Walking through death in labour (*heavy*)

[Marydean]

I haven't been back into this debriefing place for a long time, mostly because the second birth by empowered C/S was so profoundly healing, the entire experience was a balm to my body and my soul. I feel as if I've made peace with my first birth completely. I haven't even written my birth story for this second birth because I feel so "filled up" by it. But I would like to get it down on paper eventually and when I do I will post a link here.

But I have been thinking about this quite a lot over the last day or so, it's been sparked by discussions in this thread.

To this day, I wonder how my experience would have been different if I'd not done the preparation and said yes to an epidural 12 hours in? What if I'd done more preparation? Would I have been just as traumatised, would my DD have been as traumatised by her birth? Would it have turned into a forceps birth? An emergency CS? Would my DD's Apgars been better or worse? It's unknowable. And part of me believes that birth is a sacred journey, no matter what the circumstances, that this birth was just part of the arc my soul will travel, and my daughter's soul will travel, on the way through this lifetime. So even though it reads like a horror story, in the end it just was what it was. Sacred and mundane. Horrific and completely ordinary. And that's ok.

[Cassius2]

Oh MD! I had no idea that you had such an intense experience with the birth of your DD1. no wonder there was trepidation when you got to the business end of the second pg.

i have been told that the walk back is the hardest. kinda like swimming against a ridiculously strong tide. the strength it must have taken to get back is testament to your will and drive to live this life for the long haul and in it's entirety.

love ya to bits MD (aka ma soul sista! LOL!)

[Isadora]

WOW MD I had no idea! Thats so scary. I'm so glad E's birth went to plan. As for the first paragraph, its weird reading that, knowing what we know now. iykwim.