I just know it's going to be a disaster

[littlelara]

My mother has been asking when dd can come sleep over since she was little (well, little-er, she's 3 1/2) and I've always put her off - 'when she's bigger, when she's talking, when she's toilet trained, when she's in a bed...' whatever...
She has stayed at dp's parents a few times, and it has gone fine, but his mum is younger, more physically able, and I always took comfort in the fact that they live around the corner and there are more people in the house to entertain her and to keep an eye on her.
My mum lives alone (20 mins away, admittedly), she's not so well physically, her hearing isn't 100% and she doesn't always know what Beth is trying to tell her.
But now B has actually asked her if she can come stay (and of course mum is stoked if a little terrified - she's asked for a list of do's and don'ts). I couldn't say no, had no real reason not to let her go, so she's going to stay there either tomorrow night or saturday, and with all my misgivings it's going to just have to play out.
Expect the worst and hope for the best, I guess...

[Lady Zaidie]

I know this may not be what you want to hear, but you're the mummy. You can say no. To both Beth and your mum.

You don't want her sleeping over, you say no. You can do that right now, although there'll be more upset than if you did it at the time. If you're not comfortable with it don't let anyone push you into it - especially someone who's not even responsible for using a pen by herself!

If you do decide to let it go ahead anyway, good luck. I hope it all goes well and you're not too stressed out.

[Lisa]

Why don't you first arrange a sleep over/girly night for you, your mum & your DD at your Mum's house? That way you can see how your Mum will be with your DD there for the night, and your DD can get used to staying there first before doing it alone.

[Marlene]

Originally Posted by Lisa

Why don't you first arrange a sleep over/girly night for you, your mum & your DD at your Mum's house? That way you can see how your Mum will be with your DD there for the night, and your DD can get used to staying there first before doing it alone.

Great idea!!


I also agree with Rosehip. You are the mum and if you feel uncomfortable you don't have to have a "reason" to say no. "Just because" is good enough.

[snugglybean]

You never know. It might be fine. And if it's not, then they'll both probably be so against it next time that you won't even have to worry about this... And if it's awesome, then you can have some nights off!

[littlelara]

I know that in theory I do have right of veto, and if I thought she was in any kind of danger I definitely would, but she's not, and it would just be so hard to explain without hurt feelings, not really worth it. I'm not really close to my mum, but she minds the cubs for 3 hours a couple of times a week (while I'm at counselling trying to figure out how not to be like her, ironically) so her relationship is mainly with them
As you said, it may go really well. If not, not a whole lot of harm done, I'll end up picking her up, and it won't happen again for a really long time.
Fingers crossed, no doubt you'll hear all about it if it goes badly x

[young_mumma87]

Originally Posted by littlelara

I'm not really close to my mum, but she minds the cubs for 3 hours a couple of times a week (while I'm at counselling trying to figure out how not to be like her, ironically)

ha me too but im not up to the counselling part just yet!! i just try to ignore her and see her as little as possible!!! but on the bright side your mum does want to spend time with dd which is more than i can say for my mother

good luck hun i hope it goes well for all of you!!

[aussienic]

My inlaws were always calling me a chicken because I chose not to let my kids sleep over. I figured they would ask when they wanted to and I think my eldest was 6 when he finally slept there.

You are the mum just say when she is older. I am not ready for a night away from her just yet

[Nai]

MIL is deaf without her hearing aids so I have always been concerned about her having DD1 overnight. However when I was having DD2 MIL stayed to look after DD1. DD1 would get up and wake her Nanna if she needed anything and they were fine - and this was 5 nights in a row! DD1 was just 3 at the time too. You might be surprised how your DD copes with your mum especially as she sees her a couple of times a week - they probably have their relationship pretty sorted by now.

[littlelara]

Well, they have just left together.
Thanks for all your words, guys. I feel a bit better about it.
And you're right, Nai, they'll figure it out if they haven't by now.
Will keep you posted x

[Glamourcide]

*Hugs* good luck hun!!
As others have said, as long as there is no danger, your two possible outcomes are:
a) DD and Grandma have a blast, which means you're then open for the occasional 'night off' (which is a godsend in my book! I couldn't survive without DD having the occasional sleepover at nanna and poppy's!)
or b) DD and Grandma don't have a great time and it puts them both off trying it again for at least a while, so you have DD at home with you where you know she's safe and happy


Best of luck hun, let us know how they go. Just try and enjoy the free time, I know if you're anything like me you will probably just sit there pining while DD's gone, wondering how she is... they're only a phone call away, check in as often as you like!!
Hope it all goes well for everyone

[Nai]

I hope it all goes well Lara!

[Snowy Love]

Lara, keep busy tonight to avoid wondering how its going. Good Luck!

[littlelara]

Thanks gals.
I do still have ds, but totally out of character he went down without a peep at 7:00, so it's been a very quiet household with no settling and re-settling and re-re-settling, as is usually the case.
I sms'd mum at 9:30 to see how it was going and she said B had only just gone to sleep, and in mum's bed, not her own (don't know where she will sleep now, but not my problem and at least she did go down).
Mum last messaged me "don't worry, relax, I looked after you ok didn't I?" - hmmm, have chosen to leave that alone and just say "ok, thanks, good night" lol.

[Yowie]

Hi Lara, How did the sleep over go?

[littlelara]

Well, they both appeared unscathed (if a little shellshocked) yesterday when mum brought her home.
Have had mixed revues so far, but haven't had a chance to talk to B one on one since because unbeknown to me she'd organised another sleep over, this time with dp's mum, for last night.
Maybe she doesn't want to live with us anymore
Hard to compete with indulgent Nanas, I guess
Once J was down it was almost like old times!

[Yowie]

Hopefully you get to talk to her. I'm sure shes just loving all the attention.