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Personally i would go to the ceremony & the reception depending on how DS was feeling on the day. But that is me personally and my MIL minds DS over night all the time. When i was bf I would just express when needed. But as i said that is me.
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Okay two answers from me:
Pre-children - I had NO idea at all about the whole bf, leaving babies, bond, mummy-so-in-love-with-baby-can't-leave-them, etc, etc and I would have been/was like your cousin at our wedding, just didn't GET IT and had a child-free wedding. So, can kind of understand your cousin's reply because until you have children yourself you really don't understand that leaving your babies/children when they are so young is like leaving your arm at home.
Now with 3 - I would do what feels right to you, if you can't leave your little one that is perfectly fine and normal. Any chance of just going to the ceremy, leaving expressed milk (sorry I havn't read all the replies so might be repeating myself). Stay somewhere close by with MIL going along...
My parents watched DD1 for us while we went out for dinner alone when she was about 6 months or so. She spent her first full night away from us at 13 months. She stayed at my parents while we went to a wedding. We felt very comfortable leaving her with my parents as they'd spent a lot of time with her so they were familiar to her and they knew all her 'tricks' and how to handle her ;)
I felt a lot more relaxed with DD2 and we left her with my parents at 10 weeks while we were at another wedding. They came to the ceremony so I could feed her straight after it then they gave her EBM before bed and I pumped as soon as we got home. I missed DD2 terribly but had a fabulous, child-free night too!
We had a no children policy at our wedding too but our newly born nephew (2 weeks old at the time) and our niece (5 years at the time and our flower girl) were allowed. If anyone else had really young babies or had travelled and therefore didn't have sitters, we would have done the same. I personally don't think weddings are the place for lots of kids though and crying babies, prams and highchairs can make things difficult.
Maybe a hotel close by for you guys and your MIL could be an option. Despite what I've said above, I wouldn't feel overly comfortable being an hour drive away from my LO either.
I'd probably go. Does your MIL usually babysit for you? If not I'd give it a couple of trial runs so they have a chance to get used to each other.
Oh i forgot to say i left DS for the first time for 3 hrs at 4 weeks to go to a function & our wedding was very kid friendly and barely any adults could get on the dance floor for all the kids!
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Ugh. And why not have a nursery then? (I had a nursery set up for our wedding, nobody used it,t he kids just hung out with adults all night and provided the *best* entertainment. Your cousin has no idea what he's missing.)
I would still go. I left my DD to go to an engagement party when she was 5 months old, with my mum, and we were walking distance. An hour away is pretty tough, though. I do like the suggestion of getting somewhere to stay that's closer, we did that for a wedding when DD was 13 months old. She stayed with a friend of ours and, while not fabulous, she was pretty good.
Also, we left her for our anniversary when she was 12 months. That was hard because she'd only ever been fed to sleep, and on that occasion, she'd had a late nap, and just wouldn't settle in time for us to go. But then I thought "heck, it's just one night. I don't care if I come home at 10 and she's watching TV and eating crackers." Which she wasn't. We got home at 9:30 and found her asleep in our bed, no problems.
I agree! Little kids on the dancefloor are awesome, and any wedding i have been to with kids the parents are always considerate of what the main event is, and take their kids out if necessary.:
i have thankfully not had to make your decision, as breastfed babies have always been welcome, but at that age DH or i or both would have stayed home with my DD.
Thanks everyone for your suggestions/opinions. I mentioned to hubby that we could get a place to stay, but he said he'd prefer to use that money toward our Christmas holiday, which makes sense to me. I think we'll definitely be able to sort something out to make it for the ceremony.
We have left ds with MIL a couple of times, but that was after he had been put to sleep and only for a couple of hours. And we were only 10 minutes away. Much different to this situation.
Meh. Sounds like you send your apologies to me. Shame, but that's the way they wanna roll so that's the way it is huh?
oh, it's a shame. I think weddings are better when they're family events :)
What a tough one!
But of course your cousin has no idea of what they are asking you to do - they don't have kids!! It's unreasonable to expect them to get it - some things just don't make sense until you have kids yourself, this is normal and part of the change that happens to us all as first time parents. I think his response was perfectly fine.
I think if we all remember back to our Weddings we put a lot of planning into the day and lets be honest I don't think I have ever met one bride/groom who has had successfully met every guests needs, compromises need to me made and someone is always going to be inconvenienced.
We didn't wan't kids at our Wedding, our venue was small and we squeezed in as many guests as we could but invited our nieces (7 and 9) and cousins child (2) only because the rest of their/our family were there (who would have been the likely babysitters). It worked out fine. However NOW as a mother I would be much more accomodating to others with children as now I DO know the needs of a Mother and Baby. I honestly did not before.
We left my DS with Nan for the night for a Wedding when he was 4 months. He was BF so I expressed a lot before and between ceremony and reception for relief and rang/sms's my Mum at regular intervals. Leading up to the night I regularly had her settle him for bed etc (while I was there) so both her, I and he were all comfortable. While it wasn't ideal and I missed him like crazy on the night, it worked well. However with my Mum I can be completely honest with her and know she will follow my instructions to a tee, not sure if you have that relationship with your MIL.
If you are not going, then you have made the totally right decision not to go, the right age to leave a bub is when that Mum and Baby are ready. While your cousin may not fully understand that now, they will once they have their own. Be comfortable in your decision as its yours to make, but don't let it ruin or compromise your relationship with your cousin as he is in a different stage of life. As Mum's we need to follow our instincts!
HTH :)