So, the dad bod is a thing, and apparently it's sexy.
It took me some time to decide if and how I would respond to what I think is a bit of a fad.
But none-the-less, it sparked many thoughts churning that I just had to put key to screen.
Generally, women are not as visually driven as men — and of course there are always exceptions. But for those of us who are in long term relationships with kids, different things float our boat, compared to single and partying 20-somethings.
Who even has time to hit the gym to achieve anything other than a ‘new parent bod' these days, anyway? Darren Mattock, creator of popular dad's Facebook page, Becoming Dad, agrees:
“The reality is that new dads are often stretched providing through contributions out of the home and at home. They don’t have time to work on their abs! And that’s not a priority. Being a better partner and dad is more important. Having the freedom and acceptance to enjoy the occasional indulgence as a ‘reward’, say with a beer and pizza, is essential for men to help ease the stress and pressure.”
11 Things Sexier Than The Dad Bod
Here are 11 things that I think are way sexier (and much more significant) than a dad bod — and mamas, if you agree, make sure you comment in the comments section under the article.
#1: When You Help With The Housework
You only have to flick through any parenting forum to see mothers singing out loud and clear: [willingly] doing the dishes or other housework is the new foreplay.
The biggest killer of sexytime for mothers is the exhaustion that she feels at the end of the day. In fact, in a BellyBelly poll, being exhausted was voted as the most significant reason mothers were not interested in sex as they used to be. But they did say that when their partner gets hands on and helps out with housework, they are more likely to feel sexy.
#2: When You're Not Afraid To Wear The Baby
Here's a way you can use your dad bod (or non dad bod) and really make an impression.
Dads, a heads up in case you've had your head in the sand: mothers LOVE this. There are now websites and Facebook pages dedicated to babywearing dads. In fact, you might even spot them in glossy mags.
Mothers love it when you wear your baby. It shows labels don't matter to you but your baby does. And boy, does it look GOOD.
#3: When You Step Up Under Pressure
Graham White from What Evolved Women Want says:
“It doesn't matter of he's tired, sick, worried about finances or there is danger or illness he is confronted by, it's when things feel hard and the pressure is on that you see him at his best. He faces his fear and circumstances that are challenging with the will to succeed and the courage to lead. Instead of asking others to bear some of the burden and responsibilities for him, he's the one stepping up and doing what must be done.”
Yeah, that. Is it just me, or is it getting hot in here? And we're only up to three.
#4: When You Say “I've Got This”
These three words have to be the most sexy words a man could ever say. We women can't help it that we like to operate with 542 browser tabs open all at once. As much as we pride ourselves on our to-do lists, they are never-ending and exhausting. When a stressful issue or a problem comes up, and you whisper those magic words, “I've got this“… we're all yours.
#5: When You're Being A Great Dad To Our Kids
No matter if you're goofing around with the kids or having a deep and meaningful about their troubles, we love seeing you bring your playful and nurturing energy into the house. Seeing that you're confident and capable of handling situations with the kids or making sure they're having fun really makes us feel like we've got something really special.
#6: When You Put Us First
Putting your partner first sends out a huge signal both physically and energetically. When we know we come first in your life, we know our thoughts and feelings matter. Given women are creatures of thoughts and feelings, this one goes a long way to cranking up the attraction and desire for you. When you make other women jealous of us, that's pretty hot.
#7: When You Keep Your Promises
No matter if it's a promise of a sleep in, getting up to the baby overnight or getting home in time when it really matters, kept promises are not only sexy but they build trust too.
#8: When You Make Us Laugh
There's no secret about it — funny men are sexy men. We love to laugh, and when you have a sense of humour, it makes us enjoy life a whole lot more.
You don't need to be a comedian, but when you can see the funnier, lighter side of life, you draw us in and leave us with years of precious memories of the many times you've made us laugh… as we've led you to the bedroom.
#9: When You Lead The Family
Life gets crazy sometimes. As mothers, we're often doing our mega multitasking thing which puts our brains into overload. When you take charge of the family and lead [note: I didn't say dominate!] with your masculine energy, we love it. We like making decisions too; but when you can see that we need help or someone to lead, we love to see you unafraid to take charge. When times are tough, we melt in your arms when you tell us, “Don't worry, we'll find a solution” or “Trust me, we'll be okay.” We find your strength irresistible.
#10: When You Share How You Feel
Strength combined with vulnerability is very sexy. When you share your feelings with us, when you trust us with the inner workings of your heart, we find that incredibly sexy. A tough exterior and interior makes it hard to crack how you truly feel, and it can drive us crazy when we don't know how you truly feel. We want to hear your hurts, disappointments, inspirations — all of it.
#11: When You Connect With Us In Bed Without Jumping All Over Us
Okay, let me explain the logic, I know it's confusing. Firstly, we know that men need sex to feel connected and women need connection to feel like having sex. When a couple jump into bed at night, he might think “WoOooo hOooOOoOo, sexy time!!!“, she thinks “Please connect with me“. One thing unlocks the door to the other – we can both get what we want.
So, we might not feel sexy at all. But you can change the state of play when you snuggle with us, stroke our hair, look into our eyes and tell us that we're amazing. In those moments, the less you seem to want sex, the more self control you display, the more we tend to want you… it draws us in. I know, bizarre huh?!
But when we're not in the mood and are being pursued or smothered with your energy, it can be very unsexy and result in us wanting less. It can even create resentment. But there is nothing sexier than having those moments of deep, pure connection with you without expectation. It may leave us wanting to rip your clothes off.
A Final Word On The Dad Bod
Darren Mattock has this final thing to say about the dad bod craze:
“The dad bod phenomena is a reflection of the evolution of the ‘What Evolved Women Want’ movement. It challenges the mainstream popular ideal that the ‘perfect’, hard masculine body is desirable. What we’re learning is that women need and want much more from their man than the enjoyment of his washboard abs. They want a whole man with substance who is a connected partner and a committed, involved and loving parent. With this shift, men are being called to evolve to answer this calling. More men are understanding and embracing the fact that there’s more to being a good lover than having a hot body.”