We may be getting a little girl.....

That makes sense. I'm looking at her being our child because it is a specific child we're going through this for, not a random child. This little girl will be in our care until she's 18 if we get her.

I'm trying to use this forum for knowledge, so I'm not ringing the case worker every day. I thought it would be better to get SOME information, like Smoke Jaguar's advice on the Learning Stones program, and then I can do my own research and appear somewhat intelligent, rather than waiting for them to spoon feed me.

And no, I don't think I've been too harsh on the people I don't agree with. I don't understand what's so difficult about this - the people qualified to comment on my mental state have done so, DCP are now looking into the rest of my background; all I'm looking for here is ideas on how to incorporate Aboriginal culture into our everyday lives from people in a similar situation. And it's not that I disagree with you, those are issues I have already considered; they just aren't relevant to this thread. As always though, thanks for your input.

SO, the lady just left, and it didn't go as horribly as I'd convinced myself it would! She recommended speaking to the office that's dealing with the little girl, as they can tell me first of all if they're not actually looking for a placement for her, and if they are, they may wanna do the assessment process themselves, as they're more familiar with her. So that'll be my first call tomorrow, and it'll be good to finally speak to the case worker. I haven't actually spoken to the one involved because I didn't wanna step on any toes, but now I can :)

RE the homeschooling, she said it's not normally something they would approve, because one of the ways they check on the kids is through the teachers. However, if there were an actual reason, such as bullying, they would consider it on a case by case basis.

She was also quite knowledgeable about JW's, she asked about how we would deal with the blood issue, which we explained would be absolutely fine with us, we realise that DCP remains the legal guardian, and we would never EVER treat a child differently if they had a transfusion. Funnily enough she asked that question directly, about how we would treat a child that got a blood transfusion. I understand why they would, but I was surprised to get that additional question.

We were upfront about my mental state, our financial state, and our recent separation. She asked when my last suicide attempt was, and said that if this little girl didn't come to us and we ended up applying to be general carers, it would probably be better to wait 12 months, because saying my last attempt was 2 years ago is much better than 1 year ago, totally understandable. However, she said that it wouldn't automatically exclude us.

So that's where we are now, under a mountain of paperwork, but I've gotta speak to the other office first. I can't wait to actually speak directly to the case worker :)

I hope the best thing is worked out for everyone, especially the little one who needs to belong to someone who'll take care of her spirit :)

Why would you be so surprised that they would ask you directly about something like that? I'd be surprised if they DIDN'T ask you about it. It's a pretty important part of your religion.

I wasn't surprised to be asked about the blood issue, it was the extra question of how we would treat the child if they had a blood transfusion that surprised me. Like we would punish her for getting one? It would just never occur to me to place blame on anyone in that situation, it is what it is yknow? I was just surprised the question needed to be asked.

Maybe because it's so important to you she'd want to be clear on how that would change things because traditionally JW's shun those that have received blood products. Not that you would, but she's not going to know that for sure unless she asks directly.

All the best for the outcome of the assessment. Sounds like you're putting in a lot of effort.

Fostering really is a long and challenging journey. My Mum has done it for about 15 years. The parents and families of foster children are an added challenge that you don't always anticipate. But I know Mum found heaps of support through other carers. Watching her, I'd suggest that if you do get a child, make sure to organise respite care for yourself. Fostering seems more challenging than parenting your own biological children (and my Mum agrees) so making sure you can have a regular break to take care of yourself and your marriage is a good idea.

I know lots of stories where the children are happy with their foster parents and are with them for their entire childhood, identifying them as Mum and Dad. My Mum is permanent guardian for her foster daughter. But there are just as many stories of heartache. My cousin and her DH who do not have children of their own fostered a little boy for over a year, only to have him unexpectedly go back to his bio Mum. It broke their hearts and they haven't been able to take in any other children since. Some kids go to and fro between their bio family and foster carers and more damage is done to the child in the. Interim.

Such a worthwhile thing for you and your DH to want to do and I wish you all the best. Please go into it with your eyes open! And while you're understandably excited, make sure you prepare for it to be challenging as well.


(I don't know how to say this without sounding unsupportive, so please understand I'm not down on your enthusiasm. However, I am of the belief that a child does not have a job and fixing things is for adults. You have love to give and there are children who need this. To need something in return from a child is flawed. And doomed to disappointment!)

How did your phone call to the office managing the little girl go?

Just for the record, we don't shun people who receive blood or blood products - the only place I've ever seen that attitude mentioned was on American TV shows, but it's not accurate. Happy to discuss in another thread :)

I rang the case worker yesterday, left a message and got no answer. Rang again today and spoke to her - she said that the family hasn't been in to speak with her, the little girl is currently on a 2 year protection order, and they're not currently looking for a placement for her, as they'll hafta see what the situation is when the protection order runs out. The case worker is going to speak to the Cultural Manager as he's more likely to have spoken to the family and get back to me tomorrow.

So, a little confused. The family definitely want us to have her, but it's looking a little less sure now. The plus side is, the longer we have to wait, the more chance we'll actually be back in our house if/when she comes, which would be much better all around. Guess I'll just hafta wait til I get the phone call tomorrow :)

I am a firm believer in the perfect timing! Sometimes we don't understand or like waiting, but hindsight proves it happened perfectly.

I shall keep everything crossed for you Keike xxx and one of these days when I have the time to compile my questions, I am definitely picking your brain about JW's :)

Just because the family wants you to care for her, doesn't mean that they can make it happen. If there is a protection order in place, it's there for a reason so they would have to go through the courts to have it removed I'd imagine and the family might not get a lot of say in what happens kwim? I would have thought though, that if the family were wanting this, that they would be a bit more proactive in getting it sorted. Sounds like you are being told two different things - they *say* they want you to care for her, but they haven't actually done anything to put that in action. Are you absolutely certain it was a definite offer and not just a casual comment/suggestion? They would have known that the protection order was in place when they said it. Would hate to think they were geeing you up and the reality was that you couldn't care for her after all.

My aunt's been taking them to talk to someone, now I'm not sure who it is though! And the protection order is a standard DCP thing - this little girl was actually given to DCP by her mother, who was 15 when she was born and just couldn't cope. So there was no violence, no neglect, but all the kids get protection orders - 2 years to start with, and then til they're 18 if the situation doesn't change in the initial 2 years.

The family seem to think they'll get what they want. I don't know. I'll be very upset if it doesn't eventuate as well, but we've decided that if it doesn't, we'll put the application on hold for a year to sort ourselves out, and go back as general carers.

I think people just don't want to see you get your hopes up and then get hurt if it falls through :hug:

Totally don't want that to happen either! Lol :) I think that's why I'm fighting so hard for it, at least if it doesn't happen I can say that I did my absolute best. I'm kinda proud of myself that I have been through this so many times before - getting the hopes sky high, and then getting them dashed to pieces - and I'm still here. I must be pretty strong when I'm not busy tearing myself down!

Thanks for the hugs :) :grouphug:

Great attitude!!! I really do hope this works for you.

One of DS's teachers just adopted a little one from overseas - that was a 15 year TTC/Adoption struggle, but my goodness the love for that little boy! Some things are worth the wait ;)

I just want to mention, in the case of Aboriginality, public schools are very well set up to include Aboriginal history. They have Aboriginal support teachers, organise dances & group projects for them to do. They are very well supported in the public schooling system.

I went to a catholic primary school & there was none of this.

I believe personally that she'd be better off in mainstream schooling, where she can have these connections to her history outside the family, IYKWIM.

Good luck x

I spoke to DCP today - assuming we get through the approval process, she's ours! :dance:

I'm ecstatic! I know it's only the first part, but it's an important part. So now we're on the fast track, getting references and checks and everything. We cleared out her room, ripped up the carpet, repainted, and next week I'll be making curtains (the material is gorgeous, Snugglepot & Cuddlepie!) and laying new carpet. We already have a bed and a friend gave us a couple of pictures to hang on the wall. I'll take a pic once it's all set up. Obviously she'll come with some of her own stuff as well.

I haven't been telling anyone, but today a friend came over just after I hung up the phone, and she asked what my big fat grin was about - long story short, she thinks it's brilliant! But she strongly recommended against our trip to Melbourne later this year - we were planning to go over for our 3 day religious convention, but she says 2 year old's who've gone to meetings all their lives are nightmares for the convention, much less one who's never been. So she reckons we'll need lots of support, so we're staying put. No skin off our noses, we're happy to make the sacrifice!

I'm gonna go and stalk her Baby Buddies thread now, so I can see what she might be up to. I found out today her birthday is either Jan or Feb, and she's just turned 2. There's so much learning to do!

Fingers crossed for you! :D And I'd be happy to babysit if you still end up coming to Melbourne ;)