oops...forgot to say that we also follow the 'choices' path. i feel very strongly that ds1 is his own person with his own feelings, wants, needs and desires and it is important for
dh and i to recognise them.
we never yell, shout or raise our voices at each other or at ds1...and when i think a meltdown is approaching i am even calmer and bring myself to his level and speak to him in a very calm manner eye to eye...
i treat him with respect as i want him to respect me and others in return. that may sound silly at such a young age, but i do not think he is too young to learn respect.
dh and i remind ourselves all the time the importance of patience with ds1. it takes them so much longer to complete a task and we recognise that and allow him the time to finish his tasks...