I shouldn't have googled!

This was something that seriously filled my thoughts before I had DS. When I thought we were going to deliver at 25weeks I had anxiety attacks over not the fact that I might have an extremely premmie baby but this....

I won't lie and say that article is a crock, cos seriously for me, there have been days like that. There are days when I think to myself - hang on love that's not the mother you want to be. But it's not because I don't have enough love to go around, it's because the dymanics have changed.

My DD was nearly 3 when DS arrived and I couldn't have wished for a better sibling intro. She was besotted with him. It's now that he has a personality and is mobile and understanding and as inquisitive as she is that we're struggling a bit.

I make a conscious effort to give her time on her own, but you know what? Even though she and I were totally dependant on each other once, she can't remember what it's like to be on her own and given the chance to go out and do something with just me, or stay with Daddy and DS, she usually opts for the latter :dunno:.

As for the boy thing...well, I just didn't want a boy. I was the mother of girls only. I had some serious worries about the whole sex thing. In fact I didn't want to know the sex, so that if it was a boy then I couldn't have any pre-exisiting negative thoughts. Someone else had other plans though. I had a growth scan late and it was so obvious what he was.....but I loved him instantly.

Liek everything else that motherhood brings, I seriously don't think you can predict any of how you you feel/cope.
I would mother a hundred children if I got to feel like this over and over again.

I actually cant remember when he weaned it was so gradual and he did it himself :)

I can identify with the artucle....You forget that your todler is just that a todler.

let me know when your free and we will have a chat :) xxxx

Just wanted to share- I actually said to my ds one day when dd was 2 months old "stop acting like a 2 year old!" he didn't even turn two for another month :redface: oh dear... :lol: I did forget for a little while that he was still a baby too. But those first few months pass so very quickly, and things settle again.

Also, a good friend of mine told me this and it ramg so true- your second or subsequent will never have all your attention 24/7 the way your first did. So you can't feel too bad that our first doesn't have all your attention anymore, because your second never will, and it won't do them any harm ;)

It was odd in some ways when DD2 came along, yes definately noticed how huge DD1 seemed to be. And in some way I did feel funny, when i tried to think what it was I think I felt a bit in shock that my baby (DD1) wasn't actually a baby anymore when comparing to DD2 that she had gone, so in some way it did feel like I was looking at a different child. I don't know if any of that makes sense. Then I think I also made the mistake then of expecting bit more from her than her being a normal 2.5yr old at the time.
Mix that with sleep deprivation, up all night with new born and keeping a toddler who doesn't have day sleeps entertained. Its bloody hard work.
But things settle down and now I don't think DD1 even remembers life without DD2 there, sure there is still some sibling rivalry, trying to get my attention but they love each other, get along great.

:

---

Also, a good friend of mine told me this and it ramg so true- your second or subsequent will never have all your attention 24/7 the way your first did. So you can't feel too bad that our first doesn't have all your attention anymore, because your second never will, and it won't do them any harm ;)

---

Lolli this is a great quote. Thank you so much for sharing it. This will be my new mantra i think.

I am so worried about when number two arrives. Some days i feel utterly exhausted after running around after ds all day (he is completely full on) and i think how on earth can i do it with another. Its lovely to hear of other people's experiences with these feelings and concerns pre and post birth.

My DS was 18 months when my DD was born. About 2 weeks before she was born I remember laying in bed with DS crying my eyes out, I was so worried how DS was going to cope and about him not being my "baby" anymore, I felt so guilty for no letting him be a baby for longer. When Emily was born Harrison was there with us. He seemed to accept her straight away. The first couple of months Emily slept heaps so I was still able to spend heaps of time with Harrison. Every now and then a little bit of jealousy come out but he loves her so much. Every night I say to Harrison "love you" and he says "love sis, love mum, love dad". But its always Sis first lol. He adores her and she adores him. The love for my son never changed when DD was born, he was and still is my world, however, my daughter is also my world, I love them both and believe me if you have another child your loves grows, there is plenty to go around.

hunni I am not far of having number 4 ;)

It isn't common what she's experienced.

I don't love my kids any less than the other. I do however find that there are things I love about THEM and only them.

I love Jaidans love for learning, and his sweet nature, and how honest he is and so gentle.
I love Chases boisterous side, and how much he adores Ashton, and how he picks me flowers all the time.
I love how cheeky Ashton is, and the cuddles he gives, and how he will walk into ANY room and light it up with his smile and personality (ok and I love the ringlets)

I am sure there will be many things I will only love about Levi.

I will say I enjoy Ashton more than I ever enjoyed the boys. That is because when they were little (and only 14 months apart so that was hard on it's own) I was stuck in a crappy relationship and felt miserable. They were more like a chore 40% of the time which is horrible to say :( I had depression etc. So this time I have been a lot happier. At the end of the day though I love them all so much!

Jaidan and Chase were hard, close in age and it was a lot of work!! There were days when I thought "what the HELL have I done" but you DO have bad days and you take them with the good :)

After reading that i have realised i could very well be the women writting that! I loved my DD1 soooooo much, she was my everything, then i had DD2, while i still loved DD1 she did seem to be going out of her way to annoy me. Many people said it was attention seeking but i didnt believe it. After reading that, I now know that it was! I feel so horrible, i snap at her as well and then feel so horrible that when she is asleep ill hop into bed with her and cuddle, to try and make it up to her for being cranky with her. I will try and make more of an effort to show her how special she is to me.

I think all mums worry about how another baby will affect their first, and also wonder how they could possibly have enough love for a second baby. I definitely did. Then someone gave me a poem, which I wish I still had to share with you. It described my feelings like they knew me, then went on to talk about how the new baby brought their own bucket of love with them. There was no need to share the love for the first child, because there was another pool of love for the new baby. It was beautiful.

Then my second DS arrived and it did take me longer to bond with him, but I think that was more because he arrived very unexpectedly - 4 weeks early and a 3 hour labour - and it took me a little while to get back on track. My brain didn't quite catch up to what had happened straight away. DS1 was fantastic with his brother from the first day. He loved the baby, and didn't seem to feel threatened or replaced. The only thing that upset him was that I was in hossy for 5 days (as DS2 was early and they wanted to keep him in longer as a precaution). We had explained all about the new baby to DS1 while I was pg, but forgot to talk about mummy being away for a few days :doh:

Now I see my boys always playing together. Nearly every photo of them has them hugging each other or holding hands. They are such great friends. Whatever DS1 has missed out on by having a sibling, he has gained 10 fold in having a sibling.

I think everyone's experience will be different. But there is no need for a new baby to be a negative thing. I already know you as a great mum who is determined to do the right thing, and responsive to the needs of your DD. This won't change with another baby - you will still be you, and you will still do what you need to meet the needs of your DD1 and any siblings she may have in the future.

Heaven I just wanted to let you know that I haven't forgotten I'm on holidays and don't have internet access available (I'm stealing my sisters quickly). I'm home soon and then I'll post. Sorry it's taken so long but I will be back :)

Ohhh Heaven :hug: Please don't let the someone else's story turn you off writing your own story!! Sure our experiences are all similar, but its not exactly the same.

DS was just under 19 months when DD1 was born - and until then he was the biggest mummy's boy you could imagine!! The first 3 months after bringing DD1 home was the hardest, i was dealing with some serious emotions - disappointment at not getting a VBAC, blame towards her because she wouldn't come out on time - plus being exhausted, dealing with an infection in my uterus - and a boisterous toddler - it was bloody hard!

DS wasn't a bad toddler in the slightest really, would only really need a "uh ah" when he was touching something he wasn't supposed to be - and that didn't change. The only thing that changed was yes, he was getting into trouble for being too loud, or pulling the baby too hard on the leg whilst feeding or slamming a book on her head because he wanted to be read to! But - he learnt how to be gentle, how to be considerate and how to wait his turn. I don't think these are bad lessons to learn?

The first couple of months are the hardest, but in reality - its such a short period of time in the whole time you are a mother. And really when you think about it - the first couple of months are hard no matter whether this is your first, second or 6th baby! There is an initial adjustment period for all babies, they have to get to know you - you have to get to know them! All babies have that adjustment period - ALL of them.

I don't think DS has missed out on anything really from having a sibling brought into his life. Really, I haven't taken anything from him - yes he doesn't get 100% of my attention 100% of the time, but the quality of our time together now is better, because I know he doesn't get a lot of it. So he may have to share, but when its just me and him he really enjoys it and makes the most out of it. And it was the same when DD1 was just born, we would do special things like special morning tea when DD1 was sleeping. We would play puzzles, or read special books cuddled up on the couch or on the beanbag - he would get all my time when I had it. Housework fell behind, but I didn't care - I just did it all at night when they were both sleeping.

It doesn't have to be all bad you know, and if you keep it in mind that you are giving her a gift that nobody else in the world can give her, its not too bad. Do you know how bloody awesome I feel when DS tells me that DD1 is his best friend? His BEST friend. I DID THAT. I created a little person who is now his best friend!! Nobody else did, but ME.

So try and not look for negatives at the situation, look towards what you will be giving her rather than what you might be taking away. Because even when you are with a new baby, you can still spend time with her, if your feeding she can sit beside you for a story. If you are trying to get a baby to sleep, sling them and dance around the house with your toddler. There are lots of things you can do at the same time, you'll find this out I'm sure ;)

Try not to stress about something that hasn't happened yet - or may never happen.

Liviam- Thankyou for thinking of me!

Mel- That totally just made me cry, how beautiful. Thankyou so much.

I'm not so terrified now thanks too ALL of you lovely people. Thankyou!!!!