Hmmmm, I had NO fear coming into my second labour but it was still painful for me.......:
Hmmmm, I had NO fear coming into my second labour but it was still painful for me.......:
I think this is a fantastic thread because it shows how very individual everyone's birth- and everyones defintion of pain and fear- is.
I have found that very few women ever talk about all birth, the gory bits or the good bits. Talking about it like this- in an open, honest way, where everyone's opinions should be respected, and people can tell the truth- surely that has to be a good thing. Personally, I think that lifting the veil of mystery and silence on birth is a fantastic way to empower women, and have them thinking about what they want out of their birth experience and how to get that to happen.
Opening the lines of honest communication is a good thing for all concernced- we need to know that many other women have been through this, they came through it just fine, and for many it was an uplifiting, powerful experience.
Thanks for starting this thread Ali :) As I said earlier- knowledge is power. Good on you for wanting to know :)
Danielle - that's not a saying I made up myself, it's a well known one that absolutely applied to my birthing experience. No fear, no tension and there was nothing I could actually call 'pain'. There was nothing I thought I wouldn't survive or that I couldn't handle or get through. I wish everyone could have the experience I had, though a lot of women aren't prepared to do the homework I did. It's really worth it :)
I think it's so interesting how we have all experienced our different kinds of birth and pain in our lives!
I wanted to add some thoughts now the thread has grown so much.
Re: relaxation - i think it is undoubtedly true that "going with" the sensations of labour, and not allowing fear to bring tension into the body will improve the labour experience for EVERY woman. I remember becoming tense several times during labour and the contractions became very difficult to deal with until i found my mojo again. However, all of us have different bodies, and all of us feel pain and handle pain differently, and all of us, inside, have different pain nerve and neural paths and there WILL be some women for whom labour will be very painful, no matter HOW well relaxed they are.
Accepting that there will be some pain can be a means to letting go of fear, it needn't insight greater fear. I actually thought, in pregnancy, that labour was going to be the most agonising experience of my life, and i was very pleased it wasn't and very surprised too - my imagination outstripped my experience! But then i AM experienced with pain - i HAVE broken bones, torn soft tissues and suffered injuries, including some unfortunately in my genitals. Having something to compare it to HAS to make a difference, doesn't it?
I think that how we react to pain can make a real difference - someone on a previous page wrote that they broke their arm in pregnancy and couldn't have painkillers and it was a sharp pain but they handled it..? I do not like sharp pain.
The sprained ankle i found worse - it was sharp and then hot and insistent and relentless and i felt sick to my stomach trying to cope with it.
The cigarette burn i found worse - it was sharp and sudden and buzzed on like a vibrating needle in my skin for hours and hours.
The broken collarbone was worse - everytime the horse leaped and stretched to clear the jump i forced my hands to "give" so i wouldn't pull her mouth and i felt the ends of the bone grate across one another and a hot sharp fire of pain burned down to my hand and up to my ear - it was terrible!
The broken footed half marathon hurt more - the pain started as a sharpish jolt everytime my foot hit the ground, and after about 3 miles turned into a round constant ache with a jab in there every step. By the end of the race, 10 miles later, as far as i was concerned my leg ended half way down my shin and below that i just had a painful throbbing stump, i kept expecting to see my shoe full of blood (metatarsal stress fractures can become complete fractures suddenly and rupture through the top of the foot) and being amazed when i didn't. I had a hot stone in my stomach from bearing the pain so long when my body told me the whole way to STOP RUNNING.
With labour for me, the pain began slowly, was a warm, round aching sort of pain (as opposed to a sharp, jabbing sort of pain) and there was none of that "alarm" feeling i get when i'm injured until transition, and even then, somewhere inside i knew it was transition and didn't take myself 100% seriously, ikywim. It wasn't relentless because it kept stopping and going away for a while, and those breaks just felt like a cool drink of water on a hot thirsty day to me - it was WORTH getting thirsty to have them! The only two moments of labour i can say were painful for me were the moment when her head came through my cervix (that last bit of stretching of the cervix was sharp and sudden in my labour!) and when i felt my bones opening as i sat on the loo, just as she began to crown - i felt the bony ridge of her head with my fingers and thought, in my labour-numbed mind, that it was MY pelvic bones falling out! :lol: I had NEVER felt pressure like that, of someone coming OUT of me! It was immense, but also joyful and incredible. It made me want to laugh in amazement and weep with awe, i felt every emotion there is in that moment and i loved her for it - maybe HER life flashed in front of me? :lol:
I think the thing that's coming through from all of these posts most strongly is the consensus that the emotions and physical sensations of childbirth CAN be painful, but aren't definitely going to be, and even when they are, the experience brings us our children, and with them fulfillment and joy we had previousl only imagined.
