The pain during labour

Marydean, I'm a real believer in the healing power of validation. This has been true for me personally and has been significant in some therapeutic situations (I was a Registered Obstetric and Pyschiatric Nurse in NZ before I became a mother and a doula). I found that heart-level empathetic listening, so that the speaker felt truly *heard* was so important. It is a way of truly bearing witness with the person. It takes courage and an open heart to be fully present and conscious, to bear witness to another's pain and testimony and healing process. It is a very special gift that you can give. We're not real good at doing this around grief, bereavement, loss, trauma, rage, confusion etc .... but we can learn to do this and be this more for each other.

When I was a paediatric nurse (aged 22), I went in to take a child's temperature one day. The young mum began to talk. She told the most heart-breaking story of horrific abuse. An hour later, I was still standing there, with the thermometer in my hand. I felt so utterly helpless. But she wiped away her tears and said, "You're the first person I've ever told." Lightbulb moment. I realised that being present, bearing witness and really listening is sometimes the best thing, the most needful thing. The experience is yours alone. We have all that we need within us to surmount the most appalling traumas and tragedies. (I've a had a few comparitively minor ones myself). The human spirit is amazing. But sometimes, all we need, it a witness. And sometimes, that's the bravest and sweetest thing we can do for another person who is processing their pain.

It sounds like you are making awesome progress, Marydean. Good on you.

Julie, Amen to that. This is the powerful truth that lies at the deepest layer of healing, whether emotionally, spiritually or physically.

Ok, It's still fresh in my mind, being only 9 days ago, however I firmly believe that nothing I say will prepare you. I thought I had an idea of what it felt like and well the answer to that is no.

Did it hurt, yes, could I handle it, yes, I only had gas.

What I can tell you is how I felt emotionally about the pain. During it and immediatley after it all I could think is that I can't do that ever again, it was really hard. I got over that in 2 days.

I can't wait to do it all again!!

I know there are alot of people who have responded, but I will still give a brief run down of what labour was like for me.
I started pre-labour on Thursday night from about 9.30pm until 3.30am the next day. Contractions were about 20 mins apart and I could easily breathe through them. During the day (Friday) I had no further contractions, just period like pain and blood stained mucus. Pre-labour started again on early Saturday morning, approx 1.00am and DH ended up timing them to be approx 6 mins apart, could breathe through them, called the hospital and they told me to come in. Got to hospital they got further apart, was told best to go home but come back at 8am for OBS to do an internal - cervix was still closed and again to come back at 2pm or earlier if contractions got closer together (they didn't) Went back home to rest as I hadn't had much sleep b/c excited about the possibility of having my baby and also couldn't sleep during contractions. Was continuously having period like pain but the contractions had pretty much stopped again! They started again early Sunday morning, with me doing laps around our kitchen and stopped to breathe through the contractions, which were irregular, anywhere from 6 mins to 2 mins apart. Went back to hospital and they gave me a sleeping tablet, which did nothing. I couldn't lie in bed as the contractions felt more intense when lying down and ended up trying to rest in the chair to no avail. Eventually I hopped in the bath and rocked through the contractions. OBS come in 8am did an internal, whole 1cm dialated and gave me 3 options, 1 go home continue to pre-labour, induction or c-sect. Chose the induction as I was so tired from pre-labour, lack of sleep etc.... Didn't start 'proper' labour until 10.30am - contractions 2 mins apart or 5 contractions every 10 mins. Some I could breathe through, others I couldn't and was bellowing like a cow, trying to breathe but most of the time I was holding my breath. Had intense back pain (I still have the pain when I bass a bowel motion - albeit not as intense), couldn't stand through my contractions as I had pain going down my thighs and felt like I was going to fall over. Also b/c I was induced I had to be monitored the whole time, so I was pretty much stuck on the bed. I had my DH and sister in the room, which was great, although they really couldn't do much for me, just be there, give me a cold face washer, rub my back. Ended up begging to hop in the shower, which they agreed to but only for a short time. I enjoyed being in the shower, warm water on my back but didn't reduce the pain. Had some gas, which didn't do much, other than taking the focus off the contractions and back pain as it rattles when you breathe it in. Had an epidural at approx. 2.30pm and felt great, just could feel pressure in my stomach during contractions. Labour didn't progress much more, I only got to 6 cms and ended up having a c-sect, so I can't comment on the pushing part. HTH

