Where is her 12 Week *Magical* change??

**~Gee_Whizzy~** · April 26th, 2009, 04:39 PM

!
OK - I am at my wits end and wondering if my DD missed that whole 12 week magical changeover

DD is 13 weeks and STILL needs to be held or rocked to sleep. I remember reading lots on BB that at 12 weeks things would change and most babies just "know" how to settle - im thinking DD missed out on that ability

We have a full nightime routine in place which starts at 6pm (bath, massage, book, breastfeed, sleep - she has hated being wrapped from 7 weeks so i dont even bother trying anymore) and i aim to have her in her bassinette by 7pm. She will fall asleep on the breast and as soon as i put her down in her bassinette she wakes up crying - i have tried to let her "self settle" and walk away from the crying, but i just cant do it and inevitably pick her up and hold her until she falls asleep again (this can take up to another 40 mins if she has worked herself up). i then sit with her in my arms for another 15 mins until i know she is completely "out" and then put her down again. When she wakes up for her feed at about 11pm the whole thing gets played out again - im really struggling and have spoken to my MCHN who said "Don't worry, she'll get it soon" - im like

i need some proper sleep and not feel stressed everytime it comes for DD to go to sleep!!

BTW : the above also applies to DD day sleeps (minus the bath, massage etc) instead i try to use the feed, play, sleep but she just wants to be held and rocked until she is completely unaware of her surroundings.

Any help/advice/suggestions would be greatly appreciated as im starting to go bonkers especially as i have 3 friends and we all gave birth in the same week and all of their babies have been self-settling since 8 weeks...arrgghhh

If you got this far thanks for reading

!

**sweetpea678** · April 26th, 2009, 05:10 PM

I've never heard of the 12 week magical change, with my little one I rostered to buying a hammock at 7 weeks it arived at 8 weeks old and was the best thing I did, as before she would only sleep if I continually rocked her or bounced her in the bouncer. But with older kids could not do that at all.

**Kristin27** · April 26th, 2009, 09:20 PM

I also haven't heard of the magic 12 week marker, but I would not worry about what other babies around you are doing, as difficult as it is not to compare they're all different.

Does it really bother YOU to rock her to sleep? Or is it more other peoples opinions of it? Because I got the third degree from friends and family who would cr@p on to me about 'making a rod for my back' rocking DD to sleep, but I know DD and she needed reassurance and her mummy when falling to sleep. She grew out of it on her own, and now nods off in bed without a problem.

I personally would do whatever works to make bedtime and naptime stress free, if she goes down easier feeding to sleep/rocking to sleep I'd do it. It won't be forever.

However if it does bother you to do it, I recommend the no cry sleep solution book by Elizabeth Pantley. It's full of great tips to help you baby sleep better and longer.

Good luck!

**~Gee_Whizzy~** · April 26th, 2009, 10:13 PM

thanks Sweetpea & Kristin

Apart from making my arms sore (DD is a little buddha!) i dont mind the rocking her to sleep - so yes, i guess im paying too much attention to other peoples opinions

- being a first time mum everyone has an opinion on what i should and shouldn't be doing

and with the hormones still all over the shop i think i let it get to me too much - i think i need to just block them out and do what works for bub and me!

thanks again i really appreciate it

**sweetpea678** · April 26th, 2009, 10:18 PM

Have you thought about getting a baby sling, wrap or something to help take some of the weight of your arms, and maybe see if anyone has a hammock you could borrow and see if that works, to give your arms a break. But yeah you do what you have to, so that bub is happy and mum to.

My sister thinks I am odd as I wear my little one alot on my back as it lets me get other stuff done and she is happy there. So yep do what you need to do and don't worry about what others say.

**Michelle71** · April 26th, 2009, 10:24 PM

My 22 month old still doesn't self settle and DD only does occasionally at 4 months. It depends on the child.

DS started with being fed to sleep, progressed to being rocked to sleep and now goes to sleep with one of us lying next to him. He occasionally goes to sleep on his own.

DD is fed to sleep but will fall asleep on her floor mat when she is tired (DS NEVER did this

) I believe she will self settle before DS. She still has sketchy day sleeps - power naps until last week. This week they are a little longer (and longer still if she is in a sling on me).

Each child is different and learns to sleep in their own way and in their own time. I can fall asleep anywhere / anytime but DH has different sleep cues that require specific settings (pillow, bed and night time primarily

) If you have no problem with feeding to sleep then do it. I chose the path of least resistance and settled the quickest and most convenient way for baby and me. It meant they cried less and I got more sleep

**jackrose** · April 26th, 2009, 10:55 PM

I personally would do whatever works to make bedtime and naptime stress free, if she goes down easier feeding to sleep/rocking to sleep I'd do it. It won't be forever.

