Poker... First born...
Yeah it'd be WW3 here for sure too.
I got uppity when DH said that he'd go home to sleep when bubs is born... I thought he'd stay at the hopsital with me! But, logic set in and I realised we still have a dog to feed, and he needs a decent shower and change of clothes at least once a day ;) Plus boarding costs 75 bucks a night apparently :o
No, you're not being unreasonable! For us, DS was born at 4:42am and DH stayed the whole week with us. He slept at the hospital (I had a double bed). DS was born on a Sunday, so DH was with us the whole of Sunday and Monday, he went back to work on Tuesday but came "home" to the hospital after work and stayed overnights until I left hospital on the Saturday. Then he took his leave from work when we were all back at home.
Your DH says that it's important not to let hobbies / 'me' time slide just because of the bub - umm, make sure he tells the baby that, OK, because I suspect that bubs will have an entirely different perspective on the matter LOL.
I suspect that your DH has no real concept as to how much life changes and the reality of it is going to be a bit of a shock to him. Especially if he thinks that going to play poker on the night that your baby is born is in context to the magnitude of the event. In twenty years time when he thinks back to the birth of his first child, what does he want to remember?
i thinks someones dh's needs a good kick up the pants (and just this once, it's not mine! ;)) I'd be ****ed too. This is his child being born, ffs...
My hospital kicked dh out an hour after bubs was born, because it was the middle of the night and not visiting hours. i was ropeable. So it might be a moot point if your hossy is as horrible as mine was. It is nice to have your partner ther as long as possible- for the company, the debrief, someone to complain to who has to listen, and to run to the vending machine when you feel the need for chocolate :D
I don't think you are being unreasonable at all..
I would be pretty furious if my DH had left to play a game.. As it was my DH left the hospital less then an hour after our dd's birth to go have Lunch with the kids.. while I knew he had to go help my mum with the 3 boys I was still hurt for Dd he had left her there alone.. Silly I know but still (I had 3 c/s first was a natural delivery)
After my first was born at 12:10am Dh and my mum left the hospital around 3:30am but Dh was back at 7 the next morning.
My sugesstion to you would be this.. Say right I understand you want to leave for your poker game but how about we wait and see how we are all doing.. Maybe you will just want to sleep so it might be ok for Dh to go to his game.. but have him promise that if you feel you need him to be there with you then he stays kwim?
DH left at about 8.30 pm, which was about 3 hours after DS was born. He would have stayed if I asked him, but DS was having a big sleep and I was ready for a sleep, so it made sense for him to go home and rest himself so he could be back at the hospital first thing.
You're definitely not being unreasonable, and your DH probably wont even be thinking of poker if you have a new little baby by that time.
I wouldn't mind if he had something reasonable to go to, but poker!
With DS he was born at 4.20pm, DH stayed until about 9pm when they asked him to leave.
With DD, DH wasn't at the birth (at home with DS), he came down about an hour after she was born and stayed for 10 minutes, then came back about two hours later to pick us up and take us home.
i don't think you're being unreasonable. DS was born at 5.45pm (and was induced - the tape thing on the tues evening & then waters broken & drip first thing on the wed). DP prob left around 11.30 that night. i think that maybe your DH won't want to leave but sometimes you have to let them work it out for themselves!
fwiw, i came home on the fri & my DP went to the footy on the fri night & i had no problem with that so it is possible to still have 'me' time with a newborn ;)
hhmmm I would be pretty unhappy with that too! After going through your labor you will be exhausted and need his help and support. Also I would be very suprised if the hospital kicks him out after visiting hours.
My DH stayed with me and DS the whole time we were in hospital and only went home to feed the cat. I had to have an emergency CS after a failed induction and there was no way I could've looked after DS by myself. I was so glad DH was there to change nappies, wrap him, settle him etc when I couldn't. I would've hated it if in those first few precious hours it was a midwife doing that not his parents.
I think in the end he won't go to poker. It can be hard for men to appreciate the significance of becoming a parent before it happens iykwim. Because they don't experience the pregnancy themselves, for some it only really sinks in when the event happens. None the less, I also would be very unhappy at even the suggestion of going to play poker.
