I think it's ridiculous really. The next time I see someone chewing in a restaurant I'm going to ask them to please go and eat in the bathroom... The fact that the mouth can be used for sexual purposes makes me uncomfortable seeing it at the table.
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I think it's ridiculous really. The next time I see someone chewing in a restaurant I'm going to ask them to please go and eat in the bathroom... The fact that the mouth can be used for sexual purposes makes me uncomfortable seeing it at the table.
way to go shades:):
I talked to DH about this thread yesterrday. He's Gen X born 1973. He was formula fed and never exposed to BFing before his mate's wife had a baby. I remember when we went to visit them she fed her baby and yes, my husband was a little uneasy but not because he was embarrassed, but because he thought she might expect him to turn away or he didn't want to be thought of as "ogling".
Then they showed us the birth video. We saw more of his wife's anatomy than we ever thought we would. We were surprised at their openness, not disgusted or embarrassed.
He said he never felt uncomfortable with me BFing in front of anyone. When I asked whether he thought people sometimes "looked" he said: "you're kidding, you show more flesh at the beach"
He said, he always looks when he sees a woman breastfeed and gives her an encouraging smile. He now thinks it's the most beautiful and natural thing in the world.
So, that's from a man who never saw boobs as anything else than sexual, who was not exposed to BFing until shortly before he had his own kids. His family pays lipservice to the whole "breast is best" slogan but in reality, they were uncomfortable with BFing, especially an older baby. They have all gotten used to it. So it definitely has something to do with what we're exposed to.
:yeahthat: Quote of the day, for sure!!! :yeahthat::
As a gen y (only just realised I was one) born 83, I was very embarassed to bf publicly. I would go to parents rooms and if i was at home and people came over I would go to the bedroom. I suppose it didnt help that DP (born 1980) also didnt want me to bf in front of others.
I only became comfortable bf publicly if I was with my mothers group at their houses as they did it as well.
I feel guilty for feeling like that as I feel that I am letting down women by not being proud to be out there bf wherever. Maybe I will feel differently next time around.
There's no reason to feel guilty about that Alibaby!
:rofl: Shades....:redface:
I was embarrassed early on, for two reasons.
1 - I didn't want everyone to see that I didn't know what I was doing.
2 - I didn't want everyone to see my awful, fat tummy.
Time and practice fixed the first one and singlets fixed the second.
There are some great bfing tops at KMart - sleeveless tops that have an overlap at the chest area, so you pull fabric up and fabric down and don't have to show everything to feed :)
AliBaby, there is no reason at all to be embarrassed. If you feel this way, there isn't a whole lot you can do about it. It's just a part of who you are. Some people can fake that confidence until their feelings can catch up IYKWIM, others just can't. However, the fact that you were more comfortable in your motheer's group just proves the point: if more people do it, less people feel awkward about it.
For what it's worth, there is one thing I could NEVER do in public (only among people I know well or who are themselves BFing mothers) and that is to use a breast pump in public. I don't know why,. but for me, when pumping, you are way more exposed, the whole magic of feeding your baby is gone and it is all clinical and I felt like a cow. especially in the beginning when I had one of those hospital electric pumps to use.
I just slip into the Gen Y and I must say I found it liberating to feed my beautiful child in public and found only supportive people. I was lucky to never be asked to feed else where etc. Being a young look 21 year old when I had DD I honestly don't think any expected me to last feeding DD on the boob, but was commended when I stuck it out and loved it!
I do my best to encourage and support friends who are preg or have bubs and are tryng to BF as I am a believer that breast is best (where possible of course). I also talk to my step sisters (teenagers) about how great it is and how liberating it is to feed your baby when ever where ever so when it's there turn hopefully they choose to do the same.
Hopefully when the Y gen have babies they are mature enough to know it is perfectly natural and enjoy the experience.
