What would you give up in order to BF your bub?

I think in some individual cases, there sometimes is an indisputable need for furmla. I don't think anyone argues that point.

But we are all in agreement that breast is best, and that is because there are in fact (generally) poorer outcomes for mothers and babies who do not BFed. This is not as much a 'blanket statement', as something apparently, from everyone's statements, we all seem to agree on. Let's not take something generalised ('breast is best') and apply it to individual cases where a mother has made the choice to FFed for reasons that no one else is (or should be) privy to.

This argument always goes down the same route everytime anyone talks about BFing/FFing - everyone agrees that BFing has better outcomes for mother and baby (which is why breast is best) but then take offence to those same outcomes when they apply it to their individual cirumstances. There is no need for that. Make the best decision for your child (I chose to vaccinate, I used sposies, I did not co-sleep) but don't knock the clear and articulated benefits of those who chose to make an alternative decision if the proof is in the pudding that the benefits of their decision outweigh yours. Stand by YOUR decisions knowing you did what was best for your family at the time.

BFing advocacy is about providing MORE support for women who wish to BFed, not about making FFing mum feel guilty about their choices.

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Well said Sushee. But unfortunately, sometimes, well meaning individuals do make statements that are obviously creating an "us and them" mentality, whether it is intentional or not. That is all I am saying. I am not offended by the fact that breast is best even though I formula fed my babies. I'm offended that someone is saying that my health and my babies' health have been impacted by this fact. It was a careless statement that has no place in these supportive forums.

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Hun, it wasn't a careless statement, it's a generic truth. No one is applying it to an individual situation, but to the community as a whole. If it were in ffing support, it would be out of place. It's in the general feeding section, bfing included. Bfing has better health outcomes on the whole for mothers and babies. I can't comment on your situation, or any other individual's, only on what is true in a factual/statistical sense. That is all that is being done. You can't change the facts. Bfing does have many positive benefits to the health of mothers and babies. No one is singling out you or any other ffing mother. Just highlighting the benefits of bfing, which hopefully has the effect of increasing the support offered to help mothers bf.

Hun, Barb/WHO/bfing advocates are not trying to make you feel bad. I know you are making the best decisions for your family and your children and they could have no better mother. :hug:

To me, Bf my children in the early months was one of the most important gifts I could give my children. I made it one of my top priorities, and at one point my health was compromised because I refused to take medication due to b/f. If it had been a life threatening or very debilitating condition, or if my child was older then I would have stopped b/f, but its symptoms were only quite uncomfortable, not unbearable so I could cope with it. In my mind, I personally couldnt put my own comfort ahead of my children. I decided that I would exclusively b/f for 6 months, no exceptions, and I was lucky enough to be able to achieve this for both children even though it was very tough at times.

The decisions I made were mine to make, and I dont think its fair to compare them what everyone else does. Although I would have given up pretty much everything to b/f exclusively for 6 months (and then supplemented by food beyond) it isnt for everyone. All mothers have priorities, different experiences and for many women, formula feeding is a perfect alternative to b/f, and I honestly believe for many it is worse for the child to b/f than FF. Im only saying this because I have many friends who are deeply saddend by the fact they couldnt bf as I did, because bf just didnt work out for them. I have been very, very lucky it did for me.

I wouldnt give up anything to breast feed my DD, however I may postpone things like returning to work or sport.

I am however having to give up watching my DSD train at karate because I have been told by the coach of the state team I am not welcome there if I am going to breastfeed K. I refuse to allow my baby to scream for 2hours for a feed, I refuse to feed her in a cold car and she wont accept a bottle. So I have no choice but to stay home. I dont even know if I am allowed to go to tournaments now. My DSD hates the way I have been treated by the club and so does everyone else I know.

Slightly OT but

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I am however having to give up watching my DSD train at karate because I have been told by the coach of the state team I am not welcome there if I am going to breastfeed K.

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I know in NSW this is considered discrimination and they can be persecuted, I would contact your anti-discrimination body in your state and get advice on this.

Lisa, I'm really sorry they have tried to put you in that position. It is law everywhere in Australia that breastfed babies have the right to feed whenever, and wherever they want. So please feel free to simply just feed your baby there. If that makes you uncomfortable, you could try letting the coach know about the law to see if that will change their stance. If not, you can certainly take it further, and if you wish to do so the Australian Breastfeeding Association would be able to point you in the right direction.

I hope you feel able to take this further, as it is appalling that a breastfeeding mum and babe should be treated this way............it would be great to nip it in the bud so that no one else is made to feel as you have been. Good luck hun.

I have given up my ability to leave the house for more than a few hours, so essentially independence, social relationships and "me" time, and as a side effect a little bit of sanity. I'd like to think I'd do it all over again (I could have chosen not to BF my second but it was too important to me) but after 3 years of being tethered, I think I would consider FFing if we were to go on to have a third.. I don't know if I could manage to continue for another year or two, unless I had a break in between. In which case you could say that I'd be "giving up" our ideal spacing of children (not that we can assume this is within our control to start with), in order to BF. I wouldn't give up physical health, though, that's too vital for everyone's overall well-being.

Great point Traveller. I think it is such an important point that breastfeeding really is a life or death matter for many people in this world - mums and bubs alike - and that it is the poorest people who are at most risk. A good diet is not necessary to breastfeed.

Lisa - the others are correct when they point out at you have the legal right to breastfeed anywhere you and the baby are allowed to be. I can imagine it must feel be very upsetting to you to have been asked to stop, and that you might find it confronting to pursue it. If you can find the courage to do so though, you will not only be able to watch your DSD train, but you will be helping countless other mums also. It is completely illegal for the coach to say that .

I have to say that I can't think of anything that I had to give up in order to breastfeed. I sure gained a lot too! There are always individual circumstances but it really seems to me that society often has an unrealistic view of breastfeeding as something that "takes it out of you" and requires a special diet. I even had someone say to me at work that he and his wife chose to use formula because it was no more expensive than all the extra food she would have had to have eaten :o I was almost too shocked to respond LOL! I really believe that this is exactly the image that formula companies have been trying to portray and it is really quite sad that it is so successful.

Hi, there,
Mad Scientist, it wasn't a careless comment that I made. I could have said "the benefits of breastfeeding....." and maybe people would feel better about that. But the fact is that breastfeeding is the normal way of feeding a baby. Research (and a simple google search will demonstrate) mothers and babies who do not breastfeed have poorer health outcomes. I feel that on these forums we have to speak the truth - but still be gentle with each other. If no-one tells women, how do they make a fully informed choice? As a parent, I want information. I don't want to be patronised by people who don't believe I can handle the truth. I have made some very serious parenting mistakes over my time. It's really painful to look back and know I could have made a better choice - but they are part of our life and our family. The great part is that you always get another chance with your children (though sometimes not with breastfeeding) On just about a daily basis I speak to women who wished they had been given better information about breastfeeding. Wished they'd been supported to continue - even decades later. If you are at peace with your choices you have no issue.
Skeetaboat, you have done a great job with breastfeeding. Don't you think that you could get out and about *and* breastfeed? What would you need to be able to do that? Would your babies need you less if they were formula fed?

I don't feel the need to justify myself as I believe I already have. Thanks for replying Barb. I do find that many comments do focus on the negatives of ff rather than the positives of bf. I believe that the latter would be more beneficial and would give greater results, rather than using 'scare' tactics. I'm not saying that you do this, but many people do. Thanks again Barb.

With respect, Mad Scientist, everyone realises Breast is Best. What many people do not realise is that formula feeding comes with health risks for both mother and baby, and these risks must be weighed against the benefits of formula feeding (such as medication which could not be taken otherwise) in order for an informed decision to be made. I believe focussing on the negatives of FF is exactly what we need to do as the Breast us Best message has not worked to encourage more women to breastfeed.

In fact, Breast is best is no longer used as a slogan by breastfeeding organisations for that very reason. To say it is best implies that there are options that are equal, or nearly equal, or that something else is a normal way to feed but breastfeeding is better. These things just aren't true. Breastfeeding is quite simply the way babies are designed to be fed. To do anything else has risks. The same with talking about benefits of breastfeeding - this implies there are advantages to doing something differently to the norm which is not true. Instead there are risks in not following the norm. This is no different to any other situation where there is an alternative to the natural way - caesarians, epidurals etc have risks over a natural, vaginal birth but no-one seems to think discussing those risks is a problem. Eating highly processed foods has all sorts of health risks associated with it compared to natural, unprocessed foods, and there are plenty of people letting us know. And in all these situations, we sometimes choose to take the option with risks (in the case of foods, perhaps we do this often even!!). That is fine, it is everybody's choice to make. But it is also everybody's right to be informed about the risks, so that the decision they make is an informed one. There is nothing worse than finding out something afterwards, which would have changed your decision if you'd known earlier.

