When FF is looking more appealing than BF what did you do? BF problems

I read an interesting thing the other week (some of you will recognise where it's from), that breastfeeding is not just a biological reality - in humans it is very much a learned skill. In the past women knew about breastfeeding and how to do it, because they saw it. They saw their mothers BF, their older sisters, aunts, neighbours. Part of the reason we have lost that ability to start breastfeeding and stick to it is because it's been taken from our sight - into parenting rooms, under covers and into private spaces (especially since the glorification of the 'nuclear family', which is not a natural phenomenon at all in human history). No-one I know (and I know introverts and extroverts of all persuasions!) who breastfeeds ever does it to get some gratification from exposure. Therefore, I can't believe in the concept of 'discreet breastfeeding' because I don't know anyone who is INdiscreet about it - they are just feeding their babies, and any other concept overlaid on it is done by other people. You can never control what other people are going to think. People will think things even when you are covering up as much as possible - the very fact that you are breastfeeding, or breastfeeding outside of the home will be enough to send judgment flying your way. Are you going to alter your plans for setting up your baby's biological protections and emotional wellbeing based on things people MIGHT and DO think that you have no control over? That, if explained to your baby, would be met with a quizzical look, followed by a "just feed me" look? Judgment comes from small minds and what you are doing is much, much bigger than they are :)

Here's my two cents. In my mothers group I was only one of two that formula fed. I felt the odd one out and yearned to be able to breast feed.

Also, my son was one of the worst sleepers by a country mile. Multiple night wakings which didn't really settle down until he was 15 months.

You do what's best for you. However please don't rush any decision to give up breast feeding. One done its very hard to go back. I regretted giving up with my first son and I don't want you to do the same.

Well said Mayness.

I feel the need to be 'discreet' (or to at least try to be) for the sake of others not so much for me. I will feed my baby and i will not be made to feel uncomfortable about doing it in public. Like i said by #3 i'll do it wherever may need be if she decideds she's hungry. What makes me feel like i 'should' do this is the stories i've read/heard about breastfeeding mothers being targeted for doing so. Thankfuly i've never come across this myself. My one off 'bad expereince' was more so with the 'mother/baby' rooms themselves. I was feeding DS1 in my little cubicle one day minding my own business when all of a sudden a young girl came in crying and was followed by her mother who was screaming at her. She then quite forcefully hit the wall of the cubicle i was sitting in. I was in shock and slight fear, for the child for me and my baby. I was too scared to move, i'm pretty sure the mother thought she was alone in there, so i didn't know if making myself known could put me or DS1 in a dangerous position. I have never again used those cubicles to feed.

So why i try not to flaunt what i'm doing for my own self as well as others i will not be made to sit in a corner hidden away like it's something i should be ashamed of.

Some of the best moments of my day and looking down at my DD while she feeds, wondering what she's thinking and how she's feeling. I wouldn't miss this for anything.

How would you feel if you did give up breastfeeding and your baby still woke just as often overnight or even more? I think that is the most important thing to ask yourself as FF is not a magic cure for sleep problems so I would take that aspect right off the table. I personally think 3 night feeds are 10w old is pretty brilliant. Not many babies would be sleeping through at that age, in fact the average is a lot closer to 2 or 3. Being a mother is quite the competitive business and I wouldn't be surprised if people were stretching the truth on their childs sleep.

MB, it might be helpful for you to know that 10 - 12 weeks is a very common time for babies, no matter how they're fed, to start waking more often. Others have mentioned wonder weeks which is a great term. What we know about these times now is that they're periods of rapid brain development ahead of major milestones. So this extra waking is fuelling your baby's brain development ready for the exciting things ahead - sitting, crawling, babbling etc. Knowing the reason for it can help you to get through it. It might also help to know that the contents of your breast milk are exactly what is needed by your baby's brain and body at this time - so many complex things including live cells (some of which are stem cells that science is spending a fortune on trying to make available). There is absolutely nothing else that you can give your baby that will meet her biological needs as well.

