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Thanks CrankyKitten. I think we're planning to sit down and go over stuff, especially as my husband really wants to work out a solid budget. I just hope the idea of having a family isn't too far fetched! I'd be really sad if I had to wait another few years before even considering!
I think you're overthinking things ;) First rule of parenting - nothing ever happens like you plan.
First thing to figure out is whether you want to have kids now. If you do, then everything else will work itself out (not how you imagine, probably, but somehow)
I think you might be surprised - without knowing your current circumstances, my suggestion would be to sit down and work out if you definitely need to move, or if you can possibly put some stuff into storage or sell it, whether you will definitely need a new car or if you can manage even with a 2-door (unless it's also a 2 seater you should be fine - I had a 2-door Barina when DD was born, I just lifted the tailgate and popped her in through the back :) ). Work out your max weekly rent and what sort of house you think would be reasonable for that amount - check the real estate websites for what the current market is doing for ideas here.:
It's perfectly natural to feel overwhelmed with all this stuff, it's a huge change of lifestyle and a massive decision to be making - all the best :hug:
Thanks guys. Yes, I am a definite over-thinker and my husband is a definite budgeter. LOL. Great couple we make! =P
Cranky Kitten: nice to know stuff's possible with a 2-door car! We had no idea as to whether or not it'd even be possible to fit a seat in the back or not!
We're hoping to purchase a lot of the "big stuff" using my wage and living off DHs while we TTC and while pregnant. Hopefully anything left over from my wage after that will keep us going and we don't have heaps of expenses as it is.
I think MadB has said it perfectly. I got the advice from all my friends that had children that if you think about it too much you can always come up with a reason not to have children... in the end you just have to take the plunge.:
In saying that, because I ended up having to use IVF by the time we had our DD we had saved a lot of money. As soon as we got married we started a savings account for our future child. But we have actually not touched this money at all - we will be using it for her future schooling requirements. We have always just found the money, and we had the added expensive of IVF (so she cost us a lot more than the average child up front!)
Good luck with your decision.
Janie xxx
It took us 7 years to conceive our baby so we had a long time to prepare. Even so not everything goes to plan! DH and I had good jobs and rented in London. We decided about 2 years before the baby eventually came that we wanted to downsize our lifestyle (nothing to do with the baby as we were pretty convinced a baby was not going to happen) So anyway we gradually changed our lifestyle so that we were buying in bulk, living a less extravagant lifestyle and growing our own food etc. We also looked at living somewhere rural , cheaper and simpler than London.
2 years later I finally got pregnant and we embarked on the move to the country with the plan that we would live on one wage.
All well and good but then there was the credit crunch and recession, DH lost his job, our car died and a Tory government was voted in. Sum of all that was the government cut benefits, we ended up having to use our savings to buy a new secondhand car and pay rent etc. Then to compound things that car died and then the replacement car for that also died! Yes we bought three cars in one year! So our savings were gone completely. Then DH's gout flared up and has almost completely destroyed his knee so we are waiting on surgery on the NHS.
It has been terrible and we have had some really low points (buying milk and toilet paper with pennies that we have found on the street and around the house is one!) but in all we have a roof over our head, plentiful food, a free health system and benefits for struggling families etc etc
WE had always thought we would have everything in place for the birth of a baby but the universe decided our baby would come when we weren't as comfortable financially! Luckily I learnt quickly that you don't have to have an expensive pram, cot, bouncers etc. My baby wouldn't go in a pram or a cot so luckily I hadn't spent a fortune on them. An expensively decorated nursery would also have been a massive waste as we ended up cosleeping and a baby doesn't even see all the lovely decals and borders and matching curtains etc. All they want to see is your face!
My point is you can plan all you like for a baby's arrival but sometimes the universe has other ideas!
We didn't have a car at all when we started trying, and only decided to buy one so we could go on holidays and see my sister more easily. We bought it when I was 7 months pregnant; it's a 13 year old 4 door hatchback. Meets our needs. I wouldn't be in a rush to go out and buy a new one. see how you go - the car yards will still be there after you have the baby if it's not working.
Keep your money stashed, and make it work for you while you wait, that's my advice. ;)
Thanks again everyone!
redrobinridinghood: Wow, you guys did go through a few things! My parents ended up with bad luck as well when my sister and I were kids, thanks to the recession that happened in the late '80s. Things were great for them until that happened, and afterwards, well... I don't know how they managed, but somehow they did!
I guess we'll see what happens! It's nice to know, though, that having a family doesn't necessarily mean that things have to be perfect straight off. As many of you have said, you never really know what's going to happen, anyway...