I didnt give up anything....I gave myself the choice to try and nurtute the best I could :)

wow amazing how one question always turns into the BF vs FF debate. this might be a little OTT but in MY situation, i could not give up my mental health to BF DD. as much as i wanted to BF her, i was put on (and am still on) heavy medication which would have harmed her if i BF... im not sure how formula feeding can cause 'health risks for mother and baby' that doesnt really make sense to me....i dont understand the debate....if you can BF, i applaud you, but if you FF, well done too... you have made a hard, calculated decision as i did and we should all be proud of ourselves....BF or FF alike.

I don't feel like i gave up anything, but i would. I'd give up a lot to be able to BF my baby because it is important to me.

I didn't give up anything to BF my babies. I gave up everything to just have them so life was never going to be the same again anyway ;)


At times I felt restricted and a tad resentful but I admit with hindsight it was the best time of my life. Seriously I can't thing of anything better than sitting on my butt feeding my baby and now it's over I miss it and I do feel a pang of jealousy when I see a nursing mama :D

Kate07, hun, you will know what the right choice is for you. It's easy to sit here and say, 'Oh, I'd give up this, that and the other, BFing is so important' but really, is it THAT important? Is going back to work in order to keep a roof over your head less important than breastmilk (and we must remember that there are VERY FEW of us working mums who are lucky enough to have the opportunity to express/feed during work hours - 90% of us at least have to make a choice between career and breastfeeding. Most of us do not have the luxury of being able to do it all)? Is your mental health suffering due to isolation and an inability to leave your baby for more than a couple of hours at a time less important than breastmilk? Is a recurrent infection like mastitis and the resulting feelings of resentment and cringeing away from your baby every time you hear them cry, knowing you're about to suffer agonising pain, less important than breastmilk?

Looking out for #1, to me, is the absolute most important thing when it comes to being a good parent. Whether a child is breastfed or formula fed comes somewhere down the list. I think all parents should at least give BFing a shot, but if it's not working, there's no shame whatsoever in taking another option, if that option works better FOR YOU and for your baby.
Best of luck with whatever you choose.
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Hi barb, of course one can go out and about and breastfeed. I did this with my first and with my second too for a few months until she began refusing to feed anywhere but in bed. I can still go out with her, I just have to time it between feeds and keep it short. What I was referring to is bing able to do something by myself like clothes shopping, see a movie, catch up with a friend - if I had FF my babies then I could have done these things but because I BF'd I haven't been able to.. Except for a short while when the first was a bit older and the second hadn't been born yet. My firstborn fed 12-18 times per day until he was about 22-23 months old, so my experience might be a bit exceptional.

ETA: I would still do it over again as I think the health benefits are too great to give up and I enjoy BFing very much.. But I have definitely "given up" independence and "me" time in order to BF. I can now get out of the house alone for a couple of hours which is a big improvement on months gone by, and it will only get better with time, so all is not lost. But I think about this a lot. Would my experience of motherhood been better, more enjoyable, less isolating, if I had formula fed? Would I have been able to retain some friendships and not feel so lonely? Would I have a better more relaxed realtionship with my children as a result? Would my marraige be under less stress? Would I be less irritated with what my life has become and more appreciative that I have been blessed with two healthy children? Probably. When I compare the experiences my FFing friends have had of motherhood with my own, and their mental health with my own, they have ALL had superior outcomes to me.

I am not 'lucky' to breastfeed, nor do I judge those who choose not to.

I have given up:
sleeping on my tummy (blocked ducts)
returning to full time work
having more than 3 hours away from the baby
being an equal parent- coz the parent with boobs has greater attraction
having autonomy over my body
the ability to take my migraine medication
the option to wear whatever I like
drinking alcohol

breastfeeding is NOT easy in our society, but parenting isn't either.

I feel constantly judged for *still* breastfeeding despite the fact it is better for me and bub.

Breastfeeders are in the minority in this country, so it should be expected that those of us who choose to do it are passionate about it...we have to fight bloody hard to do it sometimes, and to continue to do so without discrimination.

I make no aplogies to those who think ff is equal. It's not. Are you a lesser person or parent? Of course not!!!! You have made the right decision for your family!!! Which is what we are all trying to do!

I know it is winter and all, but I think this thread has had about all it can take about blanket statements and taking offence. Please stick to answering the OP from now on, all other posts will be removed.

It's entirely possible to breastfeed adopted babies and many people do.