Okay, firstly sorry if I repeat what someone else says, my attention span isn't great these days so I only got halfway through the comments...:p (okay, I've summed up at the bottom kinda for those who want to skip the waffling.)

I loved River's birth. Loved it.

Someone described a contraction to me before birth, and I found it to be spot on. They described it as a wave. You can feel it coming, so you get into position and ready to breathe, it peaks, and then it ebbs away again and you can relax. Knowing when it was coming and being able to mentally prepare for each one really helped.

I gave birth in the water, and that made a big difference for me, contractions 8mins apart and very very intense on land, 4mins apart and much easier to bear. Everyone's different, but try different things in early labour, and when you find what position/s works for you, that's great.

I had my husband and a birth support partner who's a friend/student midwife. She was brilliant. So was dh actually, not that there was much he could do. I can't recommend enough to have birth support who you trust. I knew that my friend would take care of dh, and that she shared my philosophies about birth, so if she thought I wasn't coping and needed to rest or intervention, I'd trust her judgement. I had underestimated the value of having someone to encourage and tell you you're doing well and the baby will be there soon.

I also told myself labour wouldn't last forever, I actually told myself right from the start 'it'll be over in less than 12 hours', which isn't true for everyone. I ended up with 30min to spare! Knowing it wouldn't last forever helped so much.

Something I hadn't realised was how much your body is able to accommodate labour. I imagined myself chatting inbetween contractions, listening to music, having backrubs...instead I went into a 'zone', where my hormones kicked in, and I focussed so much! No chatting, no music, no touching. My body knew what it had to do, and it did it very well. I'd thought drugs would be a temptation, but I realised I didn't need them, my body did so well on it's own.

Right, well, ramble ramble ramble. Let me sum up what my experience taught me:
- the pain comes like a wave. You see it coming and ready yourself, then relax when it's over.
- your body takes over. Your hormones are far more capable than you imagine.
- good birth support is invaluable. Someone to encourage, and remind you of the end result.
- you won't know what positions are comfortable til labour starts - but it's good to have ideas to try. Take your midwives suggestions too.

Hope that helps, nothing can prepare you entirely, but things like breathing and knowledge were very helpful. All the best!

So glad i read through this thread tonight, i am being induced on tuesday night and have found this thread fantastic. I had to giggle over the tight mouths tight fanny's...lol... Hubby told me i should take along some barry white and sing along. :)

Singing in labour is a wonderful way to aid progress (I believe!) Just make sure you keep those lips loose and the sound coming from deep inside you not your throat! Good luck for Tuesday! :hug:

"Singing in labour is a wonderful way to aid progress " - yeah, I sang Roy Orbison's "Only the Lonely" on the way to hossy at 2am LOL!!

I love it Rory! In my first labour I sung Cat Stevens "where will the children play". NIce low notes. OOOOH you think it's fine... Building jumbo planes... Taking a ride on a cosmic train.... OOOHHHH!!!!!

It was actually so much better than I expected. I did hypnobirthing which I think is what helped me more than anything. I didn't feel "pain" but discomfort. I was like Nelle, went completely into my own little zone. It was the MOST amazing experience of my life and like Nelle... I LOVED IT!

thank you so much everyone for your response.. i didn't realise how much interest this thread would create

it is great to see all the different stories and i will keep all of them in the back of my mind whilst in labour (well i will try anyway lol)

I am looking forward to experiencing birth and meeting my little man and I will definately be writing my birth story and posting it for all to read..

