Would you let someone else breastfeed your bub?

Yes I would, do both. Allow my child to be fed and feed another.
I'd definitely prefer it to be someone I aslo had a bond with - whether it be blood or love but if I needed donated milk I'm all for screened milk from strangers. Having worked in a NICU where EBM mixups are treated like a bodily fluids contamination kinda influenced that though.
When my sister had her third bub 6 months ago she wanted to not bother with BFing so I offered some EBM to give her little guy some antibodies to start with - she was horrified.

It's actually quite common place up here and widely accepted. All the indigenous women do it, so have helped the cause immensely.

Arcadia your playgroup sounds pretty amazing.

^ Absolutely true, Inanna :) One of those things we don't put a lot of thought into as a society, we just accept it as 'the norm' and reject anything outside our comfy little boxes! My friends think I'm an idiot because I actually do things like research what is in the food my kids and I are consuming, they just read the box that says, 'Contains less than 3% fat!' in big bright letters and assume it's healthy... when the reason it's got no fat is because it's 99.8% SUGAR ;) But pre-packaged junk and overly processed foods that don't even vaguely resemble their natural state these days are 'normal', much the same as baby milk from a tin is more 'normal' than sharing the natural goodness of fresh, top-quality human milk :(

I sadly hear you Glamourcide.... :cry: It is sooooo true & a battle that I also trudge through... xxx

Arcadia, I want your playgroup!!

i would have no problem with someone else bfing my child or with bfing another child myself.
like mayaness said, bfing is important for the pathways in the brain so if it can't be done by the mother, it would be great to have a wetnurse to step in.

Absolutely not! Now that I've said that let me expand.

I know breast milk is nutritionally best for bub, I would never debate that there is no point, it's a no brainer. But IMHO the actual act of BF is about so much more than giving nutrition. When we feed our babies be it BF or holding them close and giving them expressed breast milk or formula in a bottle we are opening our heart and soul to them. We hold them close to our body so they can feel us, smell us and hear our hearts beating together. We whisper words of love and encouragement and let them feel totally enveloped in a cocoon of love and protection. It's priceless, it's special and it's an expression of love and devotion not simply nutrition.

So no I would not allow allow another woman to BF my baby.

I have to do a bit more thinking about it in general and probably really wouldn’t know until the situation arose.

But, as far as being dead goes, I really can’t see having someone else bf my child be a possibility. The logistics of that are just impossible – we don’t live in the kind of communities that allow that easy substitution. Ie DH would still be looking after the child, and say my close friend who is due at the same time could theoretically bf. He would somehow need to transport either the child or at least the milk (and then you miss out on the whole neurological being “at the breast” thing) 20 mins each way for each feed. Totally impractical. And all the extra time the friend would have to spend feeding or expressing. Too much burden.

Still more to think about though.

I understand what you are saying I think Krisp. :hug:

However, I just invite you to look at the situation a different way... (respectfully and kindly I am certainly not diminishing or disrespecting your personal perspective - just inviting a different slant :hug:) Isn't it wonderful if another Woman opens her heart & loves your baby, explores the ability we Women innately have (& men also for that matter!) to love fully & wholly without limits or boundaries. You are his/her mother and there is so much to that role. We allow another person to "deliver" our babies if we have a surgical birth but that makes us no less the birhting mother. To allow another to comfort our child at our nipple doesn't take the mother role away - just sharing some!

Imagine just for a moment the type of world we would have if we could all love each others children with a love that aims to be like that we feel for our own birthed children? :hug:

I would do both, absolutely (no surprises there :p)

^yeah that^

I think the sharing of breastfeeding is so special because your baby can be loved by others! What a gift to both them and your baby. To feed another baby isn't the same experience as feeding your own (for me anyway). It was like kissing and cuddling another baby- it feels very different to your own itms??

Oh and you're welcome to join our playgroup!!

Arcadia when I had my first daughter (when she was about 6 months) I had a playgroup like yours. Fabulous it was! I love to hear that other women are able to connect like you are with other Women & their babies. Life is good! :hug:

yes I would allow someone else to BFed my baby, and I would BFed someone else's baby, if they wanted me to. Obviously the health/habits of the mother BFing my child would have some impact on my decision, but that's the same as any other consideration. I wouldn't allow a drug addict to look after my child, why would I let them BFed him? But generally speaking, I would prefer wet nursing to giving my child, or someone else's child, formula.

Which reminds me of a little story btw...

My sister's DD was 18 months when I was still BFing Charlie, and she was fascinated (having only been bottle fed from birth). She asked her mum if she could try some, and her mum asked me, and I said 'sure!'. So she had a couple of sucks, said it tasted sweet, and went off happy. Breastfeeding to her became 'normal' in the space of those few seconds, and she went on to 'pretend' BFed her doll for weeks after.

I've even expressed for my older kids and hubby to try. They've all had a taste. Hell, it's just milk! From a human! Made for humans! Lol! So I don't have any issues with it at all. I cetainly don't feel it would ruin the bond with my child any more than bottlefeeding would ruin my bond with my child.

My friends here all have boys around the same age. During times of the boys not feeding (as we all know they can just refuse for no reason sometimes) one has fed another one's DS to relieve engorgement.
I'm not sure how I'd feel about it, or if I'd do it, but I'd have no problem putting it in a bottle for someone else, or them for mine.

^^ Lol Sushee, slightly OT but my DH and DD1 both gave BM a shot when I was BFing DD2 :) I love that DD1 (who was bottle-fed EBM and formula pretty much from birth) still comes up to me now with her shirt pulled down and asks if I 'wanna boobie feed?' and BFs all her dolls as well. As you say - human milk, for humans, by humans - what could be more natural about it? I was telling DH the other day that 'wouldn't it be great if society saw BM as it is, and we could go to Coles and buy cheese and yoghurt made from human milk instead of cow's milk? Cartons of human milk instead?' and he told me 'stop carrying on with this c--- while I'm eating!', but seriously... wouldn't it be nice if as a society, we could accept BM as the 'norm'? If we had enough to go around and the ability to mass-produce it, so to speak?

I believe there are some small cottage-type businesses in some of the more alternative communities of Australia where human milk products, such as yoghurts and cheeses, can be found.

I have also heard of a recipe for human milk ice cream that is supposed to be gooo for using up excess frozen expressed milk.

I believe there are some small cottage-type businesses in some of the more alternative communities of Australia where human milk products, such as yoghurts and cheeses, can be found.

I have also heard of a recipe for human milk ice cream that is supposed to be gooo for using up excess frozen expressed milk.

There most certainly are Schmick! ;)

I saw this thread this morning and have been thinking about my response all day. As much as I want to be able to say I would be ok with someone else breastfeeding my child if I'm brutally honest I wouldn't be. I just gave my 5 month old his bedtime feed and I can't imagine ever giving him over to another woman to nuture and nourish him like that. I can't put my finger on why I feel like this, perhaps it's not rational but i just couldn't do it. I don't know how I'd feel about giving him someone elses EBM, perhaps if DH gave it to him and I wasn't on the room.

On the flipside I'd happily donate EBM and even feed another baby from my breast in emergency situations.

Spring x

Wow there are so many different points of view about this subject as obviously there would.
I have thought about this a lot also. My SIL has fed my DS1 when I had to go out for an emergency. Yes I did feel a bit uncomfortable about it and so did she, though my DS didn't mind at all and latched on straight away.
I was a bit upset about the bonding part of it, but really it was a 3 min feed and a once off. I now have a DS2 who is 12 weeks and my SIL is expecting her second in Aug and I would not hesitate to let her BF my son again. I think I would actually feel a bit more uncomfortable Bfeeding another bub than someone BF my bub. Oh and also DS1 would not take formula or expressed BM from a bottle, a sippy cup or anything so it had to be straight from the boob!
Very Interesting points of view though.

I probably would bf someone else's baby (with their permission) and would allow someone else to bf my child, but it's all theoretical at the moment because I obviously haven't got a bfing relationship yet (maybe ask me again in a fortnight :p)

My sister was sewn into her wedding dress, and couldn't bf her 3m/o on her wedding day, so one of her lactating friends did it for her. My nephew looked a little surprised by the different boob, but he latched on and had a good feed, and all was well.

Also, one of my Mum's friends was the Convenor for her local NMAA group back in the 80's. She was the bfing expert in town...and sadly couldn't bf her third child (not sure why). She asked one of her lactating friends to bf her son on occasion, for the health benefits, and it worked well. Seemingly the fact that she couldn't bf him herself was more confronting than asking someone else to do it for her.

I have no problem with the concept, I think it's lovely and it's really only social taboo that stops it from happening in our modern Australian culture. But I understand that on a personal level, it's not as simple as that and that each mother and baby will have their own feelings about it.

I cannot help but feeling like putting babies to the breast when I hear their hungry cries especially when the Mum says that the baby will be fine as it is not "time" to feed them yet or that they not long had a feed.... that is *mostly* from Mums that bottlefeed though. As for my boy bfing from someone else... I would miss the bonding but I would like to think that it is doing him good as he would be getting different immunities from someone else, not that it ever came that he did go on another boob but I do not think that I would have minded too much. My boobs are still milky ;)

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Which reminds me of a little story btw...

My sister's DD was 18 months when I was still BFing Charlie, and she was fascinated (having only been bottle fed from birth). She asked her mum if she could try some, and her mum asked me, and I said 'sure!'. So she had a couple of sucks, said it tasted sweet, and went off happy. Breastfeeding to her became 'normal' in the space of those few seconds, and she went on to 'pretend' BFed her doll for weeks after.