For those Mums who are feeling like breastfeeding restricts their freedom of movement and independence can I just tell you what my sister told me because it's really true - it seems like forever at the time and that you'll never have a moment to yourself but then before you know it that time is over and you look back and realise how short it really was :hug:

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the option to wear whatever I like

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LOL - yes! Can't wear one piece dresses unless there's some buttoning or straps to slip off. And how I miss nice supportive underwire bras! LOL. Altho after about 12mths I tend to wear my old bras again ;) Just have to keep an eye on my boobs. I saw something somewhere that showed how to convert a normal bra into a feeding bra (cutting the straps and attaching a clip) which i thought was a good idea.

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I gave up everything to just have them so life was never going to be the same again anyway

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Yeah, that was my thoughts too.

I gave up using cloth nappies because there were only so many hours in the day to breastfeed twins and do the laundry, so I had to cut the laundry somehow.

I don't believe I 'gave up' anything more to breastfeed, than I had already done to become a Mum.
I reduced my work hours- my supposed 'family friendly and breast feeding friendly' workplace in reality would have been too hard to cope with. (shift work etc)
I was told by my Gp to stop bf when I was diagnosed with chronic fatigue, but I refused to.
I found my bf'ing journey 'easy' and succesfully fed till my DD was 22 months when I stopped, because I didnt want to anymore.
However, I watched my girlfriends struggle with many issues, including lack of support, lack of supply and huge impacts on mental health including post natal depression. I watched them try every possible avenue to breastfeed to the detriment of their own health.
These wonderful Mums taught me to be so supportive of any milk delivery and that happy Mum really does equal happy baby.
Please, support each other- don't assume that its 'easy' for everyone.

I gave up the usual.

Clothes that fit nicely: I get MegaNormousBoobs when I'm BFing, and if you find clothes that those honkers fit nicely into and look good, then you can't get them out again without a crowbar.

And of course I was the only one in the house who could feed the baby. I didn't express, and we had no bottles in the house. Partner got "entertain the grouchy midnight baby and let me sleep" duty.

For my first, I quit BFing to go back to work, and for health reasons.

Honestly, i would not give up anything as even though breast is best, there are millions/billions of people brought up on formula and there is nothing wrong with them due to formula.
If i had no milk, then i wouldn't go on. If bubba didn't want it, i wouldn't press on. Doesnt mean that you are good mother if you breast feed.
I think new mothers are really forced to breastfeed or think it is necessary that you must breastfeed and they stress.
As long as bub, mother and family are happy, formula is just as good as breastmilk. Do whatever is best for you and your situation.

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I gave up my 10c bras but I bought hot milk ones instead so I survived. Other than that I didn't have to give anything up.
I think that breastfeeding works best when a mother doesn't feel like she has to martyr herself to it.

I think that maybe there are things that you might have to give up to breastfeed but they are the kind of things that you gain by giving up - excessive drinking, heavy smoking, partying every night, a crack habit.... that kind of stuff. If you give them up to breastfeed then your health can only benefit.

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and also from TRAVELLER
I gave up lots to breastfeed my babies. I gave up being selfish, thinking only about myself. I gave up overindulging in alcohol and fatty foods with no thought to my health. I gave up sleeping peacefully every night. However I don't think I could have avoided giving up any of these things by not breastfeeding, it was a natural extension of being pregnant for me. IMHO motherhood requires a lot of sacrifice no matter how you parent.

i agree with these two posts.

and the bit about not being a matryr. i had a breakthrough, at a time when i started to resent feeding my baby, purely by changing my words. i made a headspace change from "feeding on demand" - which i resented - to "feeding by request", which instead made me feel needed by my child.

I think, i KNOW my child had a very rough entry to this world, due to a traumatic labour event - we did not bond well. i actually perceive our breastfeeding relationship, as something we needed, to heal each other, to learn to "be" with each other. All those times of sitting on the sofa, feeding. It has taught me patience and to be "in the moment", when normally, i would resent that time on the sofa. So i see it, in retrospect, as a lesson i needed to be taught. I also see our extended bf-ing as another lesson. We DID need longer to bond than other mothers/children do. It was what was right for us.

ANd yes, my alcohol intake and ability to go out at night has reflected this, but i don't mind, and i made sure i didn't leave my child with anyone, until i was ready to do that. so it was my choice.

i can see many benefits from bf-ing (i have a bad back, and i KNOW if i had had to carry formula around in the nappy bag, i would have suffered from the extra weight). I think if i had NOT gone to ABA meetings when pregnant, i would have had the expectation, that bf-ing would all be easy, and i might have buckled at first medical hassle e.g mastitis, but because i HAD gone to ABA meetings, i had an expectation of "hiccups" along the way, and knowing where to ask for help, i think helped me troubleshoot any medical issues that DID come up. pre-warning was very helpful to me.

everyone's experience is different. i can only base my thoughts, on what i experienced. but i learnt so much from reading about other people's experiences of bf0ing. (and still do).

