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Hi,
Gigi i just wanted to send you my good thoughts and congratulations on birthing your daughter.
I had a natural homebirth and i know how difficult it can be to decide to try for, and to plan for and arrange that kind of birth. I know the learning involved, the way some people react when you tell them your plans, the problems you can face within the medical community and the general stress it can put on you. You were not only strong enough to make those decisions but to deal with it when fate took your choices away from you. Not only did you strive for what you believed was best, you continued to fight for your child when your plan was snatched from you.
You experienced a LONG labour - you DID it, that circumstances conspired against you delivering is neither here nor there. YOU laboured for your child. My GOD woman! 29 HOURS!
When you had to, at a time when i was pretty much unwilling to do anything but moo, you showed the greatest strength a mother can have, flexibility, and let go of everything you'd planned because you loved your unborn child and wanted what was best for her, and went to hospital.
In hospital you braved the touch of strangers and intervention you hadn't wanted in order that your child could have a chance.
You underwent surgery for your baby's life. In delivering her you relinquished EVERYTHING to save her life AND YOU DID.
A mother is not a person who produces her baby from her vagina, a mother is a woman who will endure anything, face anything, change everything, for the good of her baby. You're more a mother than i was at my baby's birth - i got the birth my way and my sacrifices all came later on.
On top of the incredible trauma your experience must have caused, you continued to be a wonderful mother, fighting to feed her and let her know you were there for her with skin to skin.
I am a single mother Gigi and i am in AWE of you.
Love
Hana
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thank you for your kind thoughts, i feel i have to be brave and smile thru clenched teeth with many people, it is nice to know i can be R E A L here and really feel listened to. Thank you all so much, your words mean alot to me.
Gigi
xxx
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Gigi, I am new here, but I wanted to tell you how much your story moved me. What a warrior your daughter has for a mother. You fought for her every step of the way, you prepared yourself and gave her all your wonderful labour hormones. Then, when she really needed you to go against everything you wanted so that you could keep her safe, you did. And you continued to fight for her when you must have been completely traumatised after such a difficult experience. You are amazing.
Rage and cry and feel as much anger as you need to. It is your right, and no-one should be trying to sweep your feelings under the carpet.
Lyric
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Hey there - I went into the labour without any preconceived ideas of what I was going to do - I was going to take it as it came - too many of my friends had 'disappointing labours' because they placed expectations on themselves - there are so many reason to not have drugs and many reasons to have drugs.
I went drug free - but not for lack of wanting!! I wasn't expected to give birth until around 1pm (guesstimation on my OBs part) so when they did an internal at 6am and I was fully dilated it was a HUGE surprise - and I was a little freaked out that my choice to take drugs was taken away from me! but like many others have said - your body is designed for this and you can do it. For me my midwife told me to make very low sounds using my diaphragm instead of high pitched ones using my lungs - she said this would work for me instead of against me.
I must have sounded like a cave woman because I groaned and 'hhmmmmm'ed my way through every contraction after that - I relaxed every muscle in my body and just let it happen. A sense of humour is vital! I think someone mentioned this earlier - if I didn't laugh my way through most of it I would have cried my way through it! don't be misled it's a very very hard and painful thing to do - but you can definitley do it
I was lucky I had a couple of really great midwives and an OB that just happened to turn up a moment before the birth! the midwife who was with me in the later stages made me talk to her and tell her what I was feeling and when I said I think I need to push - she said 'well you're the one who would know - jump up onto the bed when you're ready' - I felt really relaxed with the staff - but that's not to say I didn't have my 'arrrggghhh I can't do this' moments!
I think you have to not place any expectations on yourself or the labour process - either way if you have drugs or not it is an amazing achievement to give birth, whether it by vaginal or by C section.
Good luck and go with the flow!
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Wow, interesting thread! :)
I had planned to have all the drugs possible if I wanted/needed them but in the end I didn't have anything except gas. I was fully dialated when I got to the hospital and they said I didn't have time for any drugs because I was about to give birth...only after 3 hours of pushing I still didn't have my baby and I was in so much pain... I have no idea how I did it, but I managed without any drugs! I didn't do any preparing for it...although I did yoga maybe 5 times during the preganancy and I tried to sleep as much as possible before giving birth.
Believe me, at the time of giving birth, you don't even think about what you did to prepare...everything goes out the window and you just go with what works/feels 'best'. ;)
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I think the majority of the time it depends what you did to prepare and how long you spent preparing (with the right materials!). Your mother teaches you how to make your bed, but not how to give birth (and wouldnt that be scary if they did teach us!). It's just not something we pass down to each other anymore, in a constructive way - all scare tactics these days!
People doing certain things like with the Pink Kit, have reported great outcomes using the techniques where there were problems they wouldnt have otherwise known how to overcome. Midwives in hospitals can't do it for you, you can't rely on them bailing you out! I have never been in a birth where mum has has a posterior baby, and a midwife has suggested things to help that baby move. They just don't have time to be with you and some have admitted they hadn't heard of the things I was suggesting. I have even shown them diagrams in books!!!
I think there are two things, wanting a natural birth, and working out what you need to do to get that. :) Nothing goes to plan 100% of the time, yes, but knowledge can be the difference between are great experience and a disempowered one. I have had clients disappointed because their body just didn't 'do it' like the expected, but you have to prepare, not just with hospital classes!!!
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I really wanted a natural birth and had read Sheila Kitzinger, Active Birth and done a lot of relaxation/hypnotherapy. I hadn't gone into labour by 42 weeks and was convinced to start the process with gel as nothing else had worked. Only an hour later my contractions were 2 mins apart - I hadn't even got my tens machine on yet as it wasn't supposed to work so fast! Over the next 15 hours of intense labour with no rests, I used the tens, breathing (creating an almost trance-like state), heat and sheer determination. By this stage I had been fully dilated for some time and trying to push but DS's head was bigger than the cervix. Luckily he was not in any distress but after another 2 hours waiting for the epidural for the c/section I had had more than enough! At least the contractions slowed down and learnt how to resist the pushing urge.
The midwives were incredibly supportive of my wish not to have drugs and didn't offer them at any stage. After Angus was born, they gave me lots of positive feedback about how much of what I had wanted had been achieved, including how valuable it would be for next time to have done all that labouring and to have fully dilated. I didn't feel too disappointed about having the c/s as I knew I had done all I could and that it was necessary for DS's sake (and mine).
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Blackbird - I have to agree with them on the next time thing. I fully dialated and needed help with forceps for Jenna. With Hamish he was pushed out in 2 contractions. It was unreal!! Second time is very different - well at least it was for me.
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I think it does have a lot to do with the mind and believing you can do it.
I had gas only for about 8 hours of my 31 hour labour, then had an emergency c-section.
I would've gone all the way if I could without drugs.
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i went into it with all the positivity in the world
started labour spontaneously at 42 weeks
i laboured at home in water for 29 hours with absolutely no pain relief, not even a dispirin, doppler showed perfect heartbeat for baby
some rare condition, something with "bands" in the name, happened to my uterus.
(the equivalent of the uterus muscles acting like a boa constrictor around the baby)
i could have laboured for a week, and my dilation and contractions were never going to progress to a stage where a baby could be born
so
- an ambulance ride,
- offered a c-section,
- told them, do everything else possible to avoid c-section first
- six hours of medical intervention in the labour ward,
- and then finally having to admit defeat (too dangerous for baby to continue and we were'nt getting any more dilation and contractions were still inconsistent)
- and submit to an emergency c-section with complications
- my natural birth was a distant memory.
i am so crushed
i never thought i would have some goddamm rare condition happen to me in labour, i just wanted to have a boring normal average delivery.
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Kelly in a way my mum did teach me how to birth LOL
SUPPORT
KNOWLEDGE
are the most important thing to a "successful" birth experience in my opinion.
first bubs was a PRM at 33 weeks, and then a syntocin dript o get them out asap - a bit of gas for me but nothing else, laboured about 3 hrs til they delivered had DH and Mum ( who is a midwife ;) ) as support and sis.
Third ended up and emerg csec, after 2 hrs of fast progressing labour at 36 weeks after PRM ( I highly recommend birthrites in particular for debrief over a csec Gigi ) spinal block etc
Fourth was a vbac, full term ARM, 13 hrs of HARD labour, shoulder distocia and a 4625gm bub - no drugs at all ( 2nd degree tear ) again Mum and DH as support and midwives who cheered !!!!
I also found swaying with my music ( what I mainly focused on )
Gigi I feel sad about so much of your story, you need to grieve for the experience you worked towards, and what you lost ( esp control)
One of the silliest things I am sad about with #3's birth is there wasnt music to tell her about. The kids and I listen to music, and I say " I laboured to this music with you when you were born" I dont have that for her. Silly hey.