To all you pregnant ladies waiting, i am so jealous! I'm broody as heck, and i loved the birthing experience, i cannot WAIT to go back for more! I'd do it on your behalfs but i'd feel guilty for taking such an incredible experience from you. :hug:
Bx
????:
I wish everyone could have the experience I had, though a lot of women aren't prepared to do the homework I did. It's really worth it
Birth and labour isn't an exam that if you study hard you get an A+. Many women who have bad experiences do prepare and do their 'homework'. I know my bad labour experience didn't come because I didn't put the effort in. One of the reasons why I posted is so that women who do have bad experiences don't think it is somehow their fault. Yes there are tools to help, yes there is pain relief and methods of coping. But lets not make this into who is the better mother because of their birthing experience. If I have misunderstood your intention please let me know.
Yes sometimes the problem is that a woman is so prepared and then things go the other way. That's why it's good to hear all sides of the story! That way if you have no expectations, but are aware of all your choices or scenario's, it's less likely to be so disappointing if things do go totally the opposite way to what you had "planned".
I don't believe in my case no fear meant no pain. I was actually really excited just before I hit second stage labour. I'd had no first stage and was just waiting (waters had broken that morning) and thinking how easy it was going to be, and then the most almighty contraction hit. It was in fact transition looking back and I can say now I have NEVER experienced anything like it! I am still amazed when I think back on it, it was mind blowing!!
For me birth two was far more painful, even though it was the birth I had prepared for, done yoga, meditated, decided on pain free, had my TENS, had all the breathing down patt etc, and it was far worse than number one when I was in labour for 12 hours and wasn't prepared at all. And I was scared big time. I remember asking three different Dr's about the pain and just being almost obsessed by the whole thing (fear of the unknown). But it was ok.
Wonder what htis time will bring/???
I thought I was super prepared the first time. I had been seeing an acupuncturist all the way through my pregnancy, spent time in the last few weeks visualising the birth, sourced and bought specific birth-related relaxation cd's, spoke to my unborn son and let him know he shouldn't be afraid that his Mummy and Daddy were waiting for him and we would love and protect him and I read and re-read numerous books on calm birthing techniques. I even left work 9 weeks before I was due to leave my job behind and prepare myself as much as possible for my new role as a Mum.
Sadly none of that extensive homework did the trick and after a long, painful and somewaht traumatic labour he arrived by emergency CS. I don't think I could have done more homework if I tried. Homework isn't a guarentee of a fabulous birth.
Truth is there is not ryme nor reason to it, there is no special preparation or homework you can do. Birth is unpredictable, each baby's journey is different, and each birth unique.
I also feel sad that I won't experience birth again, I don't think I could cope with another child but I would glady birth again. I would even happily be a surrogate but I'm too old now!
Our family is complete, so no more birthing experiences for this little back duck!
I had a knee reconstruction where they had to break the bone for something. Apparently the pain i felt after that is supposed to be worse than child birth (according to the doctors).. So I think im set :)
I'm really glad that you felt empowered by your preparation, and that it translated to a pain-free and wonderful birth experience. I agree that a lot of women would benefit from more preparation, particularly so that they feel empowered to create the birthing space and support that they need. But it does not guarantee an easy birthing experience.:
I wish everyone could have the experience I had, though a lot of women aren't prepared to do the homework I did. It's really worth it
In my case, the preparation I'd done for months (visualisation, relaxation, meditation, bellydancing, stretching, reading, empowering my body and mind), not to mention years of breath work and rebirthing didn't insulate me from the trauma I experienced. I went into the birth room pretty fearlessly, given I was headed for a full scale induction at 42.5 weeks. BUT what my preparation did do was give me the strength and the clarity and courage to stay alive and fight my way back into that labour room and face the horror again. But really the birth was just part of my life journey, and my daughter's life journey, and it was what it was.
I have experienced 2 natural, drug free births and the pain didn't even come close to the pain I've experienced when I had a heart attack at the age of 27, having my tummy tuck or the pain of pelvic separation when being pg.
Maybe the pain wasn't so bad cause they were very quick, trouble free births.
My df sooks over going to the dentist and it makes me so mad LOL...
I thank God all the time for the easy births I've had. I don't have what I'd call "pain" until the last few contractions, but I'm so out of it on endorphins by that stage it's more than manageable. I really dislike the intensity of those last ones, and that feeling of the baby coming down the birth canal before it is born, but I figure that's nature's way of giving me the motivation to push it out ;)
The body, in the right circumstances, can also produce its own painkillers to at least help with that, and I'm a great believer in doing whatever I can to encourage that production. That means a lot of visualisation, a lot of movement, a lot of relaxation, and a lot of preparation beforehand.
