I hope this is the right place for my story, I didn't want it put it with the other birth stories as it wasn't normal at all, I wouldn't want to scare someone! But I don't like to think of it as traumatic either although I did suffer from PTS after. I try to look at it as just the way things happened...
My birth story in some ways starts about 6 months before conceptions. I have bipolar disorder and had to undergo huge medication changes before I could consider falling pregnant. I was lucky that I had a care team that support my decision and gave me so much support throughout. I had a couple of admissions in my pregnancy for both mania and depression but otherwise it all went relatively well until the 30 week mark when I was diagnosed as having Gestational diabeties and Cholestasis. This lead to some heavy duty monitoring and heaps of stress. However the pregnancy and my bipolar is a whole other tale so lets get to the birth!!
Wednesday the 8th was the start of the induction. After the gestational diabetes and the cholestasis it was decided that Bethany would be induced at the 38 week mark. The 8th was 37+4. The plan was to use gel on the cervix in the morning and hopefully in the afternoon be able to break the waters. Since my cervix had shown changes this was looking like a good plan.
We arrived at the birth suite at 7.30, where I was put on a CTG machine for a period of monitoring. Bethany's heart rate throughout the pregnancy had always had a high baseline. However there were some concerns over this read, her heart rate wasn't particularly reactive. For about 20mins we were in limbo as to whether we would continue with the induction, go to a c section or start the induction and leave me in birth suite on the monitor. The thought of being "trapped" on the monitor was not appealing! I suggested that perhaps she was sleeping and sure enough after about 15mins she woke and the heart rate became reactive. So the gel was applied and after an hour of CTG monitoring I was sent to the maternity ward to a room to wait 6 hours till they would examine me again.
The next 6hours were fairly uneventful. Although I had pains they are not called contractions, but prostagin pains. But they can sure pack a punch. I tried to move around as much as possible. But mostly Andrew and I just relaxed and watched TV, we knew this was just the start.
In the afternoon I went back to birth suite to have another exam. Things hadn't changed enough for the waters to be ruptured so more gel was applied and I was sent back to maternity for the night and the next morning we would re asses. I admit this was a blow, I thought I would have progressed more and it was hard to think that the "limbo" stage would last over night. By now too the pains were getting stronger and more regular. Andrew had to leave at 8pm when visiting hours ended so I was settling down for the night when I heard a "pop"and my waters broke with a GUSH....It was 8:30pm
I rang for a midwife and waited....and waited....about 10mins went by when someone finally stuck their head in the door to tell me they would be back in about 15mins. I said that they needed to come in now! I was wet from my waist down, this was no trickle of water. The midwife left the room and came back with a CTG machine, before she did anything she wanted a heart rate. I was covered in water...uncomfortable and she wanted me to be strapped to that thing!! Anyway thankfully the heart was found and good so it was short and someone came to take me back to you guessed it birth suite. I was able to change before we left and I put on a night shirt. Little did I know that I would be in that night shirt for the next 2 days.
When I was in birth suite and hooked up to the CTG they decided that labour had started, I was having good contractions and coping fairly well so stayed in the birth suite. Andrew and Lynda our doula came in and we were set. I hopped in a shower for a bit but had to get out hourly for monitoring. This continued till about 4am. Things then slowed, the contractions spread out and got less intense. The doctor came in and since my waters had broken stressed that it was important labour continue. An Oxytocin drip was started.
I was scared of the oxytocin, I knew that it would make labour harder fast. At this stage I still hadn't used any pain relief. One of my other major fears of labour was an epidural. I was managing my pain with breathing and relaxing and coping well but I was scared I wouldn't be able to cope with artificial labour. None the less the drip was started and off we went. I guess this was the point where I felt like control was taken from me. The decision had been made to start he drip before the doctor came in, there were no other options. I realised I was "on the clock" my waters had broken I needed to keep going and in the time frame given. I realise there are risks with ruptured membranes, I am not criticising as much as remembering feelings. I also felt trapped physically, Once the drip started I was on the CTG machine permanently. It could only come off for toilet breaks. I was trapped to it on the bed.
