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[m]umma[m]ia said exactly what i was thinking!
I'd find out if MIL had problems BF and so in turn doesn't want to be out shone by her DIL????
I was 'forced' to stop bf when my son was around 2yrs old and it is still something i regret!!!!
But you do what you feel is best as a mother and tell Dh to get on board and support you because the minute you do start using bottles he'll be doing the night and early morning feeds and winding and nappy changes so... if he's not keen on that idea then tell him to keep his mouth shut and thankful that you are doing such a great job!!!!
You can tell him you love him but with him not supporting you in this, makes you feel unloved and that's just unfair!!!
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MAN I got so angry reading your post!!!!!!!!
Where does MIL get off giving such false advice - and him taking her old wives tales over your own, evidence-based choice?!
Can you make an appointment with a family GP or Paed with DH, and let them explain to him why breast is the best choice, and why it is ESPECIALLY important when they are teething etc?
And - if he doesn't learn to tell his mother to shove it asap, you may be in for a world of pain for many years to come...
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Hon there are times to let DH have his way, as he's used to. This is NOT one of those times. You owe it to your daughter and yourself to hold strong on this important issue. It could also be a great start for you in having your voice heard as an equal partner in your marriage.
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I'm so sorry that you are feeling pressured like this. I understand where you are coming from re MIL but I guess its your DH you need to explain too.
Do you have a good relationship with you Child Health Nurse, do you think DH could attend a visit with you and maybe having a professional explain that a baby is getting all nutrients etc would help. I know myself at times I would love to know just how much milk they do get from a feed and it is something that is difficult to get your head around.
I also think that there is a phamplet made for Grandparents specifically explaining the changes to how babies are fed today rather they how babies were fed 30 years ago.
Good Luck and stay strong, you are doing a great job.
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I am devistated that you have been made to feel the way you do. I can feel your hurt when reading about the pressure you are under and the pain and frustration you are feeling being 'up against' your DH & MIL. They should be supporting you in any decision you are making.
All i can say is do what you want to do. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Maybe you could sit them both down, (take a deep breath and tell yourself you can do this for yourself and your beautiful DD) tell them you are breastfeeding your daughter for as long as it makes you and her happy and will not discuss it with them any further if they are not willing to support you in your decision. Add in there that you love them and would dearly love their support and understanding. It doesn't have to be nasty but make them see that you are not going to bend to the pressure they are putting on you and that they need to STOP.
I breastfed DS1 until 13months and currently breastfeeding DS2 and even still i'm no expert but it does sound like a lot of what they are saying is very wrong.
It's a shame your DH only sees breastfeeding as an inconvenience because it's so much more. I'm sure he wants what is best for his daughter. It could be worth trying to go to some breastfeeding info sessions (if they are out there) for him to get some credible information and really understand what you will both be providing your daughter by you continuing to breastfeed and him in supporting you.
Good luck and don't be affraid to stand up for what you believe, be it: breastfeeding, education, diet there's so many varying things that you may have different opinions on but you want to be able figure things out together with love and understanding.
You can do it :hug::D
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my advice.. your the mum, do what YOU think is right!! yes, DH is the father, but he's only going off what your MIL is saying, and he really has no idea, i know exactly where your coming from i nearly gave up many times but DH pushed me to keep going, and im so gld that he did (and alot of helo from BB :) ) coz now its an amazing thing (that still is not as easy fro me as most women) but i can cope with the way DD and i work together.
If you really want to keep bfing, then do it, but if you want to give it up do it becoz you want to not because someone else is making you.
Best of luck
xx
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hun my mums been on my back to give up breastfeeding since DD2 was 5 weeks old, she's still trying to push me, but now i tell her i'll think about it once we hit 12 months, that usually shuts her up
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:hug: hun. I hope you are able to have a good talk with DH about this.
