Egg Donor

[Zee]

Tomorrow I will be meeting the couple that I will be donating my eggs to (well hope to providing I pass the medical etc), I have spoke to them via email & on the phone and they seem lovely but im so nervous for some reason.

I really cant think of any questions to ask them though... I do know abit about the whole process but not alot so maybe someone here can help me because they have donated eggs or have had them donated to them.

This is what I know:
I have to be between 21-38
I should have completed my family (which I have)
I will need to provide medical, social & genetic history
I will need to have a blood test/screening test
I will need to see their specialist for a consultation
Both Dh & I will need to have counselling
I will be given medication to help stimulate my ovaries (will this be tablets or injections?)
The egg collection will happen in a day surgery
I also know there is the legal considerations (which DH & I have taken into account and have already talked about it with the couple)

What else should I know? Ask?

[Marydean]

Zee sorry I can't answer any of your questions. I just wanted to know what state you're in and whether that has any bearing on the process?

[~clover~]

I'm not sure but I just wanted to wish you well & tell you how amazing I think you are for doing this.
I don't think I'd have the strength.

[Zee]

Thankyou, im in NSW so im not sure if its different from state to state.

Skye- Thankyou, I couldnt imagine not having a child so im more then happy to help someone out that needs it.

[dusty]

Hi Zee
I think it is perfectly normal to be nervous. I imagine the couple you are donating to will be even more nervous than you! It is a wonderful and generous thing to do. I really admire you.

I think you have a heap of questions/knowledge already and it may help to chat about broader topics if there is an opportunity or if the conversation flows well, such as

how do you/they feel about contact with any child as a result of donation?
perhaps ask them to talk about their journey to be parents so far, if they are willing?

I think you will know what to ask as you get to know them better.

The process you will go through is through IVF which involves a series of injections for about 9-12 days depending on how you respond to the drugs. There are many many women in the LTTTC threads on BB who can give you information on how to do it, what it is like, what to perhaps expect from the injections. My sister (who is my egg donor) reckons the needles are nothing at all. Especially compared to what she went through to birth her own children Something she is very proud of. In fact if you are relaxed you should feel almost nothing. Plucking your eyebrows is at least 10 times
worse. After having the injections you will have a procedure to remove the eggs from your ovaries via your vagina. Most clinics issue either a mild sedative to a twilight sedation which is like being under a short anaestetic. You will be able to go home after a few hours and rest up for a day or two.

Good luck tomorrow and remember it isn't like a job interview. You are not being tested it is just a great chance to share with another couple who would desparately love to be loving parents.

xx

[anney]

Hi Zee,
Yes it is a bit different from state to state but not too much. I think the only thing you have missed off the list is the ongoing contact you would want (or not want) with any child and the family. That is often a big thing when donor and recipient's ideas about that don't match. You have probably talked about that already.
It is only natural to be nervous. I belong to an egg donation site and on there, we sort of compare that meeting to a first date! even to the point about both donor and recipient stressing about what the should wear so I am sure your recipient will be as nervous as you are.
As far as the medications you need to take - you need to go on the pill first - that is to get your cycle synchronised with your recipient and to level out your hormones. then you take a nasal spray to stop your hormones completely, then you have injections to start the eggies growing. That is all the same as anyone who is doing IVF themselves.
Hope you click with her and everything goes well.

[Zee]

Thankyou for the replies & the info.. I really hate needles but im sure i will cope fine knowing that im giving a couple a chance to have their own child.

Sorry what I had meant when I said the legal considerations would be what we would do, want/ they want regarding a possible child as a result of my donation. We have talked about that (DH & Myself) & myself and the couple..which we will talk more about tomorrow.

They have said they want me to be in the childs life as much as I want to be, i can visit etc.. I told them i wasnt comfortable with that (god i hope I didnt sound rude) & if they didnt mind the only thing I wanted to know was if the donation was succesful & maybe an email to say that they have had the baby but I didnt want to know details. (I really sound horrible dont I?)
I just think if i were to see to see the child etc that my emotions might get involved knowing that I am the childs biological mother.
If the child then found me once it was 18 then DH and I wouldn turn it away but I wouldnt be taking on the "mother" role because I wouldnt be this childs mother..this lady would be (Sorry prob not making much sense, I can never put things the way I wanna say it)

[dusty]

Zee you are making sense and it is fine to feel the way you do about involvement in the child's life. It isn't horrible at all. It is honest and I think the couple will appreciate your honesty and feelings up front. Known donation does not have to result in having a role in the child's life.

A lot of the legal issues will be discussed at the councelling session. Clinics have the responsibility to let you know all the legal issues such as on donation of embryos, how or whether you will be contacted if a child results etc. My sister found the councelling quite interesting.

It may be helpful to think of any resulting child as not being your biological child but rather a child that is genetically related to you. Many people view this aspect in different ways. My sister looks at her donation as a cell that contains her genetic material that has the potential to create life, but once conception has taken place it really is up to the donor mother to provide all the in utereo support and emotional path of pg etc.

