Feeling sad

[melsa31]

Hi all,

I'm not sure if I'm posting this in the correct place - sorry if I'm not...

My DS is 7 weeks old and I have been BFing exclusively until now. I haven't really had any real issues with feeding and really enjoy the fact that I'm able to give my little boy the best start in life.

I have rheumatoid arthritis and before we started trying to conceive I had to come off my meds for a number of months and stay off them while pg and BFing. Although this was difficult, I managed with the help of my wonderful DH. Towards the end of my pregnancy I got some relief from the disease (pregnancy can have this effect) but ever since my DS was born it has gradually become so bad again that I can no longer pick DS up to feed him during the night and early morning. My DH has had to bring him to me and change his nappy at these times. This has been difficult for him as he has to get up early for work.

After seeing my rheumatologist on Friday, I have now been forced to make the sad decision to stop BF and switch to FF so that I can go back on my meds. If I don't, not only will I have to endure the pain, I will do permanent damage to my joints and not be able to take care of DS.

I know this is the right decision to make but I feel so sad about it. I was hoping to BF for at least 6 months. I feel like I'm letting my DS down. I really feel like I'm grieving - that probably sounds silly.

I guess I'm just posting this because although my DH is supportive he doesn't fully understand how disappointed I am. I'm hoping someone here might be able to give me some support?

[kelebek]

It doesn't sound silly that you are greiving especially as you don't really have a lot of choice in this decision, I feel nervous and anxious thinking about the day I have to wean so I do think it doesn't matter if you bf for 2 weeks or 2 years if you don't have that choice there is a loss there that we aren't ready for IYKWIM?

I don't know a lot about RA but I have read lot's of stories where there are drugs that can be taken while b/f & that some dr's aren't always upto date with this knowledge, hopefully barb will pop in to either confirm or deny so to speak. Have you called the ABA maybe they know, there is a number you can call to check, hopefully someone will pop in with the number for you as I just don't have it.


Sending you massive cyber and at the end of the day you have fed your DS for 7 weeks, you have given him a great start to life, you also need to do what is right for you, afterall if you aren't well then as you mentioned you can't look after your DS.

[fionas]

Ahhh Melanie, I haven't been in the same situation as you exactly but I can relate.

I had problems BFing and went to expressing but gave that up around the two month mark. I felt awful but it really was the best thing for me to do (long story).

I also had a condition called SPD (unstable pelvis) and was unable to walk, stand or bend without being in pain for six months after DD was born. So I know what being debilitated feels like and when everything you need to do for your baby actually causes you physical pain. One of the reasons I gave up expressing was that I basically couldn't get out of the house to get to physio appointments and actually could have avoided being in pain so long if I'd stopped expressing sooner.

I guess, in hindsight, I would say that your physical health has to be absolutely paramount because if you're in pain it affects your mental health too and that can impact your relationship with your DH and your child.I know it's a cliche and it really took a long time for me to realise how true it is, but happy mummy really does equal happy baby.

In my case, I felt guilty for two main reasons. Firstly, I felt like a failure because I had wanted to BF very much and when they're so little, so much of looking after them revolves around feeding that I felt like I was failing DD.

Secondly, I felt guilty because I was aware of the health benefits of BFing and thought that it would be my fault, essentially, if she got sick.

Both these reasons/feelings have faded with time. I spoke to a lovely woman at the ABA who could tell how distraught I was and the best thing she said to me was, "being a good mum is about so much more than breastfeeding." That was absolutely the best thing that anyone could have said to me. As your baby gets older, this becomes so true too because you are interacting with them so much more and for me, being a good mum became less about BFing or FFing but about how I played with her, where I took her, how I settled her etc. etc.

And as far as my worries about her health went, well she's had one trip to the doctor in 17 months which is far less than most babies I know.

Your post brought back memories for me of how I felt all those months ago but please take heart that it does get easier and you might find it helpful to write a letter to yourself explaining your reasons. Just so you can look back on it in the weeks to come and realise that you're making the best decision you can with all the facts to hand.

As someone else suggested though, I would see another opinion re the medication and make doubly sure that there isn't anything you can take that will still make it possible to BF.

[melsa31]

Thank you so much NJD and Fiona. I really appreciate what you have both said. I have already tried several other options including different medications 'safe' for BF, general painkillers and even homeopathy. Unfortunately my RA has become so bad that none of these choices have been successful. Because I knew I might eventually get to this point I have been researching this since before we even conceived.

Fiona, you're right about being in pain affecting me emotionally and as a result my relationship with my DH, I don't want it have a negative impact on that. I'm so glad you said there's more to being a mother than BF. The general care and relationship I have with my son is highly important too.

I guess over time I will start to accept the situation more, especially when I'm no longer in constant pain and can enjoy being a new mum more.

Thanks again to both of you for your understanding.

[fionas]

I'm glad we could help a little bit Melanie.

Just one more thing that occurred to me after I last posted. I think most of us are prepared for motherhood to be hard work and we understand that we will have to make sacrifices. So when we are in pain we just see that as another sacrifice that we have to make and we sometimes feel that we are selfish if we don't want to/can't make that sacrifice. I may be projecting my feelings on to you here a bit, so please forgive me if I am!

But I definitely DID feel like that and I'm very much a "can do" person too. So the fact that early on each attempt to breasfeed, then express, then FF took close to 2 hours did not phase me too much - I just thought, "well, that's what I have to do." I also thought that about the pain I was in and just thought I should get on with it.

But really, there's sacrifices and there's sacrifices. There are some sacrifices that aren't good to make and being in constant pain is one of them because it really does affect everything else.

For me, I was full of doubts about whether to give up the expressing but down the track my only regret is that I didn't do it earlier. It was only when friends had babies and I looked at them and saw how relaxed they were and how cruisy (by comparison, I know having a newborn is never THAT cruisy) they were, that I really mourned the fact that the first few months were not like that for me and they were ones were my life was dominated by expressing and being in constant pain from my pelvis.

I'm sorry that I've warbled on again but I just want to say that you have a right to ENJOY motherhood. We all want the best for our babies, but you have a right to be pain-free too.

[doubletrouble]

I had surgery and had to be on IV for 5 days afterwards then have pills for 3 weeks after that meant I had to stop breastfeeding baby. I had battled to BF him and when I was told I had to stop I cried all morning.
Sometimes to be a good mummy you have to put yourself 1st, and with your situation it certainly sounds best for you and baby and you hubby if you go back on your meds. Congratulate yourself for BFing for 7 weeks! You have given baby the best start you could. Now its time to look after you and in turn you can look after baby better.
Well done hun

[Barb Glare]

Hi,
You have done such a good job with your little one - it is a heartbreaking position to be in. But, overall, your baby needs you to be as healthy as you can be. so, if the decision is that you must stop breastfeeding, then I hope you know what a wonderful job you have done.
However, I would suggest that ASAP you ring Rodney Whyte, head Pharmacist at the Monash Medical Centre Drug information Centre on (03) 9594 2361. It is my understanding that you could recieve cortisone/steroid therapy whilst continuing to breastfeed.
If you need any help, feel free to send me a private message