"Stolen" Baby Names

I'm with Trish on this one. It bothers the hell out of me. I think that if you're close with someone and they share a name they love and have had their hearts set on (whether they're prg or not - to someone who's been ltttc it could be even more hurtful) I would NEVER use it out of respect of our friendship and their feelings. And so I expect the same in return.

When I was prg with DS we'd picked a girls name which we did not discuss with anyone. SIL was about 12 weeks behind me and one day my MIL and (other) SIL were over and were talking about the name BIL&SIL had picked as they knew they were having a girl - I nearly died becasue it was the same name! I immediately told them that and although I was due first, I would have felt terrible if she'd had her heart set on that name and while we did too, I would have at the very least called her to talk to her about it.

Thankfully, we had a boy and in the end they called their DD something else entirely - Matilda, which I also LOVE so obviously we just have similar taste in names.

i feel this happens all the time to us! as we have been TTC with iVF for nearly 6 years! And i find choosing names so hard working in CC.

Two of my DH friends who we see all the time called their DD the name that we would have chosen and the other the second name we would have chosen. I have my heart set on a boys name and will be using it no matter what! My SIL was going to use it but didnt in the end, i think she found out i like that name not that she ever told anyone the names that they had in mind, it all came out after her DS was born.

ETA - i love matilda!, Its in our top two!

What I would do, is talk to those close to me who are pregnant, and say, if we like names, we should write them down and whoever picks it first gets it. Because it really hurts when someone knows you like something and before you can have it, they take it. Like you say, when I get home, I'm going to have that yummy choc pop in the freezer. And your sister whom you were talking to on the phone, goes and eats the last choc pop. Now that hurts. Perhaps they should say, I really wanted it too. Can you buy more (ie choose a different name?) or can I have it? Or we should leave it for mum, and both go without.

My inlaws had the situation where three women were pregnant (two brother' wives and a sister). They all liked the same name, I'll say Tom. They were all due about the same time of the year, and ended up having their babies within 3 weeks of each other. They each called their children Tom, and never had a problem with getting confused.

I'd go ahead and call your children whatever you wanted to call them.

I have decided to keep my chosen names 'secret' until I name a child. We've had a girl's name chosen for about 7 years now (even though we didn't start ttc until 2006)... My DH's best friend and wife chose to name their daughter that name when she was born in 2006 (just before we started TTC).

As we hadn't told anyone, I couldn't really say anything... but they hadn't told anyone their choice of names either, so it was a matter of both of us (well 4 of us if you include DP's) had chosen the same names (I guess that's why we're friends - we like similar stuff). So although it feels disappointing that they chose our name, it's not like they stole it...

I think it would also be a bit rude if we 'put dibs' on the name that we had chosen... How do I know they hadn't chosen it before us? It's kinda "You're dammed if you do, You're dammed if you don't". If you announce the names you like right from the start, you risk someone else liking it and using it, but if you don't announce your names, someone might 'put dibs' on it first anyway....

Names are not 'owned'. It's strange how people are so determined to have an original name for their child, when in the scheme of things, it really doesn't matter. My DS has a pretty original name, and I still have to meet someone who shares it, but I couldn't care less if he was the only one with it or there were others with it too...

my step brothers ex had a baby last january and so now i have a neice called Isabelle and that was going to be the name i would use for a daughter if i had one and the name im goin to name my son is Jamie Kai and i dont care who steals it im goin to call him that its very close to my heart and one of my friends sisters just had a boy and his name is jamie



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:itsaboy: Jamie Kai Due 17.05.08

thats the reason why i keep names a secret and if i do tell its only those that i know really well.

turns out if this one is a girl then a close friend of mine online has the name chosen if she ever has a lil girl. first and middle name and even the same spelling. we dont care if it happens though.

how bizarre is this - SIL's cousin just had a baby this morning - i rarely see her, no name discussion - she has named her little girl the same thing as we are going to (well, the nick name we use for our little Gremlin anyway!) - this one doesn't bother me - she didn't know! lol just means bro's kids will have two cousins - one with the name she has, one with the same name as her nickname (though we do tend to hyphenate nick name so it will be different i guess)

A friend of mine bagsed a name when she was pregnant with her first child (a girls name but she had a boy) she is now pregnant again and due mid year. We are finally expecting our own and the name she has bagsed for a girl is in our top 4.. (and has been long before she said it out loud).