Yes, actually, I have been misunderstood! By saying that preparing makes birth less fearful and possibly less painful, I am NOT then saying that a birth that was painful or that went in a different direction happened because there was no preparation. It's false logic to draw that conclusion from what I'm saying.
I am saying that you are far more likely to have a better birth if you DO prepare in this way when in a medicalised environment. In no way is this insurance against things going against the plan. I DO think preparation helps you deal with unplanned events far better, as well. I've not ever heard one person say that HypnoBirthing made their birth experience worse, for example. In cases where things had to become medicalised, I've only ever read and heard people say that without the HB or Calmbirthing course, it would have been a lot worse. So, by extension, I'm saying that general preparation can only make a bad situation better for you.
Yes, I still wish more women had the birthing experience I had. It was ace and I'm not afraid to say so. My birth experience has given a lot of women hope for first or subsequent births.
Preparation is still the key, in today's medicalised and scare-mongering birth world, to having a better birth experience, even if that birth still involves a measure of pain or medical intervention.
For me, it meant not having 'pain' - and I wasn't banking on not having pain, so that was a bonus for me.
ETA: Marydean - exactly! We do what we do based on the best information we have at the time - the information you had going in would have 'insulated' you from a worse outcome than if you had done no preparation at all and had to educate yourself from scratch in order to heal, would that be representative of where you're at?
Haven't read all the responses but I can tell you a 9cm cyst on your ovary is right up there, 10 outta 10 kinda pain. And it went on for 6 months because I was prg and couldn't have it removed. Can't tell you how many times I went to A&E. The pain following that surgery was also baaaaad.
I'd have a baby over those two experiences in a heartbeat.
I just wanted to throw in here- there is no shame in pain. Experiencing pain during birth is seen as the norm across many cultures, ages and demographics, and some see it as a rite of passage.
For Ali, and all the other girls who will soon give birth, even if you have done all the prep in the world, you may still feel pain and you may still need intervention. Doesn't mean you've failed, or you didn't try hard enough or breath deep enough.
For many many women, birth is just painful. That is a very common thing and not neccessarily something that will make you feel disappointed, incomplete, sad or traumitised. Pain- or lack of it- doesn't neccessarily mean your birth experience is any worse or better than anyone else's. Just different, in the same way all our birth experiences are different.
Exactly, that's why I thought I'd mention that I wasn't going into birth thinking I'd insured against pain. It just happened that way. My GF's home waterbirth was painful, in her own words, and she loved it and still wants more women to have a wonderful experience like her own. That's how I feel about mine - empowered (pain or no pain, it was extremely empowering), not that it gets a better mark for pain free-ness. I want women to have empowered births, not a blueprint version of my own physical experience.:
For many many women, birth is just painful. That is a very common thing and not neccessarily something that will make you feel disappointed, incomplete, sad or traumitised. Pain- or lack of it- doesn't neccessarily mean your birth experience is any worse or better than anyone else's.
It's like vocalising during birth. I didn't really do any and some women do heaps - and it tends not to do with the pain, it's just a 'thing', another 'thing' that makes a birth individual and reflective of the woman doing it :)
Mmmm, this is a bit late, but I found child birth painful - but not unbearable (natural water birth).
I have been in worse pain. Having my wisdom teeth smashed and pulled without a working anaesthetic was worse. Actually, the injections after birth for the local anaesthetic to stitch me up (had a small labial tear) were worse than childbirth itself.
During childbirth, I always knew that this pain was not gonna last, so I knew, I was gonna get relief from it sooner or later. I never felt that something was wrong. I never felt that I couldn't take it. Not once did I even think I needed pain relief. I knew there was a reason for this pin. To me it felt more like when you really really push yourself during exercise. Not a pain associated with an injury, but a pain associated with an extreme load on your muscles, with pushing your boundaries.
It's hard to describe, but I didn't see it as pain. It was more like trying to find the strength within you. yes, I did sometimes wonder how would I get through another contraction. But my thoughts were more around finding a better position or something like that, rather than about how can I stop this pain.
I cannot wait to do it all over again!!!
Sasa
My xh would be adamant that a broken shin was more painful than ANYTHING in the whole world. He didnt get any brownie points from me for that.
I reckon my gallstone attack was worse than a 50hour labour and c section combined!!!
I'd love to hear what Ali has to say on this one, after the fact... Ali? Any thoughts hun?
I have been meaning to come back to this thread to let you know what I thought about it.
I think I was very fortunate to have a fantastic birth experience. Yes it did hurt but nothing that would stop me having another child. I think this thread really helped me in that I had an open mind and knew that it couldn't be too bad if people went back for seconds or thirds or even more!
The contractions were painful and the crowning, well that stung but what hurt more than labour for me was the stitches. The ob went to stitch where there wasnt local that had set in and DP said that i screamed louder then than any other time. She almost got kicked across the room.
I actually felt labour to be very empowering.
Here is my birth story if you want to read more https://www.bellybelly.com.au/forums...baby-girl.html
Thank you to everyone who contributed to this thread. I hope that it does help others who are curious about the amazing gift of giving birth.
LOL - interesting thread.
After birth I developed a haematoma as a result of an episiotomy which cut into a blood vessel. My poor perenium swelled to the size of a golfball!! I would have to say that I actually preferred the pain of the contractions as opposed to this pain!! It felt like somebody had shot me in the perenium and just left me bleeding on the bed.
The contractions are really hard-core but at least they are purposeful pain that comes and goes - pain for a purpose. The staff all paid attention to my contraction pain but know-one seemed to listen or believe me when I told them how much my poor crotch was hurting afterward!
I never expected to be in so much pain after labour - at a time when I was supposed to be enjoying my baby. Hopefully it wont happen next time (waterbirth here we come!!!:dance:)
Ouch....:
Toothache, dismenorrhoea, gastro, Dengue Fever, typhoid fever, biking up steep hills and running on the flat for more than 10 minutes all hurt more than childbirth for me. I'd rather give birth than run 5 miles. Like running, tramping and biking etc, birth was a 'good' pain, just exertion, not a traumatic pain like when you know something's really wrong, like with gastro or Dengue Fever. I've never broken a leg, but spraining my ankle badly (on several occasions) was pretty bad. Completely unlike labour pain, which usually isn't pathological.
I acknowledge that labour pain, for some women, really is intense and severe. It's a very personal thing. I've seen women with a posterior labour that goes on for 50 hours cope quite nicely with the pain as being quite manageable. With an 11 pound baby! For me, labour pain wasn't the worst thing that I'd been through. But for some women, it is the hardest thing they've done. Whatever our birth experience, it deserves acknowledgement and honour. It's always unique. It's been great lately talking to a couple of homebirth mothers who candidly said, "It hurt like hell!!! But - I did it."
I have had two c/s, one emergency, one "elective". I stopped analgesia 24hrs post surgery. I have a high pain tolerance!
I snapped my ACL (knee) ligament in February. That hurt as much, if not more, than the c/s recovery.
I've now had a knee reconstruction. That's right up there too.
As is having a large (4.5 by 4.5 by 5cm) ovarian cyst... swelling... and then removed.
I think it's different for different people.
Hmm.......now I've experienced it I can say it's the worst pain I've ever felt. But I've never really hurt myself, lol. I ended up with a c/section after about 35hrs and once the anesthetic wore off I only ever had panadol and neurofen. I kept asking if they were giving me something else and isn't it supposed to hurt more than this? lol. I thought that all of a sudden it was going to start hurting a lot but it never really did. Of course it hurt but not like you would expect having been cut open!! For me the labour was far far worse.
I can honestly say that with one it is the worst physical pain I have ever felt... But I will qualify that with, I have never been in any serious accidents, broken any major bones or had any major lacerations or puncture wounds - nor have I suffered any serious burns. After childbirth, I have broken 3 toes and one finger. After that, I had concrete burn on my arm almost 20 years ago.
Its safe to say that I am a respectfully cautious individual who - other than getting pregnant - has done very little else to cause myself physical pain. So I am not a good judge to the saying - "Child birth is the worst pain a woman can experience".
What I will add in closing is - with Samuel, I was having additional localised stabbing pain during contractions that never occured with any of the others - so of the 5, his was the most painful. I have always figured that if this was an additional pain unrelated to normal contractions - then I would have to disagree with the original premise.
labour sucks. It hurts like it will never end, I felt like I was getting ripped open from the inside. I have had both posterior and normal, from 8lbs to 11 and they all hurt. People say you forget the pain but that is crap, I haven't forgotten!
But in the end you get a baby so it's all worth it :)
It''s amazing how different everyone's experiences are...
Im sure there are more painful things than child birth.
BUT...
Child birth is THE WORST pain i have ever been through.
ETA - Willow i will agree about the cyst they are DAMN painful but i still think childbirth was worse..
Worst thing for me would be having an abscess tooth for 2 months. That was worst than all my labours put together!
