'Feed to sleep' babies and day care??

[Panda74]

Hi there (first post)! Wasn't sure where to post this, but I guess sleep is my main concern. DS will be going to FDC when he is 10 months for three days a week. I would love to stay home but can't . My question is: will the carer be able to get him to sleep?? He just cannot fall asleep without boob! Even if he falls asleep in the carrier, once on the bed he will root around for the boob! And secondly, I struggle myself to get him to sleep in a strange room/bed - he's very sensitive to change! I would love to hear of some success stories!! Will he get cuddles? Or will he be considered a high maintenance baby?

I have tried preparing him for the change. He's moved to napping in a cot (woohoo) beside the bed with the side down so he won't be totally confused by the cot thing! And have flirted with the gentle removal technique but its feels very mean - poor thing just wants to go to sleep and I keep pulling the boob out until he cries!

[Fleur]

Hi and welcome to BB
How old is your little one? I am wondering how long before he has to go to FDC?
My DD2 is 13 weeks now & started FDC at 10 weeks. I was a bit worried as AR was at 8 weeks still being rocked & cuddled to sleep, (however by the time she started FDC she was selfsettling quite well, I was comfortable that if she needed the help to sleep she would get it).
I had a bit of an advantage in that I already knew her carer which made it much more comfortable for me. She told me that it's up to the individual carer how they deal with hard to settle babies - some will rock them etc & others won't.

Have you chosen a carer yet? I think if you can possibly choose someone who you feel comfortable with & discuss your concerns with them that is probably the first & most important step.

Apart from that you can continue trying to gently change his habits, but I would suggest a backup plan in case he takes a little while - will you find a carer who will rock him, can you delay your retuurn to work, are you able to leave work to feed him, etc - some of these may not be very practical depending on your situation but I guess I would be looking at all options & take it from there.

HTH

ETA - just wondering if you have tried him on EBM in a bottle? how does he go with it?

[Janie]

Hi there, welcome to bb . I went back to work when my DS was 8 months, my mum looks after him. Although it's not always been easy, she has always managed to get him to sleep during the day, without resorting to leaving him to cry etc. He fell asleep feeding for almost 2 years, but has always been okay when left with other people (DH, Grandma etc).

I worried about it alot before going back to work, but it turned out fine . Most babies that feed to sleep can go to sleep fine when with people other than mum .

[MantaRay]

My experience was similar to Janie's. At home, both my sons fed to sleep for quite some time. But they both were really good at sleeping at day care. Most babies seem to be able to cope with different situations and manage just fine when mum isn't there.

The main thing that might be a problem for you is his difficulty in unfamiliar surroundings. Some babies really do struggle with this. Luckily though, they are the minority. I would try not to worry too much yet. See how he goes when the time comes - he very well might surprise you!

[Panda74]

Hi, thanks so much for the words of encouragement! So worried about my happy little booby boy! Sorry should have mentioned - he's nearly 8 months now, so he knows what he likes hehehe.

My plan is to see how he goes with some EBM with DH, maybe this weekend. He hasn't had a bottle before. Or should I not keep encouraging the feeding to sleep thing maybe? I'm assuming DH won't be able to get him to sleep without milk but who knows?

Also, I'm planning on going to go back to work a few weeks before day care starts when DH is on leave so DS will have some time without me and get used to going to sleep a different way.. hopefully.

I know it all depends on the carer doesn't it? Having no experience with FDC I don't know what to expect. I'm told we'll be advised of vacancies a few weeks out and then hopefully we'll find an amazing, gentle carer who clicks with DS and will be happy to give him lots of cuddles at sleep time .

Thanks again!!

[Panda74]

Regarding the unfamiliar surroundings, I'm prepared for orientation to FDC to be a slow, painful process! I can only be pleasantly surprised then!

[Jaycee]

Hi Panda,
I too had these concerns when returning to work but everything worked out fine. DS still feeds to sleep when with me, but has found a different routine with my mum, who looks after him while I'm at work. I guess I was lucky that mum is patient and worked out a routine that suits them, she'll tell him it's leap leap time (sleep time) and then take him down to his cot, pop him in and pat his back for a few minutes til he drifts off. Maybe you can speak to your fdc to see what kind of routine they may have for him?
Hope it all works out, I'm sure it will!