I fed DD today at an ABA class and many of the participants said they'd only seen breastfeeding once or twice before I got there for the demo :o Then DS asked for a feed and got one...DS is 3.5yo ;)
Maya, apart from my mum bf'ing my brother when I was 3, and a few (very few) random women feeding shopping centres, I'd never seen anyone bf before ds was born. I wish i'd been in the ABA and had a demo. I'd never seen anyone bf up close.
Ali hunny, I don't think you should feel guilty. Part of that world peace vision i was talking about before would include women feeding thw way their personal standards of modesty dictate ;) Some people let it all hang out (in all situations, not just bf'ing) some don't. Different strokes for different folks and all that.
When ds was a newborn, dh's younger cousin (he was about 12 ) got told off by his mum for looking at me while I was bf'ing at their house. i was quite disgusted at her attitude actually. She made everyone feel uncomfortable- me and her son- when all he was doing was checking out the baby (which he couldn't take his eye off). It was such a pity- I wasn't comfortable feeding in public at first, but had felt comfortable doing it there at their house, until she had to go and impose her own issues and attitudes on a perfectly normal situation *sigh*
when a woman has a baby, her body changes
when you feed, in normal clothing, you show more tummy than you normally would
at the start, you're trying to get baby positioned right, trying to get attachment happening, so clothing can go in all directions.
it's easier to do the learning at home, naked or partially dressed if possible.
i did early feeds out, showing quite a bit of skin, cos i was totally focussed on my baby, getting the bf=ing to happen
once we had settled into it, knew what we were doing, i was more aware of feeling embarrassed e.g my tummy showing, my breast exposed.
so i started looking for better bf-ing clothing.
some of it is REALLY expensive.
there are various opening styles in the clothing for bf-ing
some sites show you how the opening works
some sites leave it a mystery, so you only find out once item is bought and arrives in the mail
i ended up liking the bf-ing opening that meant a double layer of fabric on front side of teeshirt. One being a false layer to lift up, one being a layer that stayed (to cover your tummy). The false layer has a cut out circle at boob level, so then (with your maternity bra on underneath) that's how you feed your bub.
i found items more in my price range, and more flattering (discreet) with helpful openings to feed, at nuvo maternity. the flowy fabric tops size larger. the polo tops there i was a XL in, being a DD.
i also got some good tops at Almost Mum. (functioned well, looked nice, easy to bf in, not too exxy).
i found it very hard, even in my city of one million, to find anywhere to try bf-ing clothes on, in real life.
most normal shops like kmart (bubtobub), target, big w, sell maternity singlets, which are also good to wear under normal tees. so when you feed, you lift up your normal tee, and at least the bf-ing singlet hides your tummy. the bf-ing singlets don't offer AS MUCH support as maternity bras, so i found them better after the first year.
and i know women bigger breasted than me, who use a combo. e.g they wear the maternity bra PLUS the maternity singlet over the top. so yes, it's two things to undo, but at least the tummy is covered.
coming from underneath, you expose less breast, and after having a baby, i was very confronted by having to show my tummy in public - i have never worn a bikini, always had my tummy covered. it sounds silly, but therse little things make a difference when you are hormonal and anxious about all the new things you are learning in the school of "learning to look after a newborn 101".
hope some of that helps you wife. all things no-one told me in pre-natal class either! i had to find out as i went.
i worked out, if i was wearing clothes easy to bf in, then i did bf.
i put away (in a box) the clothes i COUDLN"T bf easily in, so when i got dressed, i was only choosing from "bf-ing friendly " clothing.
simplified things. i was so shy with my body prebaby, but it really hit me, how crucial and important bm was for my baby, so that took top priority. but i still had to find a way to do it, where i didn't feel so exposed. (and i coulnd't spend heaps on each top).
Ohh, yes, I found a great ebay store that sells affordable and nice looking BFing tops.
Mmmm, I wonder... I have large-ish boobs that are relativley low (even before the sag factor played in). I also have a relatively short torso. I guess someone with smaller, higher boobs and a longer torso would show a lot more tummy than I do. When I sort of hunch over, you can see hardly any tummy as most is covered by bub. If the clothes you wear are a little on the loose sight, that also minimises the "side view". But yes, i agree, BFing friendly clothes are a big asset.