RIght on Kristin - great advice in your post!

I also have never heard of the magical 12 week mark and definitely agree with Michelle

Each child is different and learns to sleep in their own way and in their own time

I often fed my DD to sleep as we co-slept and it worked really well for us. I ended up running into an issue at the 6 month mark where she developed a sleep/breast association and would wake all night looking for a boob. Because of this I decided to end the feed to sleep system but it hasn't put me off using this settling method for other children I might be lucky enough to have

. I have read many accounts from women on this site who said that they happily fed to sleep until their toddler gave it up themselves. Sounds good to me!

Have faith in what feels right for you and enjoy your gorgeous little buddha enjoying you!

**Liz** · April 26th, 2009, 11:11 PM

Nothing magical here at 3 months either. Ok.. i'm going to be really lazy here and copy a reply I just did in this thread: https://www.bellybelly.com.au/forums...es-please.html Especially as I already lost my post once and had to re-compose it LOL. No mention of 3 months and maybe not 100% relevant, but hopefully some reassurance with dealing with a frequent waker, and feeding to sleep.

DS fed to sleep for probably close to 2 years. We had a natural transition of feeding to sleep, to feeding in bed and staying with him while he fell asleep, and then once he weaned at about 26 months just lying with him until he fell asleep. Then at about 2 1/2 I started trying to leave him awake in bed and went back in a lot praising him for staying in bed and not getting up. Not long after, he was putting himself to sleep and not long after that started sleeping through regularly. We had a similar transition type thing with the co-sleeping. When it felt right, we started putting him to sleep in his own bed and he was still welcome in ours when he woke up, and he eventually started sleeping through.

DD self settled for about 7 months with a dummy & wrap, then progressed to needing rocking to sleep LOL. And still does. I think we're getting ready to start just lying down with her too to get her to sleep.

My advice is to follow their lead, but at the same time guide them if that makes sense. So while DS's going to sleep by himself wasn't necessarily led by him, we both kinda knew it was time to start trying if that made sense. So be reassured that you won't be feeding to sleep forever, things change & progress naturally, with very little resistance in our experience. And I do believe DS is a real success story.. he seriously is SOOOO good at going to bed. He just goes to bed and goes to sleep! You hear of toddlers and older children that keep finding excuses and get up all the time.. nope.. not here! LOL. Not even when we have visitors with kids to play with! He just says goodnight to everyone and co-operates and goes to bed! Only time he fights us is when he's overtired and cranky anyway. But he still doesn't get up haha. I do believe it's my hard work paying off

I had people telling me I was making a rod for my back, but I don't believe our end result is a rod for anyone's back! Plus if you're happy to feed to sleep or do whatever you need to do, then it's no one's business how you do it.. it's not them doing it is it.

Oh and also.. while people were tutting at our 'bad habits' they couldn't help being impressed that I could get DS to sleep absolutely anywhere.. didn't matter who's house we were at or where we were, just had to feed him and within about 15mins he was off. haha.

Enjoy it It definitely won't last forever. Don't doubt yourself, you'll know when to move on to the next stage. You're doing a great job

I'll say again, don't doubt yourself. You're meeting the needs of YOUR baby, not someone elses. It is hard not to feel jealous of 'sleepers' but rest assured they will have sleepless/unsettled nights again somewhere along the line. hahaha.

I always tell myself I'm glad my babies never slept through and then regressed.. it's a bit like flying first class and then going back to economy! At least if I'm in economy the whole time I don't know the difference. I think it would be sooo much harder to go backwards.

Definitely keep doing whatever works for you, and try not to compare.. easier said than done, but keep reminding yourself of how well you're meeting your bub's needs

OK.. just re-read your post.. and you're feeling the sleep deprivation.. all i can suggest really is co-sleep. You can give a quick feed before she wakes up too much, you can do it lying down and then both drift back off to sleep. It is very tiring to actually get up and attend to bub and stay up trying to get them back to sleep. In the same bed, you can sort of fall into a sleeping rhythm with them and can do night feeds/settling half asleep. *hugs* hope you can catch up on a few zz's soon so you can keep going.

**Lulu** · April 27th, 2009, 08:39 AM

What magical changeover??? No one told me!

TBH, I think when bubs get to about 3/ 4 months old everyone is getting a little more used to a new baby in da house.

Any change is generally a little more slower to be apparent - the babies don't read the books but things like wonder weeks can be a great indication of what might come along next xoxoxoxo

**~Gee_Whizzy~** · April 27th, 2009, 08:47 AM

Wow thanks ladies! - who knows maybe in my sleep deprived state i read about 12 week magical change in my imagination??

Liz - DD does fall asleep (and i mean dead to the world asleep!) while feeding but as soon as i put her down she wakes up! - I have also tried co-sleeping with her and she then thinks its conversation time for her and mummy

sweetpea - I have a HAB carrier which on a good day DD will enjoy being in but then other days she screams as soon as i put her in

- I am going to see if i can maybe hire a hammock (no-one i know has one i could borrow) and see how that goes for her. - Does anyone know up to what weight the hammocks can be used cause DD is already 6.8kg (she's my buddah bubba

) so im hoping she won't be too heavy for it?

You are all right and i need to do what works for me and bub and stop worrying about what others *think* i'm doing right/wrong. - I think because the MCHN was one of the ppl who said "Oh you're going to have problems down the track if you keep rocking her to sleep - just put her in her bassinette and let he cry for a little bit, it doesn't do them any harm" i figured it is was coming from a health "professional" i must listen and try to change things....but i am going to keep going with what works for me and bubs and bugger anyone who tells me different - at the end of the day if i am "building a rod" then I'm the one who has to deal with it, not them

Thanks again for your advice and support , i knew BB ladies would be able to give me some suggestions/advice to try!

**Lulu** · April 27th, 2009, 08:54 AM

Thinking about it - you see the magical change in retrospect....

I remember going WOW, he slept for xxx hrs and he has been doing it all week! Sometimes you don't notice/trust the change when it is happening.

**~Gee_Whizzy~** · April 27th, 2009, 09:33 AM

Thanks Lulu - i think i will stop "looking" for it and just let bubs guide me

**sweetpea678** · April 27th, 2009, 09:37 AM

Ella-bear,

I used mine till she was 8 months old and 7.4kilos in the instructions it says to 15 kilos on the spring mine has then can get a heavy duty one. I have an amby hammock, shame you not near me could of lent mine to see if it worked.

**bubno.3** · April 27th, 2009, 10:26 AM

Hi

Wish i bought a hammock i think they look wondeful.

Im with the others please do what is best for you and bub.... if she needs your arms to sleep well so be it.... you know what i did when Ali was that little... he fall asleep i my arms and then wake in cot but if i kept my hand on him and just kept patting he would fall asleep once again then i could quietly walk away. Im talking 5 6 7 8 weeks of age.

Now Alistair is 9mths and he falls asleep with bottle in cot but if he doesnt want the milk he wont take the bottle...

I hope it gets better for you

Cheers bubno.3

**bubno.3** · April 27th, 2009, 10:34 AM

Try wrapping your little one again which way are you wrapping ??? Arms down the side of bub or wrapping in the way the arm are covered but there up near her face? This works so well as theyre secure but still move their arms and have their hand near their face yet the wrap stops the reflex startle.. Hey i still use this wrap style with my 9 mth old on the odd occassion when he is soooo tired but just cant settle.... it works nearly everytime.

You can find the wrapping styles on line thats where i found it but i havent the link sorry

i hope this helps

**~Gee_Whizzy~** · April 27th, 2009, 12:24 PM

Try wrapping your little one again which way are you wrapping ??? Arms down the side of bub or wrapping in the way the arm are covered but there up near her face? This works so well as theyre secure but still move their arms and have their hand near their face yet the wrap stops the reflex startle.. Hey i still use this wrap style with my 9 mth old on the odd occassion when he is soooo tired but just cant settle.... it works nearly everytime.

You can find the wrapping styles on line thats where i found it but i havent the link sorry

i hope this helps

I have tried both methods and she fights it all the way and only calms down once she's free! - She can be quite stubborn

**sweetpea678** · April 27th, 2009, 12:40 PM

my dd has never been wrapped, the mw did at the hospital and she screamed till they unwrapped her. She is also a thumb sucker hence why I think she never liked being wrapped.

**~Gee_Whizzy~** · April 27th, 2009, 05:19 PM

sweetpea - glad to hear my bubs not the only one who doesnt like being wrapped - everyone has said to me "just keep wrapping until she gets used to i" - hmmm...i've been trying since she was 4 weeks and it ain't changing!