Complete lack of options...

I don't even know where to start, but this is something that has been bothering me for a while. It's starting to really stress me out. I don't even know what I aim to achieve from posting, but I just need to tell people, talk it over, have so people say it will be ok, everything will work out in the end and to just chill! I don't think there is much advice... But I do need to discuss it and get it out in the open, cause like I said it is really stressing me out.
Long story short, I have no where to give birth...
There are no hospitals in my town. The closest town that does births is half hour away. And it is a major city. There are two hospitals there, a public and a private. These are no longer an option for me. I use to work at the public and it was hell. No way would I ever feel safe and supported, no way could I give birth in such a toxic environment. Hence why for Spock I actually traveled to where my parents lived, 3 hours away, I was away from home for a month. But I was happy with my choice. Unfortuantly that isn't an option this time because my folks are moving.
Despite my not worked at that hosptial since, my relationship with them has gotten worse, because of a particular person and her Unprofessionalism, she has not only worsened my relationship with the public hosptial, she has gone out of her way to ruin me completely and ruined my relationship with the private hosptial too. It wasn't really an option anyway because of money as we don't have private insurance.
I'm not exaggerating, that I would feel more supported and safer and would rather give birth on the side of the road, in the mud and pouring rain, with trucks flying past, than have anything to do with that hospital again.
So where does that leave me? Private midwives? Great, except there are only 2 that come to my town. Both live over 3 hours away, the first only comes to me for the birth, I have to go to her for the majority of antenatal appointments. The other, use to be my boss... And I don't feel comfortable with her as my midwife. Nothing against her practice, she is a great midwife. There is just a bunch of unspoken things between us... Stuff I'm not over yet, I feel it would get in the way, I feel she tries too hard to make up for it. Anyway, I just don't feel comfortable with her.
So all that's left, is I travel 1 1/2 hours to the next maternity hosptial, which is where I actually work. But their model of care doesn't feel right to me. The gp is the main provider, which is fine, but you only see the midwives once, twice if you are lucky before birth, and then it is whoever is on shift. I know I need continuity. For me that is a must...also, it is a low risk unit, so anything thinking about being a risk, anything that isn't predictable as perfectly textbook normal gets sent out....to the hell hosptial...and I am NOT going there.
Plus, will I even make it that far? Another big thing playing on my mind is Spock was my first birth. She was posterior right until the end (literally she rotated whilst crowning), she was also a compound (her hand was near her ear), and she only took 5hours...including placenta. I just know Quark is to be less, more so if he/she is anterior..
I just don't know what to do... I know to get my continuity I need a doula. But there is only 1 here I know of... I do have a friend who is a student midwife. Who I'm thinking to ask, but she has 4 young children, doing her studies, hubby who is in the army. I'm hessitant because she is already run off her feet. And I know she will say yes even if it is too much for her..

Arg!! I'm just lost. And like I said it is really stressing me out. I've thought of free birth, which technically probably wouldn't be free birth because I'm a midwife... And I know I could do it, but I don't want to have to. I want to be able to just switch off and be a birthing woman, which out feeling the pressure of knowing I need to keep rational. Ideally I would just do it myself and the midwife won't actually do anything, but at least I won't worry if I do switch off..

It's so pathetic, this area is like a black hole of choice. And it's all because of one toxic vile woman!

*breathe*

That really sucks and is stress you don't need.

Is there somewhere else you can relocate to for the birth? Family or friends you can stay with near a hospital you prefer? Or, is there a private midwife near where your parents are moving to? Could you birth at their home?

With the midwife who comes to the birth, would you be able to Skype some appointments? If you can take your own blood pressure, etc, then you'd only need to physically see her a couple of times.

From a back up point of view, if you birth at your home and need to transfer, I assume you need to go to your local public hospital.

I would research doulas in your area. There may be others. Or talk with your friend about what is reasonable from a time POV.

Or you could stay somewhere you feel safe (even here if you need!).

Otherwise it's fairly hard for you.

Hugs hugs.

Is Temora an option? I know that's still a big drive though. Or even Albury? I wouldn't be happy with that though because Scarf Boi runs the show in that area

That is where i work Trill =p.
I had my hopes up for a bit there L&B but looked it up, no mw where my parents are moving. And yea, everywhere in this area goes to the hell hosp..
Thanks Div. If money wasnt an issue id pack up the whole family and stat in a holiday house somewhere for a month and have a midi friend with us.
Im sure it will work out...im just still unsure, my instinct is telling me side of the road...which makes my brain freak out

Oh, don't you like Temora? I had all of mine there and it's certainly the pick of the hospitals in the area. Is Narranderra still open?

yea i do, its so far my only option.

no Narrandera closed, and last I heard Leeton was very close

Leeton is still open, but they have closed Narrandera. I fully recommend Leeton, had both my kids there and they are fantastic. Other option might be Griffith?