What is your toddlers bed time routine... in a big bed? PLEASE!!!!

[Mak]

Around the same age DD1 here got super stressed about going to bed at night. In the end we did dinner, bath, book in bed, she was tucked up and I sat and read to her. She would then proceed with all manner of distractions and would get really upset. DH and I had massive issues around it as he felt I was mishandling it and she should just 'get over it' . Anyway - we too tried all manner of techniques (some I am not too happy about either) - in the end I sat in her room and read my book (thank's to the nightlight) with my back turned to her. After her bedtime routine I told her I would sit there until she fell asleep but that she wasn't to talk to me. I think it took about half an hour the first night, was much quicker the next few and I gradually worked my way out of the room. Some nights we have to do this even now. I also spent a few minutes after the book (Time for bed - here too!!!) talking to her about how much DH and I love her - even when we are not there, and spent some time talking about all the fun things we did during the day. I included something I was really proud of her for too. A friend mentioned that she may be feeling a little insecure as she is a clingy girl and that I should try to reassure her of her place in our family etc (We had just had #2 also).
Not sure if any of this will help but can DD tell you what is wrong... we had scared of the dark, so got nightlight and leave on a hall light for her to go to sleep. She then talked about just needing me....sounds crazy but it has paid off for us here most of the time.
Take care it is so stressful - I used to be filled with dread at that time of night. xx

[PinkPalace]

we have tried the stay in the room thing - and it worked for quite a while, but then DH would get stressed because she would keep getting out of bed to see what he was doing and scream for me etc etc and so iw ould have to go in there and calm it all down.

then we tried the same routine but leave and she wouls scream the door down for 1-1.5hrs

she wont stay in her bed - doesnt matter if door is opened, closed, light on or off. She wants to lay next to us.

I know this is lovely and all but when we do lay with her she will hit us and kick us and get upset cause she wants to come downstairs and watch tv or play etc which she isnt allowed to do after dinner.

these are techniques we have tried over the past 9=10 months. it has been a long painful journey.

I end up exhausted because DH is often changing his mind on how he wants to approach it so there is no consistency, so we fight, she screams and it is 1030 and we are all stressed.

[MiniMax]

I used to have a lot of trouble with DS's sleeps but now (and all of a sudden) things started to improve.

Our ritual is

Dinner (around 7pm)
Play/TV
Bath (around 8pm)
Jarmies & massage
Books (he gets to choose 3 books a night)
Cuddles with mummy & daddy
Into bed
Lamp off....night light on (NL is a little fish tank he got from underwater world powered by batteries. As soon as I figured out he LOVES fish, I started using it as his night light. It barely gives off any light, but it's something)

I USED to lie in bed with DS until he fell asleep...but he would fidget and roll around, so one night I just said, "Night Night...I'll be back to check on you soon, I love you"....and it worked....he called out for a few nights and I would just say "time for sleep" and then he'd be asleep on his own! Now I just leave, no more lying on the bed!

I was totally amazed....I was co-sleeping with him for what seemed like an eternity and never thought it would end!

ETA: The sooner your DH get on the same page, the better!

Good luck

[PinkPalace]

And i dont know what to do about the day sleep.
She hasnt had a proper day sleep since the big bed came in last dec.

The only time she will sleep is if we go out in the morning and she falls asleep in the car about 1130.
or she is totally buggered by 330-4pm and passes out - but then isnt tired or screaming to stay up at 1030pm!!!

[MiniMax]

I rock DS to sleep for his day time nap at around about 12:30/1pm...it's our cuddle time!

[MamaPan]

we do the same thing for day sleeps - chg nappy (take off jeans), drink of water, lie in bed and read a book or 2 - cuddle or sit on bed til he goes to sleep.
to resetlle day or night (he wakes in the night still) we go in, pick him up and cuddle him, drink of water, cuddle more - put into bed and he usually rlls over and goes back to sleep
Believe me we have had MAJOR sleep issues - i am shocked i am even givinga ny sleeping advice LOL!
I agree important to get on same page as DH, i have been there with the yelling at each other in the night about it - it aint pretty...

[PinkPalace]

DH is studying as well and it is frustrating that he doesnt get time to study until after 930-10pm at night .