Lots about parenting is about putting another person first, this is no different.

I'd give up everything, within reason. Obviously if I had severe medical issues and/or needed medication that was not to be used while bfing, I'd ff. Bfing is really important to me, and DS and I really enjoy it :)

I don't mind abstaining from alcohol, giving up my underwire bras, and not having all-nighters. No different to when I was pregnant anyway.

I was lucky and don't feel I had to give up anything however have put my thoughts here on each of the points

health? - no - in general, would not give up my health. if my health was suffering to the extent it was affecting my ability to parent or my happiness I would have given up b/f.
career? - yes, for women the ability to have babies has a limited timeframe. I believe you can get a career back after the children are older.
sport? - definitely - but it is not a priority for me.
habit? - Not sure - I don't smoke and don't drink much (chocolate is my only vice!) and DD was pretty much happy with whatever I ate and drank so didn't have to

Well i didn't give up anything to BF (bit of sanity maybe in the few months we both beat our heads against a brick wall) but I did give up some things to exclusively express until DS was 12 months old.

health - no. For me, expressing was beneficial for my health and DS's health following gestational diabetes.
career - I was on maternity leave regardless, my purpose was to look after DS
sport - aaah the prolapse, the pelvic floor nerve damage and the giant hooters took care of the running - so no more triathlons. I've learned to love walking instead.
habit - can still do chocolate :D i'm ok
sanity - I'm adding this one in. When some folks implied that I was giving up my sanity by spending hour after hour glued to a breastpump - well I had my moments I must admit. I suppose I gave up "me" time (maybe?) or spending more time with DS isntead of pumping and like anyone, some days were better than others. But I also managed to make expressing "me" time... watching TV, in front of the PC, reading a book etc. Geez, my record was feeding DS a bottle, drinking a cuppa, talking on the phone and expressing (handsfreee double pumping), I truly didn't know I could be so clever :rofl:. When I got to 6 months and MIL said he doesn't need it anymore... well the second 6 months was FAR easier than the first... and I couldn't find a good enough reason to stop. Was I a martyr, would I do it again? Dunno :dunno: but at the time it felt right, and that's all anyone can do.

Is this off track because it's not BF or FF?... I guess it's just a different perspective.

Turtleshell - i hear you on the clothing front. I found bf-ing a lot easier, once i worked out what breastfeeding clothing to buy. There wasn't much for me to try on (very few shops that sold this stuff IRL where i live) so it took me a while, online, to work it out. But once i did, it changed how i felt, bf-ing anywhere, but especially bf-ing when out of home. Once i had clothing that covered my stomach and ONLY exposed my nipple (which was covered by my baby's mouth and head anyhoo), i personally felt better, feeding in public. i was initially put off by expensive bf-ing clothing, but later found stuff more affordable at sites like Nuvo Maternity and Almost Mum. Some tops i bought, were so nice, no-one even guessed they were bf-ing tops.

Belfie - i consider you breast fed your child. You used your breasts to give your child breastmilk, doesn't matter the conduit (nipples or pump), your child still received breastmilk. i personally did very little pumping and i didn't like the sensation, so anyone who can continaully pump for their child, wow, you get alot of respect from me.

i don't think in black and white terms about breastfeeding. There will always be individual situations, and you can only take each instance at a time. i think, if you CAN breastfeed, if your child CAN suckle, tha'ts great. but i don't assume it will happen. bresatfeeding is an ideal to me, one that became very important to me, but at every stage (and even today) i feel so lucky that it happened for us. i feel grateful, as i have come to realise, it doesn't come to pass for every mum that wants to do it.

i am very grateful for the health benefits that breastfeeding has given my DD3.5 and myself, i don't take them for granted at all.

Health wise, i had such a bad back and wrecked stomach muslces after my messed up c-section, if i had had to lug around formula as well, the extra weight to carry, would have been a big hassle for me - in my situation. But if our early bf-ing issues had not been worked out (took us four months, to work it out), then i would have had to do it. Cos that's what you do, you do what you have to do, for your child.

Mother guilt is a biggie
we all seem to beat oursleves up about some aspect of our mothering
the truth is, we're all doing the best we can, in OUR situation, for OUR child.