May your birth be beautiful Sirenz! :hug:

Ohh singing, I couldn't consentrate on the music enough to sing along.
Maybe next time.

Good luck though with your birth. I hope it's as wonderful and memorable as mine was.

Haha Becca, I brought music in, some relaxing stuff and some Jamiroquai, and thank goodness no-one put it on, music would have irritated me to no end! I even gave Rans the evil eye when his lolly bag crunched (yes, lolly bag, like he was watching a movie :p).

Ha Ha, lollies?? sure he wouldn't want some popcorn??

the hospital offered us some enya, Nathan and I just looked at each other and asked the midwife, if the radio worked and we put it on triple J.

Nathan decided he would wait untill well after the birth to tell me that a song I really hate, and haunts me, (litterally, comes on everytime we get in the car I hate it so much) was playing right as Xavier was coming out.
Thankfully I was otherwise occupied. :lol:

I was induced and so my contractions come on hard and fast. The only way I can describe them is like a REALLY long and intense leg cramp but in your pelvic area. As for the pushing stage I felt no pain, couldnt even feel the contractions by then as I had had an epi.
But it's all worth it in the end, the very second that your bub's is in your arms you will have long forgotton about all the pain.

I liked "chinese burn" thats the closest I have come to describing the pain- my pregnant friend is infuriated I can't exactly describe labour, and each one is different but I would ABSOLUTELY recommend Birth Skills by Juju sundin. I had 2 days of early labour and was to be induced day 3- was 5cm on arrival and after 4 hours (of intense contractions) and 5 pushes (read the coffee plunger part!) and AHH ing like there was no tomorrow (I wasn't going to do that bit, only use the stress balls SO glad I AHHed you get over it!)My darling son was born, after 18 months of trying! Only used gas and had no stitches this book got me through, otherwise I believe the pain would have been too much and I would of ended up with an epidural.

lol- you know how you didnt have to put up with period pain for a whole 9 months?

well, whack it on all at once, x 10

but.... its not that bad! i mean, we go back and do it again, dont we!

such a wonderful thing that the mind forgets the feelings of pain.

i know just aboyt everything that could be said has,the best advise i can give anyone is to go in with an open mind sure almost all of us want to do it with no p/r and as active as possible but it just isnt that straight forward for everyone yes i am having number six and had all of them vaginally and have been induced 4 times and probably will be again had an epi with number 1 as he was postierior and after 14 hours of having my waters brocken and nothing happening they wanted to induce me and thry told me they were going to speed it up big time and sugested the epi wich i didnt want at all but hey had the other 4 without any pain rel not even gas that dosnt make me great just very lucky i watched my sister in labour for 4 days and because they didnt beleve her by the time she got to delivery she was exhusted and not for the life of her could she get that baby out so they had to use forseps and the guilt she felt ,dosnt help that it was fairly easy for me and she kept compering but i go in everytime with the thought that if it gets to much i will have a bit of everything thanks i have nothing to prove to anyone and i will be going in with the same thought this time as it dose hurt well for most of us i had my 4th baby in 28 mins from first contraction till birth and i thought it was the most painfull of all and she was the only one had without being induced so who knows.

I hope this doesn't scare anyone, but I found the pain of labour quite a surprise. I kept reading and hearing, "The first stage of labour is often painless and you might be able to sleep through the contractions", but this wasn't true for me at all - I found this stage quite uncomfortable. My contractions were long and close together so I thought I was quite advanced, 3-4cm. So I asked the midwife to check me and I was only 1cm dilated. That FREAKED me out royally, which multiplied the pain by a thousand.

So yes, it's painful, but if you stay calm and have good support, you'll be fine. You need to stay calm though. And I recommend not getting the midwife to check you! There's an 'Advice for Labour' thread in the labour and birth section you might want to check out.

Labour is an AMAZING experience, I didn't realize beforehand but now I think of it as being the most important day of my entire life. Cherish it! Enjoy it! It'll be an experience that will stay close to your heart for the rest of your life.

Good luck!