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My younger sister is adopted and was not breastfed as a baby. As a toddler, she would cuddle up to Mum and pretend to breastfeed. Actually, she is very interested in my breastfeeding my bub at the moment and what it feels like etc. I hadn't put the 2 together before but wonder if it's also related to her wanting to have been breastfed as a child.

I have provided EBF for a friend's DS who was struggling with weight gain & constipation. He had been in special care following his birth and she had been unable to establish a BF relationship with him, and he was struggling to transition to a new formula. When my boy arrived and I had serious oversupply, I offered some to her. Neither C nor I had any problems with the shared milk, we both know that I am 'clean' and her son did very well on one bottle EBF for dinner at around 5pm. His major constipation trouble started around 9pm, and replacing the FF with BF for that meal really seemed to help him out, he only had it for around 2 weeks, but it really seemed to settle his tummy and make the transition easier.

Neither of us considered my nursing him directly, he could not latch properly when she had tried to BF him, and I didn't want to put my own DS off by having another baby's smell on my breasts when he nursed. Not to mention I couldn't make the 30-minute trek to her house each evening to feed him!

I wouldn't be put off by another mother (who I was close friends with, as C & I are) BFing my child if the need arose, and would have no qualms next time I'm in the milk business feeding someone else's baby (with their permission - I'm not just going to grab the kid and pop them on!) I was a bit squeamish about it first time around, but would not think twice if it were asked of me again.

I agree with you Beema

i like the idea in theory but think it would be very impractical in practice... (if you had someone else BFing your baby) the 'wet nurse' would have to be there most if not all of the time, plsu i would be paranoid about thier diet, alcohol etc, i guess if you trust the person then go for it. but personally i dont think i could...i already had trouble bonding with DD and i think someone else nursing her would make me crack. but thats just my humble opinion :) oh but i would happily donate to a BM bank if i could

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I think, if my bub needed someone else's milk, I'd prefer them to express. I think I'd feel jealous of the bond, I want to be the only one to snuggle my baby to my chest and stroke their soft cheek while they fed.

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:( Nelle you had tears in my eyes reading that. I so miss that closeness of BFing

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ETA I just wanted to add something........if something were to, um, happen to me that I was no longer around, I would love for my DS to be BF by a friend or relative, even if only sometimes. I would feel awful for him that he had lost BFing so suddenly, and would really appreciate someone else having that closeness with him. I feel quite sick writing, and even thinking about that, but I just thought I should add it in.

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Ive been thinking about this all afternoon.

I fought nail and tooth to BF tank. He was the only one out of my 4 children who I had success with. He in my eyes was the one who really needed it the most especially in the first 3 months. Looking at him thinking about it I know I would have been completely happy to except donor milk I would not have been happy having another woman have the skin on skin bfing him. His life then was going to be short and to have another woman move in on that special bond only he and I were ment to have in on that would have driven me nuts!

I wish I could have had someone to help with some donor milk whilst we were in hospital...I was running on nothing and so drained with stress :( and it would have made the nurses back off from me aswell.

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I am all for baby having another woman's breastmilk but feeding from the breast itself i think would be really strange. TBH for me it was a lot about the bonding and i wouldnt want my child to share that with someone else (despite how different it would be to them) and i wouldnt want to share it with another child. ITMS.

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this is how it was for my mum. my aunt one day picked me up and breastfed me while mum was in the shower. my mum never got over it really as she was devastated that she didnt ask and that there was the implication that i was hungry because my mum wasnt good at BF (complete bollocks, but apparently my aunt was very competitive). it backfired on my aunt though as her then 10 month old son witnessed this and from that day on refused to BF from her.

If you'd asked me before DD was born, I would have said yes, happy for someone else to BF DD. Same if you'd asked me three months afterwards. Now, three years afterwards ... hmmm, not so sure TBH. DD was fed expressed milk for two months and then formula and has been to the doctors twice in three years. The other babies I know that were exclusively BF for much longer have been much sicker, more severely. I know this flies in the face of every single study so it is not a logical response on my part, but it has led me to a point where I just wouldn't trust someone else's milk.

I'd consider some screened milk if I had a premmie and for some reason couldn't feed my baby myself, but otherwise would choose formula over having anyone else feed my baby.

I think I feel this way because I have formula fed both my babies and have been happy with the outcomes and I'm not sure... It just would be too much for me to have someone else's bm in my baby, unless I felt it was neccessary for their best chance at survival.

I don't think I would feel comfortable feeding someone else's baby, as, to me, breastfeeding is such a personal connection for Mum and bubs. Not sure if I would donate ebm or not? If I had excess I can't see why it would be a bad thing to do for those who are happy to accept it.

I do think it's fine and great if you are happy to donate or receive breastmilk either through expressing or actual feeding. :)