If she has another boy is it wrong of us to use the name (if we even have a girl) or can someone bags a name a name for years and years? I'm not sure if she is planning on having any more after this one.. (we're not really close friends just move in similar circles but I would still feel a bit strange about it as she has made if very clear to everyone).

Its been playing on my mind so this is an interesting thread! :)

ultimately, it's up to you whether you use the name - if she has not said to you "we will use the name XYZ for this baby" then i wouldn't worry about it this time round - if it's a name you love, USE it - esp seeing that you aren't close friends

i had a name i loved when i was in my early 20's - three names together - i figured it was a lovely combo, but i never told anyone. my mum's bestie became a grandmother when i was 22 - and her grandaughter shares both first and second name from what i loved. there is NO WAY they could have known i loved the name, and even if they had, i wasn't in a position to use it at the time and why deny a beautiful little girl a beautiful name?

fwiw - the name was Lilliana Caitlyn (i also had Louise as my family tend to have three names)

when i had my DD the local paper came around and took our photo for the mother and babies section our photo was in the next weeks edition of the paper with in 3 weeks there was a Sheridan leigh ( exactly the same as my DD ) and a Sheridan Lee i thought it was very flattering we had to go back to the maternity section of the hospital and one of the nurses commented on how popular we had made the name

BG, I LOVE that name! Keep onto it, its beautiful!

Shazz, I met a Sheridan once. She always gets comments about Sheridan who was Hyacinth's son in Keeping Up Appearances, but when she introduced herself to me, I first thought of those expensive Sheridan sheets! So she gloated to her partner (she was one of the ambos who transferred me to another hospital) that she was a luxury and he better appreciate her more LOL!

nah, i've given up on that name now Echidna! it's all good if anyone wants it... couldn't have same name as mum's bestie's grand daughter. plus it was a pre-DH name - the name we have picked now is very different (still love that name) - and i love it to bits!

When I had my first daughter, I had a (pregnant) friend say to me that she was going to name her daughter the same name because that was the only name her DH liked. But she was a bit of an odd-ball...very jealous and competitive. Anyway she ended up having a boy and named him a name that I would never consider. It really aggravated me because she went on about it incessantly.

We have always told people that we like the name "Ethan" for a boy. We've got two girls so we haven't had a chance to use it but we are now pregnant again - this time with a boy. A friend of mine has just recently called her son "Ethan" and I know I never told her I liked the name because we stopped telling people the names we liked over the last few years. Anyway, I have decided to not use that name. Partly because I am afraid other people in our common group of friends will think we "stole" it from her but also because I see this friend on a weekly basis due to being part of the same mothers group. It is pretty hard because I don't really think we will be lifelong friends - well, we will probably keep in touch but wont be extremely close. I hope I don't regret not using the name...It has become a lot more popular in recent years so that has put me off the name a bit.

We have come up with another boy's name and we're not telling anyone what it is but I am afraid that if a friend I know uses it between now and April (when our baby is due), 'we're just going to go ahead and use it anyway.

Wow, this thread has really grown.

Why do some of us feel it's so important that we don't know any other kids with the same name as our own? I find it really interesting that some feel so strongly about it.

Where does the idea of ownership of a name come from? Do some feel that because they have chosen a name but not yet met their baby (while PG) that somehow it is the BABY that is in some way being "stolen" when the intended name is used by someone else? Like when you want to name a baby Anna for instance, you have a strong idea of who little "anna" will be and when your friend calls her baby Anna it feels as if she's stolen your anna, and now you can't have her?

It's so interesting to me how strong some responses are here, from real hurt and outrage at the use of a name to complete indifference.

Would anyone be willing to share the reasons behind their feelings?

Bx

Hoobley - My opinion that I expressed earlier is based on a feeling of respect. If someone I know really well (like my sister or a good friend) has shared with me their favourite name that they have their heart set on calling their future child, then I would make sure it is not on my list of names out of respect for them. I would hate for someone to feel hurt that I took something that meant so much to them. I would also expect the same respect in return. If it was someone I'm not that close to, an aquaintance, etc. it wouldn't bother me nearly as much. My step-brother and his wife (whom I rarely ever see) named their second son the same name as my first son. His wife always loved the name and even asked my mum if she thought it would bother me (which I thought was a lovely gesture). Of course it didn't bother me and I'm happy she could give him a name that she loved. Now my mum and step-dad have two grandsons with the same name!

I have tried to choose names for my boys that aren't overly common at the moment (they're not unusual either). This is simply because I thought it would be nice for them to go to school without being "John #3" in their class LOL!

