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I wasn't surprised to be asked about the blood issue, it was the extra question of how we would treat the child if they had a blood transfusion that surprised me. Like we would punish her for getting one? It would just never occur to me to place blame on anyone in that situation, it is what it is yknow? I was just surprised the question needed to be asked.
Maybe because it's so important to you she'd want to be clear on how that would change things because traditionally JW's shun those that have received blood products. Not that you would, but she's not going to know that for sure unless she asks directly.
All the best for the outcome of the assessment. Sounds like you're putting in a lot of effort.
Fostering really is a long and challenging journey. My Mum has done it for about 15 years. The parents and families of foster children are an added challenge that you don't always anticipate. But I know Mum found heaps of support through other carers. Watching her, I'd suggest that if you do get a child, make sure to organise respite care for yourself. Fostering seems more challenging than parenting your own biological children (and my Mum agrees) so making sure you can have a regular break to take care of yourself and your marriage is a good idea.
I know lots of stories where the children are happy with their foster parents and are with them for their entire childhood, identifying them as Mum and Dad. My Mum is permanent guardian for her foster daughter. But there are just as many stories of heartache. My cousin and her DH who do not have children of their own fostered a little boy for over a year, only to have him unexpectedly go back to his bio Mum. It broke their hearts and they haven't been able to take in any other children since. Some kids go to and fro between their bio family and foster carers and more damage is done to the child in the. Interim.
Such a worthwhile thing for you and your DH to want to do and I wish you all the best. Please go into it with your eyes open! And while you're understandably excited, make sure you prepare for it to be challenging as well.
(I don't know how to say this without sounding unsupportive, so please understand I'm not down on your enthusiasm. However, I am of the belief that a child does not have a job and fixing things is for adults. You have love to give and there are children who need this. To need something in return from a child is flawed. And doomed to disappointment!)
How did your phone call to the office managing the little girl go?
Just for the record, we don't shun people who receive blood or blood products - the only place I've ever seen that attitude mentioned was on American TV shows, but it's not accurate. Happy to discuss in another thread :)
I rang the case worker yesterday, left a message and got no answer. Rang again today and spoke to her - she said that the family hasn't been in to speak with her, the little girl is currently on a 2 year protection order, and they're not currently looking for a placement for her, as they'll hafta see what the situation is when the protection order runs out. The case worker is going to speak to the Cultural Manager as he's more likely to have spoken to the family and get back to me tomorrow.
So, a little confused. The family definitely want us to have her, but it's looking a little less sure now. The plus side is, the longer we have to wait, the more chance we'll actually be back in our house if/when she comes, which would be much better all around. Guess I'll just hafta wait til I get the phone call tomorrow :)
I am a firm believer in the perfect timing! Sometimes we don't understand or like waiting, but hindsight proves it happened perfectly.
I shall keep everything crossed for you Keike xxx and one of these days when I have the time to compile my questions, I am definitely picking your brain about JW's :)
Just because the family wants you to care for her, doesn't mean that they can make it happen. If there is a protection order in place, it's there for a reason so they would have to go through the courts to have it removed I'd imagine and the family might not get a lot of say in what happens kwim? I would have thought though, that if the family were wanting this, that they would be a bit more proactive in getting it sorted. Sounds like you are being told two different things - they *say* they want you to care for her, but they haven't actually done anything to put that in action. Are you absolutely certain it was a definite offer and not just a casual comment/suggestion? They would have known that the protection order was in place when they said it. Would hate to think they were geeing you up and the reality was that you couldn't care for her after all.
My aunt's been taking them to talk to someone, now I'm not sure who it is though! And the protection order is a standard DCP thing - this little girl was actually given to DCP by her mother, who was 15 when she was born and just couldn't cope. So there was no violence, no neglect, but all the kids get protection orders - 2 years to start with, and then til they're 18 if the situation doesn't change in the initial 2 years.
The family seem to think they'll get what they want. I don't know. I'll be very upset if it doesn't eventuate as well, but we've decided that if it doesn't, we'll put the application on hold for a year to sort ourselves out, and go back as general carers.
I think people just don't want to see you get your hopes up and then get hurt if it falls through :hug:
Totally don't want that to happen either! Lol :) I think that's why I'm fighting so hard for it, at least if it doesn't happen I can say that I did my absolute best. I'm kinda proud of myself that I have been through this so many times before - getting the hopes sky high, and then getting them dashed to pieces - and I'm still here. I must be pretty strong when I'm not busy tearing myself down!
Thanks for the hugs :) :grouphug:
Great attitude!!! I really do hope this works for you.
One of DS's teachers just adopted a little one from overseas - that was a 15 year TTC/Adoption struggle, but my goodness the love for that little boy! Some things are worth the wait ;)
I just want to mention, in the case of Aboriginality, public schools are very well set up to include Aboriginal history. They have Aboriginal support teachers, organise dances & group projects for them to do. They are very well supported in the public schooling system.
I went to a catholic primary school & there was none of this.
I believe personally that she'd be better off in mainstream schooling, where she can have these connections to her history outside the family, IYKWIM.
