Human babies are born premature so their big heads can fit, but they are VERY underdeveloped at birth compared to other mammals. She still needs you as much as she did when you were pregnant. Can you start co-sleeping?
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Human babies are born premature so their big heads can fit, but they are VERY underdeveloped at birth compared to other mammals. She still needs you as much as she did when you were pregnant. Can you start co-sleeping?
Tasha I know you are having a hard time and I know a lot of us can relate to what you are going through.
Relax, your dd sounds like she just wants to be near you. Yes can you co-sleep? Will she sleep unwrapped? Mine were certainly happier unwrapped.
Is she getting enough wet nappies? That will tell you if she is getting enough milk.
Try to follow her lead. If she is anything like mine, they never followed the rules on the newborn routine. They didnt read the book, or listen to the experts, they just had their own thing going on. Listen to her, her body language will tell you what she needs better than anyone else in this world.
I honestly hated the 4:30 feed, all of mine would stay awake until I gave in and was resigned to the day starting at that time. And of course as soon as I got myself up, got breakfast, and started the day routine, they would pass out for a few hours.
The parenting gig is hard, there is no doubt about it. You can do this, and its still early days and you both are still adjusting to a new life, new routine. But following her lead will end in success, it will take a bit of time but you will learn her cues and work out what she wants.
I recommend you get a sling, soft carrier. They really are a life saver. You will be able to do what you want around the house and bub will be close to you which is where she needs to be right now. Don't be fooled into the whole "letting your baby manipulate you" "making a rod for your own back" saga. It doesn't exist in these early stages. Babies need to be close to their mummy's. Try to follow her lead, there really is no text book baby.
I think some of the pp's are referring to the book/dvd The Happiest Baby on the Block by Dr Harvey Karp. It's a great read that explains the needs of newborns in the "fourth trimester" and teaches parents how to turn on the 'calming reflex'.
Newborns generally just dont like being left alone in their cot in an empty room though, it would be quite abnormal if your two week old was the exception. Agree with everyone else though, slings, carriers and co sleeping are life savers, good luck and stop putting so much pressure on yourself!
I just thought of something is it too quiet at 4 30 am for him ?? White Noise was needed for my little ones when they were new born/for a few months of age ... We left Cam in bassinet in lounge room near the tv (it was very quiet) and 9/10 he would settle and fall asleep or if that wasnt going to work (and you know pretty quickly) it was bottle with me in bed (but i did offer the boob and he would suck to sleep next to me probably wouldnt get much milk as my supply was crap from day one...but it worked)....
My DS would only sleep on us for the first 4 weeks.
We always thought we'd be able to put him down after a feed and play, and that would be it... How wrong we were. I was also sooo worried about creating 'bad habits' by holding him all the time.
I think when you have an idea of what you think is 'meant' to happen, you put so much pressure on yourself and are so hard on yourself.
I found that anything you do in the first few months will not create a habit... You do whatever you need to to get by. If that's holding them all day, co-sleeping, feeding on demand, living on a recliner with baby on you... Whatever, just do it. It's only a few months out of your life, and it'll all be worth when you start to feel like you are enjoying your baby more.
Ps. I really disliked the newborn phase, and I am not looking forward to it again, but because I've been through it now, I know it's only a short term thing. It will definitely get better and better.
Sling is a great suggestion.
Wrapping before the feed can help. Feed her wrapped, and that may make it easier to put her down. Don't worry too much about burping. My DD1 also liked to be tucked in really tightly with anther wrap over the top. Unfortunately, in Brissie, it was too hot! So she just slept in the sling.
My DD2, on the other hand, was more like yours. I dreaded feeds because she was so hard to settle afterwards. She hated being wrapped. She just hated being outside the womb. She spent the first four weeks of her life seriously angry. (What?, you gave me this poor excuse for a mother?! :lol: ) What ended up working was feed, burp, little play time, then hold her over my shoulder and bounce on the fitball. Sometimes for 30 minutes or more. Playing a white noise app the whole time. And even when we finally got her to sleep, she would only go down on her tummy. It was really hard work... But we got through it, and she is now the easiest, happiest baby ever.
Thanks for your replies ladies. I've got DH on late bottle duty tonight again. I have managed today because he let me sleep through 2 feeds last night. I think he is really feeling for me at the moment. First seeing me in labour and now seeing me losing my mind from sleep deprivation. She seems to be settling for him in the lounge and he has been putting her on the recliner next to him. He just pops a pillow down and rolls up a few blankets. Not the safest option, but it's an only option right now. If I put her in the bed with me I can't sleep because I wake at every sound she makes. But co sleeping works in the early hours when I'm exhausted because I will just bomb out. I have also put my electric blanket on my bed, it is helping me sleep so much better when I do actually get to sleep.
That's really not a safe way for bub to sleep. I would recommend perhaps you and hubby taking shifts so that you can sleep safely with bub and both get sleep. Co sleeping correctly would be much safer than what your husband is doing. Couldn't you take the first half of the night and then have him take the second half of the night? Or bring the bassinet downstairs into the lounge so that he can put her in there next to him on the couch? If you do co sleep please don't use the electric blanket, babies can easily overheat and overheating is a SIDS risk. Do you have all the SIDS information? Co sleeping is very safe if you and bub have your own bedding, you don't use pillows or doonas etc and you or hubby don't drink, smoke or use drugs. I co sleep with my 8 month old and have done so since he was a newbie and I just layer on top with tight fitting button up tops so they keep you warm (no need for doona) and can be easily undone for breastfeeding.
Hi Tasha,
Firstly, congratulations on the arrival of your baby girl!
In my opinion, breastfeeding my first bub was the biggest learning curve of being a first time mum. How long do I feed for, did they get enough, why are they still crying after a feed??? ... on and on the questioning goes. I can't tell you the number of times I rang my mum stressed out and asking questions. Because we can't actually see what they are drinking in, it is an unknown. And when they cry, of course we wonder if they fed enough, do they have wind, did I eat something that doesn't agree with them. More unknown questions. Trusting yourself as a breastfeeding mum and following the baby's lead is really hard, but eventually time and experience come through for you.
I've had 3 boys, and the first two were pretty good feeders (3-4 hourly) and sleepers, the third has/is very different. From birth he fed every 2 hours until he was approx 8 weeks old, and he was a nightmare to settle some nights. At 11 months he still is a restless sleeper and likes a bf once or twice a night (the other two stopped their overnight feeds at a very young age - their lead, not mine). Sleep deprivation is horrid ... I really didn't suffer from it with my first two boys - just with my adorable youngest (it's a good thing they're cute, huh?).
We've co-slept with DS3 pretty much from day dot. At night he starts off in his cot, but winds up with us in the wee hours. And the nights he cried and cried after a feed I would actually lay down and relax with him on top of me (tummy to tummy) for a while. It calmed him right down and he'd go to sleep. every time. I do honestly think when they are so little, the "average" baby needs to know mummy is close. DS3 was also my only baby to suffer bad wind pain (colic). A chiropracter helped him get through that.
All babies are different, and I think all you can do as a new mum is follow their lead - whether it's your first or your fourth baby. It's a steep learning curve, and you're doing the right thing asking questions. Good luck.
DH will fall asleep almost every time. That's why I try and get him to do a dinner time bottle. But I like to miss the midnight feed because when I have to do the 9ish, 12ish 3am and 6am feeds all night I am just exhausted. At least if he does the 12pm feed it breaks it up a bit for me. I wouldn't ask him to do the second half of the night because he has to get up for work.:
As for co-sleeping I wriggle down with my pillow and wrap her up and pop her at the top end of the bed without any pillows or doona. that way I can still have doona over me, but she is still about half a meter away from me and the doona. I might have to try the bassinet in the room again. And I turn off the electric blanket when I get into bed, I just need the bed to be warm when I get in or I can't sleep. I thought co-sleeping was sleeping in the same bed? Or is it when the cot is next to the bed??
Hi Tasha, you are on a steep learning curve, and so is your bub. What worked for me was to have my baby go to sleep on me, then put her in her hammock beside our bed. When she woke during the night, I would lift her into bed with me to bf (has someone shown you how to bf lying down? It saved my life!). If we fell asleep, we'd sleep, if I was awake and she fell asleep, I'd pop her back into the hammock.
That way, even though I was being woken just as often, I wasn't being disturbed as much and got a lot more sleep, and so did bub. There's no need to change nappies unless she's done a poo. If you need to see, a dim bedside light is plenty and can be easily switched off.
I think it helps baby get used to the idea of night time too.
It took me months to figure this out for my first - my second was more wakeful but I got better rest.
I don't think anybody can appreciate how hard sleep deprivation is, until they experience it. Night after night, after night. You're in the hardest part right now. It won't get any harder and it can feel like forever when you're in it. I found that everybody used to tell me that "it gets better/easier" and that this wasn't really helpful when I was feeling dreadful and desperate and dreading every evening.
What helped us: With winter bubs, we got a wheat bag and when I got bubs up for a feed, my DH would heat up the bag and place it in their bassinet. In the early days, I would also tuck a t-shirt that I'd worn, over their top sheet, so that it smelt like mum and was warm when we placed them back in bed after a feed (obviously, taking the wheat bag out first). I swear, this was the best thing we did and DH would fall asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow, so it wasn't like he was missing out on too much sleep. I would also go to bed really early (7 or 7:30pm), just to get a few hrs sleep before the 10:30/11pm feed. You'll find that they will start to have a longer sleep for their first night sleep and then they will have shorter sleeps the rest of the evening (how silly is that?) But all 3 of my kids did their first 4 or 5 or 6hrs sleep straight, in the early evening, yet still woke up every couple of hours thereafter.
We tried everything to get our kids to re-settle - a week at sleep school helped our first, refluxy baby, along with seeing a paed chiro who was amazing. Rocking, swaying, singing, white noise, bottom patting in their cot and then placing them onto their backs when they finally fell asleep. On the hard nights, we would tag team and take turns when the crying just wouldn't let up. Give yourself lots of treats along the way, just something nice each day - a choc self saucing pudding for dessert, a hot bubble bath, a trashy magazine subscription that you can read in snippets. It's such a hard slog with a new baby and feels relentless. Be kind to yourself, ask for lots of help, accept all offers of help and maybe accept that you'll be in a foggy haze of sleep deprivation in the beginning and that that's normal. It still sucks though. Hopefully bub will start to push out for longer sleeps at night and you'll get some more sleep too. Hang in there
I am so sleep deprived I am nauseas. Mum ce over yesterday to give her a bottle so I could sleep. From 3:30 till 8:30pm I tossed and turned. I can't sleep. At 2am after an hour of feeding and burping it took another hour to settle her again. 4 am I went to bed and same thing again, can't sleep. She woke at 6:45 and I still haven't slept. She falls asleep on the first breast and after the second she is wide awake as soon as I move. And twice I've tried the one side only, but she just woke up hungry after an hour. Somebody wake me from this nightmare :( I don't even feel safe to drive I am that tired ad run down.
This too shall pass :)
Tash do you think there is something stopping you from sleeping? Do you feel anxious about her health or sleep or even your own? If it were me, I would read up on cosleeping and start spending most of the day and night in bed watching tv, reading or sleeping. Feed her lying down, and do all nappy changes in the bedroom (or get dh to do them if he is home). Literally stay in your bed. Have someone come over to take her for a walk and bring you food, but you need to be in bed for days to try and rest.
Having a baby is a very vulnerable and isolating time because the weight of their care is on your shoulders, and you need lots of emotional and practical support.
Can you let go of the sleep stuff. I know you're dead tired and want to cry and vomit. I have been there many, many times. My only advice is to indulge your need for rest and accept you are not going to get more than a few hours of sleep broken up over 24 hours. It is just the way it is. So rest instead and know it is just as good as sleep for most of us, and your body will adjust to the constant, constant waking.
Your baby is normal. Her sleep is normal. It is your poor body that has to adjust, and its a long, hard and very isolating road. Even now I don't sleep through the night, but it doesn't bother me anymore. But believe me I cried many, many tears over my lack of sleep.
It was my mum who said just put her in your bed. It was the best advice I have ever received, and I think for me I needed permission from my mum to just do it.
Does she fall asleep after that one side? If it were me, I'd feed in bed, so she can just doze off. I'd try block feeding as well, I had to do that with DD3 when she would take a feed in 5 minutes and then fall asleep and wake up wanting another feed straight away. She was only getting the foremilk and not the fattier hind milk to make her sleep longer and settle easier. So I would feed from one side for 3 hours, and then feed from the other side for 3 hours (obviously not continuously, this was if she fed a little bit, fell asleep and then woke up a little while later for another feed. Like she was a massive cat napper at that age, all through the day and night).
Can you try doing that? At least if you are lying down and getting all those lovely sleepy hormones yourself from breastfeeding you may be able to fall asleep easier too.
Tasha - I could be totally wrong here, but I just wanted to say I've worked out that sometimes I think DD2 is wide awake and ready to play and then I jiggle her a little and she does a massive burp and then straight away closes her eyes to sleep. Maybe bubs seems away but has a few burps in there?
It will get better. Just take it one day at a time. Things could be worse.