I was completely taken by surprise with the intensity of the contractions, they were completely different from the other ones I was having before. Longer and much stronger, also there never seemed to be a break. Even between I could still feel muscle twinges. It was now early Thursday morning, I hadn't had sleep or food. Since I was now on the oxytocin I was being fasted. The drip continued on and was increased each 30mins. I kept on with my breathing and relaxation and was able to manage the pain for another 6 hours.
After that point at around 11am I was exhausted, I am not sure if there had been another exam in there. But I was becoming pretty distressed, the pain was harder and harder to manage and the gas was not working for me. I was tried, I had gone over 24 hrs without sleep. I was overwhelmed. A doctor came in and I do remember she was lovely. She could see that I needed a break and help but was terrified of the epidural. She arranged for an anesthetists to come and talk to be about the procedure to see if we could overcome some of the fear. He was also very nice and talked me through it. At this point I knew I needed a break the only way it was going to happen was with the epidural so I said yes. I was terrified but need overcame the fear. He was going to do a "walking epidural" enough to take the pain but still give me mobility. It took about 15mins to do and I was terrified the whole time bent over holding Andrews hand for all I was worth. Eventually it was over and the pain did go. I had about an hour of relief but for whatever reason it stopped working. Probably the placement. Anyway I was back to no pain relief and full on oxytocin. I did this again for a couple more hours and then lost it.
I was seriously distressed. I was tried, overtired more like it. Hungry, overwhelmed. What had been promised to help had failed. I wanted out. I remember crying and saying that I was done, this was about 4 or 5pm Thursday. Another anesthetists was called and came. He was wonderful. He said he knew I was tried and scared but I had done it once and could do it again. He spent a long time talking to me and telling me he would take his time and not rush it or me. The midwife set up and we were about to start when he said "Actually I would like to do a surgical epidural, this lady may end up in theatre and I would hate to see her go through this a third time because we cut corners now." The midwife said that I was dilating and there was no reason to suppose that I would end up in theatre. But he stuck to his guns and asked her to change the set up and get different drugs. This turned out the be the best thing, Not only was it a better epidural that did give me a good break, but since I did end up in theatre all that was needed when I got there was a top up. Not another stressful procedure. He did a great job and although it took longer he talked to me the whole time and I was fairly calm. I finally had a break. The pain relief was total. The plan now was that since I was pain free to push the oxytocin and get 4 hours of big contractions, hopefully then I would be fully dilated and could push.
At 9pm a doctor came in to do an exam and said I was at 10cms and could push. The epidural was allowed to wear off and with each contraction I was encouraged to push. This went on for about an hour and half. Not much progress either. At the end I was spent, I had nothing more. I had been going for over 24hrs I still hadn't had any real sleep, no food. I had nothing left. I was examined again and they thought that a vacuum would work. I admit I was at the point where anything sounded good. However they wanted to do it in theatre in case it didn't work. Although Bethany had been coping marvelously we had been going for too long, if the vacuum didn't work there would have to be a c section. I felt like I was back where I started. It all happened very fast from there, I had stocking put on was moved to a different bed and we were off.
We arrived in theatre and Andrew went to get changed, I was examined again but before that my good friend the anesthetist came back and gave me back my pain relief with a major top up! I will always be grateful for this Dr's insight. Since I was now back to my pain free state they were able to do a good exam and found 3 things. 1. I was only about 8cms dilated. 2. There was an anterior lip of about 1cm and 3. Bethany had rolled over and was now in the posterior position. This all added up to they needed to do the c section. It was now 11:30pm. I was ready for it to be over.
Bethany was born at 11:44pm and was perfect. She was able to stay with me for about 5 mins but because the theatres are kept so cold needed to go to the special care nursery. She also needed to have her sugars checked as a result of the gestational diabetes. She did end up needing a drip for a few days but was able to get control of them pretty quick. She did end up jaundice as well and was fed by a tube for a bit since she was so drowsy from the jaundice but again recovered well. Although we had to really make sure to feed her regularly and more than she probably wanted to help flush the bilirubin out. Now she is great and putting on weight and nearly all the yellow gone.
While Andrew and Bethany were in the nursery they were of course finishing up the surgery. Unfortunately there were still 2 more complications in store. They had trouble controlling the bleeding when the placenta was removed. Although I didn't need a transfusion I lost a significant amount of blood around the 800mls mark. This was caused most likely from the cholestasis as the liver wouldn't have been absorbing vitamin K, needed for clotting. I had been taking supplements for a couple of weeks so I guess it could have been worse. Also they found a uterine tear near my bladder. This was repaired and thankfully no damage to the bladder. I was however in surgery for a lot longer than planned, I was alone as well as the midwife than normal stays had gone with Bethany and Andrew. Also there was another emergency C Section at the same time as mine so one theater staff were doing two op?s. Noone was really free to sit and hold my hand so to speak. I do remember though the incredible fear and loneliness as I lay there listening to them struggle to control the bleeding.
It was past 2 am by the time I made it to my room, I was able to see Bethany for a few minutes as Andrew brought her up from the nursery. Then I settled down for some rest. I can't say I slept. I was too overwhelmed. Probably too over tried. As well as having checks every hour. But I dozed and was able to have some toast and water.
The next day I was hooked up to tubes and couldn't see Bethany. I was hooked up for longer than normal because of the need to check that the bladder wasn't damaged. It was late Friday before I was free and able to shower (yes I was still in the night shirt!!) that was the best shower ever!!
The next days were tough. I was recovering from major surgery and Bethany was in special care, It was hard to walk and see her. Believe it or not it is quite a walk from maternity to the nursery. I couldn't spend a lot of time with Bethany as I was tried and unwell from the blood loss as well. It was wonderful to have her with me on the Monday and come home on the Tuesday.
With all of this and her feeding issues, breastfeeding didn't work out. I tried very hard but my milk didn't come in and she was too sleepy and jaundiced to attach. It was hard to accept that it wasn't going to happen. There was a lot of pressure from staff to "keep trying" but in the end I had to just say it wasn't going to happen and put her on formula. She had been having formula in the nursery. I will always remember feeling like a failure and some of the things that although were not said to be unkind cut to the core. I still get tears remembering those couple of days.
It was strange when I did have Bethany full time I felt like I didn't know her at all, but soon enough we got to know each other and I loved her completely from the first moment. It was just all a bit disjointed and strange.
I guess I should be glad that we are both ok and that things ended well, but it was traumatic and a huge 2 days. I think it will take sometime to get over it all. But this getting it down is a start.
A final note, I don't really mention how wonderful and supportive Andrew and Lynda were throughout, they were there the WHOLE time just taking little breaks between them to eat and get a bit of sleep. They supported me and helped me stay focused on the outcome...Bethany. I could not have managed or done it with out them. I tell this story from my perspective but they were there for every moment. Andrew in particular was incredible, I have no words to describe it. The whole time I felt loved and supported no matter how bad things were.
I guess my story ends with where we are now, 7 weeks down the track. I have healed physically although mentally I am still travelling that road. I have been told that given all the complications and the damaged to the uterus it will not be possible to carry more children. A tough pill to swallow but I am blessed to have Bethany that is so much more than what many women get and I am grateful for that. I have a wonderful husband in Andrew who is happy with the girl we have and as long as the three of us are happy and healthy we will go on. I had a lot of trouble with night terrors after the birth and when I got home but they have faded. I still have anxiety though. I guess to make matters worse after all this we had a bad run in with the visiting midwife who tried to re admitt Bethany under a care order because of my bipolar. All in all it was a stressful few weeks but I am here and so is my precious little one. I know I can be a good mamma although who doesn't stuggle in these first weeks!
Thanks for reading
Congratulations for making it to the end!!!
Bethany Jean's Arrival (long I am afraid!) 
Andrew married 5/1/2007
Bethany Jean 9/10/08
DS September '07
Jesse (42)
DS Julian 15.10.08 
EDD TBC
Linear Mode
