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i had a 2nd almost 3rd degree tear, i was very high (up inside). It took probably 3 weeks to heal and hurt quite alot for the first week after that it didnt hurt too bad. the worst part for me is the scar where it is inside, have to go very slow with sex as the scar tissue is not really stretchy. oh yeah, and stool softeners where my freind, especially if it tears anywhere near the back.
I tore, but my tear was an upper labial tear, and also went inside abit. It didn't hurt at all when it was happening (I think? I was only pushing for a total of 8 minutes from 1st push to DD being born) I only had 7-10 stitches.
But afterwards I was quite sore. If I was too mobile it hurt, if I sat in certain positions it hurt. I think from memory it took about 2 weeks to heal? It was an awkward spot to tear, and I got a slight infection because it was near the urethra.
But I would definitely rather tear naturally than epi. IMO, it would likely do less damage further down the track, plus you would very likely not tear as bad as an epi!
If you're worried about healing, try Rosehip oil if you do tear/get an epi. It promotes healing and is great for that kind of stuff! :) but your DH/DP usually has to put it on the stitches for you, can be rather awkward by yourself lol.