coolum lady

[coolumlady]

Hi, this is my first time on a forum so pls excuse any cyber errors... I'm feeling pretty low after losing two pregnancies in six months. The first one was a termination at 14 weeks after serious foetal abnormalities were detected. This knocked me around terribly and lead me to make major changes to my work life in order to bounce back and try to feel optomistic about the future. Then, some six months later, as the terrible sadness and anxiety were starting to lift, and my new job as a freelance writer started to come into its own, an ultrasound reveaded my second baby had died at six weeks. I had to wait 10 days to miscarry _ this occurred four days ago. Despite the support of my partner and family I admit I'm struggling. I'd appreciate tips on overcoming the sadness, feelings of failure, fears for the future and terrible sense of isolation I'm encountering. Thanks very much.

[diannescruffy]

Hi and welcome to BB. I'm so sorry for your losses it is heartbreaking. I too lost a baby due to abnormalities, the pain never goes but we learn how to deal with our grief. I pray that you will one day be able to hold a precious baby in your arms. There is a private termination group here which you have to apply for which would offer you great support. All the best.

Regards,
Dianne

[kristi14]

Im so sorry to hear of your losses

My best advice is to just allow yourself to be............allow yourself to grieve and go through all the processes you need to, its all very important. Take it from someone who didnt grieve proparly and it came back to bite me when i had my next baby.

If you need to cry, then allow yourself too. Sometimes it helps to create mementos for your angels. I have a scrapbook album and a ruby heart shaped pendant i wear all the time (our angels name is Rubee). Whatever you feel you need to do, then do it.

At times it feels like you will be sad forever, but things do ease with time.

Sending you lots of strength.

[beckoes]

no advice, just hugs and welcome to BB, you are sure to find the suport and help you need from the lovely ladies on BB!!

[ThrashGoddess]

Hi coolum lady,

I posted for the first time yesterday and have already received an outpouring of love and support from this group. One thing I am finally realizing: it helps to have someone to talk to who really understands what you're going through. I think this forum will be a good place for us.

I don't have any good advice, other than be kind to yourself.

[coolumlady]

Thanks so much, working hard to ride it out x

[beata70]

Hi Coolumlady, and welcome to bellybelly under such sad circumstances unfortunately . I am so very sorry for your losses, life just sucks sometimes, it just isn't fair hun. You have every right to feel sad, empty, angry, isolated, scared, lonely, the list goes on and on. Some days you'll feel OK, then the next you will come crashing down with an almighty thud. And then you'll pick yourself up again, and look to the future. And then the cycle continues. Such is the feeling of loss, such is the grieving of a mother, these are the shoes we walk in. But then you'll find that there are more 'good' days than 'bad' ones, and then you'll find you're making some progress. Baby steps hun.
The feelings you have describes have to be felt, as you must grieve openly about your losses. It will get better hun, you will get on with your life, but you'll never forget your little angel babies. They'll be in your heart forever, you'll feel them there everyday. And even when you feel your life is better, and you are back on track, you will still miss your babies, but that is OK. This will never change.
All the best for your future hun, please continue to seek support from your partner and family and friends, they are your rock ATM so let them be there for you.
Beata xxx

[coolumlady]

Dear Beata70,
Thank you very much for your message. As time passes I'm feeling better, optomistic rather than the awful flatline that followed the loss. I've decided to return to study which will be a great distraction while I try again, all the while focusing on my weight, nutrition and fitness in a bid to make a really good third attempt. You're so right about the need to grieve and the roller coast ride of good and bad days. Just before I opened your message I had a wonderful moment of hope when I looked around at the morning and thought 'It's a beautiful world,' a thought so far from my thoughts just last week. This forum is so helpful, it gives me strength to think I'm not alone although I hate the thought of so many women going through this. In the outside world it seems such a taboo subject. I guess people shy away from sadness. Thanks again for your kind words, they are much appreciated x

[Tegam]

you poor poor women! i feel that any words i could offer would just fail you terribly.

You do have inner strength and you will survive....forever changed!

Glad to hear that you have family support. Give yourself time and forgiveness..........

wish that there was more i could do!