[skeetaboat]

My DS fed to sleep for nearly 2 years but would always go to sleep for others (including @ FDC) no problems. They will work out their own routine together. For now it'd be good to try to get him used to falling asleep without you sometimes - maybe you could go out and leave dad to it, or let him be babysat by another family member?

Your bubs might be different but generally older babies who are exclusively breastfed don't take well to bottles, just a heads up. It usually goes more successfully if you're out of the house altogether. Sometimes a sippy cup works better.

How long will you be at work? Does he have many feeds in that time? If so, it's probably a good idea to try to replace those feeds with solids and water so that he doesn't hanker for them while you're away. You'll probably find that he does a reverse cycle and feeds like crazy when you're home from work, but the fewer feeds he 'misses' from you while at FDC, the easier the adjustment will be for him in the beginning.

Don't stress too much, bubs will adjust to the new routine. Meanwhile you've got a couple of months to implement a few things so the new routine isn't a complete shock to the system. It's great that your partner will be home with him for a few weeks before FDC starts - that will help him transition too.

[Panda74]

So it can be done thanks Guys!

I've just had people (family) in my ear saying unhelpful things like 'well, he's gotta get used to it' and 'there's gonna have to be some tears' instead of offering me suggestions on how to ease DS into the new situation.

I'll be gone 7am to 4pm so he'll probably be missing two big feeds but I'd say he'll only notice because he needs them to sleep! He's just too busy these days to slow down for boob anyway. I am trying now to encourage water from his sippy cup and he's getting the hang of it I think. Solids..are slow going right now, too much milk!

I suspect you're right about the bottle.. He's had a play with one before and gave it a bit of a chew..

[Janie]

Oh hun, I REALLY sympathise. I don't think I was too worried about our situation until everyone else freaked me out. I will confess that some people got me so stressed about it, I tried cc (extremely unsuccessfully, and I still feel terrible about it) for a bit, before realising that our DS is just the way he is, and that making him cry to go to sleep was terrible for everyone. As I said, I still feel guilt over that time, but mostly because I let myself feel pushed into that situation by other people. I wasn't trying new methods because it was what I thought was best for my DS, it because other people told me I needed to . Of course, I could have, and should have ignored them, as I have since learnt to do .

Yes, it definitely CAN be done! I'm sure things will go much more smoothly than you're expecting. But it's okay to feel anxious about it all, it's a big change for you both, and it might take a little bit of time to settle into the swing of things. Lots of us have BTDT, and know how stressful it can be. But it sounds as though you're doing all the right things to make the transition as smooth as possible for your baby good for you!

[aimz78]

Hi and welcome to BB!
Just wondering if it might be helpful to introduce other sleep associations which may help the transition, such as a "lovey" or even just certain words like "time for sleep" or any other sleep cues which you can introduce now so that when he goes to daycare he will have other sleep associations instead of boobie to make it a bit easier? sorry i dont have experience with daycare but my DD is an avid feed to sleeper and i have always wondered how she would cope. I also agree with others that they often cope better than we think when we are not around. Best of luck and i hope the transition into daycare goes smoothly for you both

[Panda74]

I am thinking that too. I've just started saying 'sleep time' as I move him into the cot and he has always had a dark room and lullabies. I am his lovey at the moment but will keep offering his other soft toys. I will definitely let you know how we go as DS is the boobiest baby ever, if he can get to sleep without it anybaby can!

[onthefly]

My DS was the same when we started at daycare, but they managed to get him to sleep - he basically konked out in their arms. He didn't go for long cause he kept getting sick so never really settled in properly or slept well there, but my DH, mum, and babysitters were all able to get him to sleep without the boob.

Not sure if someone else suggested this, but at his age you could just try a sippy cup for EBM, if he's not keen on a bottle. DS started using a teddy when he started at daycare too.

good luck

ETA - don't be embarrassed about being his lovely!