Good luck x
I spoke to DCP today - assuming we get through the approval process, she's ours! :dance:
I'm ecstatic! I know it's only the first part, but it's an important part. So now we're on the fast track, getting references and checks and everything. We cleared out her room, ripped up the carpet, repainted, and next week I'll be making curtains (the material is gorgeous, Snugglepot & Cuddlepie!) and laying new carpet. We already have a bed and a friend gave us a couple of pictures to hang on the wall. I'll take a pic once it's all set up. Obviously she'll come with some of her own stuff as well.
I haven't been telling anyone, but today a friend came over just after I hung up the phone, and she asked what my big fat grin was about - long story short, she thinks it's brilliant! But she strongly recommended against our trip to Melbourne later this year - we were planning to go over for our 3 day religious convention, but she says 2 year old's who've gone to meetings all their lives are nightmares for the convention, much less one who's never been. So she reckons we'll need lots of support, so we're staying put. No skin off our noses, we're happy to make the sacrifice!
I'm gonna go and stalk her Baby Buddies thread now, so I can see what she might be up to. I found out today her birthday is either Jan or Feb, and she's just turned 2. There's so much learning to do!
Fingers crossed for you! :D And I'd be happy to babysit if you still end up coming to Melbourne ;)
Did they give you an indication of how long it takes to fast track?
How exciting
What an awesome update!!! So wonderful, I look forward to hearing how you all transition x
Heaps of learning - it'll be so wonderful for all of you, and an amazing connection to Country you'll gain from your learnings!
Yep, from now on her development takes precedence over your schedule :)
Amongst all your preparation to care for the little girl, make sure you look after YOU too yeah? Parenting a two year old is bloody hard work, not to mention a special case like this. What sort of supports to you have for yourself? I'm especially thinking about the agoraphobia. Does fostering come with some form of foster carer support network, like other foster parents, counsellors etc?
2 year olds are at such a divine age. Seriously. They are learning so quickly but get frustrated because their brains far outrun their ability and the result is tantrums etx.
I loved this age with both my kiddos but oh my gosh - thank God for hubby respite and days off without little people!!
I second PZ's advice. Have set time aside for respite and an army around you to bounce off.
Keep this thread alive and allow us to be your online cheer squad xxx
Just be sure to have some around you as well (which I remember reading will be your mumma and sis)
That's a good point. Many mothers get to join a mother's group at birth at it can be a great support and good way to get you and your little out of the house in the middle of crazy! Check out playgroups australia to find playgroups near you to join up and build up that network.:
Yep, there's Foster Carers Association of WA, which have regular meetups and a helpline. We're also entitled to a weekend of respite every month, which my parents are getting ready for, so she'll know them. And DCP at the end of the phone at any time. For me, because I'm going through the public system, I have a community nurse I can call during business hours, and an emergency team outside of business hours. I've also found that if I'm doing something for someone else, the agoraphobia doesn't have as much impact as normal - I spent almost 48 hours at the hospital with my sister when she was in labour, in the same clothes, no makeup, no brush, ordering around midwives who weren't listening to her, holding her hands while she got her epidural, etc, and not a single panic attack. It's only when it's for me that I get trouble.
I also found out yesterday that the congregation that meets in the same church as us has an Aboriginal family who have 4 of their own children, and they foster a further 5! So as soon as we move back, we'll be making friends with them and picking their brains about culture in daily life, etc.
Plus, I've got BB!
PS - I didn't say it before, but I understand where y'all are coming from with your concern, and it's very sweet that you care so much about me, thank you :grouphug:
We also care about the little girl don't forget! :)
When will you know? How soon after will she move in with you?
I feel like an excited clucky aunt!
All the best for the approval process! The foster carers near you will probably also be happy to give you moral and practical support.
The process normally takes 4 or 5 months, but I'm not sure if they'll speed it up because there's a particular child involved. Plus it'll be graduated, she won't just be given to us one day, and I have no idea how long that process will take.
I didn't know I could get anymore excited, but I am!
Hey Keike,
How is this all going? You popped into my head this morning.
How did the sleeve go? We had a friend who had hers the week before yours - she's doing well, sore but well.
Hi hi! I haven't actually heard anything yet, I meant to ring today but I've been flat out and I've gotta go pick up the nephews from school in about 10 seconds. All our paperwork has been in for a few weeks now, so we're waiting on them.
Sleeve went really well! The first few days were a bit sore, but since then I've been really good. 23 kilos down, and a lot of cms! I keep forgetting to take the measurements first thing, lol. Hopefully your friend starts feeling better soon :)
Just got a call from my aunt - Z's Mum told her she thinks she's pregnant again. Given that she's still taking drugs, our lives may get a whole lot more complicated in about 7 months.....
Excited but concerned about being given a baby with withdrawals, I have a lot more research to do.
Spoke to DCP yesterday, and they're waiting on our medical records. Somewhere along the line our fasttrack status got lost, so the case worker told me it would be about 6 months! I gave her the name of Z's case worker and she was going to ring yesterday and let me know, but I haven't heard anything. From what I've been told by Z's case worker, the family she's with need her to be moved on, but don't want her to be bounced from home to home, they want her to go from them to her permanent home, so it needs to happen faster.
