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Totally agree with Tracey.....love does just grow. You arent born with a certain amount....i guess its hard to fathom...'how can i love another child as much as i love my DD?"......it just happens.....you will wonder how life was WITHOUT another little one...KWIM? Good luck in the TTC journey....when it happens !
Motherhood is full of worry and guilt, lol. But it's also full of love and joy, wonder and awe. Don't forget it takes roughly 9 months to incubate one of these cherished angels. A lot can happen in 9 months, lol. My AF hasn't returned yet either, have had a bit of spotting now though, it has been 13 months since I had Nathan, so it's probably not to far off. Gotta love the boobies. I kinda believe in fait and leaving it until all your ducks are in a row may take you alot longer then you really wanted. Although in saying that maybe you should hold off til Eden is aleast 12 months old, that way you have had your babymoon with her and she will be walking, well maybe. There is 19 months betweem Melissa and Nathan and Melissa would come and kiss my belly and rub it and say hello baby. so They do know. I think Kim is a very brave woman and like my bestie she has a very close gap between babies, but although it was hard work she loves every minute of it. Her babies don't miss out she has room for cuddles with both at the same time, lol. As I said we left it to chance and still got roughly two year age gaps except for Allanah, see even before she was concieved she was high maintenance, lol. Your concerns are very valid, and I don't see any mountanous molehills around here. 97% of parents have anxiety about having and raising their children, the other 3% are in denial, lol:P hehehe
As Mbear said "you will wonder how you ever lived without them". Only time and the experience will tell, babe.
I had my last three in 3 1/2 years,it is very hard work, I'm not gunna lie to ya!! But it's so wonderful to see them so close. They are not babies forever and I think as they get a bit bigger they appreciate having a sibling to paly with, some one on hand to play with them. I find that although my big girls play with the younger ones it's mostly more supervisory then actual play and mischief. I'm so glad they all have each other.
Thanks Dee..
One of the very first articles I wrote: Loving Two
:
I walk along holding your 2-year-old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship. Suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited. And I wonder: how could I ever love another child as I love you?
ooo Kelly, mmmm i know it can be done and i will... just you know? thanks, makes me feel less silly, thats exactly how i feel.
xoox
Gill, I was EXACTLY the same till I pushed little Seth out ;) My mind would flitter back and forth from how wonderful it would be to, how can I do this to Paris. But I am so glad I did because she has someone else to love and who loves her. She has a mate.
Strangely though I don't think I'd worry the same if I went for #3 maybe its just a first time mum thing ;) But do NOT worry you are not alone and your feelings as silly as they may seem are completely valid.
*hugs*
Cailin
I sure do know hon... it just takes the experience of it all to trust that it's true... and to see them love each other, play together and want to be with each other... and to paint the spare bedroom together, giggling hysterically when they are busted *D'oh*
Kelly and Cailin you have me all teary eyed, just soooooo......beautiful. Kelly I haven't read Loving two, although from reading your little exert (sp?) I think I'll read it right now. Cailin I didn't really have the same thoughts with the third because my rational brain told me that I'd been up that road before and knew exactly where it goes.
But there was still a little of that irrational thought popping into my head every now and again, of course by this stage it's more the merrier, lol.
Lol, Kelly had to have a little giggle at the paint fiasco, lol, .....norty norties:P
ETA: Just read Loving Two.....it is soooo true and sooo beautiful, Gil if you haven't read it yet I recommend it.
Dee
I know I'm not in denial... :p
When I fell pregnant with maddy it was certainly not planned, I'd never ever held a baby, had actually wanted to travel the world & never be tied down with kids!
The very second I found out I was pregnant (aroubd 15ish wks) I became a protector, the very second she was birthed onto my chest I was so besotted, in love & I became responsible!
I dont anxieties about having more childfren (other than getting this 1 out!) or raising them, I simply spend time with them & nurture them, love them with every ounce of my heart & soul...
I never believed having a child would change me so immensely...
Gill,
I dont thi k ut's wrong or weird or strange or anything else to feel how you feel, all I am saying is I have never felt that, from never wanting kids in my early 20's to having Maddy in my arms I changed & since havcing maddy I have always looked forward to being blessed with more, so I cant say i have experienced the feeling of when, or if it is right... For me from having 1 I always longed & yearned to have more!!!
Kelly, that's exactly how I feel. Never, ever doubted that I wanted more than one, I've always wanted three and I wanted them close together (hasn't really worked out that way due to circumstances out of our control), it's just the waiting for the unknown and HOW it will happen, not necessarily IF it will happen that I wonder about.:
it just takes the experience of it all to trust that it's true.
I have no doubt that I have enough love for all my babies - I already love them both, and my angel too.
i know i have enuf love, i think im just scared of the guilt(which will pass)... i have to learn to stay in the moment more... and know that i am providing a gift for Eden and not taking something from her... I think the other factors to this are weighing on my instinct.... i wish hubby was younger LOL!!!
Gill, you would be providing Eden with a gift. And I know that two close together worked for me. But there are obviously reasons why you are considering waiting. I can totally understand this. Any new arrival places stress on a family initialy (those first 6 weeks or so can be really tough). There are definitely factors to consider like ability to cope on bad days (you can have two sick at once etc), DH's views, finances, sleeping arrangements, car seats, going out and about etc etc. I do not know your circumstances but you seem very sensible to me and you seem to be taking everything into consideration. I think this is very wise. And while some people will say just follow your heart, there is nothing wrong with thinking things through either. But don't totally ignore your heart as you don't want regrets down the track. I know for us, our age was part of our reasoning for having ours close together, and your DH's age is an issue for you (you mentioned this previously). So think it over, talk to DH, and go with what is right for you. Whatever happens will be right for you, I'm sure.
thanku so much for that reply Melanie... i am thinking this thru, somewhat ahead as i said, dont even have AF back yet... i think thats my problem- being torn... thats why i started this thread, as its keeping me awake most nights... and i just keep going round in circles... but talking about it has given me some other angles to reassess... i know to some it may seem i am thinking too much, but its what i need to do to feel at peace... i mean i cant wait to have another bub, i cant wait to be pregnant, and am SOOOO excited about labour and birth and i cant wait to give Eden a sibling... its just all the other bits.... o Gawd here goes the circle again.... As of today we are waiting a while longer.. Eden is so sweet and also a terror who has me on my toes... so ill be in this moment for now... and continue loving every second of it. Thanks again to everyone for ur replies.
xoox
Ohhhh Tracey ...:cryinglaugh:.....I've read your posts..... you are soooo in denial, hehehe :P. Not that this is about you:), lol, rather it is about Gill and her feelings and relieving her anxiety. But...
I s'pose having such a large gap between 1 and 2 and being well and truely out of the babymoon phase you probably missed those feelings that most people feel. Although I've noticed it is really common amongst people with very small first children. I've had countless conversations with mothers with freshly batched babies about this very thing.
Gill... Guilt comes as a package to motherhood, We question ourselves and our action/words/thoughts all the time. You just have to make the decision and say this is what I'm doing, and accept the consequences. We aren't Super parents and we occassionally get it wrong and as Eden and her sibling grow you'll stumble over choices and decisions but just trust in yourself. Anxiety, guilt are natural emotions that we all feel from time to time in varying degrees, it's nothing to be ashamed of or not to admit to.
You are a fantastic mummy. :hugs: