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Thread: More of a vent really - Lack of support

  1. #1

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    Default More of a vent really - Lack of support

    A bit of background info:

    Tristan was born at 34+3 and right from the beginning I was determined to BF him, even when my milk took longer to come in than it did with Brendan I still didnt give up expressing, even when they said he would have to go on formula until my milk came in I didnt give up. Even the nurses/Drs in the NICU didnt want me to attempt breastfeeding him on day 2 but I made the decision and they respected that. From that point Tristan was just an absolute trooper, by beginning of day 4 (he pulled the NGT out overnight) he was fully suck feeding, Day 4 saw him take all breastfeeds during the day without top-ups, I refused to have him given a top-up after my breastfeed, the only way to build up my milk supply would be to breastfeed him and thankfully the head nurse on for the day in the SCN was also a LC. Tristan was fed via a nipple shield and continued to do so until he was 3-4 weeks old. I sucessfully weaned him off it and we've been going great guns since. Sure we've had our ups and downs, but my determination is getting us through. I've been making the Lactation Cookies roughly fortnightly and they've really been helping (not to lose weight though LMAO) Tristan is now 4.5 months old

    Anyway here comes the vent...
    DP has been saying, ever since we came home (8 days old) that I should "put him on formula" because DP is "annoyed with being woken up" I'm so sick of hearing it and for just a few mins I do consider it... I need support to be able to continue breastfeeding Tristan and I'm just not getting it!
    DP's Nana is almost as bad, except her efforts are sly.... she always asks me if i'm still feeding Tristan a "bit" and is shocked when I say that he's fully breastfed... I feel as though theres no faith in me and my abilities!
    I feel like I'm being condemed because I didn't breastfeed Brendan, and that wasnt even my fault! Brendan had a lot of issues, being so tiny when discharged (2090 grams) meant he often fell asleep, needing feeding more regularily ect ect. He was just too weak to feed from me successfully without losing weight. I also found out, when he was 11 months, that he was severly tongue-tied and was probably the main reason he didnt ever attach to the breast (without a nipple shield). Instead I expressed for him for a solid 5 month before my milk dried up. I do believe that if I had support back then I would have been able to overcome that and he would have breastfed longer.

    I'm just so annoyed.... DP's family are getting to me all the little comments which are probably not meant in the way I'm taking them are just unecessary!

    Who says to a 4 month old that they would look after him if he was formula fed... seriously he doesnt understand you!

    I guess I just want some acknowledgement for my efforts, I haven't been given the easiest of pregnancies and births and Brendan wasn't the easiest of babies/children, but now I have an easy baby (I'm freely admitting that, but I'm not taking away my right to a whinge LOL) I expected the people around me to respect my choices and keep there stupid comments to themselves.

    I hope this all makes sense... I just had to get it out.

  2. #2

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    Stick to it, push through & prove them all wrong. I had similar with DS & the older he got, the harder the feeding got, but we just ignored them all & kept going.
    I think my mum is under the impression that DS has weaned, but I spose thats her problem. If she bothered to come visit & try to give me some support since DH isn't here, I might've been able to do it.
    You've got a long way to go yet

  3. #3

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    Oh Sally - that is so unfair of your DH and his family - TBH they are being really selfish - not just towards you - but also to Tristan. You have done an AMAZING job to get to where you are on your breastfeeding journey and deserve praise and encouragement!!!

    Are they aware of the wonderful benefits of breastmilk and how good it is for your little man? I too get comments about me "still" feeding - but not from family thank goodness.

    Perhaps you could explain to your Dh if Tristan was FF he would be sitting up feeding him rather than just waking? And to his Nana - that if FF is the criteria for looking after him - then she'll be waiting a damn long time!

    I'll say it again - you are doing a WONDERFUL job feeding your son!!! I am in AWE!!!

  4. #4

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    Thanks ladies

    It felt good to get it out!

  5. #5

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    One of the things I learnt in my breastfeeding class was that the number one reason why people gave up breastfeeding was due to lack of partner / family support.

    You seem to be doing a marvelous job in difficult circumstances. I love reading stories about how well you seem to be doing and I hope my breastfeeding journey is as successful as yours.

    Perhaps a t-shirt telling them all to pi$$ off?

  6. #6

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    Wow - you're a breastfeeding star Sally
    I hope you can ignore the silly comments and push on doing things the way you know is best.

    And yeah, I like CF's comment - he'd get less sleep if you FF

    For what it's worth, I think so many people in Aus use formula that there are truly some who just can't get their head around the idea that a baby might not need it.

    All the best~

  7. #7

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    You are doing an absolutley amazing job!!!! To b/f a premmie baby is an amazing achievement - so a massive congratulations for that too. Keep up the great work!!
    As for you DP imagine how disturbed he will be if he had to get up and give Tristan a bottle!?!?!

  8. #8

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    You really are a star - having a premmie bub is stressful enough, along with expressing etc without all these ridiculous comments. I don't know how you haven't lost the plot already..

    Keep up the brilliant work.

  9. #9

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    Thankyou so much I'm feeling much better tonight

  10. #10

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    I'm glad you're feeling better hun. You really are doing a fantastic job and you should be really proud. I

  11. #11

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    Sally - I know exactly how you feel... DD is 13+1 weeks today (corrected 7+2 weeks) - apparently that means she now has recieved all the 'goodness' from me now and needs to be fattened up by formula - argh argh argh argh argh argh argh.

    I am like you - I worked darn hard when DD was born at 34+1 weeks to ensure she had as little formula as possible. My milk came in at day 4 and prior to that she was having colostrum via the tube and then top ups of formula... I expressed like a woman possessed to bring my milk in and to have all of her tube feeds of EBM. I drove up and down from the hospital to make sure she had as many feeds from me as possible - even just to be there whilst she had a tube feed. I didn't put all that effort in then to just stop because they think she has had enough BM.

    I have gone over the WHO guidelines since DD was born... I have explained how BM is beneficial to term babies but super beneficial to prems. I think a brick wall may have taken more in .

    You are a treasure and most certainly doing such a wonderful job!

    ETA: I have also had the "we could help if DD wasn't breastfed" - my response was there are many other ways to help not all of them have to have direct contact with the baby... here is my washing pile!!

  12. #12

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    Thanks tk1999!! You are doing so well yourself

    I'm determined to make at least 12 months

  13. #13

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    Sally.... you are amazing! You should be so proud.

  14. #14

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    Sally you are doing a bang up job and your efforts deserve to be acknowledge.

    Dont listen to your DP & his family and continue to bf Tristan.

    You have so much to be proud of.

    I was 1 of the one's that didnt have alot of support when i was BFing Sophie and i didnt know there was things that could boost your milk supply. Next time i wont be so quick to give up and i'll be more willing to stand up for my child, myself & my decision.

    xox {HUGS}

  15. #15

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    Sally you are doing a fantastic job!

    I need positive stories like yours I am so happy to see that although your baby was prem and spent time in NICU that you are breastfeeding and full time, that is such a great acheivement.

    My DD was in NICU/SCN for 3 months and she is still fed via NGT, I expressed for 11 months, she is still unable to suck.

    My second DD may be arriving in 5 weeks (hopefully she is healthy enough to choose for herself) and she will be going straight to NICU and require surgery in the first few days/week on her heart, I am so desperate to breastfeed her so a story like yours gives me hope that I will be able to succeed.

    I am sorry that you are not receiveing the support that you rightly deserve, just know that you are doing a great job and we are all very proud of you.

  16. #16

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    Thankyou Rachel and Joanne

    Thankyou DD, you did an awesome job, 11 months expressing! All the best for DD2


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