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my girls were both in the SCN for 4 weeks each being premmie so I found those weeks just a maze of milking, trying to teach these little babies to feed, anxious weight gains and losses and trying to comprehend that they would let you take such small babies home. At home all structure that was in hospital went kaput and was just a mess of sleepless nights and days. After about 3 months the fog lifted and I really began to enjoy my girls
One of the reasons I went back to full-time work when DD was 4.5 months old is because I wasn't happy and didn't like that stage at all. I've enjoyed being a mum a lot more since I went to work
Great thread.
I did feel all the blissful feelings and thnak goodness for that as physically I felt like I was experiencing a 6 WEEK HANGOVER!!!!!
My body was only just functioning but I tried to stay as positive as I could for my own sake.
A very wise BB member in my Belly/baby buddies group named Det (who had previously had twins) gave us some great advice and that was "that it is just a phase". SO TRUE!!! (love you Det!) That helped me heaps!
Great thread LoriRae!
It WAS NOT bliss, there WAS NO babymoon! It was the hardest couple of months in my entire life and there was NO forwarning. . .
It was a major major shock because I always thought I'd take to motherhood like a duck to water. I'd waited 30 years for this bubba and all of a sudden she is here and I was thinking I'd made the worst mistake of my life.
Bub wouldn't feed well, she cried A LOT, she had acid reflux. Add the fact that I had insomnia since the day she was born and the baby blues hit very bad, and subseqently I developed into PND.
It still makes me so sad when I think about those first couple of months. And I must admit I feel a tincy bit jealous when I hear of people and their blissful babymoons.
My experience was very similar to CF and MrsB26... pretty blissful, sleep deprivation not so bad. I was overwhelmed if anything purely by the amount of time it takes to care for a newborn but I was surprised to find myself happy and enjoying it. I suffered from the 4 month sleep regression though ...
I could have written that myself! Still had plenty of sleep issues and only now :crossfingers: starting to get some full night's sleep. I've coped better than I thought I would, not being someone who finds it easy to miss out on sleep.:
I found the challenges to come around 4 months. Trying to establish routine, crying at 7pm every night for an hour, not wanting to sleep etc. That's when i started to find it ALOT harder
I think in a lot of ways DD was an easy babe, we had a dream run with BFing (still going strong at nearly 16 months) and was a good sleeper in the early days. But I do sympathise, with those who find it hard. I'm glad I didn't do it when I was younger, I'm not sure I would have coped.
I found the NB stage first time around fairly sweet - other than those 'wonder weeks'!
Round two was a bit tricker as I piled a lot of additional stressors onto myself, studying, quick weight loss for my wedding etc - but I pulled through it. DH was a great help too.
Having two under two is tough at times, and sometimes I feel I've lost my mind :lol: but the smiles and laughs are all worth it!
Both times round I was let down by my supply (pardon the pun) and made the switch to f/f, which caused a little guilt at first - but the payoff was seeing both kids flourish so it all turned out well.
I still feel bad that I find it hard to spend more quality play time with the kids - I'm not sure how many hours a day I should be spending, but I know I do the best I can. We now always have at least 20 mins - 40 mins each day of me reading aloud to the kids. I wish I had started doing that earlier in both instances though.
:yeahthat: GC has summed it up pretty well for me, too:
After going through really traumatic IVF experiences (including an early loss), I was on this amazing high from the moment I had my DD in my arms, as it was only then when I actually felt that everything was going to be okay and that I could stop fearing that I was going to lose her... but then the hormones kicked in (as well as the sleep deprivation from extended 44 hr labour and then emergency c/s) despite the high. And I had PMDD (Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder) prior to being pregnant so for me the hormone rollercoaster after birth was like mega PMDD... And then the colic/wind started.
I loved every moment of having our beautiful girl with us in our arms finally, but I was completely overwhelmed by her needs, particularly because of the colic/wind. I had had AND, which quickly progressed to PND and I thought I must have been doing something to cause my baby to be so unsettled (I even worried that my AND had badly affected her in utero) and that I wasn't being a good enough mother to her, and I became obsessed about "fixing" things so that my DD could be more comfortable and settled. But that's a whole other story.