What is behind his change of heart? Is he feeling like he's not involved enough with his DD's care? Does he have concerns about the toll on you? If you can figure out why he's objecting to continued bfing (it may just be that he's not comfortable with the idea of you bfing an older baby, in which case he will get a lot more comfortable once he sees it done!), then you'll have a better chance of figuring this out with him.
If you're clear that you aren't willing to stop bfing, but you'd like to discuss it with him so that he feels like his opinion is heard and included (and that's HIS opinion, not his mother's, which means diddly-squat in this scenario) you'll probably have an easier time of it as you continue.
I say this as a mother still bfing an almost-four year old. If my DP had problems with me continuing to bf I can see that I would have had years of hassle over this! You need to encourage him to support you in your choice here.
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:hug: I am so sorry you're having to deal with all this!
It really upsets and angers me - the complete ignorance some people have toward breastfeeding! There is SOOOO much research telling us about all the benefits of breastfeeding - can you find some of it to show your DH?
The fact that your DD is not only healthy, but thriving from the sounds of it, is all a result of you breastfeeding - why on earth would anyone want you to stop?
Good luck talking to your DH :hug:.
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My gosh, I feel so angry for you :hug:
Maybe aswell as BF info this info would help your DH: https://www.bellybelly.com.au/forums...a-feeding.html
You are doing really well, keep up the good work! :hug:
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You don't need a good reason to keep breastfeeding, but you do need a good one to stop.
You know what's right for your baby, stick to your guns (or boobs) :hug:
It is a really good idea to talk to your DH, though. Where's he coming from here? Why the change of heart?
~all the best
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Well well well
We had a chat this afternoon regarding b/feeding
From what i gather DH does not understand why I would want to continue b/feeding an 'older' baby as he finds it weird. He has never been around anyone (including his mother and sisters) who have b/fed for longer than 4-6weeks. MIL has this thing in her head that 6 weeks b/feeding is all a baby needs and then formula is good enough. (guess this suits some)
I have told him that i am not ready to give up b/feeding as DD is thriving and happy and putting on weight. He is dissapointed in me as he thought that I always said I will b/feed for 4months only (this is what i said before i had a baby but i also have mentioned it in the early days of DD being born as i was overwhelmed by b/feeding and looking after a baby) I feel that I am entitiled to change my mind regarding this - my milk is free and so many times i don't even know if DD is hungry but i try anyway , so if she wants my booby she takes it and if she doesn't want it she squirms - imagine if i had to do this 10 times a day with a bottle .. Alot of formula being wasted and alot of time spent sterilising bottles!
The ONLY reason that DH says he wants me to stop b/feeding is because DD is big enough and old enough to go on a bottle and that he feels b/feeding any longer than this is just 'weird' - there is no other reasoning behind it.
I haven't been sold on the idea so I am continuing b/feeding and if it bothers DH so much than I will not b/feed infront of him anylonger - that way he can keep his stomach contents down and not be revolted by it! I am quite happy to take DD into the bedroom to feed if need be ( i shouldn't have to BUT...)
DH is certainly cranky with me and his parting works to the conversation were ' you don't care about my feelings' .... hmmmm
My mother is SO shocked (spoke to her today) she is just amazed that DH would do this!
Oh well, there is my story for now, but I am just going to say that I am breastfeeding for 12months anytime anyone asks!
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:comfort::comfort::comfort:
I agree with Raven comment's re: your DH. That was one of the first things that concerned me about your post.
You sound so determined to continuing BF then you should use a 'firm' voice explaining to your DH that you will continue on with BF as was his wish when you first began as your DD and his DD is thriving and that is what matters here.
You are a very loving and dedicated mum...go with your instincts.
Good luck...
x Heather
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Dido - just wanted to offer you lots of hugs and say well done for talking about it with your DH. You sound like you've got a wonderful feeding relationship with your DD and you're well educated in the benefits for her.