I certainly don't feel any sense of ownership with their names and would be really pleased if I ever met any other boys with their names. And if anyone I meet hears their names and puts them on their list then I think they have great taste ;)

Well said Trish!

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If someone I know really well (like my sister or a good friend) has shared with me their favourite name that they have their heart set on calling their future child, then I would make sure it is not on my list of names out of respect for them. I would hate for someone to feel hurt that I took something that meant so much to them.

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This is how i feel too! Esecially if it is a family name or a meaningful name to them:)

I wouldnt knowingly set out to take a name my fiends have decided on even if they are only ttc!
I spose we all have different values and ways?

Bx i think it really depends on the circumstances in which the name comes about - as i mentioned before, SIL's cousin had her baby this week, and the name she has chosen is the nn we have given the gremlin based on what her name will be. it doesn't phase me - we'd never discussed names with her

if however, i'd discussed names with her, and she'd been saying she was going to call her baby Anna, and we mentioned another name that we had picked and were planning to use (isabella for instance, nn bella) and she'd said "ooh, hadn't thought of that, it's really pretty" and then they chose to use it, i would feel it was a name they hadn't come up with themselves, and would therefore consider it "stolen".

it really does come down to how it's come about. i would be disappointed at this point if anyone i know used the name we've chosen, but my relationship to that person, and whether or not they KNOW the name we've chosen would impact me more. you know the name we've picked, you're not utd, so it's not a drama - but a couple of my bb friends ARE pregnant and know the name - if they chose to use it, i would feel entitled to being hurt - as they've been told and never said "oh really, we were gonna use that!" kwim? when discussing names with BW before Samuel was born, we were talking boys names and i had told her the name we'd decided on - that name was also on her list for a while. had she chosen to name her son that, i wouldn't have worried simply because i KNEW it was on her list anyway. BEFORE we talked about names... see what i mean?

My SIL and I were pg at the same time with our boys...i had mentioned I wanted to use FIL's name as Nikolaus' middle name as he was the first grandson but then she was telling everyone she was doing..turned us right off. She did use the name and I stepped back too cause I sort of thought she is his daughter...you know respect thing.

THEN I was pg with Wilhelm and we were tossing up between his name and Mateauz..(matthew in german) and BANG 3 friends named their son's matthew (they dont know each other) within a year of knowing it.

IF I ever do have anymore children (which is highly unlikely :( ) Im not going to share until the baby is born

I suppose i don't understand why one might feel a name is stolen. Like i don't see how using a name someone else likes COULD be hurtful - to me it's like someone "stealing" a glance in my mirror - they won't wear it out! :)

I guess i feel that i could call my kid anything i wanted and even if every friend i had also used that name, it wouldn't mean i couldn't, kwim? And if i didn't want to, because it put me off there being so many babies with that name already, well, that's my decision, not theirs, so they didn't take anything from me. Does that make sense?

With DD there was only really one name we liked. We had zero boys names lined up and only one for a girl, nothing would have made us use another name. I actually have 2 friends who never speak now because one called her son the name the other one wanted to call HER son (the one who wanted the name so badly wasn't pregnant and still has no kids). I know the little boy is named after his dad's dad, who died when bubs was still in the womb, and i've no idea if the other girl knows that, but she did have a big rant about how "she KNEW i wanted that name!" and then kind of dropped the new mother. At the time i thought probably there were other issues happening, but it's been a fair few years now and they're still very distant. It's ironic now too - if she HAD a baby boy now the other boy with his name would be 5 by the time he was born, not exactly 2 babies with the same name...

Bx

I guess we're all different and have our own personal reasons for feeling like we do :). If we all felt the same way then we'd have to start getting creative with making up new names LOL!

i think it's a respect thing Bx - you know now what i'm going to name my bubba - if you were pg now, and chose to use that name, i'd find it disrespectful IF you hadn't voiced a like of the name at the time i mentioned it to you. i think people need to come up with names they like themselves - yes, you might see something in a newspaper and think yup, i like it - but when someone you're close to says "i'm going to name my child X" when you've never even considered the name, and then you decide you'll use it now - well, it kinda smacks of a lack of respect (and creativity) for the person that voiced they would be using that name

as i said, with our boys name, BW had it on her list - she chose to remove it when i said we'd be naming our baby that if it was a boy - i didn't ask her to. it was out of respect - it was a contemplation for them, a decision already for us. BUT, she did say it was on her list, and if she'd chosen to use it, so be it - she didn't decide she liked the name after i'd mentioned it kwim?

