During pregnancy, you probably tried to imagine what life as a parent would be like.
Perhaps you worried about whether you would find it boring to be stuck with just a baby for company, or maybe it was the thought of the stinky nappies that filled you with dread.
You may have spent sleepless nights worrying about breastfeeding, bonding and how parenthood might change your relationship.
What you probably didn’t see coming, was that the single hardest thing all new parents have to face, is how annoying it is to listen to other people (other new parents aside) complain about being tired. Especially when those people are child-free and don’t have an eye bag in sight.
Much as you didn’t want to become that twitchy-eyed mother frothing at the mouth with fury each time someone mentions tiredness, you’re now too exhausted to care.
Fear not though, you are well within your right to shout your mouth at an any fresh faced companion who dares to mention the t-word to the mother of a brand new, completely nocturnal bundle of screams. Chances are, they are not anywhere near as tired as you.
25 Things Less Tiring Than Having A Newborn
To help you out, and give you an idea of who trumps who in the tiredness stakes, here are 25 things that are less tiring than having a newborn.
Remember, if you’ve spent less time sleeping than changing nappies in the past 24 hours, it’s perfectly ok to give that look to anyone who complains about the following activities:
#1: Running a marathon. Seriously, those runners have been in training for months, they can handle it. There is no fancy smartphone app or podcast that can help you train for the sleep deprivation of those first few days.
#2: Any other form of exercise. Yes, exercise is tiring, but in an invigorating way. There is nothing, NOTHING, invigorating about having someone throw up in your hair, wipe snot on your boob, and scratch your nipple.
#3: Being woken up early by the postman delivering a parcel. The postman only wakes you once, not every thirty minutes. All. Night. Long. Oh, and he gives you a parcel, not a nappy filled with gag-inducing poop. Unless you’re particularly unlucky.
#4: Missing out on that first coffee of the day. This comment is particularly hurtful because you usually manage your first coffee of the day by around 6 pm now that you’re a mamma, and it’s always cold.
#5: Having to wake up really early for a flight. Just go to bed earlier, problem solved. There is no solution for a baby-related sleep debt.
#6: Being kept awake all night by next door having a party. Urgh, that’s annoying. Hopefully, it will just happen the once, and not every single night for the foreseeable future.
#7: Staying up late for a party. Oh, the poor party goers, what a terrible life they lead. And it must be so hard having to repay that sleep debt tonight, you know, instead of having to wait a whole 18 years for someone to start university.
#8: Going to a festival. Going to a festival is awesome, not painfully tiring. And anyone who says otherwise should be forced to stay home and look after all the babies so that all the deserving mammas can have a weekend off.
#9: Staying up late getting down and dirty. Laundry? Nappies? No? Oh, ok. Doesn’t really sound much worth moaning about then.
#10: Jetlag. Oh man, it must be so hard getting to travel the world and see all kinds of exciting things. If only they knew the excitement that comes with discovering your favorite brand of nappies in the reduced aisle.
#11: Pulling an all-nighter. Seriously, it’s called an all-nighter, it’s just one night. You won’t find many zombified party-goers walking round repeating ‘this too shall pass’ so it simply cannot be as tiring as motherhood.
#12: Working a double shift. There is nothing worse than the sleepiness induced by copious amounts of overtime, until you have a kid, that is.
#13: Hens parties. It can be tiring being excited for days on end, especially when there’s drink involved, but the hens still return home with plenty more energy than the average new mama.
#14: Revising for an important test. The difference here is that the end is in sight, there is a time and date of when the torture will end. No such luck with parenting, unfortunately.
#15: Staying up late to finish a box set. Not the same, really, not the same.
#16: Pregnancy insomnia. Urgh, those sleepless nights towards the end of the pregnancy were tough, but they were nothing compared to this.
#17. Being too excited to sleep, for whatever reason. There is nothing exciting about being woken, again, by the screams of your teeny tiny newborn.
#18: Writing a dissertation. Remember when you wrote that ridiculously long well-argued thesis, and stayed up for two nights straight trying to sort out your references? Yeah, that was nothing compared to having a newborn.
#19: Moving house. It is really tiring to move house – there’s the stress of organizing the details, the packing, the physical move, and then it’s time to unpack. But even after all that, you won’t be as a tired as in those first few days of motherhood.
#20: Staying up late to watch the sunset. Sounds beautiful, unlike going to bed late because you’ve been busy cleaning meconium out from under your nails.
#21: Getting up early to watch the sunrise. How idyllic, unlike being woken up for a feed at 3 am. And 4 am. And 5 am. And 7 am.
#22: Re-arranging living room furniture. This one is tiring for sure, especially when there are four-seater sofas involved, but it’s not quite the same as the excruciating sleep withdrawal of the newborn days.
#23: Staying up all night to finish the latest Harry Potter book when it first came out. That was pretty tiring, but so worth it, where is the joy associated with endless night feeds?
#24: Putting a new kitchen in. DIY can be pretty exhausting, and can be physically draining too. But, you know what, at the end of it, you get to sit in a lovely refurbished room. At the end of a new mother’s day, she’s likely to sit in the bath and cry from exhaustion for five whole minutes before being interrupted by yet another feed.
#25: Having too much sleep. Seriously?! Who would moan about such a thing to a sleep-deprived new parent, carrying their infant in their frail and exhausted arms?