If you don't want to spend much money, you can do the 2 singlets or singlet plus button-up shirt. BFing singlets with a shelf-type bra might make a maternity bra unnecessary for smaller breasted women (after the first few weeks when the supply has settled).
I just looked at Target yesterday and they actually do a maternity T-shirt which has a crossover front and fals "modesty layer" underneath. Comes in a few different colours and not too exxy. Queenbee also has quite a large collection.
Tbh, I found the cheapest solution to be some long boob tubes from Supre. They were pefect for during my pg when Ihad my jeans done up with hairbands, and I added a singlet to bf. ta-da!
i always used a light blanket and no one would even know, i remember finishing one time and then burped baby and my friend didn't even know i had been feeding. out in public you can still be discreet and i think thats the thing, we imagine just letting it all hang out but it doesn't have to be like that.
there are BF blankets and tops designed for BF, no one should be embarressed. yes maybe sometimes you might feel more comfortable BF in a mothers room if it's a nice one it may be more comfortable. but if anyones says anything, well don't get me started LOL
don't be embarresed. BF babies are smarter and healthier than other babies, just tell yourself that . also BF babies are less likely to be obese when they grow up too.
good luck whatever you do.
I think friends & family make a huge, huge difference. I'm a Gen Y-er. As I said before I've had my moments of being comfortable & not.
When you are feeding a NB it feels completely acceptable & normal. Around friends & family it didn't bother me, but I did try to wear 2 singlets so one would go up & one down. Then I'd do the blanket thing, but that only worked til he needed to look around.
Back for the first 8 - 10 months I lived in a different area. You were lucky to see a mum BF past 6 months. Even luckier if that mum was under 30. I think not only is it about the fact that noone else was doing it, but that when you are that young all your mates are still out partying & you can't join them while BFing.
I did hear of one idiot, a mum of 3, only a few years older than me saying that she thought it was disgusting & that boobs are there for a man, not for a baby :rolleyes: That was the general idea out there. I was saying I was still at 4 months! Because that wasn't the norm. The MCHN's out there were very very impressed mind you, lol. I had to take DS to hossy there once & the nurse in triage just said 'bottle fed?' as if she wouldn't expect anything else, coz noone else BFed.
But then I moved here. Out of about 10 of us with babies under 3 only one went to formula when she got home. The next was 7 months. Everyone else who has weaned did it for other reasons. One bought a business when her DS was 9 months & took 9 months to wean. One weaned at 16 months, 4 months pregnant with her next baby & the other owns her own business & weaned at about 15 months.
The rest of us are still going. 2 of the bubba's are almost 2. I have no embarrassment with BFing here at all. None whatsoever, because with so many of us in such a small town, its normal. We are all gen Y ers. One of us might just be an X. The youngest, who's DS is 8 months is only 23.
I am also proud to say that we have normalised it for all our children & younger siblings. Sisters/brothers/friends even. My girls are both old enough to remember this, so are my other friends older children. My mum didn't BF us past 3 weeks, so I'm proud of that. They don't even notice when a boob comes out. To them boobs are for feeding a baby. Thats it.
I have other friends & my SIL's also agree that they will not succumb to peer pressure next time. They will do whats best for bub, not everyone else.
I know this isn't about how to discreetly BF, but I find it relates to the article. The more of us do it & stick it out, the more of us see it & realise its ok. Its nothing to be embarrassed about. There really is no reason to discreetly BF, because if we just go about our business, every one else will see it just as normally as we do.
Now I hope that all made sence, lol.
sorry for not having anything original to write but I 100% agree with everything you wrote Anna!:
When I was in high school we were taught about breastfeeding in 'caring for children' class, which was an elective. The main thing I remember about it was the women saying "I'm a dress size smaller than I was before I was pregnant" as a selling point lol.