everyone is going to have a different opinion on this subject based on their own experiences - this is just mine...

i really dont have a problem with it its only when its close family like my neice having the name i wanted was the issue but it doesnt matter now seeings as i'm having a son and its not like kids when they go to skool arent going to know ppl that have their name maybe some of the more unusual ones but most kids know ppl that have their name so i dont really think its a big deal my good friends sister just had a baby and named him jamie but it doesnt bother me

Of course, we all feel differently. I think just because i don't feel that way i'm trying to find a way to understanding it, kwim? I hope i'm not coming off disrespectful, because i'm not challenging the idea that someone would be hurt (and your example helped BG, i'd never use your name!). I think part of the problem is that the only IRL experience i have is of the 2 women i mentioned where there was only one ACTUAL baby at the time, and the name was chosen because of something else entirely (in this case the late grandfather) but the "owner" of the name still felt very annoyed about it and even now, years later, is still put out.

But BG if i DID use your name (definitely wouldn't!) would you feel you couldn't use it? Or how would you feel? I am wondering what is behind the feelings of put-out-ness. If you don't want to get into it you can tell me to shut up though! :)

Bx

given your distance from me, i would possibly still use it, but i'd likely be peeved at you for using it for a while! it is a name we've decided on a long time ago. BUT, depending on how close the births were i would possibly use the other name we love for now, and use that name later. i feel we've become pretty close over the past couple of years on BB (as close as purely online friends can be) and i don't know if i'd feel comfy using that name if you did. it would be nothing against you using it (plus you can't, unless you're UTD and haven't shared!) - it would more be about that perception of not being creative enough to use a different name kwim?

i think even with the boy name we want (which means i have to go back - bugger!), if BW had used it, i wouldn't have held it against her, but i don't think i'd have used it for this baby. everyone knows we're good friends (hell, half the site time BG instead of BW or vice verse!) and i would feel that there is a perception that we're not individual if we even named our babies the same...


hope that makes sense (and doesn't make me sound tooo neurotic)

BG

Aw hun you don't sound neurotic at all! And sadly no, i'm neither UTD or likely to be able to resist sharing once i am! LOL.

So is it external perception (of other folk) that concerns people? That others would think you'd stolen a name yourself i mean, or as you say, that you're not creative?

My SIL named her #1 after a kid they saw in a bus shelter one day. Actually i saw the family and the kid too and it put me RIGHT OFF the name (parents looked about 17 and were both smoking into the buggy while screaming at the kid, who looked about 15months, to shut the f up crying, they were sick of hearing it, kid was in frilly socks, little dress, no blanket, coat or cardigan and was BLUE with the cold, both parents were in thick jackets...), but they really liked it. It's funny what one person will like another will reject completely, perhaps they didn't see the situation the way i did, or perhaps they just heard the name and didn't look any further.

Bx

with some of my online friends, it would be about the perception - but mostly i'd not like to be in a position where my child was named the same as one of my besties kidlets! it's not fair to them - in the situation where you DO get together, i'd not like having to use the kidlets FULL name just to get their attention...

it's not the same, but i was one of three in my class with the same name from grade one through to year 12 (damn the small town!) and it frustrated me - i imagine it would be worse if you went to school PLUS your parents were friends and you were together outside of school all your life kwim?

and Bx, i had a fair idea any pg wouldn't be very secret (better not be!!) - you can't be trying yet anyway - we have to ttc #2 together and i ain't even popped out number one! and if we DO get pg same time, i'll be telling you the names we have picked reeeeeeeeeeeal early! lol

In our Sept 2006 thread, there are a few people who have named their second baby after someone in the Sept thread's first child. I think I would take it as a compliment.

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In our Sept 2006 thread, there are a few people who have named their second baby after someone in the Sept thread's first child. I think I would take it as a compliment

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See to me, that wouldn't be a compliment, I'd see that as a lack of creativity...no offence to those girls! It obviously works for everyone concerned but I'd hate it, four of us having a child with the same name...meh.

That's just me though, I'm like this with everything. I HATE it when people go out and buy the same dress, handbag, jewellery etc that they've seen me with. I had a friend in high school that would do it CONSTANTLY...in the end I felt like a twin and started lying to her about where I got my stuff or telling her 'I dunno, my mum got it for me' :rofl: