Wanting to co-sleep but scared

[Santosha]

My baby girl is almost 3 weeks old and until last night has been the sleepiest baby known to womankind to the point that I was waking her for feeds! I believe this was thanks to her prematurity (5 weeks early) and now that she has reached 'term' and is getting stronger, she has found her voice!! I've had cuddles in bed with her but have always put her back in her cradle next to the bed before I go to sleep for fear that I might smother her.

Last night she was really unsettled - had wind pains that finally resolved in spectacular style after about 4 hours of writhing! All I wanted to do was take her into bed with me where i could comfort her and keep her warm enough that she could be free of her blankets and therefore wriggle her legs around to help sort out the wind issue. Just being close calmed her instantly and even though she continued to wriggle, she stopped screaming.

But here's the problem. I couldn't relax and let myself fall asleep. I've read enough on co-sleeping now that I know that I'm unlikely to roll on her and that her risk of being smothered is remote (I don't smoke or drink) but I'm still terrified that I'll wake to a suffocated baby. Now I'm absolutely knackered as of course, I couldn't bear putting her back and having her cry.

I'm really keen to co-sleep. It makes sense to me. It feels right. But I'm scared. Can those of you who've successfully co-slept with infants tell me EXACTLY how you do it?

- how close is baby to you - against your body or a few inches away?
- do you always sleep facing them - if so, what if you want to roll over and face the other way? (I sleep on my side but tend to toss and turn quite a bit)
- what level is baby's face - level with your face, or closer to your chest. Where is your pillow positioned?
- what kind of bedding do you have? How do you ensure that it doesn't cover baby's face?
- how do you make sure that baby doesn't roll out of bed?

TIA ladies.
oxoxo a slightly anxious but blissfully enjoying new mummyhood,

[BellyBelly]

Co-sleeping is safe, provided you follow the safe co-sleeping practices. I co-slept with both of mine from birth. If you read the articles on the main site in the baby section there is loads on co-sleeping and guidelines.

https://www.bellybelly.com.au/articles

[Indadhanu]

- how close is baby to you - against your body or a few inches away?
She is usually always right up against me, snuggling in to me, unless I move her away. When she was tiy I liked to move her a tiny bit away, just so she wasn't right up on me (mostly for my own comfort, gets a bit smothery when she is right up on me all night)

- do you always sleep facing them - if so, what if you want to roll over and face the other way? (I sleep on my side but tend to toss and turn quite a bit)
No, I only face her when she is feeding, and I usually fall asleep but tend to turn over a fair bit, I just sleep normally

- what level is baby's face - level with your face, or closer to your chest. Where is your pillow positioned?
I like to have her level with my head, just so I know she isn't under the blankets, and I prop her up under my arm when she is feeding. When she was teenty tiny i used a little cushion as a pillow, or pushed my pillow over away from her. Now she is older she sleeps on my pillow (which is a bit annoying but anyway LOL).

- what kind of bedding do you have? How do you ensure that it doesn't cover baby's face?
I just used normal bedding, and had her head at my eye-level. Probably not the safest way but I tend to sleep without much bedding so there wasn't a whole lot of chance of her getting trapped. Now she moves around it wouldn't matter what bedding we use, she crawls in and out and giggles and rolls... she'd get under anything and then out again. These days I try to have her on the outside near the cot so she's on the edge of the bedding that way when shes playing she's not 'trapped' IYWKIM. But good practice is to have two sets of bedding I think.

- how do you make sure that baby doesn't roll out of bed?
She slept in the middle, and then when we moved we had enough room to put the cot next to the bed with the side off (sidecar-ing) so she sometimes sleeps on that side too, so if she rolls or crawls she just goes onto the cot.

[Jellyfish]

I have the pillow above her head and her head in line with the milk bar. That way, she can access food without me even needing to wake up! I'm usually facing her and she will be close to me. I use a blanket only over my back (I lay on my side) and the bottom part of my body. Her closeness keeps my chest area warm. She sleeps in a sleeping bag.

[Santosha]

Thanks Kelly, Leasha and Jitterbug. Sounds like you latter 2 both do it slightly differently and I guess we've just gotta find the way that works safely for us. I might try altering my bedding and her positioning, since it's being smothered by the doona that I'm most scared of. There's no way hubby will give up the doona but maybe if I rug-up in my jarmies and just have a lighter blanket over me...?

Will let you know how we go.

[Maruschke]

Oh Kate I am so glad you wrote this thread. I co slept for the first time last night . All night I wanted to turn over, and was getting tired muscles from not being able to roll over! I kept DD1 at booby level, but couldn't quite get the bedding right and was slightly cold on my back and overheated on my chest, LOL. But, it was the best night sleep I have ever had!!!

Also, what do the expert cosleepers do when you need to go to the toilet?

[Arcadia]

I used to lie on my left side with my arm out and knees up with bub in the space between...so she had access to bbs and couldn't slip under the covers or wriggle under the pillow.

The other thing you could try is a side-car arrangement. I have a co-sleeper, which is right up against the bed. So bub is right next to me, but has her own space and blankets etc.

I loved the idea of co-sleeping and did it for 6 weeks, but in the end I found I slept better when she was in her own space.

I used to wake DH when I went to the loo...

[Jennifer13]

This was (and still is every morning!) our experience:

- how close is baby to you - against your body or a few inches away? When she was tiny I would hold her facing me right beside myself. Now she is older when she comes into our bed she sleeps in the middle so is not against me unless she is bfing or wraps her arms around for a cuddle.

- do you always sleep facing them - if so, what if you want to roll over and face the other way? (I sleep on my side but tend to toss and turn quite a bit) Whe little, yes, on my arm, and I would just carry her over me if I turned over. I sleep very still though, so this wasn't a problem for me. Not now.

- what level is baby's face - level with your face, or closer to your chest. Where is your pillow positioned? When tiny, level with my chest, now up near my face. My pillow would be under my head and now she shares it with me.

- what kind of bedding do you have? How do you ensure that it doesn't cover baby's face? Not too much, we have a sheet and light quilt my MIL made in summer and a sheet and woollen doona in winter (fairly lightweight and not too thick). I never bothered about it covering her face as she can wriggle around next to me and when tiny was so snuggled into me it didn't matter.

- how do you make sure that baby doesn't roll out of bed? Sometimes she does (but she's three now)! But when tiny she would sleep between us, and I would hold her, so no problem there. I try to put her in the middle now, but she sneaks in without waking me most mornings. She sleeps in a toddler bed and has done so since 16 mths, so she seems to know what to do.

[Santosha]

Thanks Anna and Jennifer. Really appreciate the detailed advice. I've read lots to verify that co-sleeping is safe, but when it came down to actually doing it... there were lots of little aspects I wasn't sure of. Bit like breastfeeding really. Never thought it would be quite so complicated!

Oscaroscar, I hope you had another good night of sleepy cuddles.

Still a bit nervous here and was so shattered last night that I just fell into bed without re-organising doona etc but fortunately bubs was unconscious when I put her into her cradle and remained that way for 5 hours! Keen to get the co-sleeping going though. I just have to get it organised so that I can feel confident and relaxed and actually manage to sleep.

[Megan]

Kat, good thread. I think you asked all the questions I had about co-sleeping as well! We've had a couple of early mornings snuggles in bed and as much as I would love to doze off I just can't let myself.
My DH works nights, so there would be plenty of room in our bed, but once he starts moving around a bit I would be worried about him falling out. I might try it this week and see if either of us manage to get any sleep.

[~ Mylitta ~]

Great questions Kat!

Since we brought Kyson home he's been co-sleeping with us. We have his cot pushed up against my side of the bed and I have my body pillow (the long one) tucked between the bed and the cot to form a sort of buffer to stop Kyson from rolling into a gap. He usually sleeps on the outside of my side of the bed, but sometimes goes in between DH and I too. I tend to have him around chest level because more often than not I have him cradled in my arm (not sure if that's the safest way though...). We don't usually share our bed coverings with Kyson because he's usually either swaddled in a couple of wraps, or in the sleeping bag we are trialling.

I sleep facing him all night, unless he is in the middle of the bed and DH is cuddling him. I also generally keep him on his back. The only time he's not is when he's unsettled and I'm awake and cuddling him close, during feeds when I try to stay laying on my side (I'm still finding that a really difficult maneuver though), or if he has bad wind I tend to lay on my back with him laying with his head and body against my chest and his legs on the bed (so he's at a 90 degree angle to me) so that he can be more upright. When he's across my chest my plan is usually to only have him there until he falls asleep and then I'll move him, but I often fall asleep with him like that, oops!

I'm really enjoying having him close to me all night and it just feels "right" for him to be close all night. Sometimes I stress about some aspects of co-sleeping like you are, but I think I would be more stressed if he was further away from me. It must be nice for him too to be so close to his mummy and daddy

[Inertia]

- how close is baby to you - against your body or a few inches away?
As a bub, they are pretty much right next to me. They spaced themselves out as they got older and wanted more room.. I pretty much slept 'curled around' them. Bring my outside leg up and arm outstretched above them. If you can eventually get comfy that way, it removes a lot of that fear of rolling onto them because you cant roll in that direction, and also your partner cant roll back onto them without rolling onto you and waking you up.

- do you always sleep facing them - if so, what if you want to roll over and face the other way? (I sleep on my side but tend to toss and turn quite a bit)
As a baby, always facing in the position described above. If I *really* have to roll over, its done at feed time so as I am compus mentus when I am doing it. I can usually snooze that feed and wake up and reposition when baby lets go.

- what level is baby's face - level with your face, or closer to your chest. Where is your pillow positioned?
The bottom edge of my pillow is shoved between my shoulder and head so it wont move. Baby is inline with my chest. Means I dont have to move them when they start stirring for a feed.

- what kind of bedding do you have? How do you ensure that it doesn't cover baby's face?
I get really cold, so average bedding. When there is a newborn in the bed, it gets tucked in under the mattress so it wont ride up. I wear a jacket for upper body warmth.

- how do you make sure that baby doesn't roll out of bed?
Mostly, by keeping baby in the middle. But with being so close to bub, I find I wake up when they start moving or fussing.