[Ginger]

hi panda, i breastfeed my 8 month old to sleep for every sleep too (unless he falls asleep in the car or sling). it's perfectly natural and fine, so don't feel bad or embarrased about it. i fed my 2yo to sleep for pretty much every sleep until he was 14months old and he decided he didn't need it anymore.
anyway, back to my 8 month old. like i said, i bfeed him to sleep all the time, but if i'm busy with my toddler or having a shower or something, my dh will wrap him up in his favourite blanket and rock him to sleep in the rocking chair and usually get him to sleep this way without any crying. have you tried getting your dh to put him to sleep?

[suse]

Hi Panda,

I haven't read all of the other responses as my DS is climbing something he shouldn't (my chair) and I'm attempting to 'spot' him whilst typing - but yep, if the carer is aware of the situation and willing to gently assist your DS to sleep, it's definitely possible, and without crying. I've just recently started back at work part-time and my carer has had him two full days - the first he required a little assistance to sleep (cuddling), the second he self settled. Happily. He won't do that for me!!!! (Although my DS will go to sleep for my DP, but only if rocked in a pram. He's never self settled though, until now. And he'll only do it for his carer).

I know quite a few people who've said that with the right carer, they actually sleep better than they will for the parents (and especially for the booby dispenser LOL).

Wishing you all the best!

[Panda74]

Thanks everyone! I'm feeling much more confident about things. Suse, thats great news!

[skeetaboat]

I'll be gone 7am to 4pm so he'll probably be missing two big feeds but I'd say he'll only notice because he needs them to sleep! He's just too busy these days to slow down for boob anyway. I am trying now to encourage water from his sippy cup and he's getting the hang of it I think. Solids..are slow going right now, too much milk!

I think you'll find that not being able to have those feeds will be more upsetting to him than getting to sleep. I used to leave my DS with my mum for study between about 7 and 9 months and was gone around 5 hours. He would 'sort of' take a bottle of EBM. In the beginning my LO would get to the point where he just *needed* a breastfeed. I'm pretty sure he adjusted in time but I also remember my DH having him sometimes when I had night classes (gone 5 hours again) and being exasperated by the time I got home. I wish I could remember more clearly how it went, what age he was and when it stopped

Anyway, my point is, I think it'll be worthwhile trying to cut down those feeds or replace them with a bottle/sippy cup so he gets used to breastfeeding on the 'new' routine. I know my DS was a bit younger at the time than your LO will be, but I think it will help. Having said that, don't stress and feel like you have to completely eliminate those feeds within 2 months or else it's not going to work. If he's not enjoying solids yet it might take some time to convince him to drop the feeds, and you don't want to rush him because he's still young and it's not uncommon for 8 month olds to still be on 90% BM/Formula.

Also, when his dad has him in those first few weeks, it'll be at home, right? Because he'll be at home in his own environment, he'll be expecting his usual routine and will probably be more upset with DH than he would be in daycare, where he wont have expectations. Just wanted to throw that in so you don't stress out if the first couple of days he's with DH are hard.

Hope this post isn't too negative.. I just don't want you to feel like it's going to go perfectly fine because then if/when DH has some difficulty you think 'oh god I can't work, all those women on BB said it was fine for their babies but mine just isn't coping'. Just want you to know that intially he might be a little bit upset, but he will adjust quite quickly, particularly if you prepare him. And you never know, your bubs might be perfectly fine with the changes and not bat an eyelid.

[Janie]

Actually, many mums find that they can still breastfeed their LOs when they are with them, and the baby is fine when mum is away from them.

I don't want to discount your experience skeetaboat, as obviously that's how you found things went for your DS. But I wouldn't be recommending that a mum try to cut down feeds, simply because 3 days out of 7 she won't be there to offer them. In fact some babies cope better when offered more breastfeeds while mum is around.

Panda, you do need to do what you think will work best for you, and if that's reducing feeds, then fine. But if you think that will work against you, then don't worry about it. Plenty of us have still offered those daytime feeds whilst with our baby, and our babies have been fine the times we are not with them. Yep, you might find that he is very keen for a big feed when you get home, but that's okay! It's a lovely way to reconnect after being apart for hours .