Well here we are in our bad cycle again.. she is flaked out on the couch at 4pm!
damn its going to be another looooong night

[Emma1979]

i haven't had time to read all the responses, but feel your pain.... our dd, who by the looks of your ticker is similar age, couple of months older, also takes around 2 hours to get to sleep, it doesn't seem to make a significant difference if she misses her day time nap or not, so i am keeping the nap as its also my naptime at the moment....

anyways she goes to bed with her lamp on, and she is allowed to take a pile of books to bed which she "reads", she also has a little barbie computer which she can play basic games on with the alphabet and numbers.... so they are the activities she is allowed to do when she goes to bed... i don't mind so much what time she falls asleep (i then go in and turn out the lamp) as long as she is in bed and is quiet, and doesn't get up.... its these last few conditions we are struggling with lately, so i threaten to shut her door (using a chair under the handle so she can't get out) and the threat is usually enough alone to deter her from getting up (after the first few times then i crack it and threaten to shut the door)....

i think encouraging reading in bed is a really good idea, as then no matter if they are tired or not, you can get them into bed WHEN YOU WANT and they can fall asleep when it suits them, and it is not as disturbing to your night as having them up with you, IYKWIM.... she has taken books to bed to read for probably the past 6 months.... its also a habit i wanted to encourage for when she gets older and can actually properly read....

i will also be teaching her this if she starts waking ridiculously early, she can read in bed until its time to get up, but thats for the future as who can keep a toddler in bed in the mornings...

good luck!!

[Mak]

PinkPalace - hang in there - the naps at 4pm and being up until 10.30 or so were exactly the same for us. It was the transition time for giving up the day naps here - really messy. DH and I also fought - really difficult to manage.
I ended up waking her from being flaked out on the couch after 45mins - VERY MESSY - not for the faint hearted. The best thing here was us getting consistent which meant I had to do it ....ridiculous as it was BUT it did get better.
Massive
PS - Trust your instinct with what you think will work best - I should have done it far sooner than I did.

[PinkPalace]

Well..........

yes she flaked out on the couch - so tired at 415pm - I woke her after 1/2hr and she was no impressed - cracked it big time. She even ran away from me upstairs and only made it to the top stair and fell asleep. So i brought her downstairs

We had a 5pm dinner (which we never do! always 6pmish)
Then went for a walk between 545-615 (pram with DH)
then Showers then kept her upstairs (not down where any of the toys or fun is).

I rearranged her room today (sounds weird i know) but put a couch next to her bed and hid a dim night light ont he otherside in a low powerpoint.
I gave her her milk in bed, and we read the new books we bought today. She didnt once try to get out of bed. SHe was very excited about the new stories and honestly they were so gorgeous!
about a little bunny and the other was a little bear going to bed.

She yelled out and started to get upset when we finished wanting to read them again - and i said
"SHHHHHh bunny and bear are asleep - remember!" and then hugged, kissed and told her i loved her.
Turned her 10min music on and nightlight and quietly leeft shutting the door behind me.

I dont know if it is because she is so totally exhausted but i havent heard a peep yet - even when i closed the door she didnt scream out.... hang on... spoke to soon

BRB

[MamaPan]

how did it go???

[PinkPalace]

Well it has been a inconsistent few nights.
The first night - we went in 5, 10, 15, 15, 20 mins and after 1.5hrs of screaming she fell asleep on the floor
2nd night - 10 mins in and asleep by 25mins on the floor
3rd night - no going back and asleep in 20 mins on the floors

Tonight - she is still screaming going in every 10 mins, been 40 mins so far....

[Liviam]

Oh darl you are having such a rough time with settling so firstly a huge hug for you. Consistency is the key to implementing any change in routine. They say it can take up to a week of consistency before a behaviour is changed but you can see improvements after three nights so you are well on your way. It sounds like you have a great routine now so your DD will soon learn it and know exactly what is coming next. Are you and DH doing the same thing? How is she going tonight? Just a thought - do you have rails on her bed? DD used to get out and sleep on the floor so we put her bed against a wall and a rail on the other side and she hasn't gotten out since.

[PinkPalace]

Yep she has rails on her bed, she just crawls to the end and hops off.

DH and i are on the same book - last night we had to go in and put her back into bed silently 3 times.
the third time she stayed in bed and fell asleep.

[Liviam]

Fantastic progress!!! She and you both are doing so well. Fingers crossed tonight is even better.