I can't speak for anyone else, but I guess we say jumping on furniture is disrespectful because the furniture is important to us. We take care of things that are important to other people. Whether that is a cheap couch or a fragile ornament, if someone says they don't want it played with in a way that will damage it, then we have to respect that. And by 'we' I mean our family. As they get older there has been and will be more opportunities to teach respect, but furniture is a start :)
My sofas cost a lot of money (to us - I know it's relative). They are paid for by my DH's work and by our staff working ungodly hours being polite to people who in many instances are total idiots. Someone worked designing them, other people worked to make them, they are leather - cows died so we could sit on them, the metal in them was mined from the Earth that we live on, their delivery resulted in greenhouse gas emissions. I could go on but in short, they are the product of people's work and the Earth's resources. They are not disposable and I intend to sit on them until I am old and grey. To treat them as a trampoline/soft play area and thus shorten their life is IMO disrespectful of everything that went into them.
I want my children to tread lightly on the Earth. In our home that includes not treating things roughly that were not designed to be treated roughly.
Even if our sofas had been free the same things would apply.
I'm not sure how instilling respect or telling children what is and isn't socially acceptable is relentlessly limiting.:
IMO failure to do those things is disrespectful. I respect my children's intelligence and understanding enough to believe that they can grasp these concepts. I think that by giving them the tools to negotiate social situations and understand societal norms I am in fact doing the opposite of limiting them, that what is truly limiting is being unable to fit in socially.
Oh sheesh.
Wow in the nearly 6 years I've been a member I think this is the first time I have agreed with Zazou on a topic!
That's a miracle I reckon!!!! PMSL
Lol Arimeh!
I'm with Arimeh, Hestia and Zazou on this one. We have one "good" couch and one not so good, but either one I don't want DD jumping on. It's because the purpose of the furniture is to be comfortable to sit on, I want it to last and don't want it dirtied.
By jumping/standing/climbing on our furniture, she'll ruin the cushions, put pressure where it shouldn't be, generally shorten it's lifespan and make it less useful for its pepper purpose. So I feel like that needs to be respected, just because you can climb on something doesn't mean you should - if you want to do that we have plenty of stuff just for that purpose, you don't need the furniture for it.
And because DH and I have said to DD we don't want her to do that, not doing it respects us as well as the furniture. She certainly has no issues telling me when I'm not doing something to her standards! (Apparently I have no clue how to put a nappy on her doll lol.)
Wow. Feeling kind of jumped on myself for challenging an assumption, even though I tried to express it as such... curiosity. Questioning. Not criticism.
But I also have über-sensitive preggo brain and DD giving me a filthy look is enough to make me cry, so I'm not sure I'm able to read the tone accurately at all.
Will come back later.
Nah mate, don't feel jumped on - we just see it differently to you, doesn't mean anyone is particularly right - its just how we feel about the situation. I don't think anyone is jumping on anyone else's way of parenting here, just explaining the reasons why ours is different to yours.
My mum was pretty old school - so that makes me pretty old school with how I want to raise my kids. I read a lot on here about respectful parenting and all that kind of stuff, and I sometimes feel like the odd one out, because most of the time it just doesn't stick in my brain, seems a bit all politically correct for me and the way that I was raised, so its really bizarre (to me!) that people let their kids do stuff that I don't let my kids do because I was never raised that way - ITMS?
I'm probably an old fuddy duddy in my parenting style, and who knows if I'm completely wrong, or hell, even if we are all wrong - but we are all doing the best we can with what feels right.
And just because its different to what feels right to someone else, doesn't mean its wrong.
:D
Lol Arimeh, it had to happen eventually.
I think respectful parenting means teaching and modeling respect. Children need boundaries and guidance and there isn't much that is respectful in failing to provide them. In our home one of the boundaries is that we take care of our possessions.
We all have different rules.
I kind of see a difference between accidentally breaking something in the process of expected childhood exploration and intentionally breaking something to break it or just because you don't care enough not to take steps you know you need to in order not to. The second is obviously disrespectful, the first only is if there was a high risk of that happening and they were aware of the consequences.
So I wouldn't say no on principle of these things, it is a case by case basis. If a child could jump on our couch a billion times without breaking or ruining it then I see no reason to limit that. If breaking or ruining it is a likely outcome then boundaries become important. Most things are not built to last through rough housing though.
DD2 likes to sit on our art and play tables, we are okay with it because we know they are sturdy enough to hold her weight, she knows she can't stand on them though. She also sits in our exploration cabinet but she knows she can't swing on its frame or tap things roughly on the mirror. So the boundaries are where it becomes harmful to them or the property. Mine don't seem to struggle with those "contradictions" so we don't need a blanket "no monkeying around on furniture" to respect and preserve it.
