Need help please with addressing drug use with sister

[Deltadawn]

Hi girls ....

I have just found out that my sister (three years younger than me at 28 years old) is using some pretty heavy drugs. From what I can gather, nothing is off the table. I know she is using cocaine and acid so who knows what else she is pumping through her body. She also has Type 1 Diabetes.

This has come as a huge shock to me because I always thought she was a good girl. I knew she liked a few drinks with friends of a weekend but never thought in a million years that she would be stupid enough to go this far. She has recently broken up with her boyfriend who was 8 years younger than her so she was in a crowd of friends who were very much younger and no doubt, a bad influence. She is still good friends with him so is still in this same circle of friends.

I dont want to tell our parents because they are so proud that they have raised two good girls so dont want to shatter their belief so I want to handle this myself. I will resort to threats of telling Mum and Dad if I have to (this would kill her) but just not sure of how to raise the issue with her and how far to go without alienating her.

Any tips ????

Thank you !!!!!

[Chocaholic]

I'm sorry but you need to tell your parents. She will need a lot of support to get off the drugs and even then she HAS to want to.

Take her to her GP and see what they say. Also get a referral for a psychologist as well.

This is not going to be easy and you need support as well. A referral to a psychologist for you will give you some help in working out strategies to assist her and counter the manipulation she is sure to use.

Good luck!!

[diannescruffy]

Big to you darl. I think you are very courageous trying to handle this on your own but honestly I think you should tell your parents. Yes they will be shocked but they will also understand in time that their daughter made a bad choice at the time and needs help. If your sister is open to help she is going to need support from her whole family. I wish you all the best and really hope that your sister accepts your help.

Regards,
Dianne

[[M]umma[M]ia]

tell your parents. U need all the help u can get. Dont do this by yourself, it wont work.

[Lulu]

I think you would be better of contacting a drug/alcohol support place and asking them about how to go about it.

Telling your parents isn't up to you - is it becoming a problem for her, or is it more recreational?
Although it's not exactly the kind of thing that appeals to you (or many others!), she is an adult at the end of the day and it is her choice.

I'd express concern to her about it on your own behalf but I wouldn't risk potentially breaking your parents hearts when she might simply be exploring different experiences iykwim?

[Deltadawn]

Thank you everyone! You have all made very valid points and some I didnt even think of.

Lulu - I dont think it is becoming a problem for her. She seems to enjoy it and brags about it on FB at every opportunity. In saying that though, I dont think she is an addict and I am sure it is only recreational as she holds down a good fulltime job and is a great sister, daughter and Aunty to my boys. She parties every weekend so am assuming it is a once-a-week thing. She has shown no signs of drug use at all. It is only since we have become friends on FB that I have read about some of the stuff she gets up to. One of her FB friends has sent me a private message expressing their concern which is how I found out. I am very naive about drugs having been an athlete most of my life so am very confused as to whether this is normal and do most people do it??? I also learned since posting this today that she also uses ecstacy.

Maybe I'm over-reacting ??? Will she just grow out of it or is it likely to kill her before she does grow out of it???

I have asked her to visit me on Thursday (as she has a day off work to see her GP) and I will discuss it with her then. I will use that conversation to judge whether to tell my Mum and Dad. Dad has recently had a triple bypass so obviously dont want to put him through any unnecessary heartache. He is 75 and honestly dont think his heart will handle it and Mum isn't very strong mentally and it will tear her apart.

[Lulu]

Once you have a chat with her face to face you might feel a little better. She might just be having a good time now and later find something better to do with her time iykwim?

I don't think you are over-reacting though, it must have been a bit of a shock for you - it doesn't mean she is necessarily going to end up face down in a gutter

There are plenty of people across the spectrum of age/social status/education levels that imbibe on a regular or semi-regular basis, for whatever reasons and they function quite fine, hold down jobs and contribute to society. It doesn't change who they are etc. You'd be rather surprised how many people on your television screen or positions of power who have probably wiped coke off their noses 10 minutes before they walked past you

I'm certainly not trying to minimise anything here it is just a fact. There are many people who DO get lost/addicted etc but it's not everyone.

Make her promise you that she won't be too silly, to take care of herself and never, ever go near Ice or Heroin because from what I can see, that stuff will chew up and spit out anyone who goes near it.

xoxoxoxo

[Mother Goose]

Hi Delta,

First . It's scary to find out stuff that we consider to be so far left field they are not on our radar. Especially things that are often painted in the light of "Daggers and Cloaks".

I'm going to write my post as someone who worked in the field of Alcohol and Other Drugs for 4.5 years.

The first thing you need to do is decide how involved you want to be with this. You also need to talk with your sister to find out what, when, how, why, where, how frequently she takes drugs. Be prepared for her to tell you to sod off. You need to make it clear that you will not judge her. If you do judge her, you risk her closing up and not letting you in at all.

Lulu makes a good point. There are plenty of people in society who use drugs (including alcohol) recreationally (and some not so recreationally) who are able to hold down jobs and contribute to society in a positive manner. However, this does NOT mean that their drug use is not an issue.

You need to find out if your sister believes she has a problem. If she doesn't, then it doesn't matter what kind of threats, promises, pleas, or bargains you make - she is not going to change her behavior. She will simply find ways to hide it. If she does believe she has a problem, then you need to find out what she wants to do. She may want to abstain completely or she may want to abstain from only a couple of her substances. Or she may want to simply cut down on her usage. This is perfectly acceptable - she needs to start somewhere.

If your sister tells you that she doesn't want to change anything about her behaviour, then try to discuss Harm Minimization with her. Depending on the substances she consumes and the route in which she consumes them, the advice would differ. However, the crux of the message is;

• Always use new unused needles for injecting. NEVER share injecting equipment.
• Always use SAFELY - in a group setting and preferably with one person "sober". Try to make sure one of those people knows CPR.
• If she is going out on the town, make sure someone she is with knows what she has taken and what quantities in case she collapses.
• Make sure she knows the gear she is using is GOOD QUALITY.
• If she is partying, stay hydrated with water especially if she is dancing or going to a rave.
• If someone she is with overdoses - call an ambulance immediately. Same applies for her. Many people are afraid to do this because they fear they will get into trouble.

Google Drug and Alcohol services in your area. There should be a 24hr counselling and referral telephone service that can give you a list of numbers of services local to you. Be prepared to be put on a waiting list. This is a grossly underfunded area. I'm sorry I don't have the phone number for the counselling and referral line in your State.

If your sister does decide to abstain or go through withdrawal, or to let you in on her world, you will need supports for yourself. This could be through impartial friends, people on BB, or family. However, I strongly recommend professional support for yourself - you should be able to access this through any counselling service associated with drugs and alcohol. If you google Family Drug Help in Victoria, there is a website that may be of some assistance to you.

If your sister does decide that she wants to get off her substance/s of choice altogether, keep in mind that there are two parts to any addiction. The physcial need and the mental need. Physcial withdrawal can be very taxing on the body but it usually fairly short. The mental dependance on the substance is much more difficult to treat and manage. It will require a change in her way of thinking, habits, and possibly even her circle of friends and associates.

There are many people who have come off drugs on their own. However, I strongly recommend professional help. A drug and alcohol counsellor (they often come from varying backgrounds and can be nurses, psychologists, social workers, counsellors), a good GP. There are private and public avenues - don't be fooled into thinking that private is necessarily better but they will have shorter waiting lists.

Good luck.

MG

[Deltadawn]

Thanks girls. I cant express how much I appreciate the time you're taking to sit and write all this.

Lulu - I know you're not trying to minimise anything and I have found great comfort in your words that a lot of people do it. Thank you for all your helpful advice.

MG - Thank you so much for all that info from a professionals perspective. I'm pretty sure she is responsible. I know her ex-boyfriend genuinely did/does love her so I doubt he will allow anything to harm her. She has also been best friends with her friend since they were 5 years old so I doubt that either of them would allow anything bad to happen. I also know for a fact that she doesnt mix drugs with alcohol so it sounds like she is being careful.

i was just bought up with the message that everyone who does drugs dies! Quite the scare tactic which worked for me. Like I said, it isnt a world I'm involved in so am pretty naive about the whole thing. But, you have all alleviated my fears a little. She has made a lot of comments lately about how her life sucks and she needs to focus a bit more and start acting her age so maybe now is a good time to confront her....

Thank you all so much again.