Good on you!
I don't know why anyone else thinks it's any of their business??
I want to get DD one of these: http://images8.cpcache.com/product/8...olor-White.jpg
http://images7.cpcache.com/product/3...olor-White.jpg
Printable View
Good on you!
I don't know why anyone else thinks it's any of their business??
I want to get DD one of these: http://images8.cpcache.com/product/8...olor-White.jpg
http://images7.cpcache.com/product/3...olor-White.jpg
I love this thread! :clap:
I had FF shame just like you mentioned with your BF shame when my DS was 3 months old. I hated getting out a bottle in public and would try and time my outings so as he didn't need a feed. Wouldn't it be a wonderful world if us Mummys could all go about the business of "Mummying" without feeling that familiar pang of Mothers guilt....
So I say go for it and BF for as long as you like! BF is a natural part of being a Mother and we should never feel ashamed of it or our bodies ability to feed our children.
Boobies really are fab things huh!
Well said Teagz. It does take a bit of practice to stand up for what you believe in. At first I used to feel the same and would just mumble something like "until she weans". But you know what, why should we have to assert ourselves or justify ourselves. It's our choice! Now when I get asked I proudly say "until she is at least two". I have found that the more confident you sound the less questioning you get. I do get the odd look but no one has actualy questioned me further!
Keep up the great work hun.
DD still talks about my bbs and bfing now at four and a half. The other day she told me that when we have another baby she wants one boobie and the baby isn't allowed to have that one.
I don't know if it helps, but if you can get up the courage to challenge people's misconceptions about bfing and how long you continue to bf your child, think about the fact you're normalising bfing and showing people that some of the misconceptions out there about bfing are wrong.
I go along to our preschool mums' dinners when we have them and I remember last year summoning up the courage when bfing came up to say that I was still bfing my then 3 1/2 year old. Funnily enough, if you're straightforward about it and sure of your reasons, mostly you get interest from others, rather than condemnation. When it's just a measured discussion, it's surprising what comes out. One Mum confessed immediately after that she felt bad for weaning her DD at 18 mths and that she'd considered going for as long as the next baby wanted (she was pg). So I hope in some way I made her feel that if she did want to, it's completely normal. Worth talking about it just for that!
I think those who don't do it are more interested in why (because they know you and probably don't consider you that odd, which they might do if they were reading about a stranger in the paper). When your baby is still under 12 mths I think you possibly come up against a bit of Mummy-guilt from some bottle feeding parents who haven't come to terms with their own decisions, or are grappling with the logistics of going back to work and being apart from their babies, etc, etc. Which is a shame, but not your issue.
The longer you bf, the better you feel about it. Plus, all of those, "oh but your child will be ..." comments start to drop off, when your child appears so normal, despite your strange obsession with continuing to bf. ;)
Ladies, never be ashamed to admit you are breast feeding. If you are going to feed past 12 months do it with pride.
You will find that many who ask the why question could not feed for long so think everyone is the same. i would have loved to have feed for more than 8 months but I lost too much weight to keep going.
Look them in the eye with pride and tell them you will feed until you feel it's time to stop. :)
you girls are all brilliant :heartbeat:
Some people are weird! lol What is it to them anyway?!:
Bahahahaha!:
:( Maybe they were just envious?!:
I had FF shame too :(:
Awww, glad you feel better:
I completely understand how you feel! Some of my friends didn't even ask when I was stopping, just openly assumed it would be at 12months; "can't wait till you stop feeding at 12months so that we can go have a big night out" etc. I never really said anything, the whole smile and nod routine but now that 12months has come and gone, they are beginning to get it a bit more and I'm less reserved talking about it. Like you, I now try to share information about breastfeeding as proudly as possible because I don't want the shame cycle to continue.
I don't know why other mothers feel the need to question other mothers. parenting is hard enough without being picked at by other mothers for doing it "wrong". what happened to the sisterhood?:
:
I completely agree.
I get snarky looks from SAHM because I've gone back to work.