Do I stop my two year old everytime he is doing something other than sitting on the sofa - no. Do I think he is being disrespectful - no he is two he doesn't get the concept of respect plus it is a sofa me plonking my behind on it is more damaging then anything he can do to it. Do I let him use like a trampoline - no because is dangerous - more so than play equipment because the floor is hard the sofa is narrow. Am I as lenient with DD no because she is old enough to understand more. Do they jump on stuff at other peoples houses - no. I don't believe you have to have the same rules at home as elsewhere - we all behave differently at home to elsewhere. Have they jumped on the beds yes on occasion, as I remember doing when I was a child and remember doing headstands forward rolls making boats etc. on and with the sofa. The sofa lasted fine for 30 years it wasn't the most beautiful looking thing but it was full of memories.
Arimeh, I'm in my twenties but I'm classed as "old school" by a lot of my friends. My parents are both very traditional and I value the environment i was raised in much like you :)
I like zazou's definition. We all provide different boundaries and different ways of providing those boundaries.
Don't feel jumped on santosha. You were asking a question that's been answered on a personal level. Sounds like you have the same guidelines as us it was just the reason behind them you were asking about.
Our couches are old, as in the same ones we had when I was a kid, and they can't get more wrecked because we trashed them as kids. I let the kids take all the cushions off them and jump onto them, the only rule is no shoes.
We allow some jumping on the bed, but not towards the wall/window and not unsupervised.
I have a thing about crafting at the table without a plastic mat because the table is the only thing DH and I have bought together and it is a really nice table.
So, yeah a lot has to do with the value you place in the furniture, as well as your general ideas about appropriate indoor play. If we had a big backyard and a trampoline etc I might change my ideas, but I live in a tiny house, with minimal yard and if I said no balls inside and no jumping on furniture my kids would rarely get a chance to do it.
I think as they get older I will limit it, but at 2 and 4 they are just looking for something to do, and I don't like being a policeman allllllll day. Its hard enough keeping them out of the fridge and off the kitchen benches looking in cupboards.
I have never seen either child jump on anyone else's couch. I think they understand other people's property because we talk about it and being mindful of other people's rules.
I think negativity, like telling a child off constantly wears down both you and the child and if it were me, I might relax the rules, or at least find a better outlet for them so you can redirect them to the appropriate jumping space/lounge etc.
Don't feel jumped on Santosha, but be glad you've heard some alternative viewpoints.
DS is the least physical/most cautious boy I've ever met. He's never tried to stand on a chair or table in his life, but if he did, we'd stop him. He stands on the lounge (usually holding on with both hands!), but isn't allowed to jump on it. He occasionally jumps on our bed if we hold his hands (his request) but has recently felt comfortable enough to stand on it, right in the middle, without holding anyone! So we haven't really needed 'rules' as such.
If DS were so inclined, we'd stop him from jumping and climbing up on furniture. It's a safety and respect thing here (for all reasons previously mentioned).
Yes, we're 'old fashioned'/strict parents too ;)
As far as my 3yo is concerned, the entire world is his jumping castle / parkour training space.
It's a constant battle in terms of what is ok for him to jump on and off, and what isn't ok, and trying to teach him how to know which is which.
I know that back in our day Kris Kross could make you jump, but these days, the only impetus required is being awake.
Tom Cruise aside I don't know any adults who think its OK for them to jump on couches so it's the same for kids in my house. That said, DD thinks that the lounge room is an adventure playground to be climbed, jumped and crawled around/through/over so at the moment I'm loosing the battle.
I never allowed DD to jump on the couch or bed, sit on the bench or table & I taught her to not touch items on display - I may be old fashioned but those items are not toys, they have been worked for & regardless of financial value they mean something to my family. I moved sentimental breakables away when she was in the "touch & explore" stage but less important items were left as is & she learnt to not touch. This gave me reassurance whenever I visited someone that she would behalf appropriately & I wouldn't have to constantly chase her around to make sure she wasn't touching anything.
I actually get offended when friends & family visit & their kids feel it's acceptable to jump on the couch and touch momentos. If they allow their children to act like this in their home it's their choice but I wish the behaviour was monitored when visiting.
Yes, I'm old school - toys are toys, furniture are not toys. Although I find using chairs, pillows, sheets & pegs are a great way to build forts :) The difference is the chairs are not being climbed over, they're only used to hold the sheets up :)
When my boys were 4 and 5 we lived in a 1 bedroom flat with no TV for about 6 months. It rained/snowed regularly. Funnily enough the bad weather and tiny house made me more strict with the no outside behaviour indoors rules.
I took them out every single day regardless of the weather. We jumped on a neighbour's trampoline and went to the park. We also hiked a lot. I think my 4 year old was possibly one of the only 4 year olds I have ever met who could knock over a 5km hike in the morning and be ready for another one after lunch lol.