So... my newborn experience was as close a definition as I can get to as bittersweet as I can think of, on reflection now. I would not change it for anything... but perhaps in hindsight and what I know now I would have been different in myself - I'm sure we could all say that! :D Who knows? We will see next time... if we are given the chance at bringing another miracle into the world as we hope and try. The fact that I want so much to have another child speaks wonders :)
Those first few weeks for me were filled with amazing highs and amazing lows.
No one told me that babies can get theirs days/nights mixed up and that it would take weeks for him to actually sleep at night. For the first probably 3 weeks, DH and I took 2 hours shifts all thru the night holding him on the lounge, DS wide awake, us trying desperately to stay awake, while the other got some much needed sleep!
No one told me I wouldn't eat a hot meal or drink a hot coffee for the first 3-6 months!
I remember driving around on xmas eve as it was the only way DS would sleep and stop crying, I was bawling my eyes out while DH drove, thinking to myself will this ever end? Of course it did and I do look back on those days quite fondly now, but at the time I wasn't so happy :)
Having said all that, there were quite a few times I remember cuddling DS and crying happy tears too, was a very surreal feeling thinking this little bubba was actually mine, I was very emotional at that time :)
OMG I agree, it was pretty hellish. I had a very long labour, then c/s, then infection, and BF problems. I didn't expect to feel so bad physically. And I still had too look after a little baby, it was all too much. I remember thinking we'd made a mistake, we weren't ready for this, we couldn't do this on our own, etc etc. I found the first few months hard, then it got a little easier, and from around 6 months I've really been enjoying myself.
I also didn't know how long this lack of sleep would last, it's still going!! I expected a newborn not to sleep well but not an older baby, duh.
I'm scared of having #2 now!!
At the risk of going against the norm (and having something thrown at my head...)...
I got so many horror stories before DD was born that I thought I wouldn't be getting any sleep and would be in a constant state of chaos for months.
And yet, after I brought her home (a day early, 'cause I was bored in hospital), with Mum to help me do the housework (DP didn't get any time off work), it was (dare I say it?) easy. My Mum commented that you wouldn't have even known there was a baby in the house most of the time. I got on with my normal life, just supplemented my sleep with one afternoon nap and didn't feel anything negative at all. I did the odd bit of work from home pretty much straight out of hospital.
I realise I'm very lucky, but I often feel like I'm walking around with a very guilty secret. I couldn't talk about my baby much or how I was doing with her until I had 'trouble' (mastitis multiple times, but not until 6 wks, several months, 6 mths, etc). All mums and bubs are different. (Which is why I'm not expecting it to necessarily be the same with #2!).
I'll go and hide under a chair now...!
All of this rings true for me. I wrote a lot in my diary about those early weeks, and tbh I found the 10week mark harder than the earliest weeks, beause I felt like I should have had it all 'sorted' by then, and the sleep deprivation was starting to wear me thin.
Looking back, I was being too hard on myself and trying to do too much. I think I was shocked at how different life had become. I wasn't the same with a baby in tow. I was completely different!
I also felt the lack of support very keenly. DH was always my rock in the toughest times, and he went back to work in under 2 weeks, so I was very, very alone. That was hard.
It took me a while to recognise the rush of emotion as love...and I did resent her a lot sometimes (I even said I hated her :redface:) because she has always been a mummy's girl and DH can rarely settle her, or help when she is tired etc. The fact the buck stops with me and only me was a bitter pill.
I look back on it all with rosy glasses though and can't wait for #2.
The 8 month sleep regression...now that is a WHOLE other story :)
our first few weeks weren't as difficult as i'd thought they would be. we managed to adapt to having DD home really easily - DH was a massive support, and he would take one wake up at night every night - he'd pass her to me, i'd feed her, then he'd go to the other end of the house to settle her. by two weeks, we didn't need that - she'd feed, go back to sleep - seemed to know day from night. at three weeks, DH went away to work - and things turned to crap big time! i don't know if i was feeling more stressed, or if DD wasn't coping without Daddy - but we had a few really bad days. over the next couple of months DH was home a few days, away a few days - and it made it hard! DD slept through from five or six weeks, for at least 5 hours wake, feed, sleep another 4 minimum - so that aspect was fine - but the difference in her behaviour during the day was noticable. DH has now been back home just on three months, and it's mostly been good. we started solids last week and are having trouble with sleep again, but we expected that, so we just go about feeding her and getting her back to sleep asap over night...
i wouldn't say those first weeks were easy - but, like a lot of people, i'd been given every horror story in the book about how terrible it would be, had people saying i wouldn't cope etc - and it really just felt like she'd always been there and we were fine. we managed to plan, clean and cook for her baptism ok (she was baptised at 8 weeks!), with minimal outside help - so it can't have been too bad. adapting to having her in our lives definitely isn't a factor in putting me off having another...
The newborn weeks for me, were really hard.
In fact, they were horrendous. PND hit me like a freight train almost from the moment my hormones kickstarted labour. and i found that really scary as i had no hint of a depressive illness in my life beforehand.
I just wanted to run. i now have moments of serious shame about that and just wish that i didnt have to experience the PND. without i know that i would of had awesome fun! i did a great job with DD!
No one can ever really tell you what it is like, really. It either comes across as a 'horror' story or as a big whinge and nothing more. I think that is why for me joining a mothers group was my saving grace. here i was able to just be. to be with other girls that could barely string a sentence together due to tiredness, we could cry together and laugh together (there was one week where 2 of us managed to stand in cat vomit in the middle of the night on the way to a feed LOL!).
All i can hope for if i do have another baby is to not get pnd!! and also hope that DH will have time off from work, and that i can just be a bit more chillax overall. because 2 years in on this mummy train and i just cant get enough of my gorgeous gal!
Great thread! It is so refreshing to read about the mixed bag of emotions we all feel after having a baby.
I am very new to this, my DD being only 5 weeks old but my experiences so far have been mixed. The first few days were bliss, I was on a real babymoon high. DD slept well, fed well and didn't do much else. However, after the first few days my hormones went a bit crazy, DD decided she wanted to be an angel during the day and the devil at night. She wouldn't sleep and she cried.... a lot! Sometimes all night. DH & I had to take shifts so that we could each get at least a couple of hours sleep here and there. It was horrible, still sore from my c-section I had a baby that wouldn't settle at night and would scream for hours on end. I was exhausted, frustrated and basically at my witts end thinking I would never be able to cope with this. I remember every day thanking my lucky stars that I did not have twins (I'm a twin which is why I kept thinking that). And I clearly remember thinking - why the hell didn't anyone tell me it would be this hard?? Everyone told me I would love it, it was the best thing I could ever do. I wondered did I just have it tougher than everyone else or did they have it easy? My mind was struggling to comprehend why I wasn't forewarned about this nightmare that I was enduring. Then I met some friends of friends who had a 4 month old and they told me exactly how it was! Everything I said that I was going through they had been through as well and they told me just to hang in there as it's the first 6 weeks that are the hardest.
And so, by 4 weeks everything magically started to fall into place. DD started sleeping better at night and the crying diminished. I guess I am very lucky that things started to settle down after only a few weeks, but the tough weeks I did go through were the toughest of my life!!
It was incredibly difficult - I had a c/section and ended up doing everything I shouldn't after about a week, because I'm stubborn and my baby needed me.
Might have been easier had I had a natural birth. Also it was relatively easy with just one baby (no toddler or older child) so I could sleep when baby slept.
The first three days were hell, then i got out of hospital and came home - that was much better without contradicting advice from midwives at the hospital.
It took about 7mths before i could feel like I could use my stomach muscles or lay on my tummy again, wihtout major discomfort... stupid C/section.
But I have got a pretty darn good baby, all things considered. I look forward to the little things though. Definitely easier when they get older.
Fantastic thread.
I look back on those first weeks with mixed feelings, like many others have already said. I didn't take much notice of people dishing out the advice or forewarning me about what life with a bub would be like because I knew that its a different experience for everyone. So I never really believed them or took it on board and after my experience as a first time mummy with a new bubba, I'm not going to try and forewarn any of my girlfriends about what to expect either....because IMO its not until you actually experience it that you really get it.
The first 6 weeks of our life together as a new family were honestly the hardest thing I have ever done. Mostly because I had expectations that never eventuated. I was planning on a natural birth and to be out of hospital quickly, enjoying a blissful babymoon locked up at home with DP and our bub, ignoring the world. Not stuck in hospital for 4 days after an emergency c-section. I expected to breastfeed my baby.....I thought it would be easy....have boobs, will feed baby....when it didn't come naturally as I thought it should and went horribly pear-shaped instead, those first 6 weeks became a blur of expressing, finger feeding, settling an unhappy baby, no sleep, infections & illness..and round and round the cycle goes. I knew about hormones.....but I really knew about hormones when I couldn't stop crying for 2 day straight, both happy & sad tears at the same time.
I have never been so ill & immobilised as I was in those first few weeks after birth. I was a shadow of myself, and the stress and strain was so severe that I actually dipped well below my pre-pregnancy weight within a week of the birth. People didn't recognise me.
But gee I recall those moments of sheer love and devotion that make every little bit of that journey so worth it.
a familiar theme i get from this thread is the 6 week mark being a turning point. and i have to agree!
as a 'newbie' parent, i had NO idea how long the insanity of hormonal overdrive, busty boobie milk machines, lochia, and nightowl baby would last. looking at it from my couch in those first few weeks it seemed that it would be never ending and that was just the deal with babies, and that i would have to 'wait' until DD was a preschooler before things 'got back to normal'...
IMHO i just wish that someone (ie another parent of a young child) would of reassured me that it was all normal and that it wouldnt always be this full on. that it really is those first 6 weeks that can be the hardest as we all learn to adjust to this new way of life (and in DDs case to life outside the womb!).
but that's just me i guess. a friend of mine recently had a baby and when she asked me how i found it at first i was pragmatic i think. i told her that i found it hard, but that yeah, around the 6 week mark i felt more on top of things. i didnt feel the need to rose colour it, NOR to focus on the hardships. because like everyone has said, every experience is different...even to the point that some in my MG found the 6-12 MONTHS the hardest (as opposed to the newborn).
The first 6 weeks were the hardest of my life!! And I had DH home for the first month, plus no trouble with establishing breast feeding. Of course the first few days of DS's life he just slept & fed, but when he woke up...wow :o
He had his days & nights mixed up which I never knew could happen. He had an unsettled period from about 2am that lasted up to 3 hours.
He fed every 90mins - 2hours overnight, which I expected. But I don't think you can comprehend what that actually means until you're going through it. I thought you just fed the baby & that was that - I didn't consider the time it took to feed, the pooing twice per feed, trying to settle him, him NOT settling etc!! And I hope I'm not the only one who didn't realise they were actually going to have to be awake & semi alert during all of this :redface: As I said - cannot comprehend until you're there.
I remember being so tired it would get to about 3pm & I'd start slurring my words!!
I remember feeling like I had made the biggest mistake of my life.
I remember wondering why they don't tell you any of this in the antenatal classes. Not that I would've believed them anyway.
I remember telling my DH that I'd sooner go through the birth 100 times than deal with this (and my DS's birth was long & difficult!!).
DS got a cold when he was 3 weeks old & I was so worried about him!! He kept kinda choking on his mucus & I sat up all night just about, too scared to sleep.
He wouldn't sleep in the day unless I was holding him. Then I bought a bouncer & he'd only sleep in that. Some days I couldn't even manage to get changed outta my pjs.
Then he got to 6 weeks old & everything magically changed. As someone else posted - I too feel jealous when I hear other mothers talk about their wonderful first weeks.
Oops this has turned into abit of a vent for me, sorry girls!!