesn't) that I would be able to help her and her DH.

There are many more couples seeking ED than there are donors. I want to choose the couple(s) that fit my personal criteria, but if I become very close to someone who doesn't fit my criteria, the friendship is worth more, so I will donate to someone I really click with IYKWIM.

I dont think anyone goes into donating gametes lightly. I have looked into the laws, side effects, clinics, and have been on ED sites looking for that perfect couple. right now with TTC myself I have taken a bit of a break from the IP hunt, because it is painful to think that these couples have felt the heartache of month after month, year after year

s and to sooner I am UTD, the closer I am to donating

**SD2001** · October 1st, 2008, 11:59 PM

Hi alioops,

I believe that clinics prefer EDs to have finished their families in case there are complications with the donor process that leaves them infertile.

I assume that you will be a known ED, so it is likely that your recipients will thank you numerous times. What type of relationship do you want with the DC children?

I agree with the human tissue laws in Australia making it illegal to pay for gametes. Clinics do however cover donor out-of-pocket expenses for travel to/from the clinic.

Good luck with choosing a recipient couple.

SD2001

**SD2001** · October 27th, 2008, 12:35 AM

Hi all,

Are there any current SD or ED donors reading this?

Hi Alioops,

How are things?

**alioops** · October 27th, 2008, 09:40 AM

Hi SD

I am 1 step closer to donating! I am 6 weeks pregnant! I am almost ready to resume the recipient hunt, but for the sake of the recipients, I think I may wait until I am closer to having this baby. I think that for them to have to wait a year or 2 after finding a donor would be heart breaking, and if they can find another donor who is able to donate sooner then it is better for them. There will always be more recipients than donors unfortunately, so I think it is fair for me to wait until a more suitable time, in order for them to avoid the pain of waiting while they have a donor lined up.

**SD2001** · October 27th, 2008, 11:09 PM

Hi alioops,

Congratulations!!!

Yes, put your ED thoughts to the back of your mind until after you have had your baby. You should enjoy your pregnancy rather than stress over finding a potential recipient.

**Tracey** · October 30th, 2008, 05:58 AM

I am donating my eggs early in the new year to very close friends of ourse from America, they are travelling to stay with us for a minimum of 6wks whilst we get our cycles in sync etc... I have had my bloods done & am ultrasound & all was perfect (I have excellent looking ovaries)...

I feel blessed that our friends asked us as it was something I had thought about after deciding that we werent going to have any more children ourselves!
So Jan 2nd they arrive here & hopefully we can get staright into it..
We have our counselling session in Dec!

**alioops** · October 30th, 2008, 01:50 PM

Yay Tracey!

I had a feeling that was what the last line in your sig meant when I saw you in another thread!!! I assume from the fact that they are coming over here for the ED that you are going under the Australian laws rather than the American laws.

**Tracey** · October 30th, 2008, 08:49 PM

Yep, we ae having it all done here... Its really interesting & exciting!!!

**SD2001** · November 22nd, 2008, 11:27 PM

Good luck with your ED Tracey. It is a great thing you are doing.

**Lady_Penelope** · November 27th, 2008, 08:41 PM

Just wondering if anyone can give me a rundown on how EMBRYO DONATION works (from the perspective of the donor). Do you know if it is possible to stipulate preferences, etc? Is there any choice permitted or is it completely anonymous? I have a number of embryos on ice, and would not like to contemplate their destruction.
Sincerely, Tracy

**SD2001** · November 27th, 2008, 10:59 PM

Hi Lady Penelope,

It is probably best to talk to your clinic to find out exactly what they do, but in general you could possibly assume the following:

1. You will most probably not be allowed to stipulate preferences regarding the recipient lady/couple, as this could be deemed discrimination (particularly in VIC).

2. Depending on which state you live in, you will possibly have to agree to have your identifiable personal details (such as full name, DOB, place of birth, private home address, private telephone number, etc), family history and medical history secretly provided to any resulting offspring once they reach the age of 18 (when they are adults) and you will not be informed when this happens. Exchange of information in the other direction is only possible with specific authorisation from the adult offspring.

My suggestion would be to consult with your clinic and find out if you can donate the embryos to known recipients who you introduce to the clinic. That way you have a say in point 1 above and remove the negative effect of point 2 above.

SD

**dusty** · November 28th, 2008, 04:35 AM

Hi Tracy
This thread may help with your questions. Feel free to post any others you have. I am a recipient but I can try to help or point you in the direction of where you can chat to other egg donors.

SD2001, a donor can choose their recipient (if the recipient is willing) through known donation. The thread linked above talks about this in a bit more detail. Also the laws differ in different States. In Victoria where we did our donation the donor's details are registered and the donor is contacted and told if a child results from a donation (whether it be known or unknown) including the sex of the child.