Next time it comes up, you could also let DH know the benefits for you as a woman - lower risk of osteoporosis and hip fracture in later life, reduced risk of breast cancer, uterine and ovarian cancer, lower risk of heart problems. Not to mention the lovely sleepy hormones it releases especially at night so you get back to sleep more quickly rather than being up with a bottle - or him up with a bottle.
If his 'feelings' are hurt now, he should learn to be proud of the wonderful thing you are doing for your daughter, yourself and your health too and how it may affect you as a family in your lifetime.
If he finds it hard to hear it from you, the ABA (Australian Breastfeeding Association) have lots of (cheap) booklets on many different breastfeeding topics that are well researched and easy to read. He may find it less confrontational to read it rather than talk about it with you.
Good luck!
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The more he sees it, the more he will become conditioned to it being the norm for you and not so weird anymore. I understand that his feelings are a product of his upbringing so he can't help it in a way. Good on you for standing up to him and your MIL who has made him have these feelings towards it in the first place :hug:
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Sweetie, it sounds like your DH has some unresolved issues about the role of breasts, and perhaps (maybe I am reading a little too much into things), if you have not been as sexually active as you were before the birth of your daughter, he is associating breastfeeding with a 'loss' of you, if that makes sense. He may be coming to terms with the changes parenting brings to any couple's relationships, and rather than looking more deeply at how it is affecting him, he's pinning it on the first thing he can find. Maybe also, like many fathers in the early stages, he's also feeling like he's a little out of the loop when your DD primarily turns to you for nutrition and comfort.
He says that he feels that you don't care about his feelings. So perhaps a good way to approach this with him might be to clearly show him the benefits of breastfeeding to your daughter (an independent source like the ABA or a medical professional will probably be able to help you), and let him know that you do care about his feelings and do not wish to make him uncomfortable, but you also care about providing the best for your daughter, and you feel that he is asking you to make a choice between his needs and your DD's.
He too wants the best for his daughter, so it will be in her best interests that he tries to work through these feelings of weirdness and come to terms with the normalcy of breastfeeding.
Because it is normal. Your DH is wrong that 'you can't just feed anywhere', there's legislation in place that says that you can. As for the practicality of it, as you and your DD are becoming more confident with feeding, maybe you can try feeding her in a sling? Then you literally can feed her anywhere, anytime, and often without anyone ever noticing. I still feed my DS (who is now 26 months) in a carrier whilst going about my shopping or whatever, and it rarely gets even a second glance. And for many months I was like you and found it extremely difficult to feed without a feeding pillow or support.
Maybe you don't personally feel confident challenging his notions about feeding all in one go. And that's fine. If you are not used to confronting your DH, then you've taken a huge step just to get this far. But if you slowly and gently work at it, and just treat it as being part of your normal routine, after a while he may also think of it as normal, because normal is what you are used to. And if he can work through his own feelings of discomfort and put them aside for his daughter's benefit, he'll be a better parent and person for it, because parenting causes a person to challenge their ideas of what's normal every day.
Good luck :hug:
(Oh, and remember there's lots of people who'll support you if times get touch. We're here, and maybe you might like to join the ABA. And hopefully one day soon you will be able to add your DH to your list of breastfeeding supporters too)
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Your DH sounds like he's really kind of bullying you, his mother must have really drilled it in, so now he won't even have an open mind about it. You should just try and show him all the information about how breastmilk is perfect, and there's no such thing as not enough milk (old wives tale) and how it has over 2000 ingredients whilst formula only has 400 (not sure about these figures, going from memory). I think you should definitely NOT stop breastfeeding, especially as you are doing so well with it! It's definitely the best thing, and breastfeeding is so much more than milk, it's about bonding and security too! Stick it out, keep on explaining, and he will soon stop with the tunnel vision!
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I'm so proud of you Dido, for sticking to your boobs! ;) You're doing a really great job & I can't wait to hear about MILs reaction. You're amazing! :cheer:
