10 Things That Suck When You’re Pregnant At Christmas

10 Things That Suck When You're Pregnant At Christmas

Christmas is arguably one of the best times of the year.

The festive season puts most people in a pretty good mood about their impending holidays.

There are sparkly lights as far as the eye can see, plenty of opportunities for quality time spent with loved ones and, obviously, presents.

It has to be said though, Christmas just isn’t the same when you’re pregnant. The good news is that next Christmas will be better as you celebrate your first Christmas with your new baby, excitedly starting family traditions that will become an important part of your baby’s childhood.

Until then though, Christmas will suck, here’s why:

#1: You’ll Be Sober At The Christmas Party

Christmas parties are notoriously boozy affairs. While your coworkers down tequila shots, make out with each other and photocopy their butts, you’ll be sober.

Whilst everyone around you gets merry and lets their hair down, you’ll be worrying about your swollen ankles and trying your hardest to stay awake.

You’ll be sober enough to remember that your boss sang the Titanic theme song on karaoke, that Dave from accounting made out with Sandra from sales, and that it was Chris from reception who puked all over the table. In short, it won’t be a fun night.

#2: Morning Sickness

If you’re in the early stages of pregnancy or one of the unfortunate women suffering from everlasting nausea, Christmas dinner just isn’t going to be the same. As the house fills with the smells of Christmas dinner, you’ll be racing to the bathroom to dry heave.

There’s a very real risk that you’ll see Christmas dinner in reverse, and that’s sure to create a lasting memory that will haunt you for years to come. Nobody wants to eat ginger biscuits for Christmas dinner, but this year you might have to.

#3: You’ll Need Plenty Of Excuses

If you’re in the early stages of pregnancy, you might not have shared your news with the world just yet. If you’re hoping to keep the pregnancy secret until after your scan, you’ll need a list of excuses you can whip out when friends ask why you’re not drinking.

You might notice people keeping their distance from you after you explain that you still have a urinary tract infection and can’t have any wine. Keeping a pregnancy secret isn’t ever easy, but it’s especially tricky during the festive season when everyone is drunk up to their eyeballs.

#4: People Will Buy Gifts For The Baby

The baby isn’t even here yet and already you’ve been booted to second place. A lot of the presents you receive this year will be for the baby. You’ll be writing insincere thank you notes for nipple cream, tiny booties and soft toys.

These gifts won’t be additional; they’ll replace the presents people would usually buy for you. So don’t expect to get much in the way of make-up, books and pyjamas this year. You’re a mama-to-be now and will be receiving gifts accordingly.

#5: You Won’t Get Gifts You Can Use Now

The gifts people do buy for you will be things for ‘after the baby is born’. You should expect to receive plenty of alcohol you can’t drink, clothes you won’t fit into and promises of fun nights out you can’t attend for a few more months.

Gift wise, this Christmas is pretty much a write-off.

#6: All The Insensitive Comments

Christmas means plenty of time spent with other people, and that means plenty of time for people to make rude and insensitive comments about your pregnancy. Your bump size will be judged at each and every social gathering you attend. Relatives will spend Christmas dinner trying to guess what sex the baby will be. Not in an excited way, in a ‘well your hair is very greasy so I think it’s a girl’ or ‘your butt is huge, it must be a girl’ way.

If you’re heavily pregnant, you should expect to spend Christmas Day telling the most insensitive member of the family that no, you haven’t had any pains yet. Nope, not yet either. Still no.

#7: You Can’t Drink

If you’re usually a big drinker, Christmas might be a little strange this year. You won’t be able to join in the champagne toast or enjoy a glass of wine with your meal. You won’t even be able to end the night with your favourite tipple.

As everyone around you gets drunk, you’ll be left sober wondering how much fruit juice you can actually drink before you get toilet issues. You’ll soon discover that spending long days with your relatives is actually much more difficult when you’re sober.

#8: Touchy Feely Relatives

If you’re spending the day with relatives, you’ll probably find they’re pretty touchy feely when it comes to your bump. Everyone will want to grab a feel of the bump and feel the baby kick. To make matters worse, you’ll be stone cold sober. Consider wearing a ‘humorous’ t-shirt informing people to keep their hands off, or decorate your bump with sharp spikes that will keep overly friendly aunts at bay.

#9: You’ll Fall Asleep Early

Face it, these days you just can’t hack it. You’ll be fast asleep by 7:30pm and will almost certainly miss all of the Christmas specials you circled in the television guide. If you have older children and started your day at 5am with heaps of excitement, you’ll probably be asleep before Christmas dinner is served. You’ll probably also need to take at least one nap during the day. Maybe more. It’s tiring being pregnant.

#10: You’ll Probably Cry

Those heartwarming Christmas movies are enough to make even the coldest viewer cry, so you’ve got no chance. Christmas is an emotional time. Loved ones are missed and remembered, sentimental gifts are exchanged and love is everywhere you look.

In short, you’ll be a mess. Carry tissues at all times and make sure you’re wearing waterproof mascara. You’ll probably also have at least one argument during the day, but don’t worry, you can blame that on your pregnancy hormones.

What are you dreading most about Christmas this year?

Recommended Reading: For more Christmas humour, check out BellyBelly’s article 11 Things Your Baby REALLY Wants For Christmas.

 
Last Updated: December 2, 2015

CONTRIBUTOR

Fiona Peacock is a writer, researcher and lover of all things to do with pregnancy, birth and motherhood (apart from the lack of sleep). She is a home birth advocate, passionate about gentle parenting and is also really tired.


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