I'm sure if you sit down with him and tell him how you feel he will be able to get a better understanding of what will be needed and expected from him.
Hmmm I think he is a bit unprepared for the experience, might come as a bit of a shock to him.
If my DH suggested that he would get a big fat kick up the bum!
A was born at 4:30 am, DH did go home for an hour or 2 in the afternoon but stayed the first night.
Thanks for this suggestion earlier. we argued again today about it and i said 'lets play it by ear and see how it goes' he still thinks he will go and doesnt understand. i still think he shouldnt, but arguing stopped for now. still feeling :wall: but need to be calm. hopefully i have natural labour before that. if not one of the middies i saw today said that if it happens that he wants to go, they can find lots of ways to 'need him there for bub' so that he cant go. they were pretty shocked and seem glad to help.:
I just :pray: he comes to his senses beforehand and realises what a crappy thing to suggest. might speak to his best mate to see if he can talk sense into him.
:rolleyes: ohh it would be nice if he could give poker a miss just this time i dont blame you for being upset by this hun .
my dh rekons his not going anywere until i am, im even trying to con him up not to sleep in the car out the front and we only live 20mins away :lol: good luck with your birth sweety
My DD's daddy felt exactly the same about hobbies etc. not being affected by the baby. And his weren't. Because i had to do it all on my own. I dumped him when she was 8 weeks old.
I really hope this doesn't happen to you, tell him NOW this isn't acceptable to you, it is a major deal-breaker and if he feels poker is more important than his wife and his child then he should go be with pok because he does NOT deserve you at all.
Bx
get a large birth book and aim for his head. MEN! No wonder the world is the mess it's in.
i would point out to him, that's fine to keep his hobbies etc BUT some things are more important than poker and he can sacrifice is hobby ONE night for the birth of his first, and at this stage only, child.
I would also start talking to him about practically what he'll need to do. men need things to do. and it needs to be clear - is he having skin-to-skin with the baby? i'd suggest that and really talk it up; does he want to be there for the first feed? etc who'll be with the bub while you have your first shower? waht if there's a c-sect etc
I would also be pointing out in less than a kindly way that his ''schedule'' is going to distract you and believe it or he needs to man up and support his wife in labour and not look at his watch for his game. Does poker happen every week? I imagine the answer is yes, so he can miss a week.
If none of that budges HRH, I would dob him in to all the friends and family espeically his mum and sister (if they are about). shame him out.
and finally, i second gracious goddess' comment "he's being a twat'' lol.
FWIW - this is our first baby and my DH (who has been away for 8 weeks and due home in a week eeek) will be staying at the hospy round-the-clock with us. (we are going private tho and there's no visiting hours for dads).
I don' think your being unreasonable at all!
I had to kick my DH out that night at 10pm so he could go home and get some sleep! he was aloud to stay but i thought at least one of us should get some sleep so he reluctantly went home and was back at 6am the next morning and stayed the night for the rest of the 4nights i was in hospital!
Surley ur partner can miss one poker night! its a very special event having your 1st bub and one that u will never repeat again! i hope he comes around and spends the quality time with you and his bubba!
Sorry but he is being an a$$. You and the baby deserve better support than this.
I didn't want to comment on this for fear of getting in strife, but fair dinkum, what a .....
I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt along the lines of what Suse said, but even then I just keep thinking swear words.
If my partner ever left soon after the birth of any of our babies, whether it be the first or 7th, he'd be told to not bother returning.... :angry:
I refuse for anyone to have my babies for the first few hours except me and Dh. After babe has fed, is wrapped and asleep, Dh has bubba while I shower and get cleaned up, and then helps me to my room. This can take up to 3 hrs, if babe feeds for a while, and you need to lie down and rest a little after birth.
I tend to bleed quite heavily for a few hours, so he gets anything I need, and passes bub to me, so I can stay lying down. Regardless of visiting hrs, he has never been kicked out... ;)
It can feel quite lonely to be suddenly left alone with babe too... you may just need him for company too....