I spoke to my aunt yesterday, and apparently when Z's Mum told her Mum that she might be pregnant, they both said it would be nice for me because I'll get a newborn. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining about it and we're prepared/preparing to take on this added responsibility, but it makes me a little bit sad that she's not even going to try with this new bub. I hope she stops the drinking/drugs during the pregnancy at least - I spent most of yesterday reading about the potential effects on the baby and I didn't realise it was anywhere near as serious as it can be.
So you will take both children? The toddler and the newborn? If the original toddler (Z?) needs to be placed sooner than the six months it will take for your checks and training, etc, does that mean the family who she is placed with will also have the newborn (if she is pregnant)???
I'm not sure how far along she is, but she's only just found out, so I'm pretty sure the newborn will come to us. TBH I expected it to happen in the future, because she's only just 18, but I didn't expect it to be so soon! There's no question in our minds though, that if she is pregnant and does give the baby up, we will take it. It's going to be a heck of a learning curve though! I have had experience with both age groups though, with my various niblings (love that word). Even down to the sleeplessness a newborn brings, when my sister has been sick.
The current placement family keep reassessing every 3 months, so now that the care worker can say they've got somewhere for her to go, I'm sure they'll keep her until then. As far as I've been told, the reason she's moving on is because they are an older couple who were only doing short term care, there's not actually a problem. Just today I got a call from my doctor to come in and help with the medical records part of the application, so I've been in and done that, and hopefully after chatting with my case worker yesterday, they'll be speeding things along.
Wow!! That is such a huge step!! Newborns are amazing, drug addicted bubbas need a lot of love and patience.
More than ever, in this scenario, make sure all safety nets are in place and support for you is strong.
Keep us posted! Whatever happens you'll be ok. They won't give you more than you can handle - I'm crossing everything for you xx
Exciting times :)
Exciting times! Don't worry too much about a baby having withdrawals, bub will not leave hospital withdrawing and the staff are very used to helping babies withdraw from drugs comfortably. You'll have a massive role in that but not on your own.
I know it'll probably sound weird to everyone but I'm gonna say it anyway - I'm not overwhelmed, because I truly and honestly believe that this has come from Jehovah. For so many years I've been praying for a baby, and then maybe 6 months ago I changed and started praying for a child, someone to love and take care of and raise. And suddenly I get a phone call about Z, and everything's falling into place one by one. So while we're doing our best to prepare, I'm not overwhelmed by it, because I really feel that it's an answer to our prayers, and Jehovah wouldn't be giving us this blessing if we weren't able to cope.
And now for the non-religious stuff ;)
Got called in to the doctor today because apparently I had to be there for the medical stuff to be filled out. That took all of 5 minutes, but absolutely made my day, because the GP told me that I've come a long way in the last 3 years, and she has no doubt that I'm capable of being a foster parent. So nice to hear it from someone elses lips!
Small update - I was contacted by the local office and told that the regional office can't do the assessment, so we hafta wait in line with everyone else. A bit frustrating, both for us and for her current foster family, but DCP are so understaffed, poor things. I told Z's Mum next time I spoke with her (not actually spoke, FB chat) because she's interested in how it's all going, and she's not happy with it. She said she's going to ring the case worker and hurry them up because she wants Z to start learning about the Bible. I suggested to her that maybe DCP might let us take her to church once a week, to start getting to know her and she can start learning - although 2 year olds probably don't pick much up ;) So she said she's going to ring but I'm leaving that up to her, I'm just gonna sit and be patient and keep getting things ready.
Great!
So you are in touch with the little ones mum directly? How much of a say does she get with respect to where her kids go? I have zero idea on how these things go, wondering if a family court with expedite things or if you're bound by DCP
Only on FB - I friended her so she could see pics of Z once she comes here. I don't know how much sway she holds with DCP, but I know we can't do it through Family Court because Z is already with DCP, she has been for 18 months. So I'm not going to ring again, I'll just focus on the rest of it all, and if Mum wants to try and hurry her case worker along, that's up to her :)
So a couple days ago I got a call - we've been declined. Well, not actually declined, more strongly encouraged to withdraw. We have too many problems that by themselves aren't too bad, but when you stack them all up, it's too much. The assessor rang to get some more details on some stuff, and mentioned how hard it would be to get us through, and the high likelihood that we wouldn't. The longer it takes for them to give us an official 'no', the higher the chance of Z having to go to another temporary home before her permanent home, and I didn't want to do that to her. We have friends who are already fostering, and I'm going to speak to them on the weekend, they may be interested in adding to their family, and it would be much quicker than someone who has to go through the whole approval process.
Interestingly they consider Professor's Asperger's a problem, even though there's nothing we can do about it. Slightly frustrating! And despite getting a clean bill of health from my psychiatrist, DCP want 2 years stability, which is fair enough, but I can only obtain it through time, which is no good for now.
So, it's over. I know some of you probably saw this coming, but I'm glad we tried anyway. As I said at the start, at least I won't regret not trying.
Thanks everyone for your support :grouphug:
:hug: Keike. Im so sorry it didnt work out for you. I was crossing everything for you that it would.