I let an innocent comment get under my skin

Yesterday we had DS's 12 month clinic check. There is a new MCHN there and she seems nice enough, well as nice as one can get around here ;-) anyway, she asked the usual questions and of course the inevitable but dreaded 'is he sleeping through the night' question came. I laughed and said 'oh gosh, no!' and then every. single. little insecurity I ever had as new mum to DD 4 years ago and every conversation/ debate where I was beaten down about with her came flooding back So, the MCHN is sitting there staring at me and of course then I start rambling feeling like I need to justify his sleeping habits (which I know I don't!!) I'm stumbling saying oh he goes to bed at 7- 7:30 feeds 2-3 times a night and is up about 6am, 7 am if we are super lucky ramble ramble ramble. I couldn't stop! She asked was I happy with that and I simply said that 'yeah, it was better than DD was at 12 months'. All was fine and the appointment finished.

Now I know that she meant absolutely nothing by it and I'm sure she doesn't care if my kid sleeps 2 hours a day or 22 hours but I have managed to over think it.....of course! Am I happy with how he sleeps?? No, but he is 1. Sure, I'd love him to sleep 12 hours straight, wake up, crawl around and not be sad ever, not throw every morsel of food on the ground that we give him and have that wonderful 2-3 hour nap a day but it is NEVER going to happen. Actually, I'd probably settle for him saying 'mum' *sigh*



I am so disappointed in myself for letting one innocent comment eat away at me so much Deep down I know she meant nothing yet I can't stop questioning whether everyone in the worlds children sleep better than mine do

Sounds like something I would do

It's so hard when we get questioned on our children's habits, especially around sleep. I hope that you can let it go (while building an awesome ice castle of course) and enjoy your bub

Big

Oh, the sleep debate.
My first child slept for about 6 hours straight at night from 6 months. I thought that was the longest six months of my life.
My second child started sleeping through from about 2 years.
When the MCHN asked at 12 months, (and, as a fellow overthinker, I remember it well) I told her the truth. And she asked if I was ok with it. And I said I was. It was fine. Not one of 'those' children who sleep through from birth, but it was ok. She asked if I wanted to consider 'options' to get him sleeping through and I said no. I wasn't prepared for sleep training advice. She said if I wasn't coping or wanted advice then I could come back.

Anyway, I just shared because it was kind of the same as you. You aren't alone. I was always feeling protective of him and his need to have comfort at night.

And yes, there are children who actually do sleep though. Even bf ones. My SIL has 3 girls. The newest is not even six months and she sleeps from 6 til 6. No kidding. The mythical 'sleeping through the night child does exist'. Her others didn't though. So maybe one in three is good odds.

No they don't. Well mine doesn't nor have my big kids.
fwiw I am an over thinker of encounters too.

In answer to your final question, no, most of them don't. It's an enormous lie sold to vulnerable parents by people peddling books, swaddles and ideological hegemony

Do you follow Nurture magazine on FB? If not, you should. Every now and then they put up a post that says "How old are your children and how often did they wake last night? Let's normalise night wakings!"

I love that post. One time I commented "5, 3 and 1. The 1yo is still feeding about 2-3 times a night. The 3yo is mostly out like a light once he's asleep. The 5yo still wakes once a night maybe 3 or 4 times a week and needs my help to go back to sleep - a drink, a cuddle, someone to soothe her fears. And I'll go to her every time she calls, for as long as she calls."

That's the truth, that was my reality. Then later I saw my sister's SIL and she said to me "thanks for that comment you made on the Nurture post, it made me feel better about still getting up to DD."

There's such a stigma around night wakings. If your child isn't sleeping through at 6mths, at 12mths, something must be wrong. We must fix it. We must buy a new sleeping bag/wrap/book to try and help us work them out. When so often it's us that needs to work it out - there's nothing wrong with your beautiful baby boy wanting mum at night. It is normal. Completely normal.

Just like Nurture says. Lets normalise night wakings.

And this is exactly why I wrote on here. I needed that reassurance today. 2 days ago I was fine about his sleeping habits, he's only little and it is normal, oh so normal! Yet here I was letting all those first time around comments and criticisms enter my head when I have grown so much. Far too much to go back to being in tears thinking there is something wrong with me and what I am doing when it comes to my babies.

Thank you all I've gone and got all teary xxx

My mother flat out told me that I was doing it wrong cos Liebling didn't sleep 12hrs straight. At 4mo.

Age 7 and it isn't every night he sleeps through. But he does most. I'm still doing it wrong - and proud.

I wish more parents were honest about it too.

It's hard not to overthink sometimes. Fwiw, ds woke every 1.5 hours till he was 2 and then within a couple of months was sleeping 11 hours straight. Now at almost 5 he sleeps so deeply that dp and I go into shock if he does wake during ther night dd is 26 months and still wakes 2-3 times a night and feeds back to sleep. Once I've finished my assignment i'm going to stop feeding her overnight because I've had enough. She might still wake but I am ready for cuddles instead

My first two kids were wakeful kids who liked being with mum and dad. Still do. My 3rd has slept for longer periods at a much younger age. It's not because she is my 3rd, or i am more relaxed, or know what to do this time. Just a different child, with a different personality and different needs. I know i questioned whether it was me doing it wrong, especially when #2 was similar to #1, (and i sometimes still do on days when baby is not as settled), but when i am not sleep deprived i realise that i didn't cause sleep difficulties, and i did (and do) the best i can so we all survive and thrive.

I had to stop going to the CHN. I would come home and cry so much that it just wasn't conducive to health. My GP is eons better - cares about actual health, not charts, or hours slept or other ridiculous and highly variable irrelevant metrics. My 18 month old sleeps through the night sometimes. I don't know how often. I don't care. Between the two kids I haven't slept through in so long that I don't even notice the exhaustion anymore. And despite what the charts might say, my kids are actually growing waaaay too fast.