I get sideways glances and mutters about "special treatment" from people who know I take time out to express twice per day at work, and refuse to work back late if I don't have extra cups or time to express in the evening.
I get surprised and/or mocking looks from people who hear that we use cloth nappies (and they seem to assume that I'm too poor or too stupid to use disposibles).
I get condescending comments from people who think I'm ridiculous and idealistic to believe I can work full time and still be close to my son, and breastfeed exclusively.
I get rude comments about being neglectful, a bad mother, or lacking true femininity from people who don't understand why I wanted to go back to work.
I get asked constantly who looks after my baby when I'm at work (uh, his father?)
I then have people tell me how lucky I am, and how grateful I should be that my DH has "let" me go back to work, and that he's "agreeing" to basically cuckold himself by being a SAHD, despite the fact that he loves being at home, has wanted to be a SAHD for years and years, and was thrilled when I said I was happy to keep working. (Don't get me wrong, I am lucky and grateful to have a partnership where our desires re child rearing and careers is so perfectly matched - but do men get told all the time to count their blessings that their partner is happy to be a SAHM? or is that just assumed?)
I get people suggesting that I'm lazy by going back to work, instead of doing "real work" by being a proper mother.
I get people suggesting that I'm stupid for having kids before my career is better established.
I get "advice" from people who say:-
a) I should stop breastfeeding immediately, as one day my milk will dry up (because of my working) and it will be upsetting for my son to suddenly not get milk from me anymore (and no, this argument makes absolutely no sense).
b) I should stop breastfeeding at 6 months, because after that they need only solid food
c) I should breastfeed until 12 months because they still need the closeness until that age
d) I am a bad mother if I don't breastfeed until 2 years because that's what the WHO says, and who am I do dispute, and if I can't do that then it's my own fault for going back to work and thinking I can "have it all"
e) I am not a "real woman or mother" if I don't let Joshua decide when to stop breastfeeding, by him consistently refusing the breast for at least 17 consecutive days (does *anyone* know where this number came from?).
I get ignorant comments about breastfeeding, expressing, nappies, dummies, methods of settling, methods of burping, when I do and don't take bubba out, when I would or wouldn't take him to the Drs, amount of playtime -v- sleeptime, putting him in a cot instead of a bassinet or co-sleeping, methods of carrying, different holds to use while breastfeeding, having pets with children, what types of toys/books/stimulation we should use with the baby, and a hundred other things.
I sometimes just stop "others" and ask them if they think I'm an idiot. The answer has to date always been "no". I then ask them whether they think I've done my research, and am doing what I believe is best for my son.
Generally "others" shut up.
When they don't, I point out that their opinion and criticism was not requested, and that I respect their choices for their children, even if I disagree with them.
It's just maddening - unless you think someone else is harming their child (intentionally or otherwise) why criticise?
Why not just support each other, and accept that you and they clearly differ in the way they think it's best to do whatever?
We do this every day with other things (driving to work -v- public transport, wearing makeup or going bare, different ways of exercising or dieting, which political party or football team we support).
Why is it that when it comes to child rearing, some people think it's a free-for-all to give not just their two cents, but to presume to dictate what we should be doing, when we haven't asked?
Apologies for the vent, but it makes me angry sometimes to get so much criticism and judgment, when we're all trying so hard to be loving and wonderful mummies.
:(
Peanutter - I hear every single word you say and applaud your post.
Just wanted to share the love - great post Peanutter.:
i could have posted this myself when i still feeding DS. he was exclusively BF and i continued feed when i went back to work part time at 10 months and expressed during my work day, he self weaned at 14 and half months and i was very sad to let go of our BF time. I had lots and lots of support but for all the support i had i also had that shame and embarassment when people asked me "are you STILL feeding" i often felt myself blushing making excuses etc.
