Physical "aggression"

**tubbles** · February 21st, 2015, 09:35 AM

My son is 2.5years old and seems to be getting very physical. I wouldn't call it aggressive, but my pregnant brain can't think of the right word.

He loves to jump (on to you), punch, kick (not out of anger, in a play fighting way), push, and wants you to do them to him. He loves rough and tumble play. He loves to destroy. His Lego isn't used for building now, it is used to throw across the room with noise effects.

My first was a girl, and while she was physically aggressive in an angry and violent manner (unleashing her huge amounts if anger, often) my son seems to be doing it in what he thinks is a "fun" way. So feels entirely different.

My younger brother was 6 years younger than me, so was mostly at school when he was this age, so don't remember him being like this at all. My partner is the youngest, so doesn't know if he was or his brothers were like this at this age.

Can anyone shed some light? Is this normal? I try to explain that it hurts, but he seems to still think it's fun. Maybe because his sister usually hurts him in anger then tried to palm it off as just a game or something. I didn't think "testosterone surges" happened until around 4? Is this an early onset, or will things get even worse then?!

I'm starting to be a bit worried, as he tries to jump and rough and tumble with me, and I'm 9 weeks pregnant and worried he'll hurt my belly baby!

**~clover~** · February 21st, 2015, 09:55 AM

I think it depends on the kid, some kids enjoy wrestling & play fighting. My ds does, but this isn't punching, kicking or anything over the top, just wrestling. He loves catching up with his best mate coz they're both similar, the other boys at school aren't. He doesn't do it with other kids. Just this one friend who enjoys it as well. They've been like that since they met at 3.
I have a friend with only 2 daughters & she couldn't believe that I allow them to play that way...

It also could be that he's a bit of a sensory seeker? Is he loud, or like loud noise, like the tv at full volume? Is he excessively touchy? He doesn't need to like all these things, but my DD2 is a sensory seeker. Tactile is the need for excessive touch stimulation. Her shoe laces need to be too tight, she wears tight clothes, her hair has to be tied up tight. She craves the sensation of strong touch.

She is also a vestibular seeker. Which is movement. Spinning til they get dizzy, too high on the swings, and basically just not being able to sit still.

There are tools & ideas that can help with sensory issues if they affect every day life. I haven't looked in a while, but there is plenty on google about sensory processing & ideas to calm the need for sensory stimulation.

**tubbles** · February 21st, 2015, 06:00 PM

He is a bit particular about things, but I don't think he has a sensory issue. It's like he would tick a lot of boxes, but not all of all the time.

**Ca Plane Pour Moi** · February 21st, 2015, 07:09 PM

I have the opposite sensory issues. Some days I can be touched, other days I am in pain if someone moves within about 2' of me. So it doesn't have to be always to be an issue.

But my DS did enjoy rough and tumble at that age. If you think it is because your DD is attacking him that is a very different issue and regardless of it that is causing his play issues or not, it needs to be stopped. Beating someone up is not a game. She needs anger management help, which is hard to do when you've not actively needed it yourself. Can you talk to someone about it?

**Sagres** · February 21st, 2015, 08:42 PM

I think some people's nature is just to be more 'hands on' and physical, it is not necessarily a problem. My DD2 is almost 3.5 and she is like that, high energy and very physical - but not violent, I don't think I've really thought it was something to worry about, it's just part of what makes her tick. I try to make sure she has avenues to get her crazies out (the trampoline, a little indoor jumping castle thing, body sized inflatable skittles she can body slam) so that at other times we can be less physical and more safe! I would say she is calmer now than when she was 2.5, so I wouldn't necessarily assume it will be worse in a years time because time and maturing also have an influence on how they handle themselves.

But I hear you on the belly thing. I have a 35 week belly to work around and I quite often have to step away or deflect a limb or torso that is sailing towards my belly. Sometimes these come in the form of hugs but she can damn near bowl me over with a running cuddle so I have to be careful! I think women since the dawn of time have had pregnant bellies and done physical work/had physical children etc. so I think all the baby padding protects the little bean pretty well, but yeah some times you have to try to draw a line between OK body parts to make contact with and forbidden parts. Not always easy at 2yo though!

**tubbles** · February 25th, 2015, 05:53 AM

Originally Posted by Ca Plane Pour Moi

I have the opposite sensory issues. Some days I can be touched, other days I am in pain if someone moves within about 2' of me. So it doesn't have to be always to be an issue.

But my DS did enjoy rough and tumble at that age. If you think it is because your DD is attacking him that is a very different issue and regardless of it that is causing his play issues or not, it needs to be stopped. Beating someone up is not a game. She needs anger management help, which is hard to do when you've not actively needed it yourself. Can you talk to someone about it?

I have never really considered that she may need anger management. She is only 4, so I've always felt like it was age appropriate. She's always let her feelings out physically, even her excited and happy ones.

**tubbles** · February 25th, 2015, 06:00 AM

Thanks Sagres, that does make me feel better. He never hurts me out of anger, it's always along the lines of "I'm batman and you a monster, pow pow!" "I jump on you?? Ready? Catch!" Along with running a million miles and hour and diving into my lap for some cuddles or a talk.
I think I need some more redirection tactics. So far we use the trampoline and a ball to get our jumping and kicking out, but haven't found an alternative for the punching. Tried a beanbag, but he wasn't happy with that.

**Sagres** · February 25th, 2015, 06:53 AM

Ah yes the games of catch, when you hear the words 'mummy catch' and look up to see a body flying towards you having already leap from whatever platform. You didn't really give me much choice there kid