[Beatrix]

Zee- egg donation is a wonderful thing to do


Just to let a you know a few more things that will be taken into account is

* you have only hust recently had a baby, even though a normal healthy pregnancy it is recomended you wait a year b4 falling pg again (i know you are only donating eggs) to allow your body to heal and a stimualtion to get eggs can be very hard on your body

* i dont know if you still are on your zoloft for depression but make sure you bring that up at any medical and counselling consults

* you are still very young and can change you mind about completion of your family. I know you are sure now and thats great just another thing to consider


Good luck and let us know the outcome!!

[MsPink]

Zee - I just wanted to tell you that you are an amazing, wonderful and generous woman.

To do this for someone else takes a very very special person. I could only wish to have someone so generous in my life.

You are going to make some people soooo happy.

Thankyou for being so special..

[Zee]

Dusty-

It may be helpful to think of any resulting child as not being your biological child but rather a child that is genetically related to you. Many people view this aspect in different ways. My sister looks at her donation as a cell that contains her genetic material that has the potential to create life

This is how I see it just didnt know how to put it without offending anyone.

Beatrix- Yeah they know about me being on Zoloft and it isnt a problem for them, hopefully it isnt a problem for their IVF doctor. I can still have children after doing this if I do change my mind (really doubt it though) the reason why they like you to have completed your family is because there is a very small chance that I might get an infection which could possibly stop me from having anymore kids.

minniemouse- Thankyou, I dont know them personally..yesterday was the 1st time I had meet them. I came across their ad so thought id contact them as its something I always said I would do.

The meet up went well, they were so so lovely. They came to my place for a few hrs, felt like I had known them for yrs. Im pretty much their last chance as she needs to have a willing donor by this Dec because then she is to ols to start(they have been trying awhile, have had people that said they would be a donor then they dont go through with it )which is fine as its a big thing) or the couple cant reach them which is sad cause if someone decided they didnt wanna go through with it they could at least say so instead of not answering calls/emails etc.
We talked abit about what will happen and then just everyday life really, they were very interested in DD & DS. DD sat on the guys lap most of the time & the lady asked could she hold DS so she held him the whole time. I felt like I was flaunting my children off to them having them here.
They will make fantastic parents so I hope it all works out for them.
Got my GP's appointment Monday (need to get a referal from her and to see if I need to get the rod in my arm taken out which I would say I need to) then I will book in to see their IVF doctor.

[smiles4u]

Oh ZEE, ... how brilliant for all involved that the meeting went so wonderfully ... and the start of a BEAUTIFUL journey begins

You must feel so heartwarming knowing you felt so comfortable with this couple ...

I too would if i had a choice choose to not know the child as it would carry a heavy wait on my heart if & most likely be that i would get emotionally linked with the child !!

Yes, would be lovely in your own interest to know if all was successful ... and it would be important for you to know that your most amazing GIFT was finally recieved to this gorgeous & so wanting of a child couple

There are no words to describe what an amazing & generous GIFT you are giving to this couple ... something you can feel so proud of for the rest of your entire life ... There is no greater gift then what you are giving ... YOU are more than a MIRACLE to these people ... I JUST RECKON YOU HAVE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL & SHINING HEART

[MsPink]

Am so glad it went well Zee...believe me when I tell you that you made them very very happy.

It's a great thing to do...

[dusty]

I am so glad the meeting went well. Let us know if you have any questions about the IVF process or any donor related issues. We are here to help you if you need it
xx

[Tathagres]

Hi Zee,

I was an egg donor for a family friend. Unfortunately they only did the initial fresh cycle which was unsuccessful and froze several embryos. It was an amazing thing to do and I don't regret it for a second. One thing you need to think about is what happens to any left over embryos. At the time that I donated, we all felt that we would prefer left-over embryos to be donated to another couple.

Recently, 4 years on from the initial, I was contacted to sign a release form to donate those remaining embryos. Whilst I was happy to do it, it meant a change in thinking that I wasn't quite ready for. It had moved from a theoretical to an actuality, if that makes sense. But I am hopeful that those embryos will bring some couple a lot of joy and maybe one day I'll talk to a biological child who isn't mine, and tell them my story.

[Snacks]

Wow Linz, this is great.
Just wanted to wish you all the very best as you meet with the drs. Hoping that everything goes smoothly for you and for the couple.
xx

[SD2001]

Originally Posted by Zee

im in NSW so im not sure if its different from state to state.

Hi Zee,

Yes, different states have different legislation (or lack of legislation) regarding gamete donation.

Here in NSW there is new legislation currently being prepared (finalised). I suggest you download a copy of the "Assisted Reproductive Technology Bill 2007" documents and read them as they do affect your rights and privacy, including your family and children's rights and privacy, which you should be aware of.

[SD2001]

Zee,

A copy of the new "Assisted Reproductive Technology Bill 2007" legislation can be downloaded from here:

Assisted Reproductive Technology Bill 2007 - NSW Parliament

I suggest that you do read it, as it will apply to you and your family.