When our new bubba comes along next Feb i am going to be out and proud with my BF, no more hiding in corners and pretending he's just asleep under his blanket (when he was actually feeding to sleep lol)
great thread Teagz and I think Krisp is right we all get that shame at some point no matter which we feed, perhaps you have encouraged us to be more supportive of ourselves as parents xxx
Aww Teagz, I couldn't have read this without sending out some love :heartbeat:
What a fantastic thread :)
I've just loved sitting here, reading through all of your posts. It's so great to be part of a community where breastfeeding is considered so so normal. I really love it! :)
I think I have 'milk goggles' on constantly, I very very rarely notice any weird looks or knarky comments regarding my decision to breastfeed. And seriously, I do it anywhere and everywhere.
I walk with bub in the baby bjorn, while feeding.
I've fed at two seperate funerals. One being a cemetery service where I was sitting infront of and facing over 400 people.
I feed in the food area at the shopping malls.
I feed at Target on the chairs for sale.
I feed at cafes. at restaurants.
I feed at bunnings.
I feed at the doctors, at the hospital.
I feed at the pub.
I feed ANYWHERE where my son decides he would like a slurp. LOL!
Maybe I look like the type of woman who you don't want to mess with? I am so confident, and comfortable breastfeeding, I think it really makes a difference in how people view you. Hold your head up high babe, you're doing such a fantastic job. :) :)
Jennifer13 - :clap: I really do applaud you. What you did at the preschool meeting was fantasic, you are really leading the way in helping our country associate breastfeeding as NORMAL, NATURAL and most of all BEAUTIFUL. Well done :clap:
tellytubby, you are my hero.:
that is beyond fabulous :D
What I love is that my children (several of whom are now teenagers) are so proud that they breastfed for so long. The earliest weaner was my 2nd at 2.5 years. But they don't bat an eyelid at me telling people how long they fed for - to them it's just normal. My son was involved in a school debate the other day and over lunch after the debate the discussion turned very to breastfeeding. 6 teenage boys and their English teacher. They were all cool about it. Gave me hope that one day, if I live long enough, breastfeeding will be seen as normal
I used to get all the comments, mostly from my mum, but as time has gone on i have got more confident and now when she asks me 'am i STILL breastfeeding' and i reply yes and get the usual comments of 'oh thats got to end' or 'gross' (yes....from my mum!!) i just say 'she loves it and can do it for as long as she likes!'
Be proud and confident, your doing the best for your son and dont let anyone tell you otherwise! and when you tell people your still feeding and they give you funny looks just tell them your both happy and healthy and thats all that matters! hugs to you
within my immediate family i'm extremely lucky that it's considered normal to feed via the boobs! even my 19 year old brother doesn't batt an eyelid anymore. it's just some of those "outsiders" that like to share their opinions sometimes.
well.. i was feeding DS today at our usual haunt (cafe in a shopping centre) and a lovely elderly lady came up to me and said that
"it's so lovely seeing a woman breastfeed without worrying about any old fuddyduddies complaing about it"
warmed the ****les of my heart... especially since DS was being rather painful and screeching at every given opportunity and I was worried it would have been bothering this lovely lady and her husband.
It's so nice to hear that Teagz!
good on you hun!! I think thats awesome!! My question is why in the world did they suggest you put them to bed WITH a bottle!!!! Hello tooth decay dont they know thats a big freaking no no.
And yay for that elderly lady today there should be more of her going around i say :)
I think I've been asked once with DD how long I'll breastfeed her for. I guffawed and said "I'm still breastfeeding DS, so who knows?". DS is nearly 4.5 ;)
My other favourite way of owning the breastfeeding relationship is to put a quizzical look on my face and say "Well, s/he is ONLY x (enter months or years)", which puts it back on them about their own value judgment. Or else just say "Till s/he doesn't want to anymore".
FWIW, DS is only on one feed a day (morning), and more if he's sick.
Come back and tell us you've told someone "He's only 9 months old!"... ;)
ETA: Sounds like you need some friends who are supportive and who understand your relationship with your son...been to your local ABA group meetings? They are the absolute bestest way to arm yourself with breastfeeding confidence...even when they're not there :)
*Sigh*
I met up with a friend and her 9-week-old bub today, we had lunch at a shopping centre. When her bub needed a feed, she left me and DS and took her DD to the Baby Change room. Fair enough, tis not my issue if she would prefer some privacy. Until she told me that her DH "didn't like" her feeding in public. She said that she would prefer to just do it anywhere, but her DH had said "you can't, you have to go somewhere private." Silly man. What sort of message is he sending to his DD? I hope my friend gains some confidence and starts feeling proud of it as time goes by.
On the upside, I then told her that last week, when out walking with DS in the pram, I stopped and fed him whilst sitting on the side of the walking track. Because, I told her, his hunger is insatiable, and won't wait for me to stop being embarrassed. Tis actually really nice being able to do it wherever and whenever the need arises - including alongside the Yarra River, as it were. ;)
What hope do you have if your own partner won't support you :(
You never were one to mess with! :) I love the way you keep it real (for lack of a better slang term).:
I secretly dread the day I have to get my boobs out in front of DP's family or my friends...... Don't get me wrong, I like my boobs, I just know it'll take some getting used to having them there for a purpose rather than just to look all plump and nice. How did you get your head around it?? Or were you always just your fearless self, and whipping out a boob while simultaneously giving the finger to anyone who disapproved? :D
you go girl!!
I feed bub whenever and whereever we are, but only get my boobs out when i'm at home. There are good BFing tops you can wear, or use layering and if you want to you can feed without exposing much, if any, of the breast.:
Yep today she fed in the library and aside form my DD1 yelling "*insert her DD's name** is feeding mum" no-one would have noticed :) ohh and BTW Kate cute BFing top :) i use the belly belts sometimes if i have a top that has to be 'lifted' from the bottom, slide the belly belt up, covers my mumma tummy and no-one even notices :):
Kate- Ahhh, slight of hand, eh? I guess all it takes is a little practise and some good one-handed manouvres. :) I've seen some of the bfing tops, I might have to get myself one. DP would sure be interested in the easy access.... he was very amused with my nursing bra.
I think I'm a bit weird about it because a) I've never done it and b) my sister used to get her boob right out in public and always made me think 'omg where do I look' LOL.
I know everyone is different, but for me, it was just a complete change of perception basically overnight, going from BBs being perky things which look nice in tops, and are the perfect accessory for every outfit (who said that? Christina Applegate??) to being something which I use to look after my baby.:
I'm very surprised to have felt that comfortable that quickly, but after needing to feed him at church, in a cafe, in the shops, at work, etc, I just got over it very quickly, out of necessity. DS wasn't going to wait an hour until I'd finished and got home before being fed!!
They're just not sexual things for me anymore, when I'm out with DS. They're a very convenient and squoogy feeding recepticle. And if anyone else feels differently, that's kind of too bad.
I am selective in some ways - I have some friends (male and female) who are very uncomfotable about it, and who would never dream of saying anything, but to respect them (as they would respect me) I generally don't feed in front of them, if I'm not wearing something which allows me to be as discrete as I'd like. But if I was with them on a train or something, and DS was hungry, I'd just let them know I needed to feed him, and I'd do it. Because these aren't people giving me grief or sideways glances, they're people (mostly guys) who haven't been exposed to breastfeeding, and it's new to them and a total shift in perspective for them to be seeing boobs as something other than sexual fun bags.
So I'm discrete - but it's clear what I'm doing, and I've found that over the past few months, they're mostly aclimatising, and several of them can comfortably continue conversations etc while I'm breastfeeding. And can I just say - we're a very close knit bunch of friends, and so the above comments also include some ex boyfriends ... Ah, changing the world, one titty at a time ... :D
Most of my family and friends, however, feel (or have over the past 6 months got used to the fact!!) trhat breastfeeding is just part of life, and it's not sexual, and it's not rude, and it's about to happen so cope.
A bit of boob is normally visible, but people who aren't comfortable can look somewhere else, that's my view.