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Thread: Questions for foster carers or people in the know.

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    NSW, Australia
    Posts
    502

    Default Questions for foster carers or people in the know.

    My mum has the go ahead to foster my sisters kids in two weeks. Were over the moon and just preparing really but I would like to know of any great books you have come across particularly fostering within the same family. Please if anyone has info or experience even ideas on fostering within the family. We don't have contact with my sister however we wonder.
    - Should mum take the many photos of my sister down? Incase they bring up bad memories? The kids still have the we have been stolen from our mummie feel.
    - What to do when those questions come up of why cant mum have us etc
    - Any tips greatly apopreciate
    sorry post is a bit everywhere we just found out today!


  2. #2

    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    Darwin
    Posts
    679

    Default Questions for foster carers or people in the know.

    I've been a Carer for 8 years however not family. We always acknowledge the children's family. We look at photos talk about them and let them know their parents love them but can't look after them. We answer age appropriately and with what we know. They will miss their mum and love her always. I don't know your circumstances but we would say things like" mum and dad can't look after you as they find it hard to keep food in the fridge" etc. if you have other questions feel free to pm me. Good luck to you all quite often childrens first placements are the most difficult as they grieve. Get angry. Blame themselves. Feel guilty that they are enjoying themselves all in one. Such a beautiful thing your doing

  3. #3

    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    Middle Victoria
    Posts
    8,924

    Default

    I agree with Danita, don't hide any pics of their Mum. No matter what your relationship is with their mum, only talk about her in a positive way to the kids. They will probably ask why they aren't living with Mum, keep it simple. Mum is unwell at the moment and she needs to get better. If Mum was part of the decision for the fostering, then Mum asked if you could have a holiday/stay here for awhile. She thought you might like x,y,z

    I have a book called "Toddler Adoption; the weaver's craft" by Mary Hopkins-Best which has some good ideas. Not everything will be relevant (it covers international adoption alot), but might be worth checking if your library has it.

    Don't hesitate to ask the department, your social worker for the things you need too.

  4. #4

    Default

    Two good books I have found for kids to help them understand why they can't live with mum or dad are:

    Kids Need to be Safe by Julie Nelson - for kids say 3 to 8, it explains the different roles of people involved such as social workers, judges, etc and includes grandparents, aunts and uncles. Explains some reasons why kids can't live at home and different feelings they go through.

    Maybe Days by wilgocki and Wright - longer text and seems aimed at slightly older kids say 5 to 10. Similar storyline but more detailed than kids need to be safe.

    Both books are American and foster care focused but would still be very useful for kids living with family.

    In relation to your questions
    - don't take down photos of their mum, unless they ask you to. It's ok if they get upset because they miss her, that is something you're family is going to have to work through over a long period of time. Hiding photos as a short term solution won't 'protect' them from missing their mum and grieving for her.

    - depending on how old they are, when they ask about why they can't live with mum, you could try asking them what they remember about living with her and how it's different to where they are now. Lots of kids have more knowledge about why they are in care then they are often given credit for (and of course some kids have no idea). Many kids also blame themselves for being naughty as the reason they were taken away so it's good to ask them why they think they aren't with her so you can clear up any misconceptions.

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