I would have to say gallbladder attack/gall stones - had 3 attacks while pregnant and had to have my gallbladder removed at 29wks preg! twas Very scary! but i was getting quite sick!
I have been through 3 births and after my last baby i starting haemorrhaging, it was the worst pain i have ever ever ever ever ever had. I went through the labour and birth with no drugs but while i was haemorrhaging i had gas and pethodine!!!!! So of course there are more painful things then child birth but i must say that child birth has its own pain that can not be discribed but in the end it is all worth it!!!!
Nikki
In my experience, there isn't much that hurts worse than childbirth. I'm pretty sure the 'forget the pain!' hormones have done their job, because the pain in my jaw/teeth from a sinus infection a few weeks back had me in constant tears for days... but I do remember saying after giving birth to DD that it would take 'five years of therapy, and at LEAST that many bottles of straight tequila' before I ever considered doing it again...
But then, I was induced and my body tends to overreact to certain things (there was the time my orthodontist put elastics on my braces and my gaps closed in less than 24 hours instead of the intended period of 4 weeks, I was in excruciating pain and he just about had a heart attack the next day when he saw how fast my teeth had moved), and they do say that induced labour is more 'intense' than natural labour... I went from 'hooking up the drip now' to 'HOLY CRAP YOU'RE 10CM ALREADY!?!' in about ten minutes, and then the next four hours were the worst of my life lol... I don't know whether the worst part was the back/hip pain, or that awful cauterising sensation as DD's head pushed against my perineum... but either way, it frickin' hurt and I admit I panicked - I was prepared for a lot of pain, but then I just lost my mind and freaked out and that didn't help anybody.
Going into labour, I wasn't afraid at all - I expected to be in a whole world of pain but figured 'it doesn't stop women going back for another round or five' so I didn't think it could be *that* bad... I didn't listen to the horror stories from other women because I have a high pain threshold and they were all wusses lol so of course they were big sooks about it :D
I'm sure if I had a spontaneous labour it would be much easier on me, because not only do I know what I'm in for this time around (and am planning on 'mind over matter' when it comes to the pain), but I won't be chemically 'forced' into labouring and therefore my body will be able to prepare itself, kwim? It will be slower, gradual, not go-to-whoa the way DD's labour was.
It doesn't hurt quite as bad as labouring, but my hips think they're in second-stage labour (and have been for the past six weeks, same as with DD), and have softened and spread, causing really intense, constant pain in the tops of my legs, lower back and pelvis. It's horrible, and the worst thing is knowing that the only way to stop it is to get the baby out - in the meantime, I can't sleep, can't walk properly, can't pick DD up, can't do housework, push a shopping trolley, or sit down without jarring something. :(
Just thinking about it - my inner ear infection may have been close. I spent most of it out cold on Mersyndol though - so as constant pains go, that may have come mightly close... I just will never remember because I only experienced that pain for short periods and under medication (I'd wake up screaming and DH would bring me more pain killers) - where as my labours were alert and unmedicated.
This really is a tough one.
I have said to people that I would go through another labour to avoid the pain and associated problems of breastfeeding! (however I went through labour using calmbirth techniques)
So true... I had a very painful labour but I would still say the next six weeks of breastfeeding all put together where much more painful. Added to that, i expected childbirth to be painful, but no one even warned me that breastfeeding hurt!:
^^ OMG yes.
I read an article about the pain of breastfeeding in a Sunday paper liftout (I can't remember whether it was the Sunday Herald or Telegraph)... I was going to quote and post it in another thread because it pretty much summed up my experience and I wanted to put it out there for those mums who just couldn't handle bfing!!
I think I need to update my answer, Diastasis of the Syphisis Pubis is worse than drug free labour for me.
Here here on the BFing. I dont know how many times I have said I would rather have 10 babies than try BFing again. At least with labour, you know it is going to be over in a matter of hours, not so with the BF.
FWIW, I went from 4cm to 9cm in 2hrs, used the gas and coped fine, I then pushed for almost 2 1/2 hrs, finally I had syntocin and an epidural and he was vacumed out,(he was posterior and had his head tilted sideways) I ended up with a 3rd degree tear and lost a litre of blood from the tear alone.
However, when all is said and done, I have had more painful and traumatic experiences falling off horses.
I know I had an epidural, but TBH, the whole thing just wasnt that bad, I dont know what I expected, but it was totally bearable. And the recovery from the tear was no prob at all, just kept up with the pain killers and was pretty much back to normal in about 7days.
I do acknowledge I was prolly pretty lucky tho :D
I have to agree with everyone on the breastfeeding, no-one ever said how hard and painful it would be!! but i have to say it is definatley worth it. I also found my labour to be surprisingly bareable.