DP and I had a big discussion about the amount of time I wanted to take off, the standard of living we wanted during that time (and in the future) and the things we wanted for our future baby/s. We worked out that we would need about $10,000 of savings in the bank, and rent would need to be capped at a certain amount, allowing for it to rise to a certain amount over the next few years. We took into account EVERYTHING and then drew up a budget accordingly.
At the end of the day, we just want a baby and will make the sacrifices necessary for that to happen. You have to weigh up what's important. We are in the pre-TTC stage as well, so you and I are in the same boat!
Good luck and happy planning!
Hi Aimz! Nice to meet someone that's in a similar situation! :-) Congrats on being able to write up a budget! I'm a little scared of doing such, myself! I've never been good with numbers (hence why I'll need to do it WITH DH as he is very good with numbers!). You're right about sacrifices, though. I think the both of us also need to sit down and talk about this as well, as there will obviously need to be some sacrifices made. I guess it's hard knowing where to start!
It isn't all financially downhill with a baby either. Babies are cheap, it is children that are expensive! My savings have gone up since having my surprise DD; you go out less (movies, dinner, drinks etc), you usually end up eating cheaper (I don't keep things in the house DD can't have so no chocolate or drinks that aren't water or chips etc) and you don't have time for other things that cost money (reading magazines, DvDs, going to the hairdresser) plus if your baby is one to dislike car trips which is pretty common then you will save money on petrol ;) Oh and I spend more reasonable amounts on clothing and shoes because I know they will end up with paint stains and cake mix streaks! The things my daugher enjoys most cost very little; painting the outside tiles with water, playing with dry pasta and empty tupperware, hide and seek, kicking a ball...
You make it work, I think the important things to budget for is medical (dental, if they need help such as speech therapy or OT etc) and schooling (depending on where you want to send your children and including extra activities).
wish someone would help me budget lol never any money left. and im silly enough to have a 3rd bubbs lol
We started by looking at our existing budget - simply a table which has our combined income at the top per month, and then a list below of all of our monthly expenses - rent, credit cards, bills, food, phones, gym memberships, health and general insurance etc. This gives you an idea of how much is coming in and what fixed expenses are going out. Whatever is left over I like to call "mad money" or money that we can do whatever we like with. We are saving most of it now, but have also allowed for a holiday to New York next year before we start TTC.
If you do up a basic budget of your income and expenses, you'll have a clear idea of what you have to work with for baby.
We then used the above budget and forecasted for the next 3 years - allowing for standard increases in our expenses, but also in DP's wage. That's how we worked out how much savings we would need to continue living as we are (with a few small sacrifices) and start our family :)
I'm happy to email you my budget if you like, just send me a PM :)
Jellyfish: Yeah, that's what I thought! It sounds like babies can be relatively cheap, but as they get older, well... I'm not too sure what we'd end up doing!
BeautifulMadness: Wow, third?! Congrats! At least you're managing!
Aimz: That would be great, if you don't mind? Except for some reason I don't think I can send PMs. I seem to have limited capabilities on the forums... not too sure why? Could be because I'm new?
We never made a budget for a baby. We budgeted our day to day expenses, sure, but we never thought 'hmm, can we afford this?' Not because we're irresponsible or unprepared (two years ttc, we were plenty prepared) but because we both truly believe what others have said; babies will only cost as much as you want them to ;) I can't agree with the previous posters enough...a baby doesn't care about the fancy pram or the change table...they like warm clothes, snuggles, clean bums and milk :) We got a lot of great clothes from friends handed down, an I agree with what someone said about saving money! Even though we're now on one income rather than two, with less going out, takeaway etc we save more money than before.
Hi Alexis and welcome to BB!
Our DD1 was a surprise, so there was hardly any time to plan. Like you, I work for myself (in fact, so does DP, so that put an added pressure on us). I had been doing it for a few years before DD came along, but the drop in my income while I couldn't work much was a big stress on us, financially and otherwise. I would have much preferred to be able to plan a bit better, but it wasn't the baby that was the issue, ITMS. It was not being able to work much on my side. This time around, because I have been doing this for much longer I have good working plans in place for the period post-baby. Plus, the maternity leave payment is now available, which will be an added bonus.
You can get so much on loan or given to you for your first baby that it doesn't have to be an expensive time from that point of view. MadB is right that as they get older it starts to cost more! But by then, you've had time to sort out how you manage and it's not really something you can plan for before being pg anyway. So much can change.
Ironically, the big things, like a new car, etc, we seemed to still manage, just sticking within pretty much the same budget as we'd always had. It was just my work that we needed to learn to manage, as well as caring for a baby, toddler, preschooler, etc.
Alexis, I will PM you via your FB link if you like? I think you need a certain number of posts on BB before you can PM.