These wonder weeks are a very difficult and tiring time for mums. I often think that the one around 3 months is the hardest, because this the time when we, and those around us, are expecting things to settle down. We've just started getting more sleep and there seems to be a lot of pressure for mums to "get on with things". This is where we really fail as a society. This the time when babies get less sleepy and more alert and demanding, and mums need just as much rest and support as they do in the early days. Many mums find it helps to keep grabbing rests during the day whenever they can, and to stop putting unrealistic expectations on themselves. It is ok to ask for help - meals can be a life saver, or some baby sitting while you rest. Having some washing done for you can really take a load off (pardon the pun).

It also comes as a surprise to many mums that babies can feed so quickly at this time. I reckon all mums at some stage convince themselves that they don't have enough milk. To quote Barb, giving a bottle allows you to see how much they take, but still tells you nothing about how much they want or need. Your little one's nappies show you that she is getting enough milk - what goes in must come out. We measure, time, weigh everything in our lives, but sometimes it's ok to just trust and know that every thing's ok because baby is weeing and pooing and happy.

You are doing such a great job and are on the cusp of being through the hardest time as a new parent. Pat yourself on the back hun.

How is it all going MummaBee?

I just wanted to say, that a lot of what you are saying sounded just like the thoughts rolling around in my head when DD was about 3 months old. I'd just started going to my mothers group and TBH, I envied how 'easy' FF seemed. I was always worried about whether DD was getting enough milk and I hated BF in public. TBH, I often wished for an excuse not to BF (e.g. I was hoping someone would tell me DD wasn't putting on enough weight). I will add that my husband had an extremely big accident when DD was 9 weeks old, and could literally do nothing for himself, so I'm sure some of my feelings (especially with how 'easy' it seemed) had something to do with the added stress of this. Anyway, I gave DD her first bottle of formula one night when DD was in hospital (again) at about 18 weeks (I was sooo tired and DD was screaming when I was offering boob, I literally felt at my wits end and I was all alone with no one to help :(). I felt so guilty, yet also relieved. By 6 months she was fully weaned (I didn't plan for this to happen, DD just started to prefer the bottle). Whilst I felt a relief at the time, I now look back on it and wish I tried harder. I'm really hoping that next time I am able to BF for longer. DD started childcare at 6 months (when I went back to work) and has had so many colds since. I often wonder if I could have prevented that by BF for longer....
Anyway, I think you need to do whatever feels right for you and your baby at the time. You have been given lots of excellent advice above if you want to continue BF. I'm sure you will also find lots of support if you decide not to.

Hi everyone so I gave in that night and tried to give her a bottle which she refused anyway pretended I was feeding her poison. The next morning she has little red cheeks I checked her mouth and there it was her first tooth at ten weeks thinking this is why she has been so fussy and pulling on and off so I have just continued as per normal its not getting any easier yet shes very unsettled but it helps knowing she wasnt hungry it was something else if that makes sense lol
So the plan is take it one day at a time and try as hard as I can to make it to 6mnths wish me luck ladys your support has helped me continue so thankyou

Good work! You are doing an awesome job. You should be proud. I'm sure you can make your goal. Like you said, take it one day at a time :)

Sounds like you're doing really well. Taking it one day at a time seems like a really good plan. GL with reaching 6 months.

Good on you MB.
I can understand your frustrations with BF. It's not easy for everyone early on. My dd had trouble latching, she would scream for 8 hrs non stop and we had six weeks of 1.5hrly feeds day and night. I was so close to giving up but the benefits of BF for my dd outweighed the struggles for me and we pushed through and survived it. She is now nearly 15 months and Monday was the last time she had a bf. She is rarely ever sick and I feel so proud of our achievements and giving her the very best start in life. You're doing a great job. It's hard if noone around you is BF and can understand your struggles but You will get loads of support from women on BB who have been through similar experiences. Keep up the great work :)

Just quickly, every one has given you brilliant advice and support already. If you are worried about how much she is getting, i used to weigh DS naked, feed him then weigh him again (because he wasnt putting on weight) and he was heavier.


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Angelpants - did you have specific baby scales, or how did you weigh him?

Formula feeding has always been more appealing to me. I struggle with breastfeeding so much. I have a sensory processing disorder and I find breastfeeding very confronting, and I feel a lot closer to bub when bottle feeding than attached to my breast. So both my boys ended up bottle fed. But that being said I wanted to breastfeed so bad, I felt I had let my boys down with my problem so when my baby girl came along I was determined to breastfeed her even though everything in my body screamed not too.

And it was tough. She's had a bad latch right from the get go, and had a click until about 7 months of age. She fed hourly until 6 months which was so demanding and exhausting not to mention so stressful as I wanted to throw her across the room many times. But we stuck at it and we recently got to 12 months. And I am so glad I stuck at it through all the complete crap.

I didn't manage it alone though I had a lot of support, friends, forums, ABA meetings. I moaned and cried constantly and found support (especially from women here) to help me make it through another day. And I must admit, I didn't do it exclusively. She had some formula and bottles at times when it all got to much for me. I think support at breastfeeding is imperative because it's not easy.

Fwiw I have had two bottle fed kids and 1 breastfed and the breastfed baby was the best sleeper. And whilst I hated breastfeeding my baby I am loving breastfeeding my toddler so I am very glad I stuck to it. I am all about choosing to feed the way you want. I still believe my choice to bottlefeed my boys was the right one at the time, but I have also learnt (the hardest way possible) that the breastfeeding journey is worth it if you want it to be. Hth a lot. I have been standing on that line so many times looking between breast and bottle so I know how you are feeling.

hey love,
just wanted to mention that Jacquie E had cross over tops recently. while not strictly bf tops, they are very discreet... particularly if you get a good bra or a feeding single that only exposes the nipple part.

My first bub was just one of those babies that didn't like to be distracted while feeding, it was inconvenient and frustrating always having to find a quite, dark room to feed in. I stopped feeding him at 7.5 mnths to go on medication (ivf stuffs) to get DD .... felt horribly guilty in the lead up, beat myself up terribly about how awful I was but within a week I changed my tune. FOr us, at that time, it was absolutely the right decision and life became a little easier.

In saying that, going from bm to ff can be difficult and clog them up a bit. so do it slowly if you can, if you do it at all.

I find that babies ebb and flow with feeding. When teething or sick or gonig through a wonder week they become difficult, chomp down, reject the boob, want to feed like a demon regularly... argh! not the nice calm predictable usual feeds! but as suddenly as the difficult behaviour came, it goes !!! I also find when AF is due, bub becomes fussy.

oh, and if it helps. my dd fed every 2 hours for about 3 months with only a 4 to 6 hr sleep overnight. She didn't really 'sleep through' or settle iinto a more predictable feeding pattern til 4 months.

I'm sure someone else mentioned it, but another good option for the night feeding demon is to have bub in bed with you (kick partner out if you need to) and just let bubba have free reign. It's amazing how you get soooo much more sleep like this and it's good for bub to be so close and good for your supply. IF it's cold weather where you are, just make sure you are both dressed snugly so you don't have to worry about blankets over bub (if that's a concern).

And whatever decision you make IS THE RIGHT ONE. you are doing a fab job and you are a great mum. there is no right or wrong in this game, just what works for you. keep up the great work and if you feel like you guys will handle life better on formula, then don't feel guilty for choosing that path. I hope things settle soon and you get your feeding mojo soon.

good luck hun! :)

We have ones that show grams and kilos so I would put the scale on the table, pop something for him to lie on, put it back to zero and weigh him naked. I think I used a baby bath with a blanket?

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Guess what I have made it to three months woohoo

Yay MummaBee


xoxoxoxox

Woo hoo!!! You've done so well, 3 months is a really big milestone!! Hopefully you may feel you have done the hard yards now and it will be a little easier from here on in. It was for me so i hope it may be for you too. Good luck xoox