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love is like breastmilk,the more you feed the more there is.
yes it's hard work sometimes...and right now, my life is all about my kids...
but...i do know it's going to get easier. ds1 is already soooo much easier.
i love watching my boys grow up together, it makes it all worth it
I remember feeling the same way when I was expecting DD2. (my mom said the same thing when she had her second - she had 8 all together.) I felt like I was SOOOO busy with DD1, and I didn't want to "neglect" her to take care of another. :) But I've discovered that a sister was about the best thing I could give to her. And now, with a fourth little one on the way, I have no worries about taking care of them, or neglecting them. I don't have as much "one-on-one" time, but we still make time for story reading, and snuggling, and picnics, and when I don't have time, the girls have each other. They play together relatively well, and a 3 year old gets a lot more thrills out of pretending things than I do!
There is always a time of adjustment. When the new little one first arrives on the scene, things are rough for a little while. Mum is tired and maybe still sore, not sleeping much, a little hormonal, etc. Kids are cranky from the routine being disrupted, and having a new person in the house. But gradually, a new normal is created, and things begin to come together again, and the family continues on, and you couldn't IMAGINE life without that new little one, whom you love JUST as much as his/her siblings. And they will love that baby too - you'll be amazed at how sweet and caring they can be. Of course, later when that baby steals their toys, they might have something to say about it..... he he he. But truly, all in all, my kids would be lost without their siblings to play with.
:yeahthat::
Love is infinite and unlimited. It's not like you have to share the love you have for one between all your children.. your heart really does expand to accomodate them all.
A friend once asked me when I had just the first two if I had a favourite... and I could honestly answer 'no'... they both (and now all three) are each so different with their own personalities, it is easy to love them all individually. I can't wait to see what number 4 is like.
It's one thing though, can you love more than one (absolutely, without a doubt) ...and is it easy having more than one (not always!)
A lot of it comes down to what kind of age gap you have. I am feeling quite relaxed about number 4 being on the way, I don't think I would be if the others were all say, under 6....or even under 8.. or 9...knowing that the others are old enough to fend for themselves to a certain extent is great. The first two were 2 & half years apart... that was close enough thanks... big cheers to all the mums out there that do it so much closer together :clap:
I guess situational factors come in to play as well. My second son was incredibly sick with reflux, so it was constant screaming for the first 4 months. And while he was screaming, my toddler was grizzling because i couldn't meet any of his needs as i was attending to the baby. I didn't get much love at all during this period and that made it really hard to give.
Most people are lucky to have healthy stress free babies, but you have to consider what could happen and whether you could cope with it.
I never questioned if I'd have enough love, but time was always an issue. And it still can be. Honestly most days there just isn't enough time in the day. Things just get left undone. I always have time for the kids. That's the most important thing at the moment. Wehn DS was first born, I felt veeerrrryyy stretched for time and attention. Now it's not so bad, but still some days are hard and both the kids whinge for me and I have to wash the dishes and go to work....but on days like that I just sit on the floor with the hug one on each knee forget the dishes and hope they stop whinging soon and if they don't I'll be going to work soon anyway, and then I go to work in wrinkled pants! In a year or so I won't remember the really hard days, just that some were tough days, but most are joyous, funny, fun and filled with love.
Its good to know so many other people feel this way too. I am having trouble working out how I would manage another child. I am finding it really hard at the moment- DS (1 year old) just needs me ALL THE TIME. He is constantly getting into things, won't stop moving, and is not great at amusing himself. The thought of trying to manage another child just completely overwhelms me. Does it get easier?!!
I also wonder if I am suited to more than one child- I really need my down-time and I struggle to get it with one child. I don't have great support, so I know it would all come down to me and DH with two kids.
And yet my heart wants another....I think....
Yes for me it's getting easier by the day. Although I'm really trying not to wish away time, the older they get the easier it is getting for me to handle things day to day. I am no longer having mummy melt downs daily, not even weekly. I'm much the same in wanting dawn time, I need time for me and it needs to be QUIET. But I don't often get it and now with two it's even less likely. I don't get much help from family and I do struggle with no time to myself. But honestly, I love having the two of them, I love that they are so close (now!) and it's worth every bit of stress, frustration and tear I have shed. I am even already thinking maybe just one more.....but DH won't let me!!:
Yes it does get easier. My DS was/is/always has been the clingiest of children - when he was 14 months he was permanently attached to my hip - seriously - I could not do anything without him being there. Even now at 2.5 he has to be with me most of the time, always "helping" me out - even if I'm on the toilet - he hands me toilet paper :rolleyes::
However - if you could see my two playing together now at 10.5 months and 2.5 years - you would know why I am VERY happy that I had two. They adore each other. I asked DS yesterday if he loved DD and he said "yesssss". It was very cute.
I gave my son the greatest gift - a baby sister to play with - and he does (and leaves me alone - sometimes!!!)
I couldnt imagine my life with only one now!
They are all so individual and unique - and seeing DS1 and DS2 play together just brings tears to my eyes it is so sweet.
Nearly makes me go cluck, cluck, cluck again - I said nearly ;)
.:
There is always a time of adjustment. When the new little one first arrives on the scene, things are rough for a little while. Mum is tired and maybe still sore, not sleeping much, a little hormonal, etc. Kids are cranky from the routine being disrupted, and having a new person in the house. But gradually, a new normal is created, and things begin to come together again, and the family continues on, and you couldn't IMAGINE life without that new little one, whom you love JUST as much as his/her siblings
:yeahthat:
This is sooo true. Those first 6-8 weeks can be rough while everyone is adjusting and mummy is really stretched. I gave myself waaaay too hard a time last time, this time I'm going to *try* to relax a lot more and am telling myself those first few weeks are a write off, to just ride the wave and wait to come out the other side when you wake up one day and the chaos doesn't feel like chaos anymore, just the new 'normal'.
.totally agree - in that phase now...up every 2 hrs, DH is on the lounge, H is with me, getting out of the house is a major military exercise...but i keep saying to myself 'this is not forever'.:
Those first 6-8 weeks can be rough while everyone is adjusting and mummy is really stretched. I gave myself waaaay too hard a time last time,
I think sometimes (i know for me anyway) we (as mothers) are our own worst enemy...i put sooo much pressure on myself....why ??? If the girls (and boy....;))are happy, fed, bathed, and me too (not always in that order....LOL) then really, what else matters.
I love that little voice in my head....coz sometimes its absolutely yelling at me saying 'you have 4 children, making jelly for dessert, or the ironing, or the vacumming can wait....enjoy your children...'......