Even a text message to see how we were doing would have been nice.
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Even a text message to see how we were doing would have been nice.
My mil was and still is a god sent! It did however take me almost a year to accept her help was genuine and not a plot to steal my children from me!! :) my mum on the other hand did zero. I remember my dad asking her to hang out the washing for me one day during a visit and she gave him the look of death! My inlaws still bring around meals help out with washing pick up our dog poop! They take excess rubbish home and the list goes on! And just to talk them up a little more my mil is 74 this year!
I think the best thing any parent can do is be EXTREMELY positive. Say nothing but lovely things - you're doing a great job, you are a great mum, your baby is lucky to have such great parents, you have chosen such a lovely pram, etc etc. Be supportive, bite your tongue if you don't approve, etc.
My mum was amazing too, coming by to watch DD while I slept and she would do all the housework. She made up about 2 weeks of meals and for about a month after birth, she dropped in every arvo for me to have a shower - love that woman!! She is still so great and has DD twice a week while I work. I often still come home to tea made or washing folded or something. Sometimes she grabs a hamper full of clothes and wages them at home before bringing them back. I think the biggest thing is the help has been ongoing and didn't end after a week or two.
My mil wasn't worth a pinch of **** lol
^^^^^ yes rory, spot on! Encouragement and SUPPORT
not living near them, they came a few days after bubs was born. they DIDN't stay with us, nor ask to... which was very appreciated.
they just mucked in and helped. cooked, cleaned, walked the dog, took the bins out. They just treated my home like theirs, not like they were on holiday to 'care for the baby'. They really looked after DH and I and let us find our feet with a new baby. and they also gave us space :)
It was so lovley not having to ask and just having support without opinions or advice... unless we asked. they really stood back and let us muddle thorugh, like we needed to.
dad also coped well with the whole boobs hanging out thing lol i was pumping and having trouble feeding and basically said to him "if you are uncomfy you have to leave as i'm not hiding away in my bedroom all day". after that he was fine even cracking his dad's jokes about me being a "daisy" ie very efficient milker lol.
this time round, mum is coming to care for DS and spoil him and make sure he doesn't feel forgotten when the new bub arrives :)
hth
My mum was awesome, she brought food over and cleaned my floors and did the ironing. She was so encouraging and happy to help in any way she could. Even just being on the other end of the phone while I cried was a great help.
Parents live 5 hours away, so plenty of space given... but it would have been awesome if my mum had accepted that things have changed since I came into the world and I don't have to parent the way she did.
My mum isn't really the cleaning type... She did spend nearly two weeks coming around every day watching bubs when I slept or showered, made sure I ate lunch and generally just hung around & was company for me - that was enough. My DH is very hands on & did alot with our DD (& still does). He took nearly 3 weeks off when she was born, then I had mum for a couple of weeks then my in laws after that.
Ignored my "No, it's fine and all under control" reply and got up and did the dishes anyway! (But I'm terrible at accepting/asking for help, and MIL knew it.)
Kell I need multiple choice for the poll lol.
When it was happening, I thought my mum and dad were doing nothing, but now years down the track, my mum finally tells me that she thought I was awesome at it and so prepared, and that she wanted to give me space to find my feet. When I was sleep deprived they would make my bed up at home in my old room all clean and fresh (in a huge house where I couldn't be disturbed) and look after DD while I slept.
Much later she found out how bad my PND was and how ill I really was. After the birth of DS and I was ill (again) and we were grateful DS was alive, Mum and Dad took DD home with them for a week to let us get to know our newest little guy. At first I was horrified, as she'd never been away from me and it was 600km away, but it was the best gift anyone could have given me.
The ILs however knew we weren't real keen on a baby pass the parcel, and knew DH wanted them to help out and so they stayed away both times.
Mine didn't ask to stay just expected to :( 4 days later she went home:
Apart from being my midwife for all three pregnancies and delivering the last two (first ended in emergency c-section), my mother has done everything! When my first son was born at aged 19, my boyfriend (now husband 10 years on) still lived with my parents. She moved into my sisters room up stairs and got up with me at every night feed for the first week to help me with breastfeeding, and even took my ds1 after the feed sometimes, so I could go back to sleep. With my second son, she moved in with us for a week, cooked dinners, took the baby into the lounge room at 1am so DH and I could sleep, did washing, babysat ds1 (aged 7 by this time) and again, got up with mist feeds during the night for the first week to help with breastfeeding - ds2 had lots of trouble attaching, but after 7 weeks, we got there! Then with DD (born 12 weeks ago) she cooked a weeks worth of meals, came over and made lunches, and was just there everyday for support and a cup of tea! She couldn't have done more! She is a beautiful mother, friend and amazing midwife, so I had the best of everything!
My mum and dad have always been there since having dd. They worked with her feeds to get dh and I a few hours alone which was a godsend. They offer advice, but never push it onto us like the mil did. They would never give Harlee back just because she was upset or needed a nappy change, they would actually help out. Even 11 months on they are still here and as supportive as they were at the start, it wasn't just the honeymoon period. Love my parents to bits :)
My mum was so much help to me for the first few months after DS arrived. She would quite often spend anywhere from 3 to 6 hours a day with me (except the weekends when DF was home), and helped with things like cleaning, washing, cooking, looking after DS when I went for an hour or so to nap (my parents only live 5 minutes away). I was a real zombie for the first 6 weeks or so, she was just a godsend. My dad on the other hand took a long time to bond with DS (Cam is their first earthside grandchild) but one day he just started picking him up and spending heaps more time with him and then every time DS saw his grandad he only wanted to be help by him! You can only imagine how my poor mum felt ;) Suddenly, grandad was his fave! And he didn't even know how to change DS's nappy or feed him! Now my brother has a little one and we hardly see my parents unless we pop in once or twice a week to see them or they pop in on the odd occasion. I know that my brother and his wife are getting lots of help from my parents which is great (brother and SIL live with my parents).
So thanks mum and dad!!
When DD1 was born my folks were living 2 hours away, but Mum still drove up at least once per week to visit us but never stayed overnight. I would never let anyone clean my house, do my washing etc, but Mum was great in settling DD1, changing nappies, making lunch etc.
With DD2, born 12 months after DD1, my Mum literally saved my life. They moved house so they were closer to us. DD2 was pretty sick for months after birth and spent most of her little life screaming. Again, Mum did the nappy changes, lunch, coffees etc as well as endlessly walking the floors trying to settle DD2 - all while entertaining DD1. She also realised I was suffering from very severe PND and simply stepped in. She came to me three days per week and I went to her one day per week. While Mum didn't wash, cook, clean etc simply having her there supporting me was priceless.
My ILs on the other hand couldn't have been more useless . . .
My Mum stayed in our spare room the first 2 weeks, she got up when I did for 3am feeds and helped me with breastfeeding, especially attachment, calmed me down when I was getting frustrated, helped settle bubs. Biggest help was her encouraging me to continue breastfeeding and to not be afraid to take bubs off if he was not attached properly and to try again. I don't think I would of continued breastfeeding without her support!
She also cooked, cleaned, washed and did the groceries!
Oh it makes me sad for those of you who wanted parents to care and they didn't.