Friend issues, I'm stuck.

[poopie]

Hey People,
I'm just having a bit of a 'down' day today, I have them often.
I just lost another friend, due to me going too far with a joke. I was just playing around saying she's a nerd and she was calling me a nerd, and then she told me to 'f' off. Then her sister cracked the poos with me saying I have no respect for people & I'm immature and blah blah blah.. I said I didn't mean any harm and sorry if I offended her, but now they both are not talking to me.
I only have two friends. I see them both about once a month, and that is because I am always the one making the effort. They will never come over, I always have to go to them. It's starting to really get on my nerves, I don't know what I am doing wrong. I never really had any friends thru school because I was so shy. I'm better now, and I have an out going husband that has forced me to talk to everyone. But it seems when I open my mouth, everybody backs off! Im not rude, or mean, I hate gossippers and bullies, I had to deal with them all through primary school and high school. So I refuse to become one. I just dont understand why I cannot make any friends?!

[**Sunshine**]

Oh babe. Unfortunately there are some people out there like that.
I have friends that are like that where i'm always the one making the effort.
Do you play any sports etc where you could make some new friends? Maybe it's a mtter of finding new circles of friends with similar interests? Probably not much help i know.

[poopie]

Hey thanks for your advise, I'm still in the process of finding people that enjoy the same things I do.. Everyone I find that enjoys my hobbies are always at least 20 yrs older than me.
I guess I could join a group though, I might try the local areas to see if anything is available for me.
Thanks again.

[entreat]

Hye Poopie,
I too suffer foot-in-mouth at times. Personally, I think being a nerd is cool, so I don't really 'get' why your friend is bugged at you.

Do try to repair the friendship & even if it can't be done the whole way to start with. Some things take time, and maybe time apart can help. Offer your friend a deep apology & tell them how much they mean to you, then leave it with them. Try no to judge their reaction too much.

What kind of stuff/hobbies are you into?

[poopie]

Hey entreat,
I have apologized many times, but she says were 'cool' but prefers it if we no longer talk to each other for the best. I really dont understand how that means we are 'cool'
She does have a very foul mouth and it was starting to really offend me anyway, she wouldn't listen when I tell her to stop the swearing. Its made me really down, I feel like now that if I say something to anybody then I'll be doing wrong again. Sometimes I think I'm better off without friends because there would be less people that would end up hating me.

My hobbies include sewing, gardening and papercrafts. Not your average 22 yr old hobby, but people I meet my age are still into the night clubs and such and that has never interested me.

[LimeSlice]

I have no advice, I am the same as you lol
I just found a couple of great friends and have stuck with them, when I try and make new friends, I just seem to embarrass myself or something. *shrug*

*hugs* I hope you and your friend sort out your issues

[Astrid]

Sounds to me that there is something else going on there. As hard as it is, probably best just to walk away for the moment.

Another one here who has a tendancy to put my foot in it. For some reason if person A says a joke, everyone laughs, but if I was to say the same thing it would be wrong. Over time I have gotten better, but I still stuff up. It just takes practice and that means being around others. I would not worry about the age difference of people who do the same hobbies as you, people who are older can be great to hang around with and you can learn so much from them. You may come across someone who was just like you and maybe be able to help you with your social skills.

I thought sewing was becoming trendier amongst the younger generations, so you may be in luck going to a sewing class to meet up with others. Also look at other aspects of sewing. Do you like costumes? If so then you could look at joining a costuming guild, a theatre group or a historical group. Think outside the square.

[shellbell3]

Maybe check out local neighbourhood houses or community centres?
How bout your hubby's friends partners? What are they like? I've made a couple good friends thru Df's mates partners.
As for people being older if you get along with them I wouldn't worry, majority of my friends are about 7-11 years older than me (couple 16 yrs older) I seem to get along better with them than those my own age.

[poopie]

Thanks limeSlice, astrid & shellbell,
Such great advise, this friend is actually one of dh's best mates girlfriend so it will be hard to not talk to her now. My problem is that I think that dh's friends are my friends too, but they aren't really, because when the 'boys weekends' happen, I'm always left doing housework all weekend. And I'm sick of having such a clean house now!
I have managed to meet people, but then I dont know how to take it further with them, it's always just small talk and they walk off, I feel silly saying.. hi can I have your no...

[Mayaness]

I agree with Astrid that there's something else going on- seems like a small reason to stop talking to someone.
To me it sounds like it might be the people themselves who have the problem and not you - just because you have few friends, you don't have to take on whatever comes your way for friendship You ARE allowed to be selective about who you keep close to your chest and who is ok to remain an 'acquaintance'.
You have an 8 month old - thought about going along to your local ABA group? Lots of mummies and kids there from all sorts of backgrounds and you're bound to hit it off with at least ONE person! Also, soon it will be playgroup time and there is a few to choose from where you are.
The friends in my 'inner circle' nowadays are from my ABA group, one who I met through horseriding and fire brigade - there are so many people I know through these networks, yet only a few make it to be my friends that I place any trust in. Sure, I like heaps of the other people and we get along well, I just don't hinge on their approval of me
You ARE worthy, sometimes you just need to get the personality recipe right

[entreat]

There are sooo many younger people into craft these days! There are more & more craft clubs popping up too. Find a couple of local craft shops & see if they run craft days. Sometimes they are theme-led, and other times they are 'finishing off days' where you just take in whatever to work on in a more social setting.

As for your friend - you've tried. I agree that she has something else goign on. Let her go. If she chooses to talk to you again, good-o. If not... I don't think that's a major loss.

I live in a mining town in WA (Kalgoorlie) & I have very few friends here. The ones I have are mostly my DH's mates. He gets crabby because I spend so much time on the net, but honestly - you guys are my friends! I have about 3 female friends in town, and due to rosters, rarely see. My closest friend in town is actually my mum! How nerdy is that??

I actually find it's better having a couple of really good friends than a whole bunch of people that you can never share yourself around to (that's what family's for!).

Se even though we can't go for a coffee or to the movies - I'm your friend (just on the other side of the country!)

What kind of gardening are you into? i love the 'idea' of gardening, but am pretty bad at actually doing it. I have a lime tree that's being resurrected from promised-death with the help of my mum (apparently you have to water them, and fertilise them??!), and I also have a native garden bed in the front yard that I added some ever-lasting daisys to (you know the ones with the paper petals). It looks really nice. And I have a herb pot in the back yard which I have decided that if I don't kill, I may clean up the rest of the beds & plant some stuff.

[poopie]

Thanks guys, you've made me feel so much better, I dont know why I have tried to be friends with some of the people I call friends, I guess I was just accepting anybody that would talk to me and then realize that they weren't friendworthy material. It's good to know there are more people like me out there.

Entreat, I dont have much of a yard 800sqm block, but I like to think I have magic dirt. I wasn't into gardening till we renovated and I planted heaps of things, nothing died, so now I am amazed at what I can grow in my backyard. I love growing veges and eating them for dinner, it makes me feel so proud. But I dont water anything, or fertilize.. but I guess we have a very different terrain to you.

[entreat]

ha! yeah... oh to be somewhere it rained... I like the concept of being more env sustainable by growing my own stuff, but I tend to kill it all too often. One day we're gonna